Chapter Text
To be honest, I’m not sure how to start this off. I’m not even sure if what I’m doing is right. I just have this strange feeling in my gut to share my story. No… it’s our story. This is the story of BTS. I am your narrator, Kim Seokjin. May 27, 2019.
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Today marks the 3rd year anniversary. But before I talk about that, I must tell the story. This day 3 years ago, we were all at the studio. Well, all of us except for our leader, Namjoon. He wasn’t here since morning, saying that he wasn’t feeling too well. After practice, was over for the day, I decided that I would go back to the dorms to check on him. We were so busy today that I couldn’t even text him a simple, “How are you?”
But I really wish I did find some time too. As I neared the dorms, I could see red and blue flashing light. My heart skipped a beat as I started picking up the pace. I tried my best to reassure myself that he was fine, but when I got there, my hopes have all been crushed.
I ran to where he was lying on a stretcher, eyes closed, face pale, and a terrible wound that was planted directly on his heart. Suddenly, I was finding trouble breathing, my throat unable to swallow back the lump that has formed, palms sweating inexplicably, the wholeness of my body can’t move. A police man came up to me saying words I hoped I would never hear in my life.
“I’m so sorry for your loss Seokjin.” At this point tears were falling down nonstop. I couldn’t do anything but completely break down, going on my knees, forehead making contact with the ground, fists frantically hitting the hard concrete, not caring how many cuts and scrapes I will get, or now much blood I would lose.
This all must be a joke. It has to be a joke. I continue punching the ground until my fists give out. My body is unable to contain all the mixed emotions I have, rage, anger, guilt, sorrow. Normally, I would able to compose myself until I am all alone to let it all out. But that’s not the case this time.
I slowly get back up on my feet, eyes still blurry with my head spinning as I try to stay on my two feet, stumbling forward a few steps. I take a good long look at his face, trying to find evidence that he’s still alive. But I find nothing, just his relaxed face, as if he were sleeping. Though it is unnaturally pale, all blood drained. His lips have turned to a bluish-purple shade, not the rosy pink that I am used to seeing.
My eyes are unable to form tears anymore, so I just stare at his body having no more tears to cry. I want to take my phone to contact the others, but my hands are shaking uncontrollably, so I call back for the police officer. Trying to find words to say has never became a challenge to me in the past, but now I can’t even find myself to breathe without actually thinking.
“C-Can you please call the others for me, officer?” is all that I could manage at my current state.
He nods in response, not questioning anything. He walks away with a phone on his ear, as I turn back around to look at our leader again. A sudden wave a nausea washes over me, bile slowly creeping up my esophagus and up to my throat. Not having the strength to go in the dorms, I fall on to my knees, coughing up whatever comes out of my mouth onto the very ground I was standing on.
It wasn’t much tough, since I only drank water to survive the whole day. But that didn’t give an excuse for my body to give out. I fall to my side, panting and exhausted. Stars are dancing in front of my eyes, my head spinning like crazy. I try my level best to avoid blacking out. For the most part, I was successful. Of course I have to give credit to Hoseok who was shaking me violently to wake up.
I must have said something that was incoherent to him. Because he then tells me, “Seokjin Hyung, please don’t tell me you are drunk.”
I clear my throat to the point where I thought I would vomit again, then I spoke, my voice raspy “I-I’m fine Hobi.” Is all I can get out before tears fall down my eyes again. He and the others give me a sympathetic look as tears brim their own eyes.
Taehyung comes from behind and brings me into his tightest embrace. I didn’t pull back, feeling as if he lets go, my life will go along with it. He whispers into my ear, “Don’t worry Hyung, you don’t need to stay strong for us. You let out all your emotions, we will stay strong and be with you the whole way. I promise.” He ends with his voice slightly wavering.
I can’t blame him though, he and the others aren’t used to me crying so bluntly in front of them. And the fact that our leader is no more, doesn’t make matters any better. Yoongi and Jungkook walk over together to where Namjoon lies, motionless. The youngest crying almost immediately, Yoongi rubbing his back with a sad look, fighting his tears back.
Jimin stays by my side, crying silently. My twisted heart twists even more at the sight, Jimin is the softest out of all of us, and to see him cry makes guilt crawl all over my body, haunting my very existence.
I want to stand up and bring them all into a group hug. They aren’t showing it, but I can feel just how much pain they have inside. I want to comfort them, like I always have, being the eldest. But without even the strength to breathe, I lie there, not knowing what to do.