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Iris braced herself against the island in the kitchen pulling her heels from her aching feet. She thought baby showers were adorable, and decorating for one for Cecile had been fun. What wasn’t fun, was cleaning up the mess after hosting one at your home. She looked around at the scattered glasses with remnants of wine, half empty beer bottles, and tatters of wrapping paper trying her best to muster the energy to restore neatness to her living room. She pulled a plastic bag out loading it with garbage. She began to take the streamers down and the pinned pink onesie caught her attention. She took it down, feeling the small, very intriguing fabric in her hands and her mind began to wonder. She would be lying if she said watching Cecile waddle around with a cute bump didn’t set off her imagination of her own swollen with Barry’s child. Regardless of anything going on around them, Barry would be ecstatic and cater to her every need. Then reality would strike and she’d remember they were dealing with a madman who wanted to strip technology from the world and do God knows what else.
‘Just another day at the office.’ She rolled her eyes internally.
“Hey,” she heard Barry from behind her, fresh from the shower. “I thought I told you I’d handle this?” He slid his hands onto her shoulders massaging slightly. She sighed at his touch.
“I thought I’d start it off for you…” she said, still eyeing the tiny baby garment in her hands. She noticed Barry slightly curious gaze eyeing her with a knowing expression.
“This,” she held it up. “Just reminded me I have to get more birth control next week.” She placed it on the counter, reclaiming the bag of trash she left on the floor. She was trying to play off the actual thoughts buzzing around in her head. He picked up the onesie right after, inspecting it.
“What if you...didn’t?” he asked, in a low voice. Almost afraid of her answer, he didn’t look up.
“What?” she whirled around to face him. She didn’t know why, but her stomach dropped a bit at them finally having this conversation.
“I just thought… maybe… I don’t know, never mind.”
“No! It’s only that we’ve only mentioned children in passing, but haven’t really sat and talked about it before.”
“What do you think?” he asked, wringing the onesie in both his hands, anticipating her answer.
“Do you think it’s a good idea right now?” she asked, doubtful. “With everything else going on?”
It was a good question and the answer was maybe not, but if Barry had learned one thing, it was that something was always around the corner. He could live in contentment with just him and Iris, but he was realizing more and more that he wanted the full experience of his happily ever after with her. He wasn’t sure he wanted to tune the way he lived because of fear of the people he loved being ripped away from him anymore.
“What about after we’ve dealt with DeVoe?
“Can I think about it?” She bit at her lip.
“Yes, of course! It’s a lot to consider, I know…” he answered, taking the bag of trash from her. “Go shower and relax. I got the rest.”
Iris smiled gratefully at him, rising to her tiptoes to kiss him softly.
“I love you. I’ll think about it.” She reassured, retreating from him, but the thought of what Barry was suggesting never left her mind. She showered and dressed for bed in somewhat of a haze of pure thought and emotion. It wasn’t long before she lied on her side feeling Barry take his place next to her like he did every night.
“Barry…” He heard Iris whisper in the dark quietness of their bedroom.
“Yeah?”
“You really wanna have children?” She asked as she turned to face him, scooting closer. “With me?”
He searched her eyes a little confused because why wouldn’t he want a little Iris with big brown eyes and a light emitting smile that could steal his heart away just as much as their mother’s did?
“Of course.” He chuckled, swiping hair from her face to get a better look at her eyes. “Unless… I have another wife I don’t know about?” He teased.
“You’d better not!” She giggled playfully.
He grabbed her hand pressing a whisper-soft kiss to her fingers. “You know you’re my one and only.”
Despite his answer and the playful tone of their conversation, he still saw the crease in her forehead. A sign that something was still bothering her.
“Iris… It’s okay if you don’t want children.”
“It’s not that.” She said, begrudgingly. She didn’t want to admit her self-consciousness, but it ate away at her ever since the topic resurfaced.
“Barry, what if we don’t have time for them?”
“We’ll make time.”
“We barely have time for ourselves.”
“Things will change.”
“But how do you know?
Barry cupped her check and she closed her eyes leaning against the warmth of his fingertips, letting it comfort her.
“Why is this worrying you so much? What’s changed?”
“I just worry about being the best mother I can be.” She said. “I don’t know if that’s possible with the life we live, that’s all.”
Iris did want kids with him. Badly. Maybe it was her time solidifying herself as a leader and strategist for the team that left her more practical than she used to be. She didn’t know if children was the best thing for them. They didn’t deserve to be put in danger at every turn because they thought they could attempt to live a normal life outside of Flash business, and they definitely deserved nothing less than their full attention. A little part of her was hoping he could say the right things in his special Barry way, so that he could take her doubts away because all she could see since the baby shower were the ghost of children running freely around their home with tiny, chubby faces and their father’s crinkly-eyed smile. Iris swallowed hard because it all felt so close. All she had to do was say the words and they could have their own family made from their love and devotion to one another.
“You would be the best mother in the world…” he said, dotingly.
“Barry, you give me too much credit.” She shook her head. “I can be forgetful, and I’m always tired lately since I started working again and-”
“You’re caring, selfless, and protective.” He reminded her, rubbing his nose against hers. “You’re attentive, and you give the most amazing hugs, I would know.” This made her smile.
“As for the other things,” he said, pulling her onto his chest. “I believe it was you tell me not to plan our lives around impending threats.”
She thought back to that night she comforted him on the window sill when he’d first began his scuffle with DeVoe.
What about after Cecile has the baby? Or even when we have our first child.
“I know… I’m just a little afraid now that it’s a real possibility.”
“If anything, I want this to push us to be better, more vigilant.”
She nodded in agreement, and he watched curiously as she moved to straddle his waist. Her hands rested on the bare skin of his chest, rubbing gentle, absentminded circles.
“I want this with you.” She whispered, touching her forehead with his.
“Then let’s do it.” He sat up, wrapping his arms around her waist and she swore she could see all his hopes for the future swimming there in his eyes. “If it makes you feel better, we’ll wait until we stop DeVoe.” She nodded.
“If we do this,” she began, hesitantly. “We do it together, committed, and on the same page?”
“Naturally…” he grinned, his heart was swelling with every sign of resolve in her pretty brown eyes. “It’ll be okay, I’ll make sure of it.”
“Okay.” She nodded. Her smile was watery and she felt a little silly for the wetness intruding her eyes, but she was so damn happy. So relieved from the affirmation he gave to her. “We’re really gonna have a baby?”
“Yeah,” he breathed with a beaming smile, leaning up to capture her lips. Iris opened her mouth, letting him deepen the kiss. She was still overwhelmed by how much safety she felt with his arms wrapped around her.
Barry gently moved her until she was lying underneath him, so beautiful with the light of the moon casting over her and her legs wound around his small waist.
“I love you so damn much.” He whispered.
“Show me.” She coaxed him.
Holding her body tightly against him, he did. Slowly and deeply, pouring his love for her into every kiss and push against her body. She gave just as much until they’d had their fill, and lied wrapped in one another, sated.
“Iris…” he whispered as she lulled against him.
“Hmm?”
“I promise to protect you and the children we bring into this world with my life.” He swore, solemnly with a smile. His pinky was extended to her in a cute gesture that made her giggle just a little.
“Ditto.” She promised, linking hers with his and kissing it softly, and he reciprocated. She couldn’t wait for them to start this new journey together.