Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jeonghan [sent 18:48]

where are u ))):

Jisoo hated to attract any unnecessary attention, which was the reason he had gone below deck in the first place. He wasn’t surprised that Jeonghan noticed, even though it had only been about five minutes or so since he’d left the others, who were all goofing around, playing games or taking pictures on the main deck. Jisoo just wasn’t up for it right now.

Jisoo [sent 18:49]

Below deck, you don’t have to come down here though

Jisoo thought he’d add the last part even though he knew Jeonghan very well, and that the statement, to him, was an invitation to join him.

It’s not that he didn’t want Jeonghan down here with him, in fact, he might even prefer that over being completely alone - but he hated to worry the latter. Jisoo was very aware of how shitty he felt on the inside, and he wasn’t too sure how he looked on the outside. He wasn’t too sure if he could successfully hide any information from Jeonghan, who was about has nosey as a person could get.

In a good way. Maybe.

Jeonghan [sent 18:49]

are u ok??

Jisoo didn’t really know how to answer that, because he wasn’t too sure himself. Normally, he had no problems with seasickness at all - or even motion sickness in general. Maybe if he was reading in a long car ride, but that was about it.

Today, though, he felt...off. He was trying to feel excited, because normally the only boat-related things they did were ferry rides. This was more of a tour around a few islands, for their day off, which he was initially excited about.

“There you are,” Jeonghan’s voice scared him for a moment, even though he was expecting him to come down here. He felt bad for not responding, but he really didn’t know what to say to him. Perhaps Jeonghan understood that, though.

Jisoo turned his phone over so he wasn’t looking at the screen anymore, and Jeonghan pulled up a chair from another table to sit beside him. Jisoo had forgotten this was technically the dining room, which they would be using later - but right now, it was empty. “Hi.” he said simply, and Jeonghan lifted a hand to move some hair from his eyes. He knew something was wrong.

“You’re not seasick, are you?” Jeonghan asked, worry showing in his features. Jisoo could kick himself right now. “You look really pale.”

“I think so. I’ll be fine, though.” Jisoo told him, trying to sound convincing. Jeonghan wasn’t having it, though.

Jeonghan started digging around in his pocket. “They gave us all the patches, though. Yours isn’t working?” he asked, pulling out a little pack of Dramamine from his pocket, and taking one of them out. “Even Seungkwan and Soonyoung are okay. That’s weird.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo had figured the same thing, he noticed the members that had the usual issues with that weren’t affected at all. Which is why he came down here, he didn’t want to sound like he was making it up.

“Hold on, I’ll get you a water bottle so you can take this.” Jeonghan said before wandering over to the snackbar, thankfully not too far from where they were at.

Jisoo laid his head on the table for a moment, trying to think of anything else. He hated this sort of helpless feeling, especially when it worried Jeonghan. They were all just here to having a good time, enjoy their day off, and he was ruining it for one of them. And if Jeonghan told the others, he’d ruin it for all of them.

“Here you go.” Jeonghan said as the sat back at the table, placing the water bottle in front of Jisoo. “Hey...if you don’t feel good, I can see if he staff can take you back home. I’ll come with you.”

“No, I’m okay.” Jisoo said, lifting his head up when Jeonghan suggested that. He wasn’t going to let Jeonghan do anything more than give him the Dramamine.

He saw Jeonghan frown; he probably knew that he wasn’t really okay. But he let it be. “I think these might make you sleepy. That’s what Seungkwan said last time, anyway.” Jeonghan said as he handed Jisoo two of the pills. He downed them both rather quickly, but his stomach wasn’t liking the water that came with them.

“It’s better to be up there, love. There’s windows down here, yeah, but it’s better if you can see the whole horizon. So you have some balance.” Jeonghan told him, placing his hand on top of his.

Jisoo wasn’t sure he agreed, because he felt the same up there and he did down here. But he nodded anyway, and stood to go back upstairs with Jeonghan.

“And if you feel worse, please tell me. We can go back at any time, and they can keep going. Okay?” Jeonghan said, not letting go of his hand. He squeezed it a bit tighter.

Jisoo was glad Jeonghan cared so much.

♥ ϟ ♥

About an hour had passed, and everyone was below deck for dinner. Jisoo felt worse.

Jeonghan never left Jisoo’s side, and was even sitting beside him at the table. Jisoo had gotten pretty good at hiding how he felt with the other members, but there was always someone who was a little suspicious. The ones who were as good as Jisoo at hiding feelings. Jihoon. Wonwoo. Even Minghao. But they didn’t say anything, which Jisoo was thankful for.

The drowsiness hit him pretty hard and Jisoo found himself leaning his head on Jeonghan’s shoulder as they waited for their food. Jisoo didn’t order anything for obvious reasons.

He wanted to tell Jeonghan that he wanted to go home, but he couldn’t do it in front of everyone else. The constant thought seemed to even be making him anxious, with a chest tightening feeling that was present before but worse now.

“Are you okay, hyung?”

Jisoo was really hoping no one would actually come out an ask him that, because it made his chest feel tighter. Minghao had been sitting across from him though, and there was no way he would just avoid it. He appreciated that it was quiet enough to slide through the rest of the group’s chatter. Except for Jeonghan’s anyway.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Jisoo told him as he lifted his head from Jeonghan’s shoulder, which his head really didn’t like. He felt dizzy enough to just lie down completely. “Just tired.”

Minghao certainly didn’t look convinced, but thankfully, Mingyu distracted him out of the conversation and he was suddenly focused on whatever was going on on that end of the table.

It was bad timing when the food came only a minute or so later. Jisoo wasn’t sure his stomach could handle him sitting there for more than five minutes, and he wished he’d asked to go home. He just wanted to lay down, sleep. On land. Preferably with Jeonghan, but he’d take whatever he could get.

After the group had collectively thanked the chefs for the food, Jisoo stood up rather abruptly. He walked off pretty quickly. He hated the awkward silence the group faded into as he left, because of course, after this, everyone would know how he felt. A few of them might even follow. And he knew that Jeonghan would worry the most. And he worried that Jeonghan would get in trouble with Seungcheol for not telling anyone about this.

He found himself in the surprisingly and thankfully clean bathroom, curled up in the corner beside the toilet and choking up whatever he had in his system. Jeonghan was beside him within a minute, a hand on his back, trying to comfort him.

Jisoo spat the last bit of bile into the toilet. He heard Seungcheol’s voice. Soonyoung’s. Chan’s and Minghao’s, too. But he didn’t see them, and he wasn’t sure he wanted them to see him.

“Medicine didn’t work, huh?” Jeonghan said softly, once Jisoo leaned his head on the wall. He wasn’t sure why he was sweating. He didn’t feel warm. More cold, actually.

“I’m sorry,” Jisoo murmured and Jeonghan pulled him forward, arms wrapped around him. He was trying to felt, Jisoo had to remind himself. Jisoo would normally fall into Jeonghan’s warmth, but right now, he felt trapped. His chest still felt tight. His stomach still hurt. He didn’t feel any better.

“It’s not your fault, shh.” Jeonghan reminded, a hand running up and down his spine. “I asked the staff if I could go back with you, and they said the tour’s almost over, anyway, and then we can go home. Think you can hang in there until then, love?”

No. “Yeah.”

“Okay, good.” Jeonghan pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I can stay in here until you guys are done eating. I still don’t feel great.” Jisoo murmured, trying to worm himself out of Jeonghan’s grip. Jeonghan seemed hesitant to let go, but he did it, and Jisoo was thankful for the space he gave him.

“I can stay with you, Jisoo-”

“Please, go eat.” Jisoo told him. Jeonghan frowned, but he nodded.

Jisoo needed a moment to be alone, after this. He still heard some of the other members whispering but it seemed that Jeonghan whisked them away once he got up to leave, which he was thankful for. He didn’t want the attention, he wanted a moment for himself. Even if, for some reason, his chest felt tighter when he was alone again.

He started to focus on what was going on with his body, because there was something at the back of his mind telling him that this . His stomach hurt, that was clear. He was dizzy, lightheaded. His chest was tight, his arm felt sore. That didn’t make any sense, because it wasn’t the arm he had against the wall.Was it sore from practice? Was any of this a side effect of the Dramamine?

That was a possibility, but he didn’t know much about the medication because he’d never taken it before. He guessed maybe Seungkwan or Soonyoung would know, and he was tempted to go back and ask them. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself, though.

Jeonghan [sent 20:05]

You can come on deck with us, if you feel better? It’s nice out here, I doubt the bathroom is comfortable

Jeonghan [sent 20:06]

No one’s eating up here, either. It’s just those of us that finished

Jisoo noted the change in Jeonghan’s texting style, and even something like that could tell him that he was worried. He decided maybe it would be best to go. That way he could ask them about the Dramamine, too.

Jisoo had to drag himself to stand, and further drag himself up the stairs. His chest felt heavy, yet his head felt like a balloon. He was tempted just to lie down on the steps for a moment, but he doubted it was a very good idea.

“Hyung!”

Chan’s voice was shushed by Wonwoo, when Jisoo finally made it to the top. The sky was almost completely dark now, aside from the stars, and the lanterns on deck. He could see a few of them seated off in the corner - Chan, Wonwoo, Hansol, Soonyoung, and Jeonghan. The rest of them just have been downstairs.

“Feeling better?” Hansol asked, in english, which caught him off guard for a moment, and seemingly the others too. Jisoo gave him the so-so motion with his hand a took a seat on the floor beside Jeonghan, his head resting on his shoulder once again. Jeonghan’s hand was squeezing his.

“You’re sweating,” Soonyoung pointed out, a brow raised, “do you have a fever?”

Jeonghan checked, pressing a hand to his forehead. Maybe that would explain some of this, even if he didn’t feel warm.

“No fever,” Jeonghan said, lowering his free hand. Jeonghan would’ve been able to tell that from holding his hand, but he checked anyway.

“Did you give him that motion sickness medicine?” Chan asked, looking at Jeonghan. He nodded, Jisoo would feel that from his position on his shoulder. He felt his eyes starting to fall shut.

“Maybe sweating is a side effect.” Wonwoo shrugged. Jisoo kept his eyes open, remembering that he needed to ask about it.

“Uh...no. It’s not. At least, that never happened to me.” Soonyoung said, sounding suspicious. “Do you know why you’re sweating, hyung?”

Jisoo, again, wasn’t sure how to answer the question. It could be a number of things. It might have been because of the vomiting, or his chest pains. He just shrugged, and told Soonyoung just what he thought.

“Your chest hurts too?” Jeonghan asked, sounding a cross between confused and angry. But only a little bit. Jisoo was regretting not saying anything either way.

“I’m gonna look up the side effects. I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen.” Soonyoung mumbled, pulling out his phone and typing rather aggressively. Jisoo found himself sitting up now, feeling a little worried himself. “Okay, here. Drowsiness or dizziness. Check, you look tired. Restlessness, excitation, nervousness, or insomnia. Any of that?”

Jisoo nodded. He’d call it more of an anxiety kind of thing, but he answered with nervousness.

“Okay, check. Blurred or double vision?” Jisoo should his head. “Dry mouth, nose, or throat?” Jisoo told him dry mouth. He saw Wonwoo peering over at Soonyoung’s phone. “Decreased appetite, nausea, vomiting...yeah, check. Difficulty urinating…” Jisoo shook his head. Wonwoo was looking at something on his own phone, now, and Jisoo felt his chest tighten more. “And, irregular or fast heartbeat.”

“We don’t have a stethoscope.” Chan said uselessly, but Jeonghan felt for a heartbeat for a moment, on his wrist. “And did you just say that nausea is a side effect to an anti motion sickness medication?”

They ignored Chan. “It doesn’t feel off, but I can’t really tell.” Jeonghan sighed.

“Either way, doesn’t explain the chest pain, I’m pretty sure. Or the sweating.” Hansol added, and most of them nodded. Wonwoo, though, was staring at his phone. Jisoo watched him bit his lip.

“What are you looking at?” Jisoo asked. He didn’t like the look on Wonwoo’s face, and he didn’t like how he shut it phone off the second Soonyoung tried to look over.

“I don’t...uh, I don’t want to scare you, or anything, hyung. But, do your arms hurt too?” Wonwoo asked, receiving confused glances from the rest.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Chan asked, but Jisoo ignored him. How would he know that?

“Just one.” Jisoo mumbled, and he felt himself forcing back a shaky feeling.

Wonwoo was quiet, now, opening his phone again. He was scrolling through something, leaving the rest of them in an anxious silence.

“Come on, man, what is it?” Hansol puffed, sounding impatient.

“Like I said - I don't want to scare you, but...it says here, chest and arm pain, cold sweat - fatigue and nausea too, even though that might be the Dramamine -” he paused for a second when he noticed that Soonyoung was searching up everything that Wonwoo was saying, “it says, that....uhm -”

“You might be having a heart attack -” Soonyoung finished, frantically scrolling through things and clicking.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s a perfectly healthy adult, why would he be having a heart attack?” Jeonghan spat, sounding angry. He squeezed Jisoo’s hand. Jisoo kind of wanted to throw up again at the thought of having a heart attack.

“Yeah, and unless church boy is secretly a drug addict or something-” Hansol seemed just as angry at the ridiculous accusation, but it made sense to Jisoo. What else could all of this mean?

“What the hell did I walk in on,” Minghao commented when he wandered over, although, no one really acknowledged him. They were all still staring at Wonwoo for more information, who was just as frantic with his phone to find it as Soonyoung was. Minghao sat behind Soonyoung and peered over at his phone, eyes first squinting and then growing twice their normal size. “ Heart attack treatments-? ”

“I’m gonna go tell Seungcheol, even if it’s not, it’s - it’s still -” Chan sounded like he was fighting back tears but be pushed himself off the floor anyway, and ran downstairs pretty quickly.

“Okay, it says - it says we should give you Aspirin. Or recommends it - does anyone have any?” Soonyoung asks, the pace in his voice quickening with every word.

“I do,” Minghao said, digging around in his bag for it.

“We can’t do that, you don’t know how Aspirin reacts with Dramamine, it could make it worse -” Wonwoo scolded.

Jisoo was staring at his hands, which were shaking bad enough for him to wonder if his vision was starting to blur out. It felt like a fist was curling around every organ in his chest, squeezing his ribcage, and he was feeling the same tightness in his arm, his neck, too. He didn’t know if this supposed heart attack was worsening or if it was just the anxiety worsening from the thought of something like that happening to him.

The others arguing over him was a sound that was starting to fade out in the back of his mind.

Was he going to die here?

Chapter Text

Jisoo’s brain was fading in and out of reality, but he had no idea why. If he had just scared himself into fainting, or if he was really having a heart attack.

He heard Jeonghan crying first, when the medics on the tour boat started checking him out - lying him down on the floor. He guessed they were trying to treat him the best they could before they got to the mainland, which Jeonghan kept saying was only minutes away, minutes away - so all of these things put together told him he was most definitely having a heart attack.

The medics were asking Jisoo a hundred questions, hardly any that he could really comprehend. His medical history. His parents’ medical history. His grandparents’ medical history. His diet. His exercise. Anything that could possibly cause a heart attack.

The members were arguing. Crying. He didn’t blame them, mostly because he had caused this whole situation. He didn’t want to have a heart attack, obviously, but he’d caused this anyway. This was more stressful than the day before their debut, somehow.

“They’re saying the hospital is only five minutes from the mainland,” Jihoon said, voice shakier than Jisoo had ever heard it. He hated this more than anything, and for a moment, he wished he’d pass out so he wouldn’t have to see or hear any of it. But, passing out in the middle of a heart attack definitely couldn’t be a good thing.

The next thing his brain picked up on was being pulled onto a stretcher, by the two medics with the help of Mingyu and Seungcheol, and suddenly, he was in an ambulance.

That’s what made it real. That’s when he started crying.

Fuck, was he going to die?

“Hey - you’re gonna be okay, baby, the hospital’s close,” Jeonghan was crying too but he was trying to sound reassuring, which Jisoo appreciated, but hearing Jeonghan cry made him want to cry even more , and he couldn’t imagine his heart would like that very much.

He was shaking so much that it was hard for him to keep a grip on Jeonghan’s hand. He wondered if the shaking was coming from fear, or, the more obvious reasons. He could hardly even hold himself together.

Jisoo would have to thank Wonwoo’s phone later. Not for the arguing it caused, not for making everyone cry, but for saving his life.

Seungcheol was there too, frantically asking the paramedics in the ambulance a hundred questions, because Jisoo was sure that Seungcheol was just as afraid as Jisoo was. Understandably so. He was the leader, and Jisoo was sure that Seungcheol was already taking responsibility for this.

Jisoo was trying to apologize but the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth, and he was fearing that he would actually pass out this time. He didn’t know what the paramedics were doing or what they were giving him, but he had to hope that his brain starting to blackout was because of that , and not because of the heart attack.

“You're not gonna die. You're gonna be fine, Jisoo. Okay? I love you.” Jeonghan was rambling nonsense because he couldn't really know that for sure. Right? “I love you so much.”

Jeonghan was squeezing his hand, hard, sobbing rather noisily. Jisoo felt the need to comfort him, somehow, but he couldn’t even say anything to him. Jisoo couldn’t even remember the last time he comforted Jeonghan while he was crying.

Jisoo tried to mumble something, and he wasn’t too sure if it actually came out of his mouth or not, because a second later, he couldn’t see anything anymore.

♥ ϟ ♥

“Hyung!”

Jisoo’s eyes screwed back shut when he heard Chan, followed by Wonwoo shushing him. Jisoo kept his eyes closed, wondering where exactly he was. Chan and Wonwoo weren’t his roomates. At least, that’s what he thought.

The smell hit him next, though. That was a hospital smell.

“Hyung, are you awake?” he heard Seokmin’s voice ask softly, thankfully much quieter than Chan had yelled earlier. Jisoo decided to open his eyes, although he wasn’t sure he was mentally ready to face everything that had happened.

Yep, all the members were in a hospital room with him. All thirteen of them in one room.

“Oh, thank god,” Seungcheol sighed. Jisoo saw him standing closer to the door. “I’ll go tell the doctor, be right back.” he said before he disappeared.

Jisoo eyed all the members in the room. Some of them were asleep, mostly the younger ones. Minghao and Seungkwan in two chairs by the window, sort of sleeping on each other. Soonyoung a bit further away, and Mingyu stretched out on the floor. The rest of them were awake, though. Seungcheol, out of the room to get a doctor, apparently. Seokmin, Wonwoo and Chan on the left side of the bed. Junhui and a very tired Jihoon at the foot of the bed. Hansol on the, right to someone who was slumped over in a chair beside the bed, asleep.

Jeonghan, who was still holding his hand.

“How do you feel?” Jihoon asked, featured contorting slightly with worry. Jisoo decided he probably should be staring around the room like that.

“Uhm...fine, I think.” Jisoo murmured, hearing a collective sigh of relief from all the awake members in the room. He felt a numb sort of discomfort, and he guessed it was from the pain medication. His chest felt sore, in a way. He wasn't in a lot of pain, though, so he guessed that was a plus. “So, I...I really had a heart attack, huh?”

“Yeah, you did.” Seokmin mumbled. “They said they’re still doing tests and stuff, but that it’s most likely family history of something, since you’re so young. But your surgery’s done, so you’ll be okay, they said.”

“I had surgery?” Jisoo’s eyes felt like they were getting wider with every new piece of information that he learned. He certainly didn’t remember anything about a surgery. He didn’t even remember getting into the hospital, actually.

“Of course you did, idiot. That’s how you fix a heart attack.” Jihoon muttered, more teasing than anything else. “You were unconscious for like, a whole day. We were worried that you wouldn’t wake up.”

“I’m sorry, guys,” Jisoo said softly, to Jeonghan more than anything. He looked at his head, which was resting at the edge of the bed. He felt horrible for every little lie he told him, for worrying him as much as he did even before they realized what was actually going on. Jeonghan was just trying to help, and Jisoo pushed him away.

A handful of them told him it was okay right around the same time, and Junhui said something dramatic about Jisoo being a gentleman to the end, which he had to laugh at. Maybe he shouldn’t be apologizing for something so out of his control, but he wanted to apologize to everyone for scaring them, at least.

“My phone says you’re welcome, by the way.” Wonwoo commented after the rest of the quieted down. “I'd say you’re welcome too, since I did the work, but, you appreciate my phone more than me, I guess.”

Jisoo blinked at him. “What?” he asked, deeply confused over what the hell he was talking about, but the others were giggling.

“Jeonghan said that, before you passed out in the ambulance,” Chan started with a snort, “you said, ‘tell Wonwoo’s phone I said thanks’.”