Chapter Text
“You can’t be serious. I thought for sure…”
Makoto sat back, his whole body looking like he wanted to leave, and Haruka could do nothing.
“It’s...I’m just…” Haru stumbled like he never had around the other boy, and it was only this that Makoto couldn’t read in him. Or rather, Makoto had read him correctly, so incredibly correctly, but he couldn’t understand why Haru had to hurt him. “It’s really not you. I just can’t.”
And Makoto had to smile at Haru’s shortness with him. Haru looked up and wanted to throw himself as far away as he could, because Makoto just had to smile. “Right. No I’m sorry for assuming.”
Don’t apologize, Haru wanted to scream, but he clenched his fists and put his head back down.
The room was too warm, and the clock in the corner was ticking, filling the ringing silence with a noise too loud. Haru had been half asleep after finishing his assignment, while Makoto was still working on his, and then Makoto had called his name, and Haru heard the difference in the tone and he wanted to run.
He ended up in his nightmare. Makoto had confessed, slowly and carefully, but with enough confidence that said he’d been waiting and watching for a while, and Haru wanted with all his heart to accept, but he couldn’t do that.
He couldn’t be that selfish, so he hid.
“Do you want me to leave?”
No. “If you want to. You don’t...you never have to.” His head was down, in his arms, so Makoto couldn’t see he was struggling to keep everything in. Of his list of things Haru never wanted to have to deal with, this was at the top. He’d had nightmares about this day since he’d first realized who he was.
“Maybe it would be better if I did.” Haru lifted his head just in time to see that smile, sadder than it had ever been, but Makoto was already turning away and didn’t see how pained Haru looked, or his teary eyes. “We both need a little time, right, Haru?”
They could have talked it out. Haru could have opened up. As he could hear Makoto putting his shoes on, he considered it. Running out to him, grabbing his sleeve, pulling him down and explaining everything. It would be that easy, and Makoto would understand.
But it couldn’t be done. Haru was held to the floor by such gravity that he couldn’t even breathe out a good-bye to his friend as he left the house, and he knew things would be different.