Chapter Text
“I want to quit.”
Yoongi’s monotone voice broke the silence in the room. It was currently the middle of May and they were having a meeting, planning what to do for their 8th anniversary. But nobody was saying a thing. It’s not like they had no ideas, they could always come up with something – film a funny parody, make a cover of a song or dance, create a piece of their own, divide themselves into groups and make it work somehow.
They always did… somehow make things work out, no matter how hard it was. No matter how tired they were, no matter how much they wanted to rest, no matter how much they wanted to drop everything and just go back home, see their families.
But no, they couldn’t do that. Not when so many people were expecting so much from them, every single day.
If they weren’t being active on stage, they had to be active on Social Media. They had to share everything they did, even when all they wanted to do was eat junk food on their coach and stay with the same clothes all day.
It was tough, nobody said it was going to be easy. They have been through so much during the years, they went to bed wishing goodnight to each other each night and woke up to the same exhausted, but in a way cheery faces.
It was hard, being an idol.
But Bangtan was not just a group, they were a family.
That’s why, even though they’ve been through shit, they went thought it together, that’s why they came so far, they reached stages and broke records that no one before them had and even though that made their hearts swell with pride, because they had achieved all of that shedding their blood, sweat and tears, the pressure could be too much at times.
And of course, all of them had had times when they wanted to quit, when they wanted to give up, because even though many people put them – Bangtan even before themselves, the boys of the group could never do that, they always put others first, there were just so many people that they couldn’t disappoint. So many people that had been saved, because of their Music. So many people that chanted their names until their voices disappeared completely, so many people who had helped them get this far.
But even though the thought had crossed their minds before, nobody had dared to utter the horrifying words out loud.
Not until today, not until Min Yoongi finally said what has been on his mind for months, maybe… even years.
“Come again?”
It was Sihyuk who spoke after what seemed like a whole eternity, even though barely a minute had passed. All of the staff members, which were present in the room seemed to have lost the ability to speak, even their manager Sejin, was looking at the boys with wide eyes.
“I said… I want to quit. I want to leave Bangtan.”
Everybody in the room looked shocked, everybody… except the Bangtan members.
That’s the conclusion which Jimin came to, as he looked at each one of his band mates.
Namjoon who was on Yoongi’s left side had crossed his arms over his chest, but overall he looked calm, a way too calm.
Jungkook was biting his lips, a habit of his which showed that he was nervous, but he wasn’t trying to literally split his bottom lip in half by nibbling on it too harshly, so he didn’t appear to be that jittery.
Hoseok was sitting next to Jimin and even though his facial expression was controlled, Jimin could see how the older’s leg was slightly bouncing up and down, it has always been hard to make Hoseok sit in one place for too long, those meetings were literal torture for him.
Taehyung who was on the opposite of Jimin, was just picking at his fingers. To an outsider, it could even look like Taehyung wasn’t paying to what was going on around him, but Jimin knew better. Taehyung was one of the most sensible people he has ever met.
Seokjin who was sitting at Yoongi’s right side just patted the back of his long-term roommate. Even after all those years, after the countless changes and the many different dorms, the two eldest members of Bangtan have always shared a room.
Jimin took a little longer staring at Yoongi’s face. Luckily, the older didn’t notice because he was looking at their CEO, something akin to challenge in his eyes, but other than that… Jimin couldn’t see any regret, there was no remorse on Yoongi’s face, he looked just like any other day – a bit pale, dark circles under his eyes, a beanie over his hair which had been dyed a numerous times already, a slightly sleepy look was gracing his features, but he looked serious.
So serious that Jimin just wanted to sink in his chair and disappear, because he couldn’t help feeling guilty.
He was terrified. He was so, so afraid that one day… this would happen.
To the world, Min Yoongi was someone who didn’t give a damn, someone who lived his life without a single care and did whatever he wanted, he looked like a person wasn’t scared of anything, but oh… how wrong everyone was.
Min Yoongi was actually a person with many fears, with many insecurities, but Jimin didn’t see those things as a weakness. They were a part of Yoongi and as stupid as it may sound, there was not a single thing related to the rapper, that Jimin disliked.
Jimin had seen it all – an enthusiastic Yoongi who spit fire on stage, having the time of his life. A very grumpy and disorientated Yoongi early in the morning. A very concentrated and motivated Yoongi, who was working on a new song. A slightly frustrated Yoongi who couldn’t get the new dance move right even after the 10th try. A brightly smiling Yoongi at fanmeetings, who was making funny faces and cute poses just so he could make all the fans happy and he surely did, all the coos that that the fans let out whenever Yoongi did a finger heart, were enough of evidence. A very determined Yoongi who wanted a certain song to be on the album, refusing to accept ‘No’ as an answer. And there was always that melancholic, but not really a sad look on the older’s face whenever he spoke about the days when he was overworking his body, because of his part-time job, desperately hoping and clinging onto a debut, which seemed so far away.
In Jimin’s eyes, Yoongi was the member who has suffered the most before and after their debut. Yoongi was a bit closed off, he started off as an underground rapper and after debuting as an idol, there were many who weren’t willing to give his music a chance, many who called his work trash, without even listening to it. Many who wrote hateful comments everywhere, trying to bring down their group that was practically shaking more and more by each day, back then it felt as if just a little more and Bangtan could’ve crumbled down to the ground.
But they were long past that stage now, they were strong, they were a team.
And Jimin just couldn’t believe that Yoongi was willing to step down on his own, after withstanding so much hate during the years, after standing up and looking confident on stage, while on the inside he was breaking apart, dreading the public’s opinion about everything he did.
Yoongi never did something without a reason and sadly… Jimin couldn’t help thinking that he was the reason for the rapper’s faithful decision. That he was the one who drove Yoongi to this, that he was the one who had corned him to the wall with no escape route.
“May I know the reason?”
Their CEO, the person who was more of a father to them, than a boss, asked. The man still looked taken aback and it was natural that he would seek an explanation, but Jimin wasn’t sure he wanted to hear Yoongi’s response.
“It’s… personal.”
Personal.
The words echoed in Jimin’s head and it almost made him feel dizzy.
Yoongi’s voice was robbed off any emotion and Jimin wanted to hope, to fool himself that the older wasn’t referring to him, that by personal, he meant a family problem or something, but Jimin wasn’t an idiot, he could just feel it.
It was him, it was him that Yoongi was speaking of in such an indirect way.
“You all renewed your contracts in 2019, there’s still time before your new ones expire.”
Sihyuk commented as he massaged his temples, this conversation was surely giving the man a headache.
“I know. I am willing to take responsibility. If I have to pay a fine or whatever… I will do it.”
Jimin wanted to say something, anything. Just to ease down the tense atmosphere a bit, but he was certain that if he opened his mouth, his voice would crack right away, that he wouldn’t be able to say anything useful and could maybe even add fuel to the fire.
“Let’s…” The CEO began, as he sighed, it was clearly very hard for him to speak as well. “Let’s say that I agree to this… that I let you leave. Then what will happen to Bangtan?”
Jimin grabbed his pants and prayed that no one would notice how hard he was clutching onto the fabric. He looked down at his lap and hoped that all of this was just a dream, a terrible nightmare that he would remember for the rest of his life.
Anything, anything, but this… please. This can’t be real.
Jimin couldn’t imagine losing the group, the people whom he had spent the last 10 years of his life with, his brothers, his everything.
“There is no Bangtan without Min Yoongi.”
It was Namjoon who spoke this time and Jimin lifted up his head a bit to look at the other.
A huge mistake.
Because before he was even able to glance at Namjoon, he locked eyes with Yoongi who was staring at him.
Jimin’s breath hitched when their eyes met and he couldn’t look away.
Yoongi had been talking in a nonchalant manner, his voice did not waver.
But his eyes…
Just like any other time, Jimin saw past the wall, he looked right at Yoongi’s soul, because his eyes could never conceal his true emotions and Jimin’s already aching heart almost stopped beating, because of the look in the older’s eyes.
He looked almost helpless, as if he didn’t know what or why he was doing, but something just told him that he had to, that there was no other way but this.
It hurts. I’m scared. I hate this. I hate hurting you and yet I am… I can’t go on like this.
If Yoongi’s eyes could speak, Jimin was pretty sure that’s what they would say and he wanted to get up and go to the older’s side, to wrap his arms around him and tell him that none of this was his fault, that things were going to be okay, that it was Jimin, it has always been him… he was the one who messed this up, but he couldn’t move, he couldn’t do anything.
“I agree.”
Hoseok and Seokjin spoke in union and Yoongi broke their eye contact by diverting his attention to the other members.
Jimin wanted to make the pain go away, to take it all away from Yoongi, so the older wouldn’t look so sad, but he felt just as helpless as Yoongi, if not more.
The thought that he was the cause of all this, just started eating up Jimin from the inside. It was as if someone was squeezing his heart with his bare hands, trying to crush it with no mercy.
“Then… what do the youngest ones think?”
Sihyuk sounded defeated, he was aware of the fact that there was no going back, that the group could not be saved…
“I will go with my Hyungs’ decision.”
Jungkook said, not because he wanted to push the responsibility onto his Hyungs, but because they have been with him his entire life. They had raised him, they had laughed with him, cried with him, praised him for his endless hard work, scolded him whenever he did something wrong. They had shaped up his personality, they had made him the person he is today and he trusted the members more than anyone else in the entire world.
“I think that everybody has been on the edge lately, but-”
Taehyung paused for a few seconds and looked around the table, taking in everyone’s expressions. Nobody seemed to be having second thoughts, sadly… the decision had already been made and it was a mutual, silent agreement between all of them.
“But I believe that Yoongi-hyung wouldn’t have spoken up and addressed the matter, if he wasn’t completely sure that he wanted this. I want to respect his decision, everyone’s decision.”
Kim Taehyung once again proved that he was far from being oblivious. He was one of the most affectionate members and he always knew whenever something was off, when something was troubling his members and he always tried to lighten up their mood by saying something silly or at other times like at the moment, to turn into a version of Namjoon and be the philosopher of the group.
Jimin could feel that everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to express his opinion. He took in a breath, filling his lungs with a much needed air, but he still had a difficulty with breathing properly, the room was suffocating him.
Things were going in the direction, which Jimin never wanted to think about.
All things must come to an end one day.
The thought disappeared as quickly as it had appeared in his head and he knew that was the truth, but he just didn’t want, he couldn’t let things end this way.
“I-”
There it was… Jimin’s voice gave in immediately and he was foolish enough to once again gazed in Yoongi’s direction, but the rapper was looking at the table.
Jimin wanted to grab the older’s face, to make him admit that all of this was a sick joke, it wasn’t April’s Fools Day, but maybe the members had decided to pull a prank on the staff. That happened fairly often, it was fun, but this wasn’t fun.
None of this was funny and Jimin couldn’t and didn’t want to deceive himself anymore.
“I just want everyone to be happy.”
And if not being together means that everybody would be able to be happy… then so be it.
Jimin didn’t say that part out loud, but from the corner of his eyes he saw how Yoongi’s tensed shoulders relaxed and that just added up the pain in Jimin’s chest.
“I see… I know this is probably your final decision, but it would take some time to take care of the documents and in the meantime… you can still think about this and if you want to- if you think this is one horrible mistake, then let me know.”
Nobody voiced out a reply to the CEO’s words, but the seven boys nodded their heads. They had already accepted their fate, they were given a second chance, a chance to reconsider and change their mind, but Jimin knew that no one would reach out and grab that sacred chance, which was offered to them.
“I guess… we can say that this is Bangtan’s last meeting.”
Sihyuk’s voice was filled with sorrow and Jimin felt really bad for the man. He had been there for them when nobody believe in them, he supported them, he let them debut, he let them be themselves, he was the one who created Bangtan. Jimin couldn’t even imagine what their boss was going through at the moment, he probably felt betrayed.
“The next time we meet here it would be… so you could sign the contracts that will terminate your current ones with the company. The contracts that will officially put an end to Bangtan Boys and then, we would announce your disbandment to the public.”
The end of Bangtan Boys…
Jimin had never, ever expected that he would have to hear that devastating statement.
This is all my fault. All of this happened, because of me…