Chapter Text
jiminie
hey we still good for filming this friday?
hoseok
ofc we are
jiminie
aight cool just double checking
hoseok
why would i miss the opportunity to film with THE
jiminie
.
hoseok
CRITICALLY acclaimed world famous SHOWSTOPPING original
jiminie
you're so embarrassing
hoseok
mister PARK JIMIN
jiminie
shut the fuck up
im just double checking cause one time i got stood up
he went to go get a bagel instead lmaoooooooo
hoseok
which vlogger? wtf
................................... was it jin
jiminie
it was j-
..yes
jimin @parkjm_
new vlog with @jhope next week !!!! we may or may not be doing some prank calls
16K retweets 22K likesmin yoongi @dtsuga
@parkjm didn't you do some dumb shit like this last time. give us some real content. burn down a house
14K retweets 18K likes
hoseok @jhope
@parkjm_ !!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3
9.8K retweets 11K likes
joon @knj94
you all think yoongi's woke when he really just asked me if you can put toast in the microwave
9.1K retweets 12K likes
min yoongi @dtsuga
i did not ask that
15K retweets 20K likes
joon @knj94
@dtsuga @ me next time you fucking pussy
17.2K retweets 21.2K likes
jinbob9000 @chefjin
eating a fine ass bagel
22K retweets 30.2K likes
m @jinsbaby
@chefjin THANK YOU KING
hearts out for jin @LOVEJlN
@chefjin PLEASE I LOVE YOU SO MUHCCJKS
Show more
jungkook
hey are you awake
taetae
jungkook what the fuck it's like 4 am
i am now
what's up
jungkook
do you have any milk on your person
taetae
why did you say it like that
jungkook
like what
taetae
"on your person"
you're not a cop
jungkook
i've been watching a lot of crime shows lately
omg i was watching one today where this guy
he put his grandma in the freezer and he was on the run for like 8 years but then they found him because
this construction guy was diggin in the dirt and found this elderly woman's toe
and guess whose toe it was
taetae
ok i'm going back to sleep now
jungkook
you're not even going to ask why he put her in the freezer
taetae
why did he put her in the freezer jungkook
jungkook
he got this girl pregnant and
taetae
WAIT WHAT THE FUCK
jungkook
and it turns out the grandma gave her the money to support herself but he wanted her to abort the kid
taetae
oh. oh my god
jungkook
what
taetae
i thought you were gonna say something completely different
jungkook
omg
i thought he was after her money too at first
taetae
no thats not what i
nevermind
tae @kth_
jungkook scares the shit out of me sometimes
412 retweets 1.2K likes
jungkook @jeonjk
@kth_ what did i do :(
0 retweets 1 like
jungkook @jeonjk
@kth_ and how do you get so many likes i want likes. if youre reading this like my tweet
0 retweets 0 likes
eunhahaha @eunhas
@jeonjk you actually need friends first
1.9K retweets 4K likes
jungkook
you never answered my question do you have any milk
taetae
keep your weird ass kinks away from me please
jungkook
I DON'T HAVE A MILK KINK
taetae
okay so you're telling me that you have NEVER thought of milk in a sexual way
jungkook
omg actually one time
taetae
why the fuck did i ask
why the FUCK did i ask
jungkook
you know that inseong kid
sometimes i think about him pouring milk over my naked body
taetae
.....whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy
and of course i know him
inseong from my painting class
the one you always stare at when you come to pick me up so we can go get subway
jungkook
i do not "stare" at him
taetae
yesterday you "did not stare" at him so hard that you fell down two flights of stairs when he walked out of my class
jungkook
did you see his ass in those ripped jeans
did he see me......
taetae
i think the whole fucking campus saw you jungkook
jungkook
people don't have anything better to do than watch someone fall?
that's so pathetic lmfao
taetae
you let out the loudest fucking noise when you fell
and then halfway down you screamed "someone catch me" even though nobody was around
jungkook
you were right there
taetae
i was standing at the top of the stairs with one foot barely on the step
it wasn't my fault you were checking out my classmate's ass and trying to act cool
jungkook
i was not "trying to act cool"
taetae
oh sorry
while you were "trying not to act cool" you swung your leg around the banister and then lost your balance
jungkook
i can't believe nobody even said anything to me
no words of encouragement
nothing
taetae
rowoon went "annie don't fall"
jungkook
i fucking hate that kid
did you laugh
taetae
i............
jungkook
tell me the truth tae
i deserve to know
taetae
i may have let out a chuckle or two
jungkook
.
taetae
IN MY DEFENSE
ROWOON IS HOT AS FUCK AND AT THAT POINT WE ALL KNEW YOU WERE FINE
jungkook
funny
i didn't know someone's attractiveness justified your best friend getting hurt
taetae
you fall down the stairs every other day
jungkook
not my fault nobody reminds me that they're there
taetae
you're always staring at inseong
jungkook
tell him to wear different jeans
does he ever wash his clothes
taetae
he owns a washing machine
jungkook
i'm changing the subject you're making me uncomfortable
taetae
the dryer incident happened nine years ago jungkook
my brother has apologized
jungkook
doesn't change the fact i was still stuck in there
cycling
taetae
for like 10 seconds before i saw you and got you out
jungkook
i got stuck
taetae
THAT wasn't anybody's fault but yours, you were such a chubby little kid
jungkook
shove the chubby kid in the dryer and watch him cycle, what a funny fucking joke
taetae
I WASNT THE ONE WHO DID IT
IT HAPPENED NINE YEARS AGO
jungkook
as my mom always says
memories are like a tattoo on the brain
taetae
i've literally never heard your mom say that
jungkook
funny how you keep avoiding my question
do you have any milk.
taetae
didn't you just avoid something i said about your mom
jungkook
i'm trying to make mac n cheese but i don't have any milk
taetae
sigh
what are you gonna do, drive 20 minutes out to my house so you can borrow my milk
jungkook
yes that did cross my mind
taetae
my door is locked and im in bed im not getting up
jungkook
i can climb through the kitchen window like i did last time
taetae
yeontan isn't in his crate
jungkook
that dog hates me
taetae
i would too if everytime you saw me you commented on how big my head is
hes just protective of me. your ankles probably taste like chicken
and what do you mean "last time" i dont remember you coming to my house
.....and i lock my windows
jungkook
anyway
taetae
wait what the fuck
jungkook
tae can i just steal some milk and go home
taetae
NO i only have a little left anyway
jungkook
honestly? what do you even need it for
taetae
my coco puffs aint gonna drench themselves
don't you have any neighbors you can bother with this shit
jungkook
yes
well
no
taetae
that was a very suspicious answer did you kill them
plot twist: that crime show was about you and you're texting me from jail
ohhh wait is your neighbor that weird guy who stood out on your front lawn making bike riding motions
jungkook
no
that guy wasn't my neighbor
and it wasn't just random motions, he'd sit on a metal crate and act like he was riding a bike
i think he was the homeless man living in the abandoned tool shed down the street
we called him pip before he disappeared
one time he asked me to join him
taetae
did you
jungkook
why the fuck would i join him
taetae
you're not really what i would consider to be "normal"
but if he wasn't your neighbor who lives next to you? ask them
jungkook
i don't want him to make a video about me
taetae
why-
why do you have the weirdest neighbors
the weirdest thing my neighbor has done is get stoned and then knock on my door at 2am warning me about how the aliens were coming
no aliens came but he did pass out on my couch
jungkook
is he hot
taetae
he's 40 years old and he has two very polite and respectful daughters and a very thoughtful wife who made me strawberry shortcake when i broke my ankle
so no
he is not hot
i mean
no. he is not hot
you're avoiding my question again
jungkook
my neighbor's a vlogger
he doesn't just record people-
i mean he recorded the homeless guy a couple times but i don't think he kept the clips in
let me go check
he was going to post a video that was like "tall tales from pip" but he never did
taetae
omg that sounds so funny is he well known
jungkook
yea it's jimin
taetae
oh thats a good one
jimin as in park jimin?
funny. im really laughing over here
no really who is it does he look like jake paul
jungkook
TAEHYUNG IM SERIOUS.
taetae
SO WHAT YOURE SAYING IS
YOU'VE BEEN NEIGHBORS WITH PARK JIMIN FOR YEARS AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME
jungkook
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL
HE'S JUST A PERSON
JUST LIKE YOU AND ME
I DON'T CONSIDER IT LIKE GROUNDBREAKING NEWS
taetae
HE HAS A FANCLUB AT OUR FUCKING UNIVERSITY
HE'S BEST FRIENDS WITH AGUST D
XIYEON FROM YOUR MATH CLASS HAS THE BIGGEST FUCKING CRUSH ON HIM
jungkook
he also likes pineapple on pizza
the only reason i know this is because one time the pizza guy showed up at my house by accident
i dont know we dont usually associate with each other
you know that i only talk to the little old lady downstairs because she says im good at overwatch and it makes me feel good about myself
taetae
i don't believe you.
i really don't believe you
jungkook
i'm your best friend why would i lie to you about this
taetae
remember when we were kids and you told me santa was out in the treehouse so i hauled ass to the backyard
and then you locked me out of the house
but then forgot to let me back in
and i stood out there for like four hours knocking on the door in the middle of a snowstorm on christmas eve
my dinner that night? [COLD]
jungkook
...
ok fine ill get proof
jungkook @jeonjk
i'm out here risking my life for tae rn
1 retweet 4 likes
eunhahaha @eunhas
@jeonjk what are you two doing now
41 retweets 62 likes
jungkook @jeonjk
@eunhas why dont i ever get followers or likes when you guys are all friends with me
eunhahaha @eunhas
@jeonjk we're not friends we all just go to the same university and you're friends with tae but why would we interact with you when you just sit in the back of every lecture watching anime
22 retweets 41 likes
tae @kth_
jungkook's trying to make me look like a fucking idiot
187 retweets 346 likes
stop liking my tweet about choking on a slim jim @leewonho
@kth_ go to sleep
72 retweets 202 likes
unprofessional dog trainer @parkjm_
does anybody have a solution for when your nintendog doesn't want to take a shit
9.6K retweets 17K likes
min yoongi @dtsuga
@parkjm_ filming another one of "those" videos again i see
13K retweets 22K likes
jinbob9000 @chefjin
@parkjm_ feed it a bagel
30K retweets 32.1 likes
jimin
yoongi are you awake
yoongi oh fuck please
on god
yoongi
please
i need you
yoongi
y o o n g i
you aint got no alibi i know youre not sleeping
hey YOONGI
yoongi
it's three in the morning
jimin
there's someone outside my house
yoongi
what?
what do you mean
jimin
there is someone outside my fucking house
what the fuck do i do
i'm home alone
ive been watching ghost stories all day im so freaked out
yoongi
don't you have a dog
jimin
what the fuck is my chihuahua going to do against a poltergeist home invader
you know how some people get stronger when their adrenaline kicks in
whenever that happens to me the only thing i can do is super puff my inhaler
what the UFCK is my chihuahua supposed to do
yoongi
bark at it
this is why i told you to train it to murder people
nobody suspects a chihuahua until it's too late
jimin
WHY aren't you more concerned about me
OH MY GOD
THEY'RE KNOCKING ON THE DOOR
yoongi
omg maybe it's like a cleaning service
but an evil cleaning service
they come in to clean your house but then they murder you instead
i should be an author
hello
fuck
are you dead
jimin this isn't a good time to play jokes on me do you know how stoned i am
i dont even know where my leg is
what the fuck jimin
if you die can i have your chihuahua
im gonna rename him thrasher
ill make him my bodyguard minion
jimin
i'm here
it was my neighbor
yoongi
oh
what did they want
jimin
he wanted milk
yoongi
milk
is that a kinky thing
jimin
NO YOU ASSHOLE
yoongi
i just don't get it
why would he want milk at 3am
jimin
he said he was making mac n cheese
took the whole carton tho
it was full too
guess ill take my oatmeal dry tomorrow morning
yoongi
you eat oatmeal.......................
jimin
said the cream of wheat supremacist
yoongi
ok fuckhole
cream of wheat has a much better texture
dont kick it til you try it
jimin
you're the epitome of an 80 year old man
but i think my neighbor tried to take a picture of me when i went to my fridge
yoongi
maybe hes making a scrapbook >:(
jimin
i really hate you
jimin @parkjm_
shoutout to my neighbor who just came to my door at 3am asking for milk. i hope ur mac n cheese comes out cheesy and thicc
19K retweets 24.1K likes
tae @kth_
OH MY GOD
82 retweets 349 likes
tae @kth_
JUNGKOOK OH MY GOD
47 retweets 231 likes
taetae
JUNGKOOK WHAT THE FUCK
YOU'RE NEIGHBORS WITH
PARJ
JIMNIN.
jungkook
i think you meant park jimin but ill take that too
i know i am
do you believe me now
taetae
DID YOU SEE HIS TWEET
jungkook
OF COURSE
i follow him after all
taetae
IS HE FOLLOWING YOU BACK
ARE YOU GUYS MUTUALS OMG
jungkook
no
he doesn't know who i am
hey can you do me a favor and like
not tell anyone about this
i want jimin to be able to have privacy yk
remember that storytime he did about a fan living in his basement for like 4 months and he had no idea
i dont want that happening again
taetae
oh my fucking god
it all makes sense now
thats why he moved to such a quiet neighborhood
WITH NEIGHBORS WHO ARE TOO OLD TO KNOW WHAT YOUTUBE EVEN IS
AND PSYCHO HOMELESS GUYS
AND ........................ you
jungkook
thanks........
taetae
but why doesnt he know who you are?? :((((
thatd be so cool to be friends
esp if youre neighbors
jungkook
because i don't want him knowing that i'm a closeted weeb who engorges himself on flaming hot cheetos every night
taetae
well i mean you dont have to introduce yourself like
"hi im a closeted weeb who engorges himself on flaming hot cheetos every night. you vlog?"
he could probably smell them on you anyway
i cant believe you're going to miss out on this chance to befriend a famous youtuber
who rapped with agust d
and vlogged with KIM NAMJOON
WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK
if i was you id send him fruit baskets all the time and letters asking him to step on me
"here's a fruit basket. spit on my body? -love, taehyung"
jungkook
HE IS A PERSON
JUST LIKE YOU AND ME
COMPLETELY
NORMAL.
HE
does have some really fucking high quality milk though holy shit
i don't think i'm giving this back
rich boy milk >>>>>>