Archive of Our Own ^beta

To say Gareth lived a normal life up until the day he joined a guild and past that day would be, simply put, a large lie.

Even before joining the Guild by the name of Guardia, he came from a rather cruel and definitely disfunctional family. Those who lie, seek blood, and let nothing stand in their way for the sake of glory are certainly not the nicest of folks, but for the longest time, they were family to him. And such as they were considered family, he strived to be like them, impress them, and gain their approval.

But, frankly speaking, it wasn't the easiest to easily mimic blood so cruel.

He tried neverless, tried to the point of overlooking who he truly was, in favour of viewing himself in a brash and cruel persona of the family he tried to mimic. In truth, he was much more of a calculating and cautious person, if not a bit rude. He never felt the need to overdo something, or to even give an attempt at something not worthwhile or that would only lead to disappointment.

But neverless, his delusions of himself overshadowed his person and there were certainly times in which he'd act out only because he felt he should, regardless of whether or not he truly wanted to.

As for joining a guild? Gareth did so on the prospect that it would only further his goals, something that, in the end, would prove true, but the goals he felt he once had and the goals that were truly furthered were two very different goals indeed.

When first joining, he did so thinking that this was how he'd gain the strength and approval of his family. Likewise, he certainly didn't leave the best impressions on everyone he'd one day come to know and love. He even made one person, who one day, would be rather important to him, fearful of his very being for quite some time. And so his guild life began, he boasted when he could, bullied for fun, but still did his job of being a helpful member of the guild.

It was simple, he thought, this life was an easy way to achieve his goals.

But then came the time when this life stopped being ever so "simple". A time where an itch started to build, a feeling that, sure, one day he'd thought would come along, but one he didn't want now, one that certainly didn't blow away in the wind no matter how many times it was ignored.

That feeling was love. Perhaps not full love in the begining, but some form of love nothing less.

Now, it wasn't like love was an absolute foreign feeling to him, sure, he's had the occasional crush, a slight lust, or any other minor feeling of infatuation, but for the most part, those could be ignored. They were only temporary feelings that, with enough time, often left or were forgotten. However, now here stood something that would not go away no matter the time.

And sure it should be an adventure to fall in love with someone, but frankly, he felt as if the stars mis-aligned on the wrong side of the planet, because his budding feelings of love were for no one else but a berry coloured celestrian, one who very much feared his existence.

To ponder about this predicament, Gareth thought about a lot of things; How to end this? Why did this happen? What should he do? among other existental questions. And it was through this point that made him start to realize something.

He did quite like this celestrian and there was no point in trying because he was such a terrible person, right? Well of course, he had to be, to be someone his family would approve of. But to think a bit more, was it really all that great? Certainly he shouldnt be bothered by causing the distress of others. But here he was, kind of being bothered. His goal was to very much be like that of his family and he was, was he not? He was brash and cruel like his predecessors, well he felt he was ...or no, was that he felt he should be?

To think on it a little harder ...what was he? What were his goals then?

And thus, Gareth had to take a rather long time of pondering to figure out some things; Who he was, who he thought he was and if that was someone he wanted to be.

His answers thought long and hard on?

Well, they were rather muddled and unclear. The more he thought, the more he felt that becoming more like his family didn't really have the pull he once felt it did. But who did it make him? He wasn't too sure on that. However, he did start to get a feel on what he wanted to be, for the most part. At the very least, he'd like to be someone that his budding love could call a friend. He still didnit have high hopes for full love at the time however.

But what is someone who's a friend? Kinder, he thought, perhaps less teasing and boasting. He knew that got on many folks nerves ...and he didnt really want to be those anymore.

So Gareth gave an attempt, not right to being a certain someone's friend, but to being a nicer person, at the very least.

Not just for the sake of something called love, but also because he realized being a jerk isn't as fun. He certainly wasn't sure what he was doing, but he was going to tread carefully and cautiously. Eventually however, after treading to being what he hoped was a nicer person, he gave another attempt, and this attempt was at being a certain berry coloured Celestrian's friend.

To say it was unexpected, this Celestrian thought, to find the object of your fears and torment suddenly apologizing for past behavious and wanting to start anew, was quite the understatement.

To Razz, it certainly was a "moment" in his life. His life was full of moments, some good and some bad, he wasn't sure what to make of this one however. He'd come from quite the different background than the one standing across from him, creating a moment that danced a fine line between good and bad. He lived in poverty for the longest time, worked and worked for days on end, not because he was forced to, but because he felt it was the only thing he could do to support the family that tried to give him everything he wanted, even when it couldn't.

Razz was a kind and caring person, often putting others need and wants before his own, but that didnt mean he was a pushover for those who were mean.

He joined this Guild called Guardia hoping to provide for his family, but doing so gave him a bit more than what he bargained for. It was a job filled with just a bit more danger than he thought, and placed him next to a rather odd set of folks. Some were rather nice and friendly, but others... others he wanted to keep some distance from.

He thought Gareth fit into the latter of folks he had to work beside, but it was certainly a change of pace to have him here where he is now.

Was there a reason for this? Did he have some form of ulterior goal? Razz wasn't too sure there.

He didn't remember anyone in the Guild getting annoyed enough with the man, but he had noticed a slight change. So was this of his own accord? If it was, then he should give him a chance, should he not? Even if Gareth still did make him uneasy, he seemed to be trying and it would do more harm than good to deny someone who was at least trying.

And thus, Gareth gained a friend, a wavering friend, perhaps more of an acquaintance or ally for the time being.

To say things then went smoothly and all of Gareth's work turned to reward, would to once again be a lie.

There was still a lot of work to be done, being a friend is no easy task and he certainly wasn't leaving the rest of his Guild out of his newfound budding kindness. He'd only reached a simple foothold in the mountain he'd chosen to climb. But from that foothold, he was able to get just the bit more support and focus to continue his perilous trek, just a bit smoother.

Razz to did learn some things of his own, from this odd friendship, as well.

He certainly started to notice the ...lack of care he had for his own self. Sure he had a younger brother who often tried to point things out to him, but his brother was one of the folks he was working oh so hard for and surely he understood how much he needed to do the things he did. But to have someone else, who's not related to you closely through blood or bond, point out the same things, certainly felt different.

From that point on, he did try to care for himself just a bit more.

As such, the ever constant work continued, not too quickly, but just a bit more smoothly and there came a time again when Gareth had to ponder back on some old questions.

Who was he? Well now, he felt that answer was a little more clearer. He was Gareth, the Soul Harvester, loyal memeber of the Guild called Guardia. Is this someone he wanted to be? Yes, it brought him great joy to stand by his now dear friends.

To think on what he once was, brought a certain feeling to him that he wasn't sure what was. A somber to blank feeling? A shadow that once towered over before being chased away by day's break? Regardless, it was quite the past now and those who he once thought of family felt more like faded stains.

To think he only came this far because he fell in love.

Speaking of love, did those feelings still remain? It wasn't something that was truly on the front of his mind for quite the bit of time.

But neverless, he still did feel something when standing by the side of his now good friend Razz. A little different now too, whereas before, he'd liken the feeling to being stabbed in the chest multiple times and the afterwards moment of being at loss for breath and sligtly dying. Now, that feeling was warmer, to say the least. The thing that causes a smile from doing the most mundane of tasks, or giddyness of being silly.

He liked this feeling a lot more now.

So Gareth decided it was time to give another attempt, not nessisarily knowing the end goal, but it was someting he felt he had to try at, at least. And through this attempt that he admitted his feelings, one quiet moment between the two of them. Even if he still wasn't certain on the chances of full love, he'd rather not keep those feelings buried.

To say it was rather unexpected, Razz thought, to have his once fear, now good friend admit he loves him, would be an understatement. It was a "moment" for sure, one that'd he'd honestly place a little more on the good side than bad.

But how to respond wasn't something he was really sure of. Did he love Gareth as well?

Well no, not in the same way at least. He certainly didn't hate the man and he would definitely consider him a good friend, but feelings of love weren't ones he thought of before. However, if there was one thing he'd picked up from his friend that stood next to him, admitting precious feelings, it would be that it doesn't hurt to try at something. He wasn't going to lie however, at the time, he didn't have mutual feelings for Gareth. But that didn't mean he wasn't willing to at least give an attempt to see if he could have the same feelings.

And so, they did become something that could be considered a relationship.

To say that it was smooth sailing from here, a quick jog to the top of the mountain, would be to once again be lying. Relationships aren't always the smoothest for sailing.

But as it would be, Razz would admit, through this new time spent together, doing small dates and simply talking, he did grow quite fond of his companion. It was slightly inspiring, to realize how much the man next to him had worked to get where he stood now. He wasn't even sure if Gareth truly realized the amount of work he'd done. And after some time, he could say that perhaps, he could return the same affection that Gareth bore for him.

And thus, one quiet moment bewtween the two, he returned words first said to him in a similar moment.

The top of the mountain finally in sight, smooth climbing from here on out! Well, no, that's a lie.

To have reached the same foothold as each other, was certainly a checkpoint, but it was still just a foothold and there was still much ahead. Worries and concerns still passed through the minds of both of them. Slight annoyances and fears as well.

They weren't perfect, its quite impossible to be something considered perfect and neither of them would think that they were. But they were willing to work towards something a little closer to complete together. Because while if complete wasn't perfect, it was a more reasonable end goal. They had come this far and neither wanted to turn back around, so all that was really left was to try, trying and working together. They certainly had that work cut out for them, many hardships that were simply the emotions between the two, stood as both walls and ladders.

Their relationship was certainly a work in progress, but little by little, they'd work towards a completed end project together.