Chapter Text
"Like hell," Sakata Gintoki muttered. "What are you trying to pull, Zura?"
"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," Katsura Kotarou muttered back automatically, arms crossed in his sleeves. "I'm not joking, Gintoki. This really is Takasugi!"
Both men turned to look at the purple-haired child on sitting quietly on the couch, engrossed in a tiny bottle of yakult. He was wearing a plain white yukata that seemed a bit too big for his skinny frame. His feet were bare and there was dirt on his skin. Despite being in a room of veritable strangers, however, the boy seemed calm, occasionally looking up from his drink to study the room with striking blue eyes.
"Takasugi has green-gray eyes. The kid clearly has blue," Gin said, unclenching his hands from the edge of his desk and struggling for his usual lazy expression. Slowly, he sank back into his office chair.
"Then maybe this is Takasugi's child from the future?"
"Shut your mouth!" Gin shuddered. "Explain it to me again."
Katsura sighed, gesturing to himself and Elizabeth, who was standing at his shoulder behind the couch.
"We received word that the Kiheitai were planning an attack in Edo. No one is allowed to blow up Edo but this Rampaging Noble, so the Jouishishi went to confront them. Takasugi was there. We fought. Elizabeth tripped and dropped a bazooka on him. When the smoke cleared, we found that," Katsura pointed across to the other couch where the boy was sitting, boxed in by a curious Sadaharu and a narrow-eyed Kagura. The girl had been staring at the kid for a while now, as if internally debating something.
Gin's left eye started twitching.
"In what world would getting hit by a bazooka make you younger, huh?! None, Zura. There's no world like that. Stop making sh*t up. You could've at least come up with something semi-plausible, like... an experimental poison gone wrong or green lava or something!"
"Green lava?" Shinpachi murmured skeptically, empty tray clutched to his chest. The tea he'd served sat on the coffee table, untouched.
"Yeah, green lava would totally make you younger. Melt the years right off your skin."
"You mean, melt the skin right off your bones!" Shinpachi accused and was promptly ignored by all the occupants in the room. "Hey!"
"Okay," Gintoki straightened, "Let's say I believe you-- and only because Bakasugi shrinking into a kid is a lot less terrifying than Bakasugi actually managing to procreate-- what do you want Gin-san to do about this?"
Katsura stood and clasped a heavy hand on Gintoki's shoulder.
"Raise him right."
SLAM!
"Like hell!" Gin repeated, jumping to his feet. "Odd Jobs is not a daycare!"
"It's Odd Jobs policy to accept any job!" Katsura countered. "I'll even pay for it."
"Wipe those stupid bangs out of your eyes. It's not about money (this time). I already have one midget Yato and one oversized Inugami sleeping in my closet. It would be child abuse to try to cram him in there! And Kagura snores loud enough to wake the dead."
"That was Sadaharu!" Kagura objected indignantly from across the room.
"Rawf?" Sadaharu whined.
"You keep telling yourself that," Gin waved dismissively. "Anyway, not my point. My point is HELL NO. You should've left him. Why did you take him with you? That's kidnapping. That's the very definition of kidnapping."
"I couldn't very well leave him with the Kiheitai."
"Why not? Even if they're extremists, they're Bakasugi's subordinates!"
"Takechi Henpeita," Katsura deadpanned.
Gintoki paused, considering.
"...Okay, I kinda get it. Still, why did you bring the kid here?"
"You have a penchant for taking in strays."
Gintoki gestured to himself impatiently.
"Do I look like Otose-baba to you? I'm sorry, she'd out on vacation and I don't take in strays!"
Katsura pointedly looked from Kagura to Shinpachi to Sadaharu.
Gintoki flopped back into his seat in disgust.
"I didn't take 'em in. They broke in and now they won't leave."
"I'm sure Taka Jr. will grow on you too."
Gin made a constipated face. "Gods, Zura, we're not calling him that."
Over by the couch, Kagura seemed to finally come to a decision as she pulled the boy into her arms.
"I will hug him and pet him and name him George, aru," Kaguya declared, demonstrably. In her arms, the kid went a little bug-eyed.
"If you hug him that hard, he'll die!" Shinpachi yelped, dropping his tray and struggling to pry the choking boy out of the girl's grasp.
"Ah, we can call him Shinsuke #2," a disembodied voice suggested.
"Sh--!"
"Eeek?!"
"Oh my god!"
"Ku-kurokono!" Gin sputtered, clutching his chest, "When the hell did you get here?!"
The mysterious fifth man of the Joui rebels sipped his drink with a small smile. "I've been here the entire time, Gin-san," he replied mildly.
Gin face-palmed. "Why don't you take him then. The idiot was your best friend during the war."
"...."
"Ah, Gin-san, who are you talking to?"
The samurai looked back to find that the dark-haired shadow had disappeared, leaving only an empty can of Pokari behind.
"That little troll," he hissed. "Did you see him? Did you all forget him already? Just how weak is his presence?"
"Who? Gin-san, sometimes I worry for you," Shinpachi frowned.
"Yes, ha ha, laugh it up at Gin-san's expense. Despite this silver hair, I'm not senile yet you know," he said, finally walking over and pulling Kagura away before she could actually strangle the kid to death. "What about Sakamoto?"
"He's a space pirate," Katsura said and paused, "He's in space," he clarified, as if it needed to be said.
"Hah. What about you, you stupid duck?" Gin rounded on the white Amato, "This is all your fault. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Elizabeth's round eyes were as blank as always. The sign read, "I'm working on it."
"Work faster!" Gintoki ordered.
"It will only be for a while," Katsura placated, "Just until Elizabeth can figure out a way to undo this mess."
"I really can't look after him," Gintoki insisted, "Kagura's one thing, she's scarier than any thug we'd run across, and Shinpachi can hold his own when he's not being useless-"
"Gin-san!"
"-but a kid is really not something I should be trusted with, alright?"
Katsura frowned. "You're selling yourself short, I believe. In any case, where else are we going to put him? Whether he's actually Takasugi or not, he'll need someone strong enough to protect him. There were people who witnessed the switch. Word will spread that he's connected to the leader of the Kiheitai."
Slowly, Gintoki's expression took on a sinister cast.
"...I can think of a place."
Author's Ramblings:
The world need more Kurokono Tasuke, don't you think?