Chapter Text
Matsukawa was late. Again. He didn't mean to, really. He tried his hardest to not miss his lectures, but with everything he had to take care of before he could leave it was sometimes hard to not leave too late. Then there was also the problem of his general tiredness. More often than not, he fell asleep halfway through his lectures, missing all the necessary information that was shared and having to find someone he could copy the notes of.
Those weren't his only problems, though.
Ignoring the fact that basically all his professors had a weird love-hate relation with Matsukawa now, there was one thing that managed to worsen his mood in the early mornings. Or well, one person.
Hanamaki Takahiro.
Hanamaki Takahiro and Oikawa Tooru, his friend, were known across campus as two of the university’s heartthrobs; both very good-looking and athletic. What most of their admirers didn’t know about were their… questionable personalities.
They looked like flower boys, pretty and sweet, but they were snarky as hell and could be very scary when pissed off. Not that Matsukawa was scared of them, though. They might be the scary pretty boys, but he and Iwaizumi were known as more of the bad boy-types and (Matsukawa wasn’t vain but he also wasn’t blind) were also very much admired by the other students. Mainly girls, but a few guys as well.
The problem in all this, was that everyone was either too scared of Hanamaki’s attitude in the mornings or too intimidated by his pretty face, and no one sat next to him in the lectures.
Lectures he shared with Matsukawa, and lectures that Matsukawa always was late to.
Meaning the seat next to Hanamaki was often the only free seat.
Matsukawa didn’t like Hanamaki. He was not only deceivingly pretty (he was definitely not as sweet as he looked), he was also very easily pissed off and was not shy at all to take it out on Matsukawa, as he was often the closest by him. Hanamaki would send him condemning glares and never woke him up when the lecture was over or they needed to take notes. Matsukawa didn’t think Hanamaki had ever spoken a word to him, despite having sat next to him for months already.
Really, the only impression Matsukawa had of Hanamaki was conceited and arrogant, and still Hanamaki dared pretend he was sweet, constantly smiling at other girls and acting nice and friendly with them. Matsukawa despised that.
This lecture was the same as always; Hanamaki who didn’t even spare Matsukawa a glance as he ran in, four minutes late and took his seat next to him. Matsukawa who, exhausted from his earlier activities at home, fell asleep forty minutes in. Matsukawa waking up two hours later to the whole class packing their bags again and Hanamaki sending him disapproving glares, still not speaking a word.
After the lecture, Matsukawa went straight for the café, where he knew Iwaizumi was waiting for him. Dropping his bag (and himself) in the booth at the table Iwaizumi had saved for them, Matsukawa let out a deep sigh.
Iwaizumi didn’t even have to ask what was wrong, as it was almost always the same thing that got Matsukawa annoyed. “Prissy pink guy again?”
Matsukawa nodded and huffed out a laugh. “Do you think he even knows my name? I don’t think he’s ever said a word to me, in the whole semester.”
“I don’t know,” Iwaizumi said, “maybe. They know everyone, probably.”
“So, he’s just really enough of a bitch to completely ignore an innocent guy,” Matsukawa mused, stretching his arms and back. Sleeping in the chairs in the lecture hall was never comfortable, but it still happened every time.
“Who was it this time?” Iwaizumi asked.
“Reiji,” Matsukawa said, groaning softly. “You’d think he’d be more calm now that he’s growing up a bit, but no way. I don’t think he’ll ever lose that rowdy streak.”
“He’s still young,” Iwaizumi mentioned, playing with the straw he got with his Frappuccino. “He’s, what… ten, right?”
“Nine,” Matsukawa corrected, “but he’ll be ten in a few weeks. Won’t shut up about it.”
“Better brace yourself for when puberty hits, then,” Iwaizumi snickered, “but maybe he’ll calm down after that.”
Matsukawa could only sigh one more time. “I hope so. I love the kid, but if he doesn’t learn to shut up anytime soon I can’t promise I won’t start yelling at him and he doesn’t deserve that. He’s not a bad kid.”
Iwaizumi hummed. “Maybe you’re just a softie. You aren’t the only one who has responsibility over him, okay?! Let someone else take it over for you some time. You should be able to start your own life by now, without constantly having to take care of three kids.”
“As long as dad doesn’t step up I’ve got to take his place,” Matsukawa said shrugging. “It’s not a big deal, Iwaizumi. I can do it.”
It was a discussion they had often. Matsukawa’s dad, while he was in the picture, wasn’t that great of a parental figure. His mother did everything she could to keep the family alive financially, and Matsukawa had taken his father’s place to take care of his three younger siblings; Reiji of nine, Saburo of eight and Hikaru of six as the only girl in the family. Reiji was the opposite of what his name implied; he was excitable, loud and rowdy. Saburo was extremely shy in contrast to Reiji’s exuberant personality and Hikaru was, true to her name, too smart for her age.
Iwaizumi didn’t look convinced, but sighed softly and shrugged. “As long as you’re not lying about being able to handle it,” he said, and Matsukawa grinned.
“I know you love me, Hajime, and there’s no way to convince me otherwise,” he said.
Iwaizumi only grumbled something unintelligible in response. “I tolerate you,” he then mumbled.
“You’re a big softie and you know it,” Matsukawa sang. “Everyone’s favorite buff bad boy is a fluffy, sweet child at heart.”
Iwaizumi snickered and shook his head. “You’re just bullshitting now. Enough, Mattsun. I’m not a bad boy, nor am I a fluffy child. You know that if there’s anyone a softie here, it’s you.”
Matsukawa’s grin widened. “It’s okay if you’re not ready to admit it, Hajime. That’s fine. I completely understand that you want to appear tough for the pretty, delicate boys and girls here.”
Iwaizumi slapped the back of Matsukawa’s head and stood up. “That’s enough nonsense. Let’s go get our coffees and then go to the library. Then you can rest a bit and I can squeeze some studying in before the 1 pm class.”
“Nerd,” Matsukawa said, but he did stand up to follow Iwaizumi to the counter, ordering another Frappuccino for Iwaizumi and a black coffee for Matsukawa.
***
One day could change your whole life. Matsukawa was slowly getting extremely terrified that today was that day.
He was going to die, for sure. Either his siblings or Hanamaki and the group project that was announced two minutes ago would be the cause of his death.
He didn’t deserve this. He tried his best, really. He had never let one of his siblings fall down the stairs, and had never forgotten to make them breakfast. He often was late to class or missed one, and practically always fell asleep, but he wasn’t failing. He’d never said anything rude or mean to Hanamaki.
He really, really didn’t deserve this, but it was happening to him anyway.
He’d been extremely late again that morning, because that damned Reiji had knocked down a vase and loudly blamed little Saburo, who obviously had nothing to do with it at all and started crying.
Now, note that a crying Saburo was the most heart breaking sight there was. The sweet, small, shy boy who never argued, never was too loud and always did his chores and homework and then went to his room to draw cute family pictures and dogs, crying. Matsukawa already hated thinking about it.
Then, ten minutes into class the professor suddenly brought up a group project that she’d forgotten to mention the last week, but Matsukawa was so tired he was barely registering what she was saying. Then she started appointing duos, and Matsukawa felt his soul leave his body.
He sat next to Hanamaki. Everyone else either was intimidated by Hanamaki, or idolized him. Hanamaki didn’t seem like the person to be okay with working together with someone who was a fan of him. He was an ass, but a hardworking one. He wouldn’t want his partner to be distracted during the project.
Matsukawa refused to think about how he knew all that. He observed people. Hanamaki was easy enough to read, he thought.
Matsukawa was awake. Really.
At least, he thought he was. He felt numb, like he could start floating and fly through the open window at any given moment. He was thinking, and seeing everyone turn to their partners in the classroom, and felt Hanamaki’s eyes burn into the side of his head. His brain felt foggy.
Why this was a bad situation? Matsukawa wasn’t sure. Maybe because he’d never talked to Hanamaki before. Maybe because he was annoyingly infamous on campus. Maybe because he had no way out now and was forced to interact and communicate and create a good project together with Hanamaki, and he was pretty sure Hanamaki either hated him or had a very bad first impression of him.
“I hope you know I’m not looking forward to this,” a sneering voice came from his right.
Hanamaki. Nice first words, jerk.
“I didn’t expect anything else from your majesty,” Matsukawa said, unable to keep a sneer of his own back. “I hope you know I don’t want to do this either.”
“Go cry about it on your buff boy’s shoulder,” Hanamaki muttered, obviously ticked off by Matsukawa’s response.
Matsukawa snorted. “I’m not sure what you’re implying. Let’s just split up already, this is going to be hell otherwise.”
“Gladly,” Hanamaki answered, looking back to the front, subtly sending an almost intimidating looking glare at the professor’s back. “You’re an incompetent asshole anyway.”
Matsukawa pulled up one eyebrow. “Fuck you, pretty boy. An asshole, yes. I admit that I can be an asshole. I’m a great asshole. But, you of all people do not get to call me incompetent.”
“Enlighten me, sir Great Asshole. Why don’t I? You haven’t shown anything to prove me wrong yet, with your always bursting in late, and sleeping in class and then stupidly stealing other people’s notes. Maybe you think you’re so smart, but that’s not how university works, shithead.”
Matsukawa took a deep, deep breath and turned his back to Hanamaki, grabbing his bag and standing up. Class was almost over anyway. He was getting out of here before he said something to Hanamaki that he’d regret later.
Matsukawa often made the mistake of leaving people who angered him a bit too quickly, so that good insults only popped up in his head after he left the scene. Hanamaki pissed him off extra bad, though, so he waited around a bit and then left.
“Honestly,” he said, saying the first thing that came up in his mind, hoping it’d be good. “Makki-chan.” He gave himself a second to enjoy the sour expression that grew on Hanamaki’s face. Then he looked over his shoulder and sent him a glare, mixed with a cheerful grin.
“Honestly, I’d call you a cunt, but you lack warmth and depth. See you tomorrow.”
Then he quickly walked off, smiling and waving sweetly at the professor before closing the classroom door behind him.
Shit, that was really lame. Maybe Hanamaki was shocked enough to not really think about it. Matsukawa hoped so.
When he got home, Matsukawa was almost bowled over by Reiji, who was nowhere as tall as Issei was at his age. How he still managed to almost bowl Matsukawa over was a mystery.
“Nii-san, did you bring me popsicles?” the nine-year old exclaimed, and Matsukawa rolled his eyes.
“Great to be home, Reiji, did you have a nice day at school?”
Reiji had the conscience to at least look guilty, before he sent an overly sweet smile in Matsukawa’s direction, obviously hoping it’d pacify him. “Welcome home, nii-san!” he then said, voice not changing in volume. “Was your day good?”
“Not really,” Matsukawa laughed, “sometimes I have to sit next to a very yucky boy and he’s not nice to me, but I can manage. You’re supposed to be polite and nice to other people, even if they aren’t nice to you.”
“Bullshit!” Reiji exclaimed, and immediately realized his choice of words and backtracked. “Ah- I mean nonsense! If that boy is mean to nii-san, he shouldn’t have to be nice to him!”
Matsukawa smiled and took Reiji’s balled fists in his hands and shook them a bit. “Fighting and paying everyone back what they give to you isn’t always gonna help you out, Reiji. It’s important to know when you can or can’t, and I can’t right now.”
Reiji frowned. “I still think it’s bulls- nonsense. But sure, if you think so. C’mon, Saburo got some sheets back with grades and he did better than me, but I did better in P.E! Saburo doesn’t even have a P.E. grade, how weird is that?”
“Of course you did. Did you not study for your tests again?”
“I did! Nii-san, I really, truly, honestly did try to study, but I just can’t remember it. I didn’t fail, I just… didn’t do very well,” Reiji protested, a slightly worried look on his face.
Matsukawa hummed. “You should’ve lead with that instead of just saying Saburo did better than you. If you can really promise me you did the best you could, not failing is enough. Some people are just more athletic than intelligent and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
He then proceeded to toe off his shoes and followed Reiji to the living room, where Saburo sat at the dinner table. Matsukawa immediately saw what ‘grade cards’ Reiji was talking about; his teacher had written a compliment about his handwriting on the sheet he was looking over. Saburo was after all still learning to write and do a lot of other things; he’d only started school a year ago.
Oh, and he’d only made one mistake on his math sheet. That’s indeed better than Reiji did at his age, but…
Matsukawa laughed and gently pushed Reiji in the shoulder. “You can’t compare the grades, Reiji,” he said. “You had actual tests you didn’t fail for despite having trouble with studying. Saburo only gets exercise sheets, not real tests.”
“So I did do a good job?” the younger boy asked excitedly. When Matsukawa nodded and ruffled his hair, he beamed. “Cool!”
“Sabu, I’m home,” Matsukawa said, calling out to the youngest boy, who only now noticed his presence. He smiled and patted Matsukawa’s hand, not saying a word.
He’d been in school for over a year now recently having started his second, and it had happened multiple times that, when Matsukawa had the time to pick them up (instead of having the family down the street bring them home, they took the kids to school when Matsukawa couldn’t. They had house keys and his schedule and everything.), one of his teachers asked him if something with Saburo. If he was mute, or maybe autistic.
He wasn’t. Saburo was just always lost in his own head, and on top of that extremely shy. Matsukawa was already glad he did talk in the comfort of their own home.
“Do you know where Hikaru is, Sabu?” Matsukawa asked. Most likely was, that she was holed up in her own room or in the attic, looking at the sky. She did that a lot. Matsukawa still wasn’t too sure why.
What he did know was that Hikaru had an incredibly complicated brain, and that she was way too intelligent for her age. She’d taught herself to read when she wasn’t even in school, and now read books Matsukawa read when he was in high school, and while he wasn’t in a very high class, he was definitely not dumb. (He mostly just never studied.)
“Hikaru is in the attic, nii-san,” said Saburo in a quiet voice, pointing to the stairs.
Matsukawa hummed in understanding. “Could’ve seen that coming. Reiji, play calm. I’ll be back. Do you want to help cook dinner?”
“Yes!” Reiji cheered. “When’s mommy coming back?”
“Dinnertime,” Matsukawa replied, “so we’ll make it extra yummy, okay?” Reiji’s excited nodding brought a smile to his face. He went up the stairs to the attic, indeed finding Hikaru there.
Matsukawa’s family situation was… complicated. His mother worked long days at a restaurant, and sometimes got back late in the evening. When she did come back before -or at- dinnertime, she was too tired to cook or play with the younger kids.
Matsukawa was extremely grateful they didn’t make any trouble of it. They were happy when their mother was home, but when she wasn’t they accepted it and just expected her to kiss them goodbye the next morning, since she left for work a bit before the kids were taken to school.
Their dad was a topic they didn’t speak about. Technically, he was still in the picture, but Matsukawa hadn’t seen him in weeks. He brought in some money, he guessed, but Matsukawa knew it was only a small part of what he really earned. He stayed at hotels a lot, and gambled even more.
Matsukawa didn’t miss him. The man barely felt like a father anymore. He certainly wasn’t a father figure. As long as he gave their family some money from time to time, Matsukawa was content. He didn’t need the person in his life. He hadn’t been a good father figure since before Saburo’s birth, which was over eight years ago. Before that he’d been on and off as well. They were better off without him.
“Hikaru?” Matsukawa called out to the girl who was seemingly mesmerized with whatever she was looking at. The girl turned around and smiled sweetly at Matsukawa.
“Look, the white eyes are coming back. Did you know that their Latin name is Zosterops Japonicus? Those white eyes over there have been in Africa, how amazing is that? I don’t think I’ll ever want to go to Africa, but it’s still amazing to be able to go wherever you want to go…”
With that, she trailed off, leaning her elbows on the windowsill again. Matsukawa chuckled. “Guess that means summer is coming back, huh?”
“Spring first, silly,” Hikaru laughed as she bounded away from the window again. “Is mommy working late again?”
“Not as late as yesterday,” Matsukawa said. “She’ll probably be home in time to have dinner with us, so let’s prepare something, alright?”
“Okay!” Hikaru agreed readily.
The thing with Hikaru was that she was scarily intelligent, very quick and remembered nearly everything she read or heard, but was barely aware of it. She didn’t act like she was smart, didn’t look down on kids like Reiji, who had… well, more brawn (and energy, Christ) than brains.
“What do you want to eat?” Matsukawa asked, and she shrugged.
“Whatever mommy likes!”
An hour later, the food was done just in time for Matsukawa to hear the door open and close.
“I’m home!” the familiar voice of his mother called out, and Reiji immediately hopped off his stool.
“Welcome home mommy! Nii-san and Hikaru and me made really nice dinner and you have to eat with us!”
Matsukawa grinned as he heard a soft grunt and Reiji’s loud laughter ringing through the house. His mother stepped into the living room, (a too tall to be doing this) Reiji clinging onto her legs.
“Welcome home,” Matsukawa said, pulling Reiji’s arms away from his mother’s legs. She immediately dropped down on the stool next to Saburo, who had now started drawing.
“Hey hey, little Sabu. How are you doing?”
Saburo looked up, a distressed expression on his face immediately clearing away and into a cute smile when he saw his mother. He leaned into her and smiled even wider. “Hi, mommy. The teacher said I did a good job on the math.”
“Really?” his mother said, softly stroking over Saburo’s hair with one hand, resting her head in the other. “Can I see?”
Saburo nodded and hopped off the stool to grab the exercise sheets he’d put aside earlier.
Matsukawa Azumi was not old for a mother of four, especially considering her oldest was 19 and already in university. She wasn’t exactly young either, considering her youngest had was 6. There was a big age gap between Issei and his siblings. He didn’t know why, and his mother never had given a reason for it, so he just assumed there wasn’t a specific reason.
Matsukawa had already lived as a single child for ten years, when there were suddenly three new babies in only four years’ time. He didn’t exactly mind, but it did take some getting used to.
Matsukawa wasn’t a social butterfly, but he did like having someone to be around. He hadn’t had many friends in elementary school, so when Reiji was born he couldn’t wait until the baby boy was old enough to play with him. Matsukawa looked forward the most to teaching him to read and draw, since he liked doing both a lot when he was younger. Then he started playing volleyball in middle school, and he hoped Reiji would like it too.
By the time he was in middle school, his second brother had been born. Reiji wasn’t one to sit still with him, at two years old, so he hoped little Saburo would be a bit more calm.
His father was already gone most of the time, by then. When Azumi was still taking care of the newborn boy, he was around sometimes, and during the pregnancy he took Matsukawa to school and back home, but that was it. After Azumi had recovered from giving birth, she went back to work, Saburo and Reiji were taken care of by a babysitter (and Matsukawa and Azumi, when they had time) and his dad disappeared.
He came back every week, which turned into every few weeks. One day, he came back home after a particularly long time, and the then one-year old Saburo immediately started crying upon his entrance.
He didn’t even recognize his own father.
Reiji had seemed to recognize him, but barely. He was barely three years old, and not that good at remembering things.
That was when Matsukawa, then thirteen years old, decided he’d take over his father’s role. He found it unacceptable that his own siblings didn’t know their own father, and was from that moment on determined to be the father figure his two brothers had missed until then.
It wasn’t like his dad had been a good parent when Matsukawa himself was younger, but at least he’d been around and sometimes helped him with his writing.
Then Hikaru came, and their lives continued like usual. Dad gone again, mom working to support them and Matsukawa raising the kids. That was how it was.
Until Matsukawa went to high school, and his studying load became about double as big as it had been in middle school, and things went rough. Matsukawa ended up being in the first class, because he simply had no time for studying. He managed to pass his classes without it, and now here he was.
In university, studying Pedagogy to become a child psychologist, and things were looking up.
Except for the pain in the Sociology class he shared with that shitpouch Hanamaki. The project.
“You okay?” his mother’s soothing voice sounded, shaking him from his thoughts. He saw everyone had sat down already and quickly took a seat as well, mumbling a quick ‘itadakimasu’ before digging in.
“Yeah,” he hummed when everyone else was eating as well. “I just have a partner project for the Sociology class I’m in and I’m paired up with a huge asshole.”
“Hmm, that sucks,” Azumi said, being her sympathetic, simple self. She was never very strict on language, as long as no one of the family used it against each other to purposely hurt someone. Of course, bad curses were banned, but she didn’t care about innocent swear words.
Matsukawa knew it was because she was bad at keeping them in herself, at times.
“Is he at least cute?” she then asked, sending a sideways smile to him.
Right, and that. Matsukawa came out to his mom as gay in his second year without even realizing it. They were watching a tv program about some high school drama, and the main character’s actor was cute. Matsukawa commented on it to his mom, and only two hours after, when he was in bed, she came storming in and asked him if he was gay. Matsukawa said yes, his mom told him good night and left the room again.
Matsukawa was extremely lucky with her reaction, he realized as he heard of the boy in school that almost got kicked out when his parents found out. Matsukawa didn’t know the boy’s name, but he did know that after the news became known to the whole school, the boy was bullied for the rest of second year, and part of third year.
He never told anyone but Iwaizumi, who was probably bisexual himself. At least, that was what Iwaizumi himself said.
But… was Hanamaki cute?
Matsukawa hummed to himself, stuffing his mouth with more food, chewing slowly as he thought about what would be the best answer without his mother jumping on his ass later.
“That’s a bit complicated,” he ended up saying. The questioning (teasing) look from his mother was enough prompting, and he quickly continued with an explanation.
“He and his friend are kind of known as the pretty boys of campus, so I guess he’s cute. His personality ruins everything within a millisecond, though. It’s absolutely rotten.”
Azumi chuckled. “Pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside. Happens far too often. Too bad, you could use a boyfriend!”
Matsukawa snorted, pausing his chewing. “More than enough time for that after uni, mom. I’m in no hurry.”
“Oh, I know, I know,” Azumi tutted, “but it would be nice, you have to admit that. I’m sure you’d be a great boyfriend.”
Reiji laughed loudly. “Taro said when you get a girlfriend, you turn mushy and want kisses and stuff. He said his older brother and his girlfriend kiss a lot and that it looks gross!”
Matsukawa winced lightly. “How old is Taro’s brother?”
“Fifteen!” Reiji answered. “He said it seems gross, and that he doesn’t want a girlfriend. I don’t want one either. Girls are annoying.”
When he saw Hikaru’s stare, he hastily added “Not you! But the girls in my class are. They’re too giggly and loud.”
Matsukawa didn’t want to point out Reiji’s own standard volume, and instead reached out to him, getting his attention back on Matsukawa again.
“Um… don’t tell him I want a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, ‘kay? I know how you are, and it’s not a bad thing but lots of people don’t like it.”
Reiji looked confused for a second, but shrugged. “Sure. I can say you don’t want a girlfriend, right? Then Taro can tease his brother with it. He gets red like a lobster when he’s embarrassed and then his girlfriend laughs at him. That’s funny.”
“As long as you don’t mention the boyfriend part,” Matsukawa said. “Lots of kids don’t understand it, and when I was a bit older than you a kid got bullied for wanting a boyfriend.”
Of course, that had been in high school, and it had been about the kid himself, but children were cruel and rumors carried. Matsukawa didn’t want to take the risk. If people found out Reiji had a gay brother, he could get teased or bullied about it. Matsukawa had seen that happen too, to a girl in a year below him. In high school, people still talked about it.
Reiji was an odd kid, but Matsukawa didn’t want to be the reason for him to also be seen as an odd kid by his classmates. Matsukawa wasn’t ashamed of being gay, but in their current society, with social standards and unspoken guidelines of how a person should be, it was best to not speak about it.
A week later, Matsukawa was back in the Sociology classroom, for once not next to Hanamaki, when the professor ruined even that one, tiny happy moment for him when she instructed everyone to sit with their project partner. Begrudgingly, Matsukawa grabbed his bag and let himself fall in the seat next to Hanamaki’s.
He didn’t say a word and faced the front, where the professor started explaining the gist and basic guidelines of the project.
They had to choose a subject themselves, and work it out in an essay of seven thousand to ten thousand words. That was not as big as a thesis, but definitely bigger than your everyday essay. They had to write those sometimes, but Matsukawa hoped they wouldn’t get any essays until the project was due.
Damn it. They had three months for it, and it was going to take up a lot of free time. That meant he’d have to work together with Hanamaki after school time. That meant he’d have to take Hanamaki to his home. He couldn’t just leave the kids home alone and unattended, and he wasn’t very keen on letting someone else do it.
This couldn’t get much worse, Matsukawa thought.
Well, he was paired up with Hanamaki. Which meant it definitely could. Hanamaki, namely, was unresponsive.
Matsukawa turned to him, grunting a greeting, hoping to catch him in a good mood.
Hanamaki also turned to him, one eyebrow high on his forehead.
Damn it, his face alone was already pissing Matsukawa off. This was not going to go well.
“Looks like we’re stuck together, ass,” Hanamaki said in a condescending tone. Matsukawa could already feel himself get annoyed. Usually, he was pretty tolerant to bullshit and good at staying calm, but Hanamaki really irked him in ways he couldn’t even begin to describe. Just… his presence alone was already annoying.
“Sadly enough,” Matsukawa bit back, and Hanamaki snorted.
“Not late this time. What a miracle.”
“Face front, dickwad. I’m not completely incompetent.”
“Using big words isn’t gonna help you seem smarter, fuckwit. There’s no reason to try to convince me you’re smarter than I think you are.”
“Oh, I think there’s plenty reason,” Matsukawa said, turning in his seat to face the front of the classroom, where the professor was sitting behind her desk, quietly observing the students (well, the students who did get along and were peacefully working on their project). “Just the fact that you’re so sure you’re smarter than I am is already concerning.”
Hanamaki huffed and took his phone out of his pocket. “Yeah, right,” he said, and then started tapping away on his phone. Matsukawa fiddled a bit with the zipper of his jacket until Hanamaki sighed and broke their silence again.
“Look, as much as we both hate this, we have a project to finish and I’m not letting you get me a bad grade. I don’t care how much you do, as long as you don’t fuck it up.”
“That’s a shit mindset to have,” Matsukawa said, in a clearly fake cheery tone. “Can’t we make this a nice, fun project? Work together, become besties!”
“Oh my fucking- Fuck off, you contemptible human being. I’d rather eat my own house than spend more time than necessary with you. Let’s finish this fucking project as soon as we can and agree to never speak again.”
Matsukawa sighed and shrugged. “If we’re going to do this, at least pretend you don’t hate my guts. That’s not gonna make this any better for you or me.”
“Impossible,” Hanamaki scoffed. “But I’m glad you noticed. Well then, now that we’re on the same page, let’s decide a topic.”
“What page are you talking about, I never agreed to whatever bullshit you’re spouting,” Matsukawa mumbled angrily, turning to Hanamaki again. He felt a few eyes on his back, but chose to ignore them. This was something a few people would probably use to seem interesting. They had gossip. Matsukawa didn’t feel like dealing with it.
Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro, two of the most popular guys from campus who were never before seen together, now were. And they were fighting.
“So,” Hanamaki continued, completely ignoring Matsukawa’s comment, “we at least know it has to be on Psychology. What are you studying?”
Matsukawa pulled up one eyebrow, and Hanamaki huffed an annoyed (slightly aggressive sounding) sigh. “I’m not at all interested in you or whatever you’re doing when you’re not fucking sleeping, but maybe we have some overlapping subjects. That would make this easier. The sooner we’re done, the better.”
Hanamaki took a notepad and a red ballpoint out of his bag and opened the notepad, writing “Project” on the top line of the page.
“I’m in Pedagogics,” Matsukawa said, leaning his chin in his arm that was leaning on the table now beside him.
Hanamaki hummed. “Hm. Sociology and Creative Writing for me. We could do something with language and psychology, maybe. Maybe also something on development for your part.”
“Fine by me,” Matsukawa said. He did want to do well on this project, but he didn’t want to seem too enthusiastic to Hanamaki. He was an asshole and Matsukawa was convinced he’d use anything against him.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a bit more enthusiastic,” Hanamaki snarked. “Looks like I’m going to be doing this project by myself. You’re obviously of no help.”
“Jesus, calm down a bit,” Matsukawa said scornfully. “No need to get your panties in a twist, and don’t think for a second I’m letting you fuck this project up on your own. If I’m going down, it’s by my own hand and especially not by yours.”
Hanamaki’s frown deepened and he glared icily at Matsukawa, but it didn’t faze him the slightest. He’d seen worse. Hanamaki was good at glaring, but he obviously hadn’t met Iwaizumi Hajime when angry yet. Now that was a proper mean glare.
“Seriously, who do you think you are?” Hanamaki hissed, leaning closer to Matsukawa and still glaring at him. “You’re not better than me. Of all people here, you’re probably the least qualified person for this, so don’t fucking bother me, Matsukawa.”
“Getting rude here, aren’t we?” Matsukawa said skeptically, leaning back a bit but not taking his eyes off Hanamaki’s. “Who are you to make such grave assumptions about me? You don’t even know me. I’m already impressed you know my name, seeing we sat next to each other and you didn’t speak to me for over half a year.”
“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Hanamaki hissed back, “you haven’t shown one single thing that could change my mind in that past half year, so why should I act any differently to you now? It’s not like you spoke to me either.”
“Glad I didn’t, now I know you’re like this,” Matsukawa scoffed. “And to answer your question; I’m Matsukawa Issei, how awfully nice to meet you. It’s a great pleasure, kind sir.”
Hanamaki hissed some words Matsukawa didn’t (want to) understand between his teeth. They didn’t sound very friendly. Or happy, in any way. Matsukawa couldn’t blame him. He’d been hopeful that morning, praying that maybe once they got to work Hanamaki wouldn’t be so bad, but he’d been proven wrong.
Hanamaki was a person worth hating. That’s how bad he was.
“Oh my God, seriously?” Hanamaki then groaned, throwing his head back and stretching in his seat. “You’re going to be like this? What are you, five? Like I said, I want to do well on this damn project and if you get in my way I will not be happy.”
“Very scary, and no. I’m nineteen, and I’m assuming you are around my age since we’re in the same class, meaning I don’t have to be respectful to you. I don’t know what you were expecting, but with the way you’re talking down to me you’re definitely not earning anything.”
“Don’t need it,” Hanamaki huffed, sitting back again. “I’ll do this stupid project by myself. Fucknut.”
“Creative,” Matsukawa commented offhandedly. “And good luck with my project.”
“Just shut the fuck up already and go sleep or something.”
“Noted,” Matsukawa said before tuning Hanamaki out. He was trying his hardest not to let it show too much, but he was furious on the inside. Hanamaki was truly the biggest dick he’d ever met.
He hadn’t talked to Matsukawa even once before this, hadn’t even bothered to find out why he was always too late and sleeping or absent to those classes they shared. He hadn’t even bothered to get to know Matsukawa’s side of the situation (that had absolutely nothing to do with Hanamaki or whether Matsukawa was capable of working on that project or not) and had judged Matsukawa harshly and without changing his mind.
He was looking down on Matsukawa, and not even trying to look for redeeming qualities. Matsukawa had plenty, but by now he was so fed up he didn’t even want Hanamaki to like him or at least tolerate him anymore. He was absolutely done with Hanamaki and his shitty face and his shitty mind and his shitty opinions and-
Yeah, he really hated Hanamaki Takahiro.
***
“He sounds like a dick,” Iwaizumi said that afternoon over a cup of hot chocolate. Matsukawa nodded aggressively in confirmation.
“The worst. He didn’t even try to be nice, just cut me off right from the beginning and started bitching at me. I really don’t get how other people still believe he’s a nice, good guy.”
“Hmm,” Iwaizumi replied, quickly swallowing the sip he took (and almost choking on it) before he spoke again. “It’s his face,” he then said, motioning over his own features with his unoccupied hand. “He’s pretty, and people like pretty people.”
“We’re not pretty and people like us,” Matsukawa said, taking a big bite of his cookie.
“There’s a difference between pretty and good-looking, and you know that, Mattsun. Pretty, handsome, beautiful, cute, it all means good-looking and I guess people think we’re good-looking.”
Matsukawa hummed to himself.
Iwaizumi sighed. “Let me rephrase. Hanamaki is good-looking, and people like good-looking people. That is why people also like us. According to those people.”
“Nah,” Matsukawa said, scrunching his nose. “I don’t mean to say you’re ugly but it’s probably because he’s kind of pretty and we’re not huge bitches like he is.”
Iwaizumi chuckled. “Maybe it’ll get better once he sees you are more than capable.”
Matsukawa scoffed. “Don’t think so. He’s very set on believing I’m an incompetent, immature and idiotic bitch.”
“Then he’s an idiot. Don’t think too much about it.”
“Yeah,” Matsukawa replied, looking out of the window. “Thanks. You’re right. It’ll be fine.”
***
To say that was an overoptimistic statement would be an understatement.
Hanamaki was, the next class, still being a bitch and wouldn’t answer Matsukawa when he tried to offer ideas and hypotheses. Matsukawa felt himself getting fed up again, but an idea also started to form in his head.
Hanamaki couldn’t curse at him or be rude to him when his entire family was present. Hanamaki was a bitch, but Matsukawa chose to at least trust in his morals and capability of being polite.
The second class was over, Matsukawa grabbed Hanamaki by the arm and pulled him along with him. Because of his shock, Matsukawa didn’t have too much trouble in taking Hanamaki with him until they were standing outside the building. When they were a few meters away from it, Matsukawa could feel Hanamaki start to struggle.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Matsukawa Issei?” he heard Hanamaki exclaim behind him. He sounded utterly and thoroughly pissed. Matsukawa held back a wince. No, he wasn’t scared of Hanamaki’s reaction when he told him where they were going. Hanamaki wasn’t scary.
Just a little bit…
He was still his project partner, and Matsukawa had to be partly dependent on him to get a good grade. He didn’t want to, of course, but he had no choice. If Hanamaki really decided to fuck Matsukawa over and do it on his own, he was even fully dependent on Hanamaki.
There was no way he’d let that happen.
“We’re going to my place, and we’re going to work on that damn project, and we’re going to fucking do it together, whether you like it or not,” Matsukawa loudly said back to him, not turning around. He hoped Hanamaki wouldn’t get too mad.
The other stopped dead in his tracks, and while Matsukawa was stronger he had to keep it at least a little bit friendly today. It wouldn’t be very good if he pulled Hanamaki to the ground now that he finally had the chance to do something.
“What the fuck?” Hanamaki repeated. “What the fuck? Are you insane? What are you trying to achieve here, you- you… you mental head case! You’re nuts! Just… Just fuck off and let me do my own thing, I want to have nothing to do with you!”
Hanamaki started pulling at his arm, but Matsukawa was stronger and held on. Then he carefully started walking again.
“This isn’t funny, you psychopath! Let me go, are you going insane?”
Matsukawa didn’t let go. He was getting stares from people from all sides of the road, but he ignored them.
Matsukawa Issei was figuratively done with Hanamaki, but not literally. He still needed something from him, and that something was important enough to ignore the weird looks he was getting. He lived very close to the school and the people here knew him. If it had been the other way around, people would’ve called the police on his ass, but these people wouldn’t. He knew that.
An elderly woman walked past and greeted Matsukawa cheerfully, and he recognized her as the sweet widow who lived a few houses down the street from him. He smiled at her, and Hanamaki’s eyes grew wider than saucers.
“Ma’am, please stop him. I think he’s going insane,” he said to the woman, and Matsukawa struggled to keep his laughter in. The woman, as Matsukawa suspected, chuckled and turned to Matsukawa.
“Doesn’t want to play along, that one, I take it?” she asked, amusement seeping through her voice.
“Sadly, no. They have to learn to listen though,” Matsukawa said, smiling innocently at Hanamaki and her.
Hanamaki let out a loud string of curses and started hitting Matsukawa’s shoulder, but he ignored it. The woman smiled so wide the corners of her eyes crinkled up, and she patted both his and Hanamaki’s heads. (Matsukawa leaned down a little for her to do so, so she could reach. If she noticed, she didn’t comment on it.)
“Be a good boy, now, will you?” she then said, turning to Hanamaki. “Little Issei is a good boy, don’t be mean to him.”
Then she turned back to Matsukawa. “I saw the babies go inside the house of those nice people down the street, so you won’t have to worry about them eavesdropping on you two.”
“Thank you, but I’ll go to get them. We’ll just be working on a project.”
“Of course, then I’ll leave you to it. Nice to see you again, sweetie!”
Matsukawa waved the woman goodbye and turned around to Hanamaki, suddenly feeling himself get annoyed.
“You better keep those insults of yours in your fucking mind when we get to my home, I want anything but to let you badly influence the kids. And stop hitting me, it’s not hurting me and you’re just wasting your energy.”
Hanamaki glared at him once more, very, very ferociously, and roughly pulled his wrist out of Matsukawa’s hold. “Fine,” he hissed lowly, and crossed his arms. Matsukawa mentally shrugged and started walking again. It was all up to Hanamaki now. Luckily, he heard the other fall into step slightly behind Matsukawa.
He couldn’t keep a small grin back. Hanamaki was angry. He was pouting. Even better, stomping. He was almost like Reiji when he was mad.
By some miracle, Matsukawa was followed to the house where the kids were staying by Hanamaki, and to his credit, he didn’t even run when Reiji and Hikaru almost ran him over to get to Matsukawa. Saburo halted next to him and looked up at him with big eyes. Then he turned those eyes to Matsukawa, who smiled at him and turned Hikaru and Reiji to also face Hanamaki.
“Guys, that’s Hanamaki, he’ll come with us for a little bit. Be nice, okay? We have a project we need to work hard on.”
“Will he stay for dinner too?” Reiji asked excitedly, already making his way to Hanamaki. The latter looked like he wanted to step back, but he stayed where he was.
“Hi, I’m Matsukawa Reiji!” Reiji said, thrusting his hand in Hanamaki’s direction. Hanamaki hesitatingly took and shook it, Reiji not waiting a second to grab it tighter, wave goodbye to the couple who had brought them home and started pulling Hanamaki in the direction of their own house.
“Thank you,” Matsukawa quickly said to the couple, who waved him off and closed the door. Then he took Saburo and Hikaru both by one hand and followed Reiji.
“That a Matsukawa thing?” Hanamaki asked when he stopped next to him, sounding grumpy but at least a bit calmer now.
Matsukawa snorted. “No, Reiji just has absolutely no patience. Sorry.”
Hanamaki was bad at masking his shock at Matsukawa’s apology, but Matsukawa decided to not comment on it to save Hanamaki’s dignity. He had to be nice today, or at least try, he chanted to himself. Nice, nice, nice.
This was going to be wild.
***
Hanamaki, surprisingly enough, was keeping his word and didn’t curse once when the kids were around. He did insult Matsukawa once when they were in another room, but Matsukawa let that one slide. He figured it was already hard enough on him to not be a rude bitch when there were young children present.
Besides, he was having a hard time keeping shitty comments inside as well.
Then, about three hours after they sat down and started (individually) writing down possible topics for their project, Reiji came storming into the room.
“Momma’s home!”
Matsukawa frowned. Already? She usually wouldn’t be home in at least another hour, often even several. Was something wrong?
Hanamaki also looked up, successfully distracted by Reiji’s loud voice. Hikaru, who hadn’t moved from her spot at the table on the other side of the room, now walked past them to the door.
“She’s early,” she commented in passing, and Matsukawa could do nothing but nod. This was highly unusual, and Matsukawa felt himself getting worried.
He was probably jumping to conclusions, since she hadn’t said anything about why she was home so early yet, but Matsukawa couldn’t help it. Sure, he was glad she was home for a bit longer than usual. This way she could maybe cook together with the kids, something the kids loved but rarely ever happened. She could play with them, and rest a bit more than usual.
On the other hand… Dad did give them some money, but without his mother’s steady source of income, they wouldn’t be able to last very long. Matsukawa ignored the questioning looks Hanamaki was shooting between Saburo, who hadn’t moved yet, and Matsukawa.
Matsukawa stood up and followed Hikaru to the front door, where Azumi was taking off her shoes.
“Mom?” he said in a questioning voice, and Azumi looked up. There was a smile on her face, but Matsukawa didn’t dare get his hopes up yet.
“I got sent home earlier,” she said, answering Matsukawa’s unasked question. “They said I looked tired, and that it was okay. No worries, Issei.”
Matsukawa let out a small sigh and turned around to walk back to the living room where he assumed Hanamaki was waiting for him to return.
“Oh, right. The project partner is over,” he said over his shoulder. “Don’t embarrass me.”
“I don’t like him, momma,” he heard Hikaru say before he walked back into the living room.
Smart girl.
In the living room, Hanamaki was packing his books, putting them back inside his bag and standing up. “I’m out of here, we’ll decide on a topic in class,” he said when he saw Matsukawa enter the room.
“Oh no, you can’t just go,” Matsukawa heard behind him.
He should’ve known.
His mother stepped out behind him with a cheerful smile on her face, Hikaru next to her clutching tightly onto her hand.
“I don’t think we’ve ever met,” she said, still wearing that warm, welcoming smile of hers, holding out a hand to Hanamaki. He accepted the handshake and shook his head.
“No, I don’t think so. I’m Hanamaki Takahiro, we’re on a project together for Phsychology.”
His friendly tone annoyed Matsukawa to no end. How dare he act like a polite, friendly person as soon as his mother stepped a foot inside the house?
“I’m Issei’s mother, Matsukawa Azumi. Call me whatever you like. How’s the project going for you guys?”
“Terribly,” Matsukawa interjected before Hanamaki could say something fake-sweet again. Hanamaki glared at him, and Matsukawa sent a smile back.
“He’s being difficult,” Hanamaki said, shooting another pointed glare at Matsukawa.
“No I’m not, you are,” Matsukawa returned without missing a beat. Azumi laughed.
“I see how it is, you guys will be fine. I’m sure of it.”
Matsukawa ignored the scoffing sound Hanamaki made and grabbed him by the shoulders, turning his body in the direction of the front door.
“Yes, of course. Mom, sorry, Hanamaki was just leaving,” Matsukawa said through gritted teeth. “Weren’t you, Makki-chan?”
“You’re not Oikawa, shut the fuck up,” Hanamaki hissed, but he didn’t struggle to walk along this time. Matsukawa assumed he wanted to leave as much as Matsukawa wanted him to go.
“Bye, Makki-chan,” he said a bit too loudly to sound natural, and with one last shove Hanamaki was outside and the door closed.
With a deep sigh, Matsukawa leaned his back against the door, not looking his mother in the eye.
“I don’t like him,” Hikaru said again. Smart girl, Matsukawa thought. Also again.
“Nii-san doesn’t like him,” she continued, “so I don’t like him either.”
Matsukawa smiled despite the frustration that was still coursing through his body and mind.
“Oh, don’t be a baby,” Azumi said laughing. “I’m sure he’s not that bad. Maybe you two even end up as friends, one day.”
Matsukawa groaned. “Mom, please. Don’t even get me started. That’s… that’s a literal nightmare, I don’t even want to think about the possibility of that happening.”
“That won’t happen,” Hikaru said decidedly. “I don’t like him and nii-san doesn’t like him either. It’s not gonna happen.”
Matsukawa smiled. Smart girl.