Archive of Our Own

Mark had been born in Canada. He liked it there. He couldn’t see but he could always feel everything. The sun was always out, even when it was cold, and he enjoyed going out in the snow with his friends, and feeling the cold snow between his fingers as he laid down. He loved Canada.

Eventually he had to move to Korea, though. His mum had found a good job opportunity there, and being a single mother to a blind son called for all sort of help. She managed to get herself a boyfriend quite early on, but was soon left heartbroken, for the second time (Mark’s father had left her too when she got pregnant), when she came back home one day and found all the money she saved up gone. That money was nowhere near enough to pay for Mark’s surgery, but she was still trying to save up as much as she could. The police had never been able to track the man down, and they were left with an empty heart, losing the tiny bit of hope they had.

Mark had become even more protective of his mother, then. Swearing to never leave her. She had dedicated his life to him and his disability, and he felt like he needed to do just that. He loved her with everything he had.

He worked hard to try and get back the money she had lost, he focused on school as much as he could while also getting some part-time jobs. It wasn’t easy, given that he couldn’t see, and most people, therefore, turned him down. But he managed to overcome that and get some money. It wasn’t enough, though. It would never be enough. And the fact that he knew he would never be able to gather up enough money for his mother was because of his disability made him ashamed and angry. He was angry and disappointed at how he was blind, at how that had made his mother lose all her money, and made it impossible to get that same money back to her.

Somewhere along the way, he fell in love with music. Music made him forget. He didn’t need to see to understand it, to feel it. Music was to him, as it was to everyone else, and even more. He felt like he lived easily through the music he listened to, and later on, through the music he made.

He fell in love with writing lyrics of things he had never seen, he fell in love with singing feelings he hadn’t ever known, he fell in love with rapping about everything he felt scared of, and more than anything else, he fell in love with creating his own music.

He loved to record random sounds, like the birds he heard on his way to work, or the quiet clicking of pens he heard at school, or even the humming sounds his mum made while cooking dinner. He loved to take all those random daily sounds and make them art. Assemble a song and make them be part of it. Have those songs all demonstrate how he felt.

Being able to do that without seeing made it special. He felt like he didn’t need to see to do that, and he didn’t feel like he was less than others. All composers were the same, they just needed to listen and feel.

He had managed to be casted into SM ENTERTAINMENT, at first, as a song lyricist. They had come in contact with his works on Soundcloud and requested to work with them. What started off as writing songs, turned into composing songs, and then being part of them. Soon enough, he was a trainee at one of the biggest companies in Korea.

He met a lot of people who he wished he could debut with. He knew it’d be hard, almost impossible to do so. He couldn’t dance. He couldn’t see. It was unfair and he felt betrayed that he wouldn’t be able to reach as far as others, and be next to them when they debuted. But he kept working hard, the possibility of ever doing so managing to motivate him to do his best, always.

He also found a best friend, Donghyuck, who supported him even harder than anyone else in the company. Donghyuck had told him that he had had a friend who was blind, and so he kind of knew how to “deal with it, no offense hyung.”

They had grown attached and they were there for each other all the time. Donghyuck teased him about every sort of things, but he also complimented him a lot. Donghyuck hit Mark playfully many times, but he also was there to caress Mark’s cheeks every time the older felt sad. They were a team. Best friends.

Mark found himself, countless times, reaching out for the younger’s hands – reaching out to feel that kind of warmness involve him. He found himself touching the boy every time he could, just to feel extra safe. Found himself sleeping with him many nights, and waking up to the feel of a pair of eyes looking at him. He found himself wanting to see everything that Donghyuck saw.

“Hyuck, what’s your favourite place?” they were having breakfast in bed, Donghyuck had woken up earlier than needed so they could be lazy afterwards. Mark found it funny.

“I don’t know, why are you asking?”

“I’d like to see it. If it’s your fave place then I’m sure I’d like it too, you know?” Mark took another bite from the chocolate bar Donghyuck had managed to sneak into their meal.

“Oh.” The younger paused for a bit. “I see. I don’t think I have one, though. But if I ever do, I’ll bring you there. Deal?”

Mark smiled at him, and he hoped he didn’t have anything in between his teeth, that would be awkward. “Deal.”

“Hyuck, what’s your favourite colour?”

They were laying down, once again. This time in Donghyuck’s bed, because Mark was still not done. It was Friday night and after cleaning their dorm and their bathroom, they were quite tired. Mark still had to make his bed, although he didn’t feel like it.

Donghyuck’s body tensed under his touch. They were cuddling as the younger scrolled on his phone and Mark listened to the TV. “Ah,” the younger said, “That.”

Mark sensed himself flush at how burdensome he felt, “Sorry.”

He then waited for Donghyuck to speak up, feeling too annoying to try and change the topic himself. He was just curious. Curious about everything that had to do with the younger. He didn’t know why.

“It’s okay, hyung. It’s just very, like, unexpected when you ask me these questions out of nowhere,” he gave him a reassuring smile and Mark knew it because he could always feel himself warm up at them, “And I guess I find it hard to answer, that’s all.”

“Oh. You don’t have to then, sorry.”

Donghyuck sighed, shaking his head slightly. “No. It’s not a bad question. And you’re allowed to want to know. It’s just hard. Trying to explain and stuff, I guess.”

Mark hummed, waiting for him to continue.

The younger locked their hands, moving closer to Mark. “I guess I love yellow.”

“Why?” was Mark’s reply.

Donghyuck’s smile grew bigger, “I knew you would ask that. It’s just a warm colour. Reminds me of summer, and happiness.” He reached out to caress the elder’s cheeks, “Makes me feel safe. I guess it also reminds me of you, in a way. I don’t know.”

“Oh.” Mark’s little gasp was too quick to leave his mouth for him to stop it. “Really?”

The younger sighed, resting his head in the nook between Mark’s neck and shoulder. “Yeah.” Mark then put his arms around the younger boy’s torso.

“Then yellow is my favourite colour too.”

The younger giggled at that, pulling his head backwards to be able to look at Mark, and smiling at him. He gave his cheek a small kiss, kissing the older’s neck right after. “You’re cute, hyung.”

Mark felt his heartbeat race and his cheeks warm up so much that he was sure he could burn Donghyuck if the younger kissed him again. “Oh. Hm... You’re cute too, Hyuck.”

At that, the younger laughed, before setting his head in Mark’s shoulder, once again. “I know, Mark. I’m the cutest.”

He was.

Donghyuck knocked on the door to their dorm, “Hyung. I know you’re in there, can I please come in?” He waited a bit, not getting an answer in return. He tried again. “Please?”

“No.” was all Mark replied.

“Please,” Donghyuck knocked again, “I have to put my pjs on! This is our dorm, therefore you can’t just lock the door and not let me in—”

Mark sighed, “Fine.” He did his best to clean up his tears and got up, walking to the door to unlock it, doing so and then walking back to his bed as quickly as he could to avoid talking with the younger boy. However, Donghyuck followed him, sitting down on his bed right next to Mark had just laid down. “Leave me alone, Hyuck.”

“No.” then a small pause, “Hyung, what’s wrong?”

Mark said nothing.

“Please, hyung. I’m worried. Why were you crying?”

“I’m not.” The older mumbled.

“But you were.” Donghyuck stared at him, shaking his head with a small smile, “You’re so stubborn, it’s kind of cute.” Perhaps he thought the compliment would make Mark talk to him, he was wrong. He sighed. “Please tell me what’s wrong, I’m your best friend. I care about you and I’m worried, hyung. You haven’t left your bed since morning.”

Mark felt Donghyuck caress his back, his hands going up until his neck and then caressing his exposed cheek, and forcing his face to turn to Donghyuck. Mark huffed but did so, opening his arms so Donghyuck could lay down in between them. It was always so hard to not give in when it came to Donghyuck.

“Hyung, please tell me. I won’t judge you for whatever you might say.” He then gave Mark a small smile. “Unless you’re crying because of me, then I’ll judge you because I’m perfect.”

Mark giggled softly, “Punk.” He felt the younger smile against his chest and he frowned, “I’m just afraid.”

At this, Donghyuck stopped beaming, freezing for a small frame of a second, before he pressed his face harder into Mark’s chest. “Of what, hyung?”

“Everything.” Mark sighed, feeling tears well up in his eyes. “Debuting, mostly. It’s stupid,” he could already feel more tears coming up as he continued, he was so pathetic. “I’m afraid that I might not ever debut because I’m blind,” he stopped, letting a shaky breath run through his lips, “but I’m afraid that if I ever do, people will think I only debuted out of pity.”

Donghyuck kept the embrace as strong as he could while turning his head up slightly so that he would be able to look into Mark’s eyes, “You’re the most hardworking person I know. You deserve to debut more than anyone else I’ve ever met. I’d give up my debut for you, hyung. That’s how much you deserve to debut. Of course it will happen.”

When Mark didn’t reply he kissed Mark’s cheek, caressing it afterwards and then smiled. “I’m sure that no one will think that, but if they do I’m here to jump on them.” Mark snorted, “Hey, don’t laugh! I’ve gotten heavier with the time, I will smash them!”

Mark grinned down at him, rubbing circles in the younger boy’s back. His tears had left traces behind, marking their way down from his eyes to his pillow. One had even got in Donghyuck’s hair. “Thank you, Hyuck. You’re the best.”

“Oh I know! I’m absolutely perfect!” Donghyuck joked, but Mark knew just how grateful he got each time the older complimented him. He really was the best in Mark’s eyes. “But seriously though, don’t worry. I’m sure you will debut and everyone will love you.”

“Hyung, sorry if this is, like, personal but do you dream?”

They were laying down in Mark’s bed, something the both of them did quite often. A movie that Mark had stopped paying attention to a few minutes after its start could be heard in the background.

“It’s okay.” He gave a small smile, turning to his side to face the younger. “I guess not like you might dream, Hyuck. But I do dream. I hear stuff and I try my best to give appearances to the voices I hear.” He sighed quietly, facing down towards his hands, where his fingers were playing with the hem of his pajama pants. “I see lights and shapes. And I feel things too.”

“Oh.” Donghyuck waited a minute, and Mark could feel slight worry in his voice when he spoke again. “Do you have nightmares too?”

Mark’s hands instantly reached out for Donghyuck’s at the mention of the word. Yes he did, and he hated them. “Yeah…” He inhaled for a long time, exhaling afterwards, a shaky breath. He hated remembering them. “The sounds… and what I feel. They let me know that I’m having a nightmare. Sometimes the shapes I see are scary too. I don’t know why or how. Just that my mind assumes they’re scary and my heart races.” Donghyuck’s hands gave his a light squeeze. “I wake up most of the times. I-I’ts scary. Being afraid and not knowing what you’re afraid of.”

Donghyuck reassured him with a small “Oh.” Accompanied by another hand squeeze. Mark felt him smile, after a bit. “Have you ever dreamed about me, hyung?” His smile then turned into a giggle, he was so cheeky. “I bet you have. I bet they were your best dreams.”

Mark flushed bright red, and god why did his cheeks betray him so often? “I might have, punk” he sneered at the younger, feeling his smirk. “or I might have not. I guess you’ll never know.”

“Hyung!” Donghyuck had hit him in the shoulder, pouting. “I hate you!”

They had been lying down in Mark’s bed for half an hour, talking about whatever instead of going to sleep, even though it was definitely past their bedtime, when Mark suddenly felt brave enough to request something that had been on his mind for months.

He had moved away from Donghyuck, searching for the feel of his face so that he could look at him in the dark light. “Hyuck, would you— would you mind. Singing?” He cleared his throat quickly, before the smaller boy had a chance to reply. “To me, right now?”

“W-What?”

“Nevermind.” Mark’s shoulders felt heavy against the mattress, as did the colour in his cheeks.

The younger did a double take, still frozen in his spot. “You really want me to sing for you?” His eyes were wide open, cheeks painted a bright pink.

“Well. Yeah. But you don’t have-” Mark was clearly flustered.

“No, hyung. I have to! That is the…” he gave the older a comforting beam, one that Mark could literally feel. “The cutest thing anyone has ever said to me. Oh my god.” He then hugged Mark, making the older his little spoon, as the smile never left his face.

At this, Mark gave out a happy sigh, cuddling further into his hold. Sometimes he appreciated being held instead of holding. “Wow, good. Okay. That’s good, yeah.”

“You’re so cute, hyung. You really are.” Donghyuck gave a breathy laugh, kissing Mark’s cheek. “Should I start then?”

Mark was too flustered to say anything other than a quiet “Please do.”

“Hyung, if I asked you right now what’s the thing you wanna see the most, what would you answer?” Donghyuck had asked, one quiet Saturday morning while Mark was getting ready to leave to his mum’s.

Mark had put the jeans he was folding down as he heard the question. He pretended to think for a while, although, truth be told, he didn’t have to consider it. It was clear in his head what the thing he wanted to see the most was.

“You.” Had been Mark’s answer, as his cheeks flushed red as quickly as his heart had been beating in that moment.

“Hyuck,” he took a breath, signing with his hand for the boy to get closer so they could hold hands, “I’m sorry if this is weird to ask but hm… could you describe yourself? P-Physically, if that’s okay.”

Mark could feel that Donghyuck stiffen next to him, sighing. “Why are you asking this now? I mean, we’ve known each other for so long.” His hold on Mark’s hands grew tighter for a bit, “Have you been curious all this time?”

Mark’s cheeks reddened just as the younger boy finished the question, and he tried to make himself smaller, curling up a bit into himself. “N-No. I mean, yes.” He shook his head, sighing, “I’m sorry. Just forget it.”

Donghyuck’s hands reached for his flushed cheeks, caressing them. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, hyung.” Then, the younger kissed his palm, chuckling a bit. “I don’t mind. I’m just not too good with words, so sorry if it’s confusing.”

Mark nodded for him to continue, giving a small smile as he got closer to Donghyuck, letting the younger rest his head on his shoulder.

“Well, I’m smaller than you. But you already knew that.” Mark giggled a bit. “I have tan skin, which well. It’s darker that yours, that’s what it means,” he stopped for a while, to think, perhaps. “I have quite plump lips.”

Mark felt his cheeks burn even more as he prepared to voice his thoughts out loud, “Can I, like, touch them?” He wanted to feel them, feel for himself how plump they actually were. “Not in a creepy way though, sorry.”

“Hyung,” he felt Donghyuck giggle against his chest, “It’s okay. You can.” He chuckled a bit more, shaking his head a bit. “I’m sorry though, I didn’t put on lip balm today.” he guided Mark’s hand to his lips, letting him touch them for as long as he wanted, in whatever way he felt like doing so. “Can you, like, imagine them? In your head?” At that, the older nodded. “That’s cool, what do you, like, feel. Or see?”

Mark’s cheeks kept on warming up, and his tummy felt weird. In a good way. “Warm. I feel warm.”

This time, it was Donghyuck’s turn to blush, “Oh.”

Mark’s head perked up, and his fingers fell from where they were still touching the younger’s lips. “Sorry, is that bad?”

Donghyuck laughed, “No, I guess not.” He locked their hands again, “Just not expecting that answer, is all.”

“Oh.” Mark sighed, then gave a small smile, “They feel nice. And plump. I don’t think you need lip balm.” He continued on, ignoring the quiet gasp that managed to slip out of Donghyuck’s mouth. “Tell me more?”

“Mum. I need your opinion.”

The day after, when Donghyuck had left to his parents’ and Mark had just finished his last bite of his mother’s homemade lunch, he decided to talk about his feelings.

“Tell me, honey.” His mum carefully set down the plates she was starting to gather up. “I’m all ears.” 

Mark’s cheeks instantly started to warm up. “Okay. I think I might like someone, mum.”

His mother perked up at that, beaming down at him. “Who is it? What do you mean you like someone? Oh my god! This is so exciting. I can’t believe my baby is growing up this fast!”

Mark huffed. “Mum!” He paused, crossing his arms and pouting but then continuing on. “I think I do. I’m always so happy when I’m around him—”

“Him?”

Mark’s cheeks were even redder, and he was anxious. He hoped his mother wouldn’t hate him. He couldn’t survive that. “Y-Yeah…”

“Oh.” His mother paused for a little while. “I see. Its Donghyuck, then. Is it not?”

Mark smiled at the name even before he could stop himself from doing so, and that was all that his mother needed as an answer. “Wow. This is so nice, honey. He’s so good to you. I’m so happy for you. Are you gonna tell him?”

Mark thought for a moment, “I don’t think so. Maybe, if the time is right.”

His mum smiled at him, “I see. Well, tell me more! How did you find out?”

“Mark! Hyung!” Mark heard Donghyuck shout, feeling someone get closer to him. “Hyung,” the boy was a bit out of breath, “Tell Jaemin that you think I’m more beautiful than him.”

Mark faked a sigh, “I’ve never even seen either of you, how’d I know for sure that you aren’t ugly? He could be on model level beauty and you could be ugly and I wouldn’t know.” Teasing Donghyuck always felt great, especially since it was usually the other way around.

Donghyuck gasped, quite dramatically. “Well! I’m your best friend, therefore you should think I’m more beautiful. And I’m me. I’m the most beautiful person in the world!” He stopped for a bit, probably to think of more arguments. “A-And you’ve felt me, hyung! Remember, you felt my beauty, therefore you know I’m more beautiful than Jaemin.”

Mark flushed, “Well, if you say so…” he turned his head to where he could feel someone standing, looking at both of them. He hoped it was Jaemin. “Donghyuck’s more beautiful than Jaemin.”

He felt a pair of lips against his cheek, “Thank you, hyung! You’re the best.” As he heard Jaemin theatrically argue that’s so unfair!

“Hyung.”

“What do you want now?” Mark huffed out as he tried to hide his smile. Donghyuck had been calling his attention for almost five minutes and still hadn’t said anything. He had been ignoring him and pretending it wasn’t him calling Mark as soon as the older turned around to face him. What a child.

“I have a serious question.”

“Oh.” Mark quietly said, letting his emotions speak for him. “Go ahead, Hyuck.” He knew just how reassuring it was for the smaller boy to be referred to by his nicknames when he was nervous.

“Well. I hm… I’ve been thinking about something for a long, long time. And I just wanted to know what you— Like. I, like.” The younger had stuttered out, his cheeks the most beautiful shade of pink.

Mark reached out to squeeze his hands, nodding at him with a reassuring smile. “Hyuck. It’s okay, tell me. I won’t judge you even if it’s super bad.”

“Well,” he took an insecure breath, and the older could feel his shaky hands. “Do you find me beautiful? Even though you, hm. Can’t see?”

“Oh.” Mark flushed, although he was sure Donghyuck’s cheeks were duplicating his own.

“I’m sorry,” the younger breathed. “I’ve just been thinking about it. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything. Oh my god, it really is so stupid. I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay.” Mark gave Donghyuck’s hand a squeeze, once again. “I don’t really have an idea how you look like, you know? Like, when you stand in the light I can sort of tell. A bit, because I can feel the light and when you’re blocking it, I can kind of feel you. Like, how you look. A bit, I guess. But I don’t really know what you look like. Or what your face is like.” When he felt Donghyuck move, he knew the younger was going to apologize for bringing it up, so he decided to speak up again. “I-I really find you beautiful, though. To me, you are beautiful. Even though I’ve never seen you. You feel pretty.”

The younger boy extended his arms, breaking the hand hold, and placed them around Mark in a loving embrace, right before pecking the elder’s neck softly, grinning down at the colour that adorned it. “Thank you, hyung.”

One morning, as Mark first opened his eyes he could already tell Donghyuck was awake, as the latter was quietly humming while playing with the hem of Mark’s shirt. He knew the younger had realized his consciousness when the smaller boy stopped humming to clear his throat and then say, “Hyung, can I ask you something?”

Still sleepy, Mark smiled at him, nodding. “Of course.”

“Do you like me?” Donghyuck’s cheek were so red that Mark could feel them. “As like. Hm. More than friends, you know?”

“Well. Hm, I.” Mark’s own cheeks worked fast to keep up with Donghyuck’s, as if their blood system was fighting to see who could blush harder, “I guess so.”

Donghyuck locked their hands and kissed the older’s cheek. “Okay, good.”

After a few moments, when Mark realized Donghyuck wasn’t going to continue he decided to speak up, dumbfounded and confused. “Good?”

Donghyuck’s voice sounded both smug and happy when he replied, “Yeah.”

Mark waited a bit more, realizing that once again, the younger didn’t intend on elaborating. “What do you mean it’s good?”

Donghyuck giggle, shaking his head in fond despair. “Dummy, I like you too. As in more than friends, didn’t you know?”

Mark shook his head, heart racing but still confused. “No?” he paused for a bit, thinking. “Was I supposed to or something?”

“Or something, yeah.” Donghyuck laughed. “I can’t believe you didn’t know. I was so obvious. I am so obvious.”

“Sorry.” Mark’s cheeks were unbearably hot, but that didn’t stop him from trying to be smooth. “I guess you should be even more obvious then.”

His smirk turned into a beam soon enough, though. “Well, would asking you to be my boyfriend make me be more obvious?”

He could feel Donghyuck’s cocky smirk, but he also knew the younger boy was blushing. “Y-Yes.” Was his shaky answer. He was still a bit confused as to everything, especially as to how someone like Donghyuck would want to be with him.

“Yes, it would make me be obvious or yes, you want to be my boyfriend?”

He had woken up not a long ago, why was Donghyuck making everything so hard? “Yes to both, I guess.” His heart still hadn’t calmed down, but what the youngest of the two said next really made it impossible for his heart to do so.

“Okay, good. Boyfriend.”

After that, Donghyuck had teased him every time he got the chance to, slipping in the word whenever he could, just so he could watch the older’s cheeks redden. No matter how flustered Mark got, however, he was sure he had never been happier.

It had been their little secret. The little touches that no one (except Mark’s mother, since he could never hide anything from her) knew of, the smiles that went unnoticed by everyone else but themselves, the professions of affection late at night when both of them held each other as close as they could.

Mark had always known about its existence, although he never thought of it as something that he could achieve, it had always been an impossible dream of his. A thought he would have while daydreaming, something he would imagine with a smile plastered on his face.

The surgery was expensive, too expensive.

His mother had apologized countless times, so sorry to not be able to help her son. But Mark didn’t blame her, Mark didn’t blame anyone. He had been born blind, and it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Especially not his mother’s.

So when the CEO of the company he had been training under, for years, called him over to his office to tell him that he’d volunteer to pay for his surgery, Mark was ecstatic.

“Are you sure?!” Mark sustained his breath as he listened to his mother’s outburst, feeling himself quite overwhelmed as well, “You’d really do that for him?”

“Yes ma’am. Of course.” He stopped talking for a second, “There’s a small chance it could not work, but we’re agreeing to look past that and give it a try nonetheless,” Mark heard the man sigh, feeling a pair of eyes on him, “Your son deserves it.”

Mark could feel the tears he had been holding back finally fall, as the small, anxious smile he had kept on his face throughout the whole meeting was rapidly becoming bigger. He failed to contain his happiness to himself, such a powerful feeling taking over him as he jumped up and down quickly, managing to whisper shout “Thank you so much!” in no particular direction.

He could feel his mum smiling to his left and he knew that she was on her way towards him, to greet him with a hug and celebrate the happy news. He waited to be greeted with her warm embrace and let himself continue to cry as he smiled.

After a few seconds, he let go, still smiling. He cleaned his tears off and held his mother’s hand, both of them walking towards the man who was the reason for the happy news, and had kindly delivered them, as well.

“Thank you so much for doing this for my baby,” his mother had said, through the quiet sound of her crying, “I’m so grateful to you and to this company, Lee Soo-man-sshi. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

Mark could feel the man’s smile as he replied, “His happiness and the possibility that he could see again is enough to repay me, ma’am.” Mark sensed his eyes on him, “Mark, I wish you the best of luck. I truly do hope it works out and you get to debut with all of your friends.”

Mark felt his eyes tear up again, “Thank you so much. Thank you so incredibly much.” He then let the tears fall, once more, feeling so many things at the same time. Happiness, anxiety, excitement, gratefulness, a bit of fear, but more than everything, he felt hopeful.

After the revelation, he had stood in his mother’s arms for what felt like an eternity, before running as quickly as he could (which meant walking, actually. But still) to his and Donghyuck’s dorm. He had reached for the younger, giving him the tightest hug he could remember ever giving someone.

“Hyuck! Hyuck! They’re paying for my surgery! Hyuck! I’ll be able to see you!”

Donghyuck had stilled a laugh at Mark’s sudden outburst, before covering his mouth as his eyes teared up, “What?! Really? Who is?! Oh my god, Mark!”

He had then jumped into the elder’s arms as they held each other, crying out of pure joy and hope. After they had calmed down, both of them had sat down next to each other, holding hands.

“They said there’s a chance it might not work, but. It’s. It’s possible, Hyuck.” Mark was still too excited. “I always knew about it but I never thought I could get it done. It’s so expensive, Hyuck. I can’t believe they’re actually paying for me. Me.”

“Oh my. God.” The younger breathed out a teary sob, once more. “I really can’t believe this, hyung. I’m so fucking happy for you!”

“Me too, Hyuck.” He chuckled, “But don’t think that went unnoticed by me, you punk. You swore.”

Mark had been busy throughout the whole week telling everyone about the news, each and every one of them giving the same reaction as Donghyuck. Hugging him as they cried. Mark felt so, so cared for. He could never ask for a better team.

Mark had started his medication on a daily basis, having a well-balanced schedule with time for him to visit the doctor every week so that it could be checked in that everything was going well. It had been an absolute pain getting used to taking pills every night before he went to bed, but Donghyuck was there to help him every day. Holding his hand as the oldest swallowed two pills at the same time, and pecking him afterwards, “See, you did it Mark. You’re not a baby, after all.” He would say, laughing softy, before the duo would get into bed where the younger would lullaby Mark into sleep.

At some point in time, it had been announced that they would be debuting. Mark would be part of the debut team if his surgery went well. He gave his hardest to follow up what the doctor told him to do, motivated to see and to debut with his friends.

A month and a half had passed and Mark was yet to see a thing. He was always hopeful, though, because the doctor had told him that it was normal that there wasn’t any differences thus far.

After two whole months of medication and visiting the doctor every week, they had scheduled Mark’s operation. It was due three weeks from that point. Mark was so hopeful. Everyone had supported him as best as they could, giving him small hugs at every chance and smiling at him when he told them. Mark’s mother had held him for the longest, crying out happily as he did the same. Donghyuck had kissed his eyelids before humming him to sleep, like it had become routine for the duo.

Three weeks had passed in the blink of an eye and Mark kept getting more nervous by the second. Soon enough, it was the night before D-Day. Mark and Donghyuck had spent a long time whispering about everything and anything, and Mark was so anxious and scared. He was mostly excited, though. He couldn’t wait to see his boyfriend.

Mark remembers waking up alone after the surgery, surrounded by nothing. He had been confused, asking for his mother and for his best friend as he felt so lonely and scared. It was only when he received his doctor in his hospital room that he realized the operation hadn’t worked.

The doctor had told him he could still get his sight back, but he had to be hopeful and continue with his medication. The possibility was low, but it was still there. However, Mark couldn’t believe him, he had lost all hope.

He had spent the rest of the day, or night - he didn’t know - crying as he ignored everyone. The only person he talked to being his mother, whom he had held as she held him back while they sobbed regretful apologies to one another.

Two days passed before his boyfriend finally got him to talk back to him. Mark knew he was being an asshole to him, but he just wanted to be alone and cry. He didn’t want Donghyuck to see him like this.

“Hey…”

Mark pretended to be asleep.

“Hyung, I know you’re awake. You breathe differently when you’re sleeping.” Donghyuck’s voice was shaky as he spoke, he had been crying. Mark felt guilty, but more than that, he felt sad for himself.

The older didn’t say anything.

Donghyuck took a breath, before trying to move closer to Mark’s bed. “Please. I know it’s hard, hyung. But don’t ignore me. I wanna help-”

Mark had quivered, feeling himself get angry, “No! You can’t help! No one can! I’m just a fucking blind piece of nothing! No one can help!” He had started to tear up somewhere along his livid outburst and he gave out a shaky breath, trying to cool himself as his voice shuddered out, “Please just leave. I’d rather be alone.”

Mark instantly regretted saying it as he felt Donghyuck walk away. When he heard the door close, his eyes became full of tears that he no longer forbade of falling out.

In the weeks that followed, Mark spent most of his time alone. He was at home, resting. The debut was set to take place in two months, and so everyone was busy getting ready and practicing. Mark didn’t want to be reminded that he could have been a part of it all had it not been for the failed surgery, so he decided to leave and rest at home, with the permission of the company.

Mark was an awful friend, and he knew it. But he couldn’t be happy for Donghyuck when all he did was feel sorry and bad that he couldn’t debut with him. 

Two weeks from the start of the medication and Mark had just finished talking with his mother about giving up. The operation hadn’t worked so why was he still forcing some unhelpful pills down his throat every night? It made no sense. Especially when he had to take them alone, scared and too shy to ask Donghyuck to be there for him. He knew better than to be that pathetic. He wasn’t a child anymore.

He had been laying in his bed, lost in his thoughts when the door had creaked opened. He knew who it was right away, from the sound of the quiet and careful steps.

“Hyung.” Donghyuck.

Mark didn’t answer, just like he hadn’t for a long time now. He didn’t even know if they were dating anymore. He was a shitty person, Donghyuck deserved way better.

“Hyung. I know you’re awake. Please.”

At the silent answer, the younger reached closer to Mark’s bed, sitting himself in the end of it as he exhaled, “Mark, I love you.”

Mark had choked back a sob instantly, feeling his heart race pick up as his cheeks betrayed him by flushing. “Oh.” He couldn’t help but murmur. He didn’t want to talk to the younger, but hearing that, after how long he had been an asshole to him for, still did wonders to his heart.

“So you do talk!” The younger tried to lift up the mood. After an uncomfortable amount of time, Donghyuck had chuckled bitterly, “Hyung, you’re being a fucking coward.”

Mark, at this, had only closed his eyes hoping that it would make him not hear, somehow. He felt tears well up in his eyes. Funny how they only worked when it was to make him look weak and stupid.

“Fuck!” Donghyuck was furious, “For fuck’s sake Mark. Why are you ignoring me? I’m sad too, god! Don’t you think it’s hard for me too? Don’t you think it hurts me to see you this way?”

Silence was all he got.

“Hyung. It’s been so long since we last had a real conversation. You’re my best friend— you’re my boyfriend! I deserve that you at least acknowledge my presence, okay? Please.”

Silence, once again.

“You’re being such an asshole to me, Mark. I stood by your side, always. I’m here for you now, too. But you don’t want m-me” his voice was begging to break, he was starting to cry. “I love you. I love you so much, Mark. It hurts me so bad that the surgery didn’t work. It hurts me even worse that you choose to ignore than let me be by your side, fuck. You’re my. E-Everything.”

Mark let his tears finally fall, voice shaky as he finally replied to his boyfriend. “You don’t know w-what you’re talking about.”

“I do, hyung. I’d give up everything for you. That means you equal everything to me.” Donghyuck cleared his tears and moved even closer to Mark’s bed, sitting in the edge of it. “I love you.”

“Hyuck. I’m. I’m nothing.” Nothing but a burden.

“But you are!” the younger sobbed back, reaching closer so that he could caress the elder’s cheek. “You’re everything to me, hyung. I love you so much and it hurts me to see you like this. It hurts that I can’t be by your side at your worst.”

“Oh.” Mark mumbled, feeling his shoulders shake as he tried to calm down.

“Just. Please. Let me hug you.”

“O-Okay.” Please do.

The younger had hugged Mark with all his strength as both of them cried in each other’s embrace, “I’m sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“It’s not okay hyung,” Donghyuck had breathed out. “But it will be.”

Ironically, the morning after, when the two boys woke up in a mess of tangled legs and quiet snores, Mark felt something different.

As he opened his eyes, he could feel something. See something.

It was small, but it was something. Surrounding the circle of light that he had always told apart from the rest of the dark, he could see some sort of shape. He knew it was a window. And the light was a different colour now. He had perked up, feeling himself tear up at the thought of something.

Mark quickly shook his best friend awake and told him just that, to which the younger replied with – “Hyung, wow. Oh my god! That’s. Wow.”

Mark now had hope, once more. Hope that he would be able to see Donghyuck. “Fuck, I gotta tell my mom and the doctor. Shit.”

A week after the incident and he still couldn’t see, but he was taking his medication on schedule as well as doing daily eye exercises (which Donghyuck helped him with, by doing them with the older and saying “Hyung, of course I will do them with you! After all, it doesn’t hurt to make my eyes stronger.”) and he was hopeful.

The debut was set back another two months once he told the company the news, SM hoping that by then Mark could see, so he could join and debut with his friends and team. He decided to move back to his dorm, just so he could be closer to everyone and so that he could finally properly apologize to all of them for leaving.

A week and a day into his recovery, Mark was feeling excited. “Hyuck.”

Donghyuck had carefully moved closer, holding out his hand right away, “Yes, angel?”

“Would you describe… M-Me?”

Donghyuck had flushed a bright red that he could only wish Mark would be able to see soon, “Wow. Hm. Okay. Well.” He had given a quiet laugh, stopping for a second before he cleared his throat and affirmed, grinning. “Actually. I’d rather you find out yourself. But hm. You’re beautiful.”

“As much as you?” Mark feigned innocence, trying to hide his smirk.

He didn’t get the answer he wanted, though. Because Donghyuck acted smug himself. “Hm… Maybe not that much… But still pretty fine, I say.”

Mark stopped himself from laughing, trying to instead pout at his boyfriend. “I hate you.”

His boyfriend laughed, kissing his nose. “No you don’t.”

Two weeks after and Mark was considering giving up, he had been taking his medication for what felt like ages, and he had done everything correctly so he should be getting results, but his vision was the same. Only lights.

He felt guilty that his condition was making his friends have to wait longer to debut, and he felt bad that SM had spent a lot of money on him and his surgery and it hadn’t work out. He felt like a complete burden.

“Angel, you can’t give up.” Donghyuck told him, as they laid together once again, the younger’s head resting on his chest.

“But I just feel like I’ll never be able to see. What if it doesn’t work? The surgery didn’t so why would I randomly get my sight back now? The debut date keeps getting pushed back and I’m just disappointing everyone by not being able to see.”

The younger shook his head, “Don’t say that. Never say that. You’re not disappointing anyone. You’re working so hard, angel. You’ve been working so hard for so long, you can’t give up now.” He smiled at him, “And you still haven’t kissed me, you know? I say. You need to always be hopeful for it to work and I suggest that for you to always be hopeful we should negotiate something.”

Mark waited for him to continue but when he didn’t, he spoke up. “Negotiate what?”

The younger smirked, pulling up his head to kiss his chin. “How about, you only kiss me when you’re able to see? I’m sure that way you’ll be hoping it works, right?”

Mark huffed. “Maybe…” He then sighed, “But still. What if it doesn’t work? I don’t get to debut and I don’t get to kiss you either? That sounds like a hard thing to go through.”

Donghyuck kissed his nose before settling down his head on Mark’s chest, again. “It will work, angel.”

“But—”

Donghyuck stopped him, shaking his head. “It will. I’m Donghyuck, the most powerful man in the world. I have the best boyfriend and I’m myself, which means that everything I say happens. And I say that it will work.”

Turns out being hopeful does wonders. It had been worth it, because ironically (Mark was beginning to think his life just wanted to play with him, everything happened in a funny way, Mark had woken up the day after with a beautiful boy in his arms and he could see it.

At first, the nothing that always surrounded him had started to get lighter, like something had been taken out of his sight, which was a rather ironic thought. The something that came from the light he had been able to feel was there, and it was suddenly surrounding every sense of Mark.

He had been able to distinguish something. He was able to see some blurry forms, and a new variety of different shades. He didn’t know what was happening. He felt so scared, so, so scared. It was all unknown to him. But he also felt so happy.

He could feel his head ache like a needle had just gone through his brain and back, and suddenly all the confusion had settled into a steady image. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even breathe properly.

He was seeing.

He didn’t know what he was seeing, but it was beautiful. It was incredible how everything that he had felt was real and there, and he could see it. How everything was so different and yet just how he had imagined it.

He could see a bad of chips that they had devoured the night before, sitting on top of a chair next to his bed. He could clearly see the window that always lighted up the darkness that continuously surrounded him.

He could see his wardrobe, full of his clothes that had different colours. It was so beautiful and he couldn’t wait to see more of the world. He felt his throat start to hurt, and he knew he was going to cry but he couldn’t let himself do so. He didn’t want to cry because he wanted to have his vision clear as he looked down over to his boyfriend for the first time and wow.

There stood a boy with soft looking hair that matched exactly just how it felt and how Mark had imagined it. There stood a sleeping boy, huffing out quiet, steady breaths that lullabied Mark every time. There stood a boy as beautiful as the whole universe. The light that surrounded said boy was so powerful that it made Mark wonder if he was the one that stood out from the darkness he always felt, rather than the window.

His skin was a beautiful colour that Mark didn’t know how to explain (except for it being pretty) and everything about the boy just felt and looked beautiful. Mark suddenly felt like someone else, as he reached out to wake Donghyuck up. He could actually see himself doing so!

His lips were plump and a beautiful colour, different to every other colour that painted the canvas that was Lee Dongyuck. His mouth was parted open and his eyelashes created beautifully painted on shadows to his soft looking cheeks.

His nose was so small and cute, calling to be poked. And so Mark did. It felt soft, as soft as it looked. It was beautiful.

God. He was so. Beautiful.

Mark didn’t want to stop looking at the boy, at his boyfriend. Oh god, how had he managed to get someone so beautiful to love him? He didn’t know but he was too grateful to further question it.

He wanted to look at his eyes the most, because Mark could always feel so much just from feeling them on him. It was like they talked. “Hyuck.” He started off, his voice small. “Hyuck, wake up! Please, oh my god!”

Hyuck had shuddered awake with a whimper and a pout playing at his lips, “Hyung, two more sec-”

“Hyuck. Shut up, oh my god! Wake up. Look at me, fuck!” Mark was too excited to even care about how sleepy Donghyuck must have been.

At this, the younger had quickly sat up, perhaps too quickly, even. “Hyung, what’s wrong? Did you-” He had completely stopped in his tracks. “Oh my god, hyung.”

Mark beamed at his stop. “You can see it?!”

“Hyung, oh my. God, hyung. Mark. I love you. I—” Donghyuck hugged Mark with as much strength as he had, feeling himself burst into tears as he couldn’t stop smiling.

“I can see you, Hyuck.” Mark breathed out, crying a bit. “I can finally see you!” He held the younger as close as he could, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “I love you, oh my god. You’re absolutely beautiful.”

“Oh m-my god, Mark.” Had been the younger’s reply as he sobbed in the elder’s arms.

After they had calmed down enough to actually talk proper sentences, Mark had quickly explained him what he felt when he woke up. He was so excited that he had forgotten about Donghyuck’s eyes. He had glanced at them but not really looked. As the younger boy rambled on about something, he did so. And he instantly rememberedd him describing his favourite colour.

“Hyuck.” He stopped his boyfriend’s ramble. “Are your eyes yellow?”

“What?” the younger had snorted. “No? They’re brown, hyung. Why?”

“Oh.” Mark felt dumb, but happy nonetheless. “Sorry. It’s just.” You said yellow was warm and safe and happy. And your eyes are too. “Nevermind me.”

“But, hyung I wanna know!” Donghyuck pouted, and Mark was too weak. Way too weak. He couldn’t even believe that he was seeing the pout that he had always felt, he was weak but he had an excuse.

“Fine…” His mind then trailed off, “What colour are they, though?”

Donghyuck smiled at him, holding out his hand for the older to grab. “Brown, angel.”

“Oh…” was all Mark had to say, they were beautiful. Maybe brown was his favourite colour from now on, instead of yellow.

“But why did you think they were yellow?” The younger questioned.

“Well…” Mark’s cheeks started warming up. “Remember when I asked you what your favourite colour was?” Donghyuck nodded. “Your eyes make me feel like that. Safe. And happy.”

“Oh.” Donghyuck’s own cheeks duplicated Mark’s, and the older boy thought he had never seen something as beautiful as that colour dusting his boyfriend’s cheeks.

“What colour are your cheeks, right now?”

The colour got darker. “I-I. Pink? Or red, maybe.”

Mark smiled at him, still staring at his cheeks. “Wow. I love those colours. They’re my favourite.” Maybe he didn’t have a favourite colour anymore, perhaps Donghyuck was his favourite. Perhaps all the colours that made Donghyuck were his favourite, all the brown from his eyes or the pink and red on his cheeks, the pretty colour that stood on his lips. The one that beautifully coloured his skin, every single one of them.

“You’re the cutest, angel. I love you.” Donghyuck smiled, and Mark knew that no matter how much he loved colours, he would never love them as much as he loved his boyfriend’s smile.

They had rested for more 20 minutes, which basically consisted in Mark staring Donghyuck up and down, taking in everything he could before, and wondering about how everything was so beautiful when it came to Donghyuck.

They got up and Donghyuck presented everything to Mark. It was hard but also fun taking in everything that he had always imagined, everyone was so beautiful and real. Every colour and every shape that decorated his surroundings was astonishing.

After learning all about where he lived, Mark had remembered something. He could see himself. So he asked Donghyuck if he could take a picture of him, so he could see how he looked. The younger chuckled before bringing him to a mirror.

“Wow. I can see myself in here.” Mark was amazed. “That’s so cool!”

Donghyuck had giggled at that, “Of course you can. It’s a mirror, it’s what they’re for.”

He was pretty. He wasn’t sure if it was too conceited of him to think that, but Mark found himself pretty and real. He had cried so much at the sight of his blonde hair, and his awkward smile as he looked for Donghyuck’s reflection while the younger came up to hug him.

He had small lips, a different shade to Donghyuck’s. He wondered if he kissed them, the colours would mash up together, to create a new one. He had a small nose too, a small face as well. His eyes were brown too, but they didn’t make him feel safe and happy. Maybe it wasn’t about the colours, maybe the feelings came from the person. Donghyuck was the one who made him feel safe and happy, not brown or yellow. Or any other colour.

“See Mark. You’re beautiful. Breathtaking.”

Mark could see his own cheeks get redder as Donghyuck kept staring at his reflection in the mirror. He was pretty, but nothing compared to his boyfriend. “You’re still more beautiful, Hyuck.”

An hour passed since they had gotten up before they finally remembered to tell everyone and to call Mark’s mother. They had completely forgot about the rest of the world, too caught up in each other. It was easier to get distracted when you could see, Mark thought.

Mark’s mother had been the second person to know, crying out in the phone as soon as Mark had revealed the news. She had screamed in joy, as she choked out how proud she was of his baby, and how she would only take 15 minutes to be there.

He had thought about meeting everyone else while he was waiting for her, but he didn’t want to. He wanted her to be the second person he got to see. And so he just stood around with his boyfriend while they watched TV until she got there.

When she did get there and Mark first saw her, he broke down crying again. She was beautiful. She looked like an angel, even though Mark didn’t know what angels looked like. She looked warm and safe too, just like Donghyuck.

She had long hair, of different kinds of shades, brown, Mark thought. Her eyes were like his own, her nose the same, her lips bigger, never not shaped into a smile. She was so happy, Donghyuck was too. Mark was the happiest.

After crying in her embrace for what felt like ages, Mark pulled away to go meet his other friends. Everyone was so beautiful. Mark wondered if ugly people existed. Probably not.

Mark had finally gotten to see the man who had made everything possible. Maybe he wasn’t as beautiful as everyone else, Mark thought, but he was still not ugly. He had hugged him and cried again, being grateful for everything.

He hadn’t even remembered about debuting until the man mentioned it, and then he full on sobbed as Donghyuck held him. He was so happy to be debuting with his boyfriend who he loved and whom loved him back, and with all his friends, under a company that cared for him enough to pay for his surgery and with the support of the most beautiful, most hardworking, kindest mother.

After celebrating the whole day, he was tired and he went back to his and Donghyuck’s dorm with the younger boy. They talked more, never getting enough. They were in love after all. It was after an hour or so, that Donghyuck smugly brought up the promise they had made.

Mark was flustered and blushed right away, Donghyuck’s cheeks pink while he acted like he wasn’t nervous as well. Their kiss was clumsy, proof of the fact they have never kissed anyone before. As their lips touched each other, Mark had felt happy.

He didn’t feel a spark like all the books he had read mentioned, but he felt complete. Like there had been a missing part of him that he didn’t even acknowledge and now it was finally complete.

After their kiss, their cheeks so hot that they could feel each other’s warmth when they kissed, they giggled for a while before trying it again. They kept doing so for what felt like eternity, but a good one.

By the time they finally pulled away for good, their kisses were no long super messy, but rather calm and soft, safe and happy, they were yellow. They were the best kisses Mark could have ever imagined.

“I’m so happy, you’re so beautiful.” Mark confessed, “I saw so many people today but you’re still the prettiest out of them all.”

Donghyuck looked down at his hands, something Mark had never noticed he did before he saw. “I love you. So much.” And maybe they started kissing again, for a few more minutes. They just couldn’t get enough of each other.

“You know what I just remembered?” Mark asked after a while, while they were calming down from kissing.

“What?”

“That time where you told me to say you’re more beautiful than Jaemin.” Mark waited for Donghyuck to reply, but all the younger said was oh so he continued. “To me, you’re all beautiful, you know? I don’t think beauty is like a competition. I just think… I think I wanna appreciate everyone’s beauty for as long as I can.”

“Oh. I see.”

Mark smiled at the younger, “Yeah…” he then pecked his nose, “But if it counts for anything, I think you’re prettier than him.”

Donghyuck laughed at that, his cheeks reddening up again. “Thanks.”

Mark’s smile grew bigger at the sight, “It’s true. But don’t let him know. He’ll take out both of my eyes if you do.”

They both laughed at that, before going back to kissing.

That had been Mark’s favourite day.