Work Text:
"TV Tropes," said the talent contest judge, "Explain the internet. In song."
TV Tropes wiped the sweat off her brow. This was the hardest part. Livejournal, The Wall Street Journal and Google did a trio on "Money". Youtube had responded with "Never Gonna Give You Up" - indeed, the internet would never leave or betray you, unless you counted service outages. Match.com had sung "Rainbow Connection" - TV Tropes was pretty sure she was just clueless and bad at subtext, but either way, her voice was lovely. With these strong contenders, clearly an original song was required to have any chance of standing out from the talented crowd. Luckily, TV Tropes was known for her audacity. An original song it would be!
She took a deep breath and let out a brassy belt.
"Rule 34
Don't you know what the net has in store?
Any two things that you can think up
Someone out there has made them schtup
Santa Claus and an elf
For the love of God, don't google youself!
"It's arguably really what the internet's for
Superman, Wonder Woman and an invisible whore
Even inanimate objects are looking to score Rule 34, 34, Rule 34
"Rule 34
It's enshrined in the internet lore
Giant squids and wizards with wands set to stun
Tentacles just add to the fun
"Like a snake and its rock
Or a door and a key and a lock
"Care Bears who like spanking, Captain Kirk and a Gorn
A pair of living handcuffs and the girl they adorn
Listen, trust me darling, there is always a porn
Rule 34, 34, Rule 34!
"A couple reindeer racers on their victory Lapp
Roy Orbison and Mary Sue and plastic cling wrap
Just make sure no one hears you saying 'Who writes this crap?'
Rule 34, Rule 34, Rule 34!"
Beliefnet shifted awkwardly in his seat. PBS.org looked pained.
"Meh," said College Humor, "She's trying too hard."