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You can go through life, a goal in mind, and nothing else matters. That’s what Yoongi’s been doing ever since he realized he wanted to be a rapper. He loved music more than anything in the world, he was talented, he was fairly handsome -although his sense of fashion didn’t do much for him- and he was hardworking. His objective in life was to have his voice resound everywhere, he didn’t care for money, he just wanted people to know his music.
Yoongi was famous-ish, he could still go out and walk around without being recognized, he was cool with that, he had a loyal group of fans, they loved his music and accepted him for who he was. He released his first album, and it did pretty well. His fans had taken as their mission to promote his album everywhere, they had loved it and he was pleased with it. It was the result of a year of work.
He was surprised when his manager let him know that the famous idol singer Jungkook wanted to do a collaboration with him, apparently, he had loved a song in his album and wanted to do a version with his vocals in it. Yoongi was thrilled, this was once in a lifetime opportunity so of course, he accepted. He met Jungkook and they started working on the song, Yoongi had to admit Jungkook was talented and it was easy to work with him. Every now and then Jungkook would bring friends to the studio, Yoongi didn’t mind, they weren’t annoying. One of those days, Jungkook invited one of his best friends, as the younger had let him know, and he happened to like Yoongi’s music, his name was Jimin.
Jimin wasn’t annoying, in fact, Yoongi enjoyed his presence more than Jungkook’s other friends. Their first meeting had been awkward, Jimin was so excited to meet Yoongi that he couldn’t introduce himself properly, he was a mess, he had talked so fast that Yoongi barely understood what he said. After that, things went by smoother, Jungkook started bringing only Jimin with him, and Yoongi got to know him better, he learned Jimin was part of Jungkook’s choir and every now and then also was a supporting dancer, he enjoyed not being in the spotlight. When they finished recording the collaboration Jungkook, Jimin and Yoongi had promised to have a coffee or something, they enjoyed each other’s company.
When the collaboration was released Yoongi’s expectations were surpassed. Jungkook’s fans loved the song. Yoongi’s fans loved the song. The song had topped charts Yoongi only dreamed of. Yoongi cried of happiness. The number of followers he had on social media grew a lot. Fans were even asking for a music video for the song. Yoongi and Jungkook were being interviewed in TV shows and radio shows. Yoongi was seeing his dream come true, and he couldn’t be any happier. His hard work had paid off, his music was getting the recognition it deserved.
Yoongi spent time with Jungkook and Jimin, they would meet at a coffee shop and talk for hours, or just meet at Jungkook’s place and watch movies and binge watch series. Of course, Jungkook and Jimin playfulness sometimes exhausted Yoongi, but he didn’t mind, they were becoming his friends, the closest he had ever had, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
The song had reached its peak, its job was done. It would even be considered for music awards at the end of the year.
Jungkook was now preparing a new album, so he didn’t have much free time, Yoongi still spent with Jimin, they met to have lunch, or they went to the movies. Yoongi felt at ease when he was with Jimin, he had a warm personality and a bright smile that would light up a dark room. Yoongi wondered what he had done to deserve such friendship from a kind man.
Everything was as if Yoongi were living in a dream.
Until he wasn’t.
Yoongi woke up in the middle of the night, he was choking and felt something stuck in his throat, after coughing for a while he noticed that something was no longer stuck in his throat but was now in his hands. It was a single flower petal, Yoongi felt a shiver go down his spine, what on earth was this supposed to mean… And then it hit him, his mother had warned him about a disease that haunted his family. Yoongi remembered that whole conversation, his mother had told him everything she knew; sometimes the disease skipped a whole generation, and sometimes only one member of the family had it, or more members had it, but what had shocked Yoongi was the meaning of it, it represented a one-sided love. And it could only be cured if the other person returned the feeling or through a complicated surgery. Those in his family that had undergone the surgery had had a fairly good physical recovery, but their emotional state was different, they had never loved anyone afterward, but they still managed to live happy content lives. Others that didn’t choose surgery and neither got the other person to love them back had met fatal ends. Yoongi’s mom had looked at him when she told him that if this ever happened to him he should inform her, and they’ll decide what to do, and then she hugged him, after that single conversation they never mention the topic again. Yoongi had seen on the television doctors advertising themselves as experts on the surgical procedure, he had also seen on the news couple of cases that had ended badly. And for all the times Yoongi had heard about the disease, the Hanahaki disease, he remembered his mother’s words, and yet, seating in his bed, lilac petal in hand, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. He remembered his mother had told him that everyone in their family had had petals from the same flower, it was called sweet pea, it meant pleasure, and Yoongi had thought it was ironic.
Yoongi looked at the petal, he thought of calling his mother, he had a million thoughts in his head, and the one that was resounding the most was: who was he even in love with!? He thought about it for a moment, was it Jungkook? His manager? His neighbor? A name popped up, almost in bright neon letters, Jimin. It couldn’t be, Jimin was his friend, and Yoongi didn’t even consider himself gay… What was he supposed to do? He was supposed to meet Jimin the next day for lunch… For the time being Yoongi decided he was too tired to think about it, maybe this was just a cruel dream, so he went back to sleep.
The next morning Yoongi woke up, he remembered what had happened last night, and spotted a petal in his white sheets. It wasn’t good. It hadn’t been a dream. He would need to call his mother. More importantly, he was supposed to meet Jimin for lunch. And he did. Which maybe Yoongi should have canceled, because Jimin seemed rather uneasy, and as the good friend that Yoongi was, he had asked what was going on. Jimin told him something he could have never seen coming; last night Jimin had visited Jungkook in the studio, and after a couple of drinks Jimin kissed him, out of the blue, even more out of the blue Jungkook kissed him back, which caused Jimin to ran away from the studio, at the time he blamed it on the alcohol, but now, sober and clear-headed, he informed Yoongi he might like Jungkook, he might have liked him for a while now. Yoongi felt pain in his chest, he knew he was about to start coughing, so he ran to the bathroom, ignoring Jimin, he made it just in time, he started coughing and lilac petals came out of his mouth. He headed to an empty stall and emptied his lungs in the toilet. After his cough fit passed. He cried. For that conversation with Jimin had confirmed his feelings, feelings he had been unaware of, and what’s worst, informed him of Jimin’s feelings for Jungkook. He figured one couldn't have everything in life. He decided to call his mother.
After he finished the phone call with his mom, Yoongi heard Jimin calling his name through the door, he had taken quite a while inside the restroom. He exited the stall, washed his hands and took a deep breath. He opened the door and saw a worried Jimin, his heart sank, but he needed to keep a straight face, so he informed Jimin that he wasn't feeling well and that he had to leave, he apologized and left the restaurant, leaving a confused Jimin behind.
As Yoongi walked home he wondered when his feelings evolved from a simple friendship to love. In his twenty-five years of living, he had never fallen in love with anyone. Sure, he had a couple of girlfriends, but nothing serious. He thought it was a cruel move from the universe that the first time he falls in love happens to be a one-sided love, and a hopeless one.
His mom wanted to see him, so as soon as he got to his apartment he prepared a suitcase, called his manager to inform he'll be taking a couple of months off, he vaguely told him he wasn't feeling well and that he'd spend time in his hometown, which the manager understood, he knew Yoongi well enough to not ask any further, sometimes the young rapper just needed time to breath.
When Yoongi got home, his mother hugged him, Yoongi explained everything, and his mother listened, she asked him what would he do? Yoongi had thought about it, and the only choice he saw was to go through the surgery, it was pointless and foolish to do anything else, and once again, his mother hugged him, Yoongi cried.
After that, Yoongi met a doctor, his specialty was thoracic surgery, and he had developed a cutting-edge method to remove the source of the Hanahaki disease, of all the patients he had performed the surgery on, 99% had been successfully recovered.
After a thorough examination, the doctor determined he was, in fact, a viable candidate for the procedure. They set the date for the following week, and during that one-week wait Yoongi's conditioned worsened, his coughing fits were more frequent and more violent, he felt as if he was in a dream, his thoughts were hazy. At least his family was with him, taking care of him, he got a couple of calls from Jungkook and Jimin, but he refused to answer. He avoided social media after he had announced he would be taking a hiatus, he thanked his fans for all the support. He broadly explained his situation to his manager, who wished him the best and asked to be informed on his recovery, he wanted to visit him, which Yoongi accepted if he promised to keep everything secret, of course, the older man granted him that.
The day of the surgery his family was with him, at his room, they hugged him and told him they'd be there when he came back, he was prepared to enter the OR. Next thing Yoongi knew he was in the OR looking at the doctor's eyes, he gave him a comforting smile and asked him to count back from 10. As he lost consciousness, Yoongi thought of Jimin, his smile, his eyes, he felt a tear roll down his cheek, and he felt enormously sad, then everything went blank.
Yoongi woke up, everything hurt, mainly his chest area. Everything was blurry, he then saw a light moving in front of his eyes, and he heard voices. When his eyes got used to the light he realized he was in a room, his doctor was there, and a couple of nurses, the doctor informed him everything had gone as planned, he'll have to remain in the hospital to recover, and after that he'd have to take it slow, couple of months more and he'd be able to go back to his regular routine. Yoongi just nodded.
He was taken back to his room, where his mom, dad, and brother were waiting for him. They just smiled at him, they couldn't touch him, he had bandages around his chest.
He closed his eyes for a moment, and he felt a hand squeezing his, he then heard his mom’s voice, she was asking him if he was okay, how he felt about Jimin, at the mention of that name Yoongi opened his eyes and looked and his mother’s eyes, she was almost sorry to ask, but Yoongi knew she had to ask. They had agreed on that before the surgery. Yoongi thought about Jimin, but nothing happened, there was nothing left. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks, he was scared, he looked at his mom, and she was crying, Yoongi asked multiple times what had he had done, and his mom replied he had done what he had to, she wouldn’t have been able to bear losing her baby, she kissed his forehead, Yoongi felt her tears. Yoongi was alive, but he couldn’t help feeling a big black hole inside of him.
Yoongi’s recovery went by uneventful, a nurse would check on him every couple of hours, his doctor visited him daily to check on him. Yoongi was slowly recovering. Regaining strength. He had cried in front of his doctor, who kindly told him, that yes, this might have been a selfish act, but he was alive, and he needed to come to terms with his situation. Maybe love was out of the equation, but that didn’t mean Yoongi had to punish himself, he ought to find solace somewhere, maybe his music. Yoongi cried more after that, the doctor waited for him to calm down, and squeezed his hand, he reminded him that he was still young, and had a long way to go.
After that, Yoongi decided to stop feeling sorry for himself, he was alive. A part of him might have been taken away, but most of him remained. He owed to himself to do his very best for he had a new story to tell, a manager to handle and two friends to face…
When he was discharged from the hospital his mom had insisted that he should stay at home, they’d take care of him. He had accepted. He hadn’t figure out just yet how to face Jungkook and Jimin. His manager had visited him a couple of times, every time he informed that yes fans were restless but overall hoped for his wellbeing. Most importantly, Jungkook and Jimin kept asking about him, and every time the poor man had to lie.
When the doctor finally allowed him to go back to go to his normal routine, Yoongi was partly excited and partly terrified, the doctor let him know that he’d need to come back for a checkup every two months, and many more recommendations that were also handed to him in a printed form, bless this doctor.
Before Yoongi went back to the city, his mom wished him the best and kissed his forehead, reminded him that she loved him no matter what, Yoongi hugged her and thanked her for everything, he left before she started crying, he didn’t want to cry as well. Yoongi’s manager was the one to take him back to the city, he had asked him if he wanted to meet Jungkook or Jimin, Yoongi had thought about it, if he was to meet them, he wanted to do it in safe environment, so he asked his manager to let them know he’ll meet them at his studio.
He was at the studio when he noticed a knock on the door, he casually asked who it was, he already knew who it was, it was his kind manager, with a pair or most likely angry young men.
As soon as he opened the door he saw Jimin and Jungkook, a whirl of emotions overcame him, not anger, not hate, not love, it was peace, and fondness, at least for Jungkook, it was complicated to describe how he felt about Jimin, it was as if his mind was trying to find the file of “feelings we have for Jimin” and found an empty folder. It was blank, but Yoongi knew that’s how he’d feel. He just smiled at the pair and opened his mouth to speak, to explain, as best as he could, what had happened to him, before he could say a word the pair pulled him for a hug, Yoongi complained in pain -his chest still hurt despite he only had a big pink scar left- so the pair released him. He looked at them, and somehow, he knew everything would be okay, all of this had been a storm, that had dissipated, now there was a clear sky.