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He hides near the turbines, listening to them creak as the ship moves through space.
His breath comes in rasps, lessening as the moments tick by and his panic attack ebbs. “Say something you know to be true,” Jim whispers into the faded orange light. He can feel sweat dripping down his neck and into the collar of his t-shirt. “My name is James Tiberius Kirk. I was born on January 4, 2233, in Medical shuttle 37. My parents are Winona Kirk and George Kirk. My father is dead; Nero killed him.”
The tremors come; reminding him of death as it sunk its claws into his skin. Jim swallows back a whimper and blinks. “I attended Starfleet Academy, command track,” he chokes out. “Christopher Pike...”
He closes his eyes and allows the tears to slip down his cheeks. “Christopher Pike was my mentor,” Jim manages to say. “He’s dead. I am the Captain of the USS Enterprise...” He inhales and exhales slowly; just like Spock taught him to. In and out, slow and slower. “I died, but Bones...”
“Captain?” asks a voice of a gamma shift guard. “Captain Kirk? You know you’re not supposed to be down here.”
Jim swallows, squeezing his knees into the cavity of his chest. “Just give me five more minutes,” he calls back. “I need five more minutes.”
“But captain,” the guard replies, sounding annoyed. “You aren’t allowed down here.”
“Five more minutes!” Jim shouts, startled by the loudness of his voice before the guard grabs him. He fights him for a few moments, pleading and begging as he is brought out into the light of the Engineering Bay. A nurse and Leonard wait for him.
Leonard looks tired, as if he’s been woken up in the middle of the night. Jim realizes that is probably the case and goes still as he’s dragged out of the turbine’s mouth. The guard passes him off to Leonard, who takes him back towards the residential decks without another word.
They don’t go to Jim’s quarters, but the doctor’s. The lights have been left on and the main room smells of coffee; the real kind that Leonard smuggled onto the ship. A glass of chocolate milk sits on the circular dining table, clearly recently poured because Leonard knew. Jim drinks it slowly as the doctor rubs between his shoulders and by the time he sets the glass down, he’s stopped shaking.
“I thought you were ready to sleep alone,” Leonard comments as he places the glass in the fresher.
Jim nods sadly. “So was I.”
“Come on then,” Leonard beckons, walking towards his bedroom. “I kind of missed you stealing all the blankets.”
He doesn’t have a witty remark on his tongue and follows Leonard to bed. Jim curls into his boyfriend’s side without hesitation and tucks his head under Leonard’s chin. When he feels the other man’s arm tightly around his waist, Jim is able to close his eyes. “‘M sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Leonard gently chides. He presses a kiss into the younger man’s hair. “These things take time.”
Jim sighs. “But how long will it be until you’re sick of dealing with me?”
“I think you should know by now that I’ll never tire of you,” Leonard says as one of his hands reaches for Jim’s chin. He tilts it upward and strokes it with the pad of his thumb. “I love you, kid.”
He smiles, even though Leonard can’t see it in the darkness. “I love you, too,” Jim whispers back before they kiss.
They kiss until the last of Jim’s nerves fade away and he’s able to shut his eyes without seeing himself trapped inside of the warp core. They kiss until all Jim dreams about are lazy days off, shore leaves with real sunlight and home-cooked meals.
And importantly, Bones. Always Bones.