Chapter Text
t h i r t e e n
"the art of fake-dating your enemy"
(ft. Jingyeom)
— i —
“What have you done?”
It was the only question Young-kuk asked once Yugyeom left and Jinyoung, honest to god, had no fucking idea. He was drunk but even in that state he knew that this might be something that couldn’t be fixed; Jinyoung talked shit most of his life but it was different now, after everything he went through with Yugyeom the younger boy didn’t deserve to hear something like that from Jinyoung.
The thing was... Jinyoung didn’t actually mean any of it, for his drunk mind it just seemed like a good idea to lie to Hyun-soo instead of telling him how much Yugyeom actually means to Jinyoung. He didn’t quite understand the relationship between Hyun-soo and Ji-eun and he had no idea how far Ji-eun would go in hurting Yugyeom just to get back at Jinyoung, so if he only could, he wanted to spare Yugyeom. See, Jinyoung was a really simple person; he wasn’t vicious, if he didn’t like someone he simply told them so instead of sneakily trying to ruin their life, if he had a problem with anything he usually fought it out with the person who caused said problem and then he was done with it. But his older sister wasn’t like that, she had a mind of a businesswoman — she would do anything to get her way. So Jinyoung figured that if he tells Hyun-soo the truth about his relationship with Yugyeom, the guy might tattle off to Ji-eun and she’ll know that if she wants to hurt Jinyoung, she’d have to do it through Yugyeom because she wouldn’t hurt their younger siblings, and it was the only way to actually make Jinyoung retaliate. And all for a stupid job?
Maybe it was just the wine talking, though. His sister wasn’t some evil mastermind now, was she?
“I need to go,” Jinyoung muttered, already moving towards the exit. He couldn’t let Yugyeom just walk away like that, this wasn’t worth it. Hyun-soo wasn’t worth it, Ji-eun wasn’t worth it.
Hell, the damn company wasn’t worth it.
“What? Go where?” Hyun-soo asked, trying to catch Jinyoung’s wrist. Jinyoung quickly avoided the touch and shook his head.
“With him. I need to go with my boyfriend.”
“Hyung, you’re drunk. Maybe wait until tomorrow before talking to him? Or–or at least let me go with you,” Young-kuk offered, seeing that Jinyoung wasn’t going to change his mind.
Jinyoung agreed to that, completely ignoring Hyun-soo and running out of the venue. The cold air hit him immediately and made him see everything a little clearer, but Yugyeom was nowhere in sight. Jinyoung didn’t have the phone on him and he didn’t want to scream in case any of the guests could hear, maybe he was mad at Ji-eun but he still wouldn’t want to ruin the ceremony because the whole family worked on it.
“Maybe he drove back home?” Young-kuk suggested, also looking around.
“Shit, how are we going to get there? I can’t drive like that,” Jinyoung sighed, running both hands through his hair in frustration.
“I can.”
Jinyoung eyed his younger brother. “No, you can’t. You’re too young.”
Young-kuk pouted. “Oh, come on. You were already driving my age.”
“How do you even know—Nevermind, it’s dark already, I’m not letting you drive. Let’s catch a bus, do you have any money?”
It took them way longer to get back than Jinyoung would like. He was stressing out because he didn’t even know if Yugyeom really did go back or if he’s still even there. Jinyoung tried to think of anything to say that wouldn't sound like horrible excuses but his mind was stubbornly empty. There was a light on in Jinyoung's old bedroom and that made his heart beat faster. He asked Young-kuk to stay downstairs and hoped that the boy will actually listen to him.
When Jinyoung walked into the room, the first thing he noticed was the suitcase opened on the bed. Yugyeom was throwing his things back into it without bothering to properly fold them, he didn't look towards the door even though it creaked loudly when Jinyoung pushed it. The boy changed out of the suit and he was now wearing sweatpants and an old Dragon Ball t-shirt; his comfort clothes. This all already was making Jinyoung feel even worse and they didn't even start talking yet.
"Are you leaving?" he forced out finally, quietly closing the door behind himself and leaning against it, as if that could stop Yugyeom in any way.
Yugyeom's movements slowed down visibly once he got to his math books that were still sprawled all over the small table in the corner of the room. "Well, I went to the wedding with you so... I did what you asked me to do. You can tell your family that something urgent came up at school and I needed to go back early," the boy answered simply, shrugging with his back still turned to Jinyoung. Jinyoung didn't like the fact that there were no emotions in Yugyeom's voice, it made a shiver run down his spine.
"Can we at least talk about it?" Jinyoung suggested softly, taking off his tie and throwing it on the chair by the door.
"There's nothing to talk about, Jinyoung. We had a deal and now it's over, once you give me the rest of the money I'll be more than happy to go," Yugyeom said, finally turning around. There was a cold smile on his face that would make Jinyoung step back if he wasn't already pressed against the door. "A piece of advice, though, you might want to wait with fucking around with Hyun-soo for at least a week if you don't want your family to get suspicious. Unless they know how fast you get over your boyfriends, then do whatever the hell you want. I'm done here."
"Yugyeom, I'm sorry, okay? This isn't what you think it is, I didn't say all of that to Hyun-soo because I want to sleep with him," Jinyoung tried again, knowing that he's running out of time once Yugyeom closed the suitcase and set it on the floor, next pocketing the phone and his car keys. "Please, at least let me explain."
Yugyeom laughed at that, shaking his head. "The thing is, I don't give a damn about your explanation anymore. I don't want to hear how you didn't mean it because you never mean a fucking thing. I don't... It's funny because it's not like I didn't know what kind of person you are before I agreed to help you but if I realized sooner that I'm just—" the boy stopped suddenly, his eyes widened as if he almost said something he definitely didn't want to tell Jinyoung. "This doesn't matter anymore, just give me the money and I'm leaving."
Jinyoung felt sick. He had this funny feeling in his stomach that made him think he'll throw up any second but he still forced his legs to move. He put away the rest of Yugyeom's money in the drawer a few days ago so it would be ready once the time comes, but he didn't think it'll end like this. He wanted to make Yugyeom stay, to make him listen to Jinyoung but he didn't know how; he kept repeatedly hurting Yugyeom and he couldn't possibly expect the younger boy to just sit back and wait for Jinyoung to get his shit together enough to tell Yugyeom how he feels. He was aware that anything he'd say now would just sound empty, Yugyeom was done with forgiving and believing Jinyoung. So Jinyoung simply took the money and extended it to Yugyeom, waiting for the boy to take it.
Yugyeom walked closer. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I've done worse things for money," he said, aiming to hurt Jinyoung. But Jinyoung noticed the way Yugyeom's hands were shaking, he noticed how his eyes watered before Yugyeom blinked the tears away. He noticed all of it.
"You don't mean it, Yugyeom. Please, don't do this," Jinyoung said quietly, looking up and holding onto the money once Yugyeom caught the other end.
"Don't do what?"
"This... All of it. You're pushing me away because I hurt you and you're acting as if this doesn't concern you at all," Jinyoung answered, looking for the right words so for once in his life he could say something that actually meant anything. Yugyeom might think that Jinyoung didn't pay any attention to him but that wasn't true, he knew Yugyeom's defense mechanisms by now, he knew that the boy had numerous walls around him he always put up when he was scared of rejection.
"Since when are you my fucking therapist, huh?" Yugyeom was clearly getting more annoyed now. He let go of the money and went back to take his suitcase. "You know what? You can keep your money. I let you sleep with me so I'd feel like I'm taking money for that and even though I'm not someone you could ever marry, I'm still not someone you can fuck and get rid of by paying for it."
Jinyoung felt as if Yugyeom just slapped him. This was the worst thing Yugyeom could have ever said to him and he needed to gather up all his patience to not start screaming; he knew Yugyeom's just doing this to get back at him, he knew that. He knew Yugyeom didn't mean to be like that but he didn't know how else to protect himself. It was all Jinyoung's fault anyway, he had no right to get mad.
"Can you be honest with me? I know this isn't what you think, I know you're mad because of what I said to Hyun-soo and it's fine if you don't want to listen to why I told him that, but at least don't treat me like I'm fucking nothing to you because I know it's not true." Jinyoung put the money away and quickly moved to block the doors once Yugyeom tried to walk out. "Talk to me."
"Now you want to talk?" Yugyeom laughed again, irony dripping from his every word. "Fine, Jinyoung, let's fucking talk. Do you know why I came here with you?"
The question made Jinyoung confused. "Because... Because I asked you to and because you wanted to get your money?"
"No. This is what a smart person would do; just take the money and go. But I'm a fucking idiot. I wanted to quit after you punched me but, funnily enough, not because you punched me but because the weekend after that happened was when I realized I'm in love with you," Yugyeom said with a grimace. Jinyoung's mouth opened in surprise but he couldn't force anything out, he had no idea what to say to that and he didn't expect Yugyeom to tell him something like this. "Wow, isn't it great? So I thought that if I come here... I don't know, maybe something will change because you kept giving me those mixed signals and I knew you don't really hate me. Sometimes you acted as if you like me, too. So I let you sleep with me. I let you sleep with me because I'm in love with you and yes, you did hurt me tonight. Because I gave you everything, Jinyoung, then why the fuck would you say shit like that to Hyun-soo?" Yugyeom's voice broke a little towards the end of his question and so did Jinyoung's heart.
Yugyeom became blurry in his vision but Jinyoung still couldn't say anything. He could never say anything.
Yugyeom shook his head and pushed Jinyoung to the side to get out of the room. Jinyoung was too dumbfounded to react, he hit his hip against the drawer but didn't even feel the pain; he was numb. He could hear the steps on the stairs and then muffled voices downstairs, Yugyeom's and Young-kuk's.
Yugyeom's words were playing on repeat in Jinyoung's brain. Yugyeom told him he's in love with him. Would he believe if Jinyoung told him the same?
Jinyoung knew the answer to that and it was the only thing that stopped him from going after Yugyeom. The younger boy wouldn't believe in anything Jinyoung had to say, not anymore. He wouldn't believe that Jinyoung was even able to fall in love with him.
Jinyoung was left alone, staring at the money on his bed. How much was Yugyeom's heartbreak worth?
— ii —
[9:32am] is yugyeom with you, noona?
[9:38am] yunhee noona: fuck you how did you even get my number
[9:38am] from bambam
[9:38am] please, i just want to know he's safe
[9:59am] yunhee noona: he's with me
Jinyoung sighed and put the phone on the table in front of him, putting his feet on the chair and wrapping arms around them. He rested his chin on knees, eyes stuck on the dark screen. He didn't try to contact Yugyeom, didn't have the guts to do so, but at least now he knew that the boy didn't try to go back to Seoul alone at night.
"Are you okay, Jinyoungie?"
Jinyoung looked up to see Jinsook and Ji-eun walking into the kitchen, the former looked concerned and the latter was smirking; it was enough to ruin Jinyoung's mood even more.
"I've heard that your lover boy left. What a shame," Ji-eun sighed, taking a water bottle out of the fridge and leaning against it, as if anyone even wanted her there.
"Weren't you supposed to leave on your fucking honeymoon?" Jinyoung asked with annoyance.
"Jinyoung, don't swear at your sister," his mom reprimanded from the living room.
Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "I'm not swearing at Jinsook, I'm swearing at that other thing," he said, making Ji-eun choke a little on her water.
"We just stopped by to grab a few things," Ji-eun explained, sending Jinyoung a nasty glare. "Isn't it better that he's gone, though? At least our family won't be associated with someone like him. Honestly, Jinyoung, you should think a little more. You're going to be a public person soon, don't ruin your reputation before you even earned it."
Jinyoung's had enough of this and he really wasn't in the mood to do that today; he couldn't sleep because he was worried about Yugyeom, he couldn't even swallow his breakfast, he already felt so guilty about everything and the absolutely last thing he needed was Ji-eun and her pretentious ass. He grabbed his phone and stood up, turning towards his older sister.
"What the fuck is your problem, Ji-eun?"
"Jinyoung..." Jinsook tried, putting her hand on his shoulder only for Jinyoung to shrug it off.
"I understand that you hate me even though I've never done a single thing to earn that, but Yugyeom has done nothing wrong. He's a caring, genuine person that... that loved me. That actually loved me despite the fact that I'm a mess," Jinyoung spit out, aware of the fact that some other members of his family came downstairs because of raised voices. "If you had a problem with me being gay, maybe I'd try to understand that because I know that sometimes it's hard to accept this, but your fucking reasoning for being a bitch is just the damn company. I don't even know if I want it! I wanted Yugyeom to stay with me and he left, it was my fault and I know it, I'm not blaming you for that. But even if he stayed, you would find a way to ruin everything. You're my older sister, Ji-eun," he said, voice a little softer. She was staring at him with wide eyes and her hands were shaking. "I've relied on you when we were younger, I counted on you to be there for me, to protect me. Because that's what older siblings are supposed to do. If dad lets you, you can take the company because... because it's not worth to break our family over this."
He finished quietly and turned around, stopping dead in his tracks when he noticed his grandmother with tears in her eyes. Jinyoung came back for her, he took Yugyeom here for her and somewhere along the way he realized that he wanted her to like Yugyeom not because he was the fake boyfriend, but because Jinyoung could see him as the real one. He couldn't tell halmeoni the truth, he wouldn't break her heart like that.
"I'm sorry, halmeoni. I can't stay here, I really can't," he muttered, walking closer to her. The woman caught his face in her hands and smiled, shaking her head.
"It's alright, sweetheart. I understand. And I'm so proud of you for speaking up about it, for telling Ji-eun how you feel. I don't know what happened between you and that boy, but I know that you can't give up on him now. He really loves you, Jinyoungie. And he's a good person," halmeoni answered softly, making something clench around Jinyoung's heart. If everyone was as supportive as halmeoni, the world would definitely be bearable.
"I'm not giving up, halmeoni, not on him. I'll make this right somehow."
He had to.
— iii —
3 weeks later
Alexithymia.
It sounded funny even in Jinyoung's head but having a word for it was like an anchor for him. Doctor Kang was able to help him a lot during only six meetings and Jinyoung was... excited about it. Probably not the best word to describe therapy but he was working on himself and it was thrilling.
It's been three weeks since Yugyeom left him, two since he came back to Seoul and three since he spoke to Yugyeom. It wasn't easy, all their friends were already aware of the situation, more or less, and they didn't force them to talk or to be in the same place too much, probably mostly for Yugyeom's sake. They've seen each other in passing but Jinyoung was keen on giving Yugyeom his space, at least until he figures out how to go about this case and try to apologize. He could only hope for good results if he actually knew how to talk about his feelings, hence the therapy. He wasn't doing it only for Yugyeom though, he was doing it for himself for the most part.
Doctor Kang talked to him a lot, trying to help him figure things out and during their third meeting she threw the word alexithymia. She said Jinyoung most likely isn't in the ten percent of the population that has this personality disorder, but that his grandfather probably was and it could influence Jinyoung a lot during his childhood, making it hard for him to recognize his feelings and properly intercept the feelings of those around him. That's why he couldn't express himself and that's why feeling anything other than the most simple emotions was hard for him. Which didn't mean it's impossible.
"So, basically, you're a robot?" Jaebum asked from above his lunch tray, making Jinyoung throw a piece of toast at his head.
"I am not a robot, I have feelings, you idiot. It's just hard for me to talk about them, I'm just like... If I want to let you know I'm proud of you, I won't say it, I'm just gonna... pat your head or something," Jinyoung muttered, rolling his eyes.
Jaebum eyed him suspiciously. "Pat my head and lose a hand, Jinyoung, I’m warning you."
"I didn’t say I’m going to do it now! What’s there to be proud of, you asshole?" he snorted, making Jaebum shriek with offense. "It’s just... sometimes I just feel like I’m looking for excuses as to why I talk shit," Jinyoung added after a moment, a little quieter.
"Come on, we all know you talk shit because you’re an idiot and there’s no excuse for that. It’s what you don’t say that’s important. It’s like saying that... that diabetics are looking for an excuse to eat less sugar," Jaebum tried with a puzzled expression, like it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to compare.
Jinyoung frowned. "Yes but the thing is, I don’t actually suffer from that."
"Yes, but you were exposed to it for most of your childhood. It’s very easy to influent kids and you probably didn’t even know that it’s not normal until you were a teenager. That’s a whole lot of years of bottling everything up, Jinyoung. It takes time to get over this but you’re trying and I think you deserve credit for that," Jaebum reached over the table to ruffle Jinyoung’s hair, making him shake his head with a frown.
"Alright, stop being nice to me, it’s freaking me out. Like seeing a turtle out of its shell."
Before Jaebum had the chance to yell at Jinyoung, another trays of food were loudly put on the table as their friends squeezed around with their lunch.
"What are you talking about?" Jackson asked, pushing Jinyoung a little on the bench to make more space for himself.
"Jinyoung was just calling me a turtle,” Jaebum sighed and Mark almost spit his food out when he started to laugh.
Jinyoung raised an eyebrow. "I wasn’t calling you a turtle, I just said–"
"Same thing!" Jaebum interrupted.
"Glad to see you’re still married with five kids," BamBam rolled his eyes. "Anyways, I wanted to ask if you want to go to the party with me tomorrow? Some friends of Taehyung are organizing it."
"And how’s that going?" Yugyeom asked with a smirk, making Jinyoung look at him. The boy was sitting on the opposite side next to Jaebum, his hair was still light blonde like during the wedding and the color really suit him, making him look incredibly soft.
Jinyoung missed him, he really missed him a lot. When Yugyeom accidentally caught Jinyoung’s stare, Jinyoung quickly lowered his gaze, slowly raising it a few seconds later. Yugyeom was still staring at him but Jinyoung couldn’t figure out his expression. He didn’t look angry.
"Jinyoung, we’re talking to you," Jackson bumped his shoulder, bringing Jinyoung back to reality.
"Huh, what?"
"Are you coming tomorrow?" BamBam asked again.
Jinyoung shrugged, chancing an uncertain glance at Yugyeom who was now looking down at his food. "I don’t think I can go. But you guys have fun," he said. He didn’t want to ruin the mood.
"Oh, come on!" Mark whined. "We didn’t hang out together in ages. Yugyeom?"
The boy in question raised his head with wide eyes, looking around at his friends that were all staring at him. "What? What did I do again?"
"Just tell Jinyoung hyung to go with us," Youngjae answered softly, making Jinyoung kick him under the table. This was ridiculous.
"It’s not like he ever listened to me? What am I, his mom?" Yugyeom asked surprised.
"Well, no, but you’re the reason he doesn’t want to go," Jaebum explained. And there went all attempts at being subtle. Jinyoung wiped his face with his hands, honestly if he murdered them when they first met his life would be so much easier now.
Yugyeom moved the tray away from himself and leaned a little forward to look at Jaebum on his side. "I didn’t murder his family though god knows some of them were testing me and I think I deserve some slack for that, that’s one. And that leads us to two, he has no reason to avoid me. I was avoiding him, but I’m sitting here now, right?"
Despite saying that, the younger boy still avoided looking directly at Jinyoung, but it seemed like only Jinyoung was the one to notice it and so he didn't comment anything. He took Yugyeom's words for what they were and appreciated that they're moving a little bit forward; at least it wasn't so hostile between them anymore.
"See?" BamBam said with a smirk, as if he just solved world hunger all by himself. "You're going with us. So that means we can crash at your place after, right?"
Jinyoung opened his eyes wider, staring at his friend with disbelief. "So this wasn't about spending more time together, you just wanted to have a place to hide your drunk asses, is that it?" he snorted, raising his eyebrows and daring any of them to argue with him. He should have known better, those weren't strangers but his idiot friends after all.
"Oh, come on!" Mark whined once again. Jinyoung started to wonder if Jackson programmed him like that for today, he knew that Jinyoung was especially soft for both Youngjae and Mark so it would be harder for him to refuse one of the duo. Damn Jackson Wang and his cunning mind. "You have such a nice place and we're still cramping in the dorms, how is that fair, young master?"
"But I've asked before I bought the place! I've asked if any of you would want to live with me and you all said no," he reminded them, trying not to sound too bitter. It's not like he didn't understand why no one would want to actually live with him but... still. He moved out of the dorms a few days ago, not all of his things have been unpacked yet. His parents asked him to start looking for a place, seeing as he would graduate soon and he himself thought it's a good idea since he never liked living in the dorms anyways. Besides... if they didn't have to bump into each other on campus, maybe Jinyoung wouldn't think about Yugyeom so much. It was worth a try, wasn't it?
The apartament wasn't very big but it would fit at least three people if one was okay with sleeping on a couch and since Jinyoung liked simple things, it was rather minimalist yet modern so that his friends could decorate it in any way they wanted, he wouldn't mind. It wasn't too far from the university either and it was just... it was convenient so yes, maybe Jinyoung was a little bit salty that no one wanted to live with him there. He wasn't used to being alone.
"And why do you think they all said no?" Yugyeom asked suddenly, making Jinyoung's eyes snap up to him. He was leaning his cheek on a hand and curiously looking at Jinyoung. Well, earlier Jinyoung thought it's because he's messy and unreliable, and overall terrible to live with but since it was Yugyeom who asked...
Before he could even try to form an answer, Jackson slapped him upside the head. "You thought it's because we don't want to live with you, didn't you?"
"Well, I... I said I was going to pay and whoever lives with me would do all the housework, which is fair since I hate housework. We're friends, aren't we? It's not like you would let a stranger pay for you," he muttered, looking down at his unfinished lunch. He knew it might be difficult for his friends and he knew that he doesn't really understand what value money has for them, but he was trying, alright? And if he could, why wouldn't he want to help them? "Besides, Jaebum didn't want to live with me either and it's not like he lacks money himself," Jinyoung pointed out after a moment and suddenly all eyes turned to Jaebum who looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
"It's just... it's because... it's not that I don't want to live with you..." Jaebum stuttered and it was so shocking for everyone, that Youngjae even dropped his toast on the tray. They just weren't used to see Jaebum, the man who could bullshit his way out of everything, being so shy. Jaebum then muttered something no one could quite catch.
"What was that?" Youngjae asked with a frown.
Jaebum took a deep breath. "I said, I don't want to be far from Youngjae."
The whole table erupted in aw's and oh's, and in the end the whole group got kicked out of the cafeteria for making too much noise. Jinyoung couldn't help but think that things are finally shifting back to normal.
— iv —
The party was organized by someone named Jimin and... let's just say the guy liked it big. The house was huge and there was so many people that they bumped into each other every few steps, it was almost inevitable to have someone spilling their drink on you and Jinyoung smelled like cheap wine two seconds after entering the place. It didn't help that BamBam abandoned them almost as soon as he saw Taehyung and Jaebum walked off with Youngjae too, leaving Jinyoung to babysit the remaining three friends that came along with them.
Jinyoung didn't drink, not since the incident he liked to call "the wedding disaster," so the only thing that was left for him was watching how Jackson, Mark and Yugyeom down alcohol from one plastic cup after another. He drove them here anyway so it made sense for him to stay sober because while he was an asshole, he wouldn't leave them under the table after they had drank too much. Jaebum... Yes, Jinyoung would leave Jaebum because there was no one that could be more annoying while drunk, but he wouldn't leave anyone else.
And so while staying sober, he had way too much time to watch Yugyeom. When he looked at him now he couldn't help but think about what ifs. What if he ignored his sister all those weeks ago and never asked Yugyeom for help? What if he told Jinsook it was just a dare or... even telling her the simple truth seemed more logical right now. Of course if Jinyoung wasn't so impulsive, he wouldn't have to wonder now, that's the whole point. But if he never asked Yugyeom, would they realize how they truly feel about each other? Or would they just go their separate ways after Jinyoung graduated? Maybe they'd forget about it since due to the lack of communication and spending time together they wouldn't get the chance to develop their relationship. Maybe they'd see each other sometimes years from now during important occasions such as their friends' birthday. They would nod at each other without words because there would be nothing to talk about then, they wouldn't know each other anymore. Jinyoung would never know what makes Yugyeom laugh in that special kind of way that made him tilt his head back and his eyes turn into crescents. He would never know that Yugyeom liked to eat spicy food and swallow it down with cola to make the sensation in his mouth last longer, even though he coughed his lungs out a second later so it was embarrassing and useless to take him to fancy restaurants. He would never know which side of bed Yugyeom preferred (the one that's further from the door because it made him feel safe), where he liked to be touched the most and when it was best to avoid touching him at all.
So yes, in the end Jinyoung ruined it but he also gained so much that he couldn't even bring himself to regret turning to Yugyeom for help in the start.
At one point during the night Jackson and Mark offered to bring them more alcohol, leaving Jinyoung alone with Yugyeom. The younger boy was already drunk off his ass and he kept trying to count his own fingers, but the task seemed too difficult right now and Yugyeom continued to quietly giggle under his nose. Jinyoung would probably record him to laugh at it later if he wasn't so damn smitten; he found that adorable and he knew that Yugyeom would call him disgusting if he could read his thoughts.
Suddenly Yugyeom grabbed at Jinyoung's hand, softly touching the tips of his fingers as if he tried to count them, too. Jinyoung was so surprised that he didn't dare to move, thinking that Yugyeom was simply too drunk to even care whose hand he was holding. Jinyoung's heart was in his throat by now, it was so long since they touched that only now it dawned on Jinyoung how much he yearned for it.
"Your hand is so soft," Yugyeom muttered, trying to form coherent words for Jinyoung to understand. It was already hard because of loud music so Jinyoung needed to lean in a little to be able to hear Yugyeom. "I really like your hands."
Jinyoung blinked surprised, looking up at Yugyeom's honest face. So he knew it was Jinyoung and it still didn't stop him from holding his hand so tightly in his own one, as if he was afraid that Jinyoung will take it back. He wouldn't, he wanted to tell Yugyeom that he wouldn't, but then something bumped into the table, stealing Jinyoung's attention. Turned out it was Jackson who was too agitated to stop in time.
"Okay, don't panic but I think someone called the cops!" he yelled to be heard over the music, making a few people that stood nearby turn their heads towards him.
"Someone called the cops?!" Jinyoung yelled back, momentarily forgetting about Yugyeom next to him. He should have known it was going to end like this, the house was practically shaking with how loud the music was and even during the weekend the neighbors wouldn't be that understanding towards the college students who just wanted to relax.
"I said don't panic!" Jackson panicked. "Every man for themselves!"
"Jackson Wang, you piece of shit!"
Jackson waved a hand. "I'm kidding, I'm taking Mark with me. You have Gyeom, right? He can't land in jail... again," he added as an afterthought, already moving towards Mark who was calmly waiting for his boyfriend to end being dramatic.
"Again?!" Jinyoung was going to get a stroke in his twenties, fantastic.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and then pulled at Yugyeom's hand, moving with the crowd that already started to disperse through the doors. Yugyeom looked confused at first, but then he seemed more than happy to just cling to Jinyoung and let him lead himself wherever the hell Jinyoung wanted to take him. Jinyoung needed to note that Yugyeom shouldn't be left unsupervised while drinking, he would probably join a circus if a clown held his hand for long enough.
Jinyoung texted Jaebum on the way to make sure that him and Youngjae were fine, but before he could text BamBam, the boy crashed into Jinyoung with Taehyung trailing at his back. From what Jinyoung could see, the latter was about as drunk as Yugyeom.
"Jinyoungie, can we crash at your place?" BamBam asked, batting his eyelashes as if they weren't trying to escape before the cops get to the house.
Jinyoung led them outside and shot BamBam a glare. "No funny business in my apartament."
"All funny business in your apartament!" Taehyung yelled happily, patting Jinyoung's back with more force than he probably intended, seeing as Jinyoung almost stumbled forward.
"Drunk Taehyung is fun!" Yugyeom giggled again, trying to let go of Jinyoung to wrap and arm around Taehyung. Jinyoung knew that if he allowed it, one (or most likely both) of them would end up smashing their faces on the ground, so he held tightly and pulled Yugyeom closer.
He turned towards BamBam. "You take care of your boyfriend and I take care of..."
"Of yours?" BamBam smirked, making Jinyoung's heart fall a little.
"Of Yugyeom. I take care of Yugyeom," he muttered, rolling his eyes.
— v —
Jinyoung should have left the bedroom as soon as he helped Yugyeom get to bed but he just loved to torture himself; he took Yugyeom's shoes off and covered him with the sheets. The drive back with windows down sobered Yugyeom up a little but he was simply too tired to make all those things himself, his eyes kept blinking heavily. Jinyoung knew that Yugyeom decided to keep just one job at the Cherry Bomb Cafe and he was glad for that but he also knew that Yugyeom still spent most of his time on studying, so the bags under his eyes were still present. But... one job was a step forward. A small one, but it still counted.
"Can you open the window?" Yugyeom asked quietly and Jinyoung immediately obliged, then slowly walked back to crouch next to the bed and look at Yugyeom's face in the dim light from the bedside lamp.
"Do you feel like throwing up?" Jinyoung gently touched Yugyeom's forehead to see if he wasn't burning up again but his skin turned out to be cold instead.
"Not really, just... head hurts a little," the boy answered, closing his eyes. Jinyoung tried to move away to give Yugyeom more space but then Yugyeom caught his hand, making him stay in place.
Jinyoung wouldn't take advantage of the situation though and he softly peeled Yugyeom's fingers off. "I'll sleep on the couch, you can call me if you'll need anything," he offered with a small smile.
"I need you."
It was quiet and soft but still made Jinyoung stop dead in his tracks. His heart squeezed uncomfortably and he chided himself for being stupid enough to get himself into this situation. Didn't he promise himself that he'll work on communication first before trying to make things better between them? If he couldn't even do that, what was he good for?
"You're drunk, you should get some sleep," Jinyoung forced out, not turning around towards Yugyeom. He was weak, he would never stand his ground if he looked at Yugyeom for too long.
Yugyeom snorted. "I'm not drunk, Jinyoung. Just... slightly tipsy," he pointed out and his voice really did sound a lot better than it did during the party but Jinyoung still wouldn't get fooled. He was panicking, afraid of saying the wrong things. He knew Yugyeom wouldn't force him to anything, even to stay and talk, especially to talk, but Jinyoung didn't trust himself enough to hold back if Yugyeom gave him any kind of opening. "Can you just... can you stay? You can sit far away from me or... I just want to talk. Even if it's only me talking, I'm afraid that I'll turn into an asshole again tomorrow and there are things I want to say."
"Oh, so you think you're so good at turning the asshole mode on and off, huh?" Jinyoung asked before he could stop himself and then something soft hit his back. A pillow fell to the floor, making him turn around.
"Ha ha, funny," Yugyeom said sarcastically. He was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, hugging another pillow close to his chest, blonde hair slightly curling above his dark eyes. He was pretty, so pretty that he didn't even look real to Jinyoung. And to think that this boy was or, well... used to be in love with Jinyoung. This thought went through Jinyoung's heart liked a small needle.
But he still sat down by his desk and turned the chair towards Yugyeom, not caring anymore whether it was the right choice. He owed the younger boy this much, he owed him the time Yugyeom had wasted on Jinyoung.
Yugyeom took a deep breath and looked down, playing with a silver bracelet on his wrist. "Well, first of all, I still didn't thank you," he started, making Jinyoung raise his eyebrows. "I passed the algebra exam only because of you and I should've told you earlier so... yeah, thank you for your help."
"You don't have to thank me for that," Jinyoung assured quickly. "You're smart, Yugyeom, you would have done that without me," he added sincerely. He wasn't saying it just because or out of fake modesty, he really hoped that one day Yugyeom would see how much potential he actually had. He hope one day people would stop noticing him because of good looks and would turn to him because of his intelligence. Yugyeom was worth it.
"I... Still, you didn't have to help me at all so I'm grateful for that," Yugyeom smiled softly, raising his head to look at Jinyoung. Jinyoung found himself staring back, not able to turn around. "I also wanted to tell you that... My mom is doing better. Well, as much as she can. It's still hard for her to recognize us sometimes but she has more better days lately and noona told me that the doctors are optimistic for the first time since she started her treatment," the boy rushed out, words almost too fast for Jinyoung to understand them all.
"Yugyeom, that's amazing!" Jinyoung said, in his excitement changing places from the chair to the edge of the bed. "What did the doctors say?"
"They said they'll try some different exercises to help with her memories. Her eye-hand coordination probably won't go back to normal anymore, but it's still better than what I hoped for. There's a chance that she'll be able to come back home in the future," he answered and he seemed so relieved.
Jinyoung knew how much it meant for Yugyeom and it was so incredible to hear that things finally started to look better both for Yugyeom and his mother. Jinyoung couldn't possibly imagine what it must have been like to live the way Yugyeom did, if it was one of Jinyoung's relatives he probably wouldn't be able to focus on anything else besides thinking about them and that's why he admired the younger boy even more. Yugyeom needed to grow up too fast and that's why he treated people coldly, keeping a distance. Maybe he was afraid of getting hurt again or maybe he was afraid of being the one to hurt others, either way it was so unfair that most people Yugyeom had met after the accident wanted to take advantage of him. Jinyoung wanted to give Yugyeom the stars, even the moon if the boy only wished for it. This was what Yugyeom deserved.
Jinyoung slowly extended his hand and touched Yugyeom's cheek with his palm; maybe he didn't need words to tell Yugyeom how happy he was for him and that everything would turn out okay. Maybe words weren't always the way and if Jinyoung had a problem with them, he could try telling Yugyeom in another way. Yugyeom smiled and nuzzled his cheek into Jinyoung's hand.
"Jaebum hyung told me that you're seeing a therapist," Yugyeom said after some time, quietly as if not sure if he was allowed to talk about it. "Is... is it helping?" he asked with concern. After everything Jinyoung did Yugyeom still cared for him even though Jinyoung knew he barely deserved that.
"I think it is," Jinyoung agreed, lowering his hand to catch Yugyeom's and intertwine their fingers. "Yugyeom, I'm sorry. You know that, right? I never wanted to hurt you," Jinyoung tried to take his hand back but Yugyeom only held tighter.
"I'm sorry, too," Yugyeom whispered and covered Jinyoung's mouth before Jinyoung could protest and say there's nothing to apologize for. "You were right. I do push people away when I'm scared because I don't want them to be the first ones to get rid of me, when I do that I can try to tell myself that it's nothing because I wanted it, too. But with you... with you it just doesn't work, you know? It's just like... it's like you're my safe space and I just want to keep coming back. It was never fake for me, even when I tried to fool myself that it's just money."
Yugyeom was looking at him as if Jinyoung held all the answers to the questions of the universe and it was so much to handle that Jinyoung simply broke.
"I love you," he whispered so quietly that he wasn't sure he even said it at all until he saw Yugyeom's eyes go wide. "God, I'm so in love with you."
"Jinyoung, this isn't—"
"Funny?" Jinyoung interrupted. "No, it's hilarious. I'm in love with you and that's why I fucked everything up. I wanted to protect you and that's why I ended being the one who hurt you. But I don't care anymore. I don't care about Hyun-soo and Ji-eun, I don't care about the company."
"Then why did you..." Yugyeom stuttered, frowning slightly. He seemed out of his depth, unsure but also... hopeful. "Why did you say those things to Hyun-soo?" he asked, trying to understand.
Jinyoung moved a little on the bed so he could sit properly in front of Yugyeom. "Because I was scared. And drunk. But mostly scared. I was afraid that my sister will try to hurt you even more but now I know I shouldn't have bothered with it in the first place. You can take care of yourself and even if not, we would go through it together."
"Are you serious? Do you actually mean every word you're saying right now?" Yugyeom asked and he had every right to do so. To doubt and demand some kind of assurance, Jinyoung was well aware that it would take more than just one night and one conversation for Yugyeom to trust him again. But he was willing to try, he was willing to spend his future on trying to make it better, to make Yugyeom feel safe.
He gently caught Yugyeom's face in his hands, caressing his cheeks with thumbs. "I mean every single word, Yugyeom. I wanted to tell you the night after the wedding but I was afraid you wouldn't believe me then."
Yugyeom studied his expression before frowning again. "If you're serious... how come you've never asked me to move in here with you?" he asked so suddenly that Jinyoung felt at a complete loss. He blinked a few times, trying to force his brain to move faster but no could do. "You asked everyone except me."
"Because I didn't want to be stabbed with a knife? Yugyeom, what the hell?" Jinyoung slightly pushed Yugyeom back. "How was I supposed to just come up to you after everything that happened and be like... hey, I bought a nice place with all the money I have, there's a free bedroom, wanna move in?" he tried to make Yugyeom see how ridiculous it sounded but the younger boy just sighed and rolled his eyes. "Would you actually want to live here? With me?"
"Why do you act so surprised? I did tell you that I'm in love with you, didn't I?" Yugyeom sounded as if he wanted to clarify that, not to remind Jinyoung that it actually happened.
Jinyoung felt like he fell into a rabbit hole along with Alice. This was crazy. Yugyeom was crazy.
"You did but I thought..."
"That what? I can just turn the feelings off because you were a jerk at the moment? How the fuck is this supposed to work according to you?"
"Are you trying to pick a fight with me again?"
"You're letting me pay half of the bills."
"I'm—wait, what?" Jinyoung raised his hands to stop the conversation for a moment. Now his head was starting to hurt from it.
Yugyeom looked like a lawyer who came to negotiate lower sentence for his client. "I'm paying half of the bills and we're splitting the housework."
"Are you actually going to move in with me?" Jinyoung needed to pinch himself to make sure he's not sleeping. How did they come to that?
Yugyeom sighed, softly brushing a strand of hair off of Jinyoung's forehead. "I love you and you love me, it should have been simple from the start, shouldn't it? We've wasted a lot of time already. I don't know how long we're going to be together or how this will end, but I want to be with you. So if you want that too, then..."
Jinyoung didn't need to hear more, he swiftly moved forward and finally, finally kissed Yugyeom. Maybe he couldn't remember what their first kiss was like but he knew he would never forget the ones that came after. Yugyeom tangled his fingers in Jinyoung's hair and pulled him closer, until he was lying down with Jinyoung on top of him, lips never disconnecting. Their touches showed everything they weren't able to say out loud; they were desperate but still soft, it was clear how much they both missed each other. Of course there were still things they needed to talk about, things they needed to explain, but it seemed like for now they were just content to be together.
It would never be perfect, Jinyoung knew that already. They were too different to avoid fights, but Jinyoung was determined to make it work and he knew Yugyeom is not the type to give up easily. Yugyeom was right, it should have been simple.
Jinyoung tilted his head to deepen the kiss and Yugyeom opened his mouth, letting Jinyoung's tongue in. Jinyoung was kissing him fast until he realized... he had all the time in the world now. This wasn't an arrangement restricted by time limit, they didn't have a month to be together. This was real, they were real and this thought made Jinyoung slow down. It was amazing how fast Yugyeom was to adapt to Jinyoung, the kiss turned slow and soft. Yugyeom caressed Jinyoung's face, lying down comfortably and kissing Jinyoung back with no rush. Finally Jinyoung moved back a little, looking down at Yugyeom and softly bumping the tips of their noses together.
"This is nice," he muttered, moving a little lower so he could rest his head on Yugyeom's chest. The younger boy wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, kissing the top of his head. "This is even nicer."
"Shut up, Jinyoung," Yugyeom sighed, reaching for his phone on the bedside drawer when it beeped, signaling a new message. If someone texted him so late it probably was important.
"Don't be rude when I'm in love with you," Jinyoung whined, feeling especially warm inside. Somehow at night nothing sounded too stupid to say it out loud.
"Oh, now you talk... What the hell," the boy said suddenly, bursting into laughter a few seconds later. "Damn Jackson Wang."
Jinyoung was about to ask what's wrong but then Yugyeom showed him the message he got. Jinyoung didn't understand it at first and he needed to read it three times before the sense finally got to him. His eyes opened wider and he sat up on Yugyeom, making the boy growl and almost push him off.
"sorry about posting the picture on instagram. mark said its the highest time i tell you it was me even tho u both are too stupid to even ask who couldve posted it in the first place lol i just wanted to piss u both off but. it turned out pretty good, right? u should probably thank me. unless ur killing each other now then forget i said anything xx"
Underneath the message was a picture attached to it. A crappy, blurry picture of two boys kissing.
Damn Jackson Wang indeed.
"And here I was thinking it was all your fault," Jinyoung said thoughtfully. He would probably be mad at Jackson but... well, it did turn out pretty good in the end. Even though a few situations could've been avoided if Jinyoung had a choice. What pissed Jinyoung off was that Jackson was right; none of them even tried to find out who posted the picture since it was some anonymous account and Jinyoung just assumed it could be one of the girls that were at the party and had a crush on Yugyeom or something. He really was an idiot. Jackson was going to get punched sooner or later anyway.
"Excuse me?" Yugyeom punched him lightly in the shoulder, putting the phone away. "You kissed me, how was that my fault?"
"You kissed back."
"Oh, fuck off, Jinyoung."
"I thought you said you love me?"
"I take that back."
"No refunds."
Yugyeom let out a long-suffering sigh and pulled Jinyoung back down, shutting him up with another kiss. Jinyoung couldn't say he minded much.
Maybe it all started with a coincidence (or stupid drunken decisions), but maybe, just maybe, their story was supposed to end like this anyway. Jinyoung didn't believe in fate or love at first sight, but being with Yugyeom made him want to believe in... something. They've come a long way to turn fake into real, to put the miscommunication behind, to build trust not only towards each other but also within their own hearts. Years from now maybe they'll think that even the bad moments had their own charms. If it was too easy, it wouldn't be worth it.
Faking love was hard, but faking that you don't love was even harder, Jinyoung thought. And that, exactly, was the art of (fake) dating your enemy.
Sort of.
THE END