Work Text:
It was a particularly cold night and Ji An had to make a quick trip to the store before she could head home. She worked all morning straight into the night, doing various odd jobs and scrubbing dishes and floors. She tried applying for a few contract jobs, but her resume didn't seem to catch anyone's attention. Not that it bothered her much, contract jobs usually paid more especially at a good company, but it was also harder to work at said jobs. They had higher standards of course.
Ji An was paying for her groceries when she saw she just barely had enough for the tomatoes. She paused and stared at the packaging suddenly remembering the strange dream she had the night before. In her dream she was standing in this exact spot, she left the tomatoes behind and started to leave the store, but before she could leave a voice called out to her, causing her to turn and look at him. It was a man, taller than her wearing a thick coat and scarf, he was holding out her tomatoes, but before she could see his face she would wake up.
“Miss?” she looked up at the cashier and saw that the cashier was waiting and everyone behind her was staring. She took the tomatoes and left.
The water was cold and her rubber gloves did little to help her as she was washing dishes. She scrubbed a bowl a little too hard and felt her fingers scream as she forced them to work despite the fact they were very broken. Ji An bared through the pain, much like any other pain in her life. Kawng Il was in a particularly bad mood today and of course when he's in a bad mood he likes to come and take it out on her.
Ji An dropped a cup in the sink, shaking her head as flashes of Gwang Il kicking and punching her went through her mind. When he left, she was sitting outside, trying to get the strength to get up. All the while she was staring out into the street.
Her dream went exactly like this, but the change was that the mysterious man suddenly came up and stopped Kawng Il. They fought and eventually Kawng Il left leaving the faceless man to stay behind and help her. He was so gentle with her and his voice was so soothing that despite her cold heart refusing to believe there are good people left in the world, she found that he was someone she could fully trust.
But it was just a dream. Ji An had to get herself up and force herself to be ok. There was no such thing as that mysterious man. He wasn't ever going to help her and her dreams needed to realize that because Ji An lost hope a long time ago.
Ji An walked down the same street every night. She would pass by a few late night drinkers or troublemakers, but they would never walk with her. She was always alone. But there was always that thought in the back of her mind of a dream she had of that same faceless man walking with her every night.
Whenever they walked together it was familiar and safe. Ji An didn't understand these feelings or why she continued to have dreams that eluded to this man. But unlike those first meetings in her dreams… this one just seemed like they were familiar with each other. Like they had made a system and just enjoyed each other's company.
How was she supposed to feel about this?
This fake man who somehow broke through her defenses and made her feel safe. A man she didn't even know and yet through these dreams they were so familiar? Had she finally lost it? Was she going insane?
Not paying attention Ji An found herself bumping into someone head on. She stepped back, but tripped over an uneven part of the street and his hands quickly caught her shoulders before she could fall to the ground. “Are you alright?” a smooth familiar voice spoke sending shivers down her spine. Ji An looked up, wanting to see just who it was, but her eyes opened instead and she was in her room, staring at the ceiling.
Ji An wanted to scream.
The sound of the train rolling on the tracks was enough to lull her into a sleep. She kept herself awake so not to miss her stop or fall into the wall, but after pulling double shifts all day Ji An was exhausted. She paid a little more of her debt as well, but it didn't seem to put even a dent in it no matter how much she paid. It just kept growing and growing and Ji An wondered if she was going to be paying for it even in death. The train stopped suddenly and Ji An felt herself falling sideways, unable to grasp onto the railing in time and before she hit the ground strong arms grabbed her.
Her mind whirled, part of her too tired to focus and the other part of her wondering if her falling was going to be a constant thing. When she was able to catch her bearings she realized that the strong arms have yet to let her go and being caught in them a few times already she knew exactly who it was. She wanted to look up, but she knew as soon as she did she would wake up and everything would be over. Surely this itself was another dream… but maybe it could also be real? Of course she looked up anyway because she wanted to know. She was desperate to understand why he was always there for her and wanted to know who her faceless man was.
Her eyes opened by the sound of the train using its brakes to slow down. The sound screeched a little louder than normal and Ji An’s mind whirled as she tried to pull herself from sleep. The disappointment she felt was expected and she stood from her seat (when did she sit down she wondered) and waited for her stop. The constant struggles between what was real and not real was starting to upset her and at this point she just wanted everything to just stop. The train came to a full stop and the voice above announced their destination. Ji An looked up and froze when she noticed a person standing by the door looking exactly like the man from her dreams. Everything from the coat to the bag matched the description perfectly and Ji An felt frozen on her feet.
The doors opened and Ji An watched as everyone left the train. Was this also a dream? Why was he walking away? Shouldn't he be looking at her right now? Her feet moved forward; realization coming to her at full force. This was real. The man of her dreams was real and she was letting him walk away. She ran forward, her eyes on his back wanting so bad to catch up to him and finally see his face, but her foot got caught between the small gap of the train and the platform causing her to fall forward. Ji An nearly slammed her face into the ground, her palms screaming in pain for taking most of the fall and her ankle felt like fire. People around her quickly helped her up. One woman asked if she was ok, but Ji An pushed past all of them not saying a word of thanks. She limped up the stairs and looked around the busy street hoping to find where he went, but the man was nowhere to be found.
He was real, she repeated in her head like a mantra.
He was real.
It was weeks before she dreamed about the man again. Normally the pattern was that he would help her in some way, and before she saw his face she would wake up and start her day like normal. This time though, it was different. She was following him as he walked, presumably to go home. Snow was falling around them, gentle and slow, but Ji An didn’t notice it nor the cold. Suddenly the man stopped and Ji An stopped with him watching him carefully, not sure whether she should risk moving closer or if he would turn around and see her himself. Instead he seemed to sway like he was drunk and a sound that was so similar to a sob left his lips. The sound echoed into her ear like he was right next to her. Her heart clenched in her chest as she watched with wide eyes as he fell onto his back, staring up at the dark sky.
It got even worse when she realized he had fallen near train tracks. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. His breathing just echoed in her ears over and over again forcing her to watch, unable to do anything . It consumed her, forcing her vision to burn black like she herself were suffocating with him. His breathing got slower and Ji An wanted to fight, to scream, and punch to get to him. She had to get to him! “Get up!” she managed to scream, using every last ounce of willpower to convey her words.
Then, like breaking through the ocean’s surface Ji An woke up gasping for air. Her grandmother lay sleeping in the only bed and didn’t rouse from the noise Ji An made stumbling to get up and to her door. After a quick glance to make sure her grandma was still warm and sleeping Ji An ran out of the house forging her jacket and shoes. She ran into the night, running faster than she ever did in her life. All she could think was that the man was in trouble, he needed her help. She had to help him. She had grown so used to him being there, even if it all were dreams, that losing him now didn’t seem right. Whoever he was, she knew now that he wasn’t someone she should lose. She inhaled a sharp breath and willed her legs to run faster, determined to get to the destination.
She slowed to a stop when she finally saw sight of him. Her Ahjusshi lying on the ground, but before she could get closer he was already getting himself up. He brushed himself off, let out a large sigh, and shifted his bag higher onto his shoulder. Ji An watched as continued onto the path, as if he didn’t just let himself fall. She kept watching him until his figure disappeared into the distance. She didn’t follow. Her legs gave out on her and Ji An sat there for a long while, catching her breath and wishing she had tears left to cry.
The full moon was bright tonight and Ji An’s grandma wanted desperately to see the moon. Ji An’s body ached from head to toe, but who was she to deny her grandmother the simple pleasure? She stole a cart and a few items from the store, running as fast she could, ignoring the cuts that were still healing on her feet and she forced her way back home. Making sure her grandmother was covered in a warm blanket she walked them to a nice spot so her grandma can see the moon for a little while. Ji An took this time to stare at the moon herself, wondering what about it that made her grandma want to see it all the time. She never asked, and even if she did, she’s not sure her grandmother could really explain why.
Ji An looked at it sometimes too, wondering if the moon could hear her thoughts like they seem to hear her grandma’s. She looked down instead, thinking of her Ahjusshi, lying in the cold. The dreams continued normally after that day. They would keep meeting in small strange ways, and once she dreamed of him helping her bring her grandma to this very spot. She always tried hard not to look at him, just so the dream would last and she would stay by his side that much longer, but no matter if she looked or not, she would always wake up and they would never meet. She still didn’t understand the purpose of these dreams or why him in particular, but every day that she misses him is another day she wonders if this is her punishment.
Murderer.
Suddenly it felt like someone was standing next to her. Ji An was afraid to look because after everything she already knew who it was. “You’re a good person.” he said softly and Ji An froze. His words rung in her ears until that was all she heard. She turned rapidly, looking towards her right to find him, but it was no surprise that he wasn’t there. Her mind whirled as shock filled her. The pattern changed again. Just … how much did he know about her? Was it all in her head after all? Was he actually real? But she saw him… so then… are her dreams not him?
The sound of her grandma made her snap out of her thoughts and look at her. Her grandma signed, asking if she was okay. Ji An wasn’t sure if she was, but she nodded, telling her grandma it was time to go home. The words burned her ears as she tucked her grandma in bed and they continued to burn until she fell asleep, feeling something stir in her chest that was unfamiliar but warm.
The day was cloudy and Ji An took the train further into the city so she could try her luck again with higher paying companies. One of them was some construction company, but Ji An didn’t really care where she worked, as long as she was getting paid. She passed by a few small food places, her stomach growling loudly for food. She ignored it, standing at the edge of the sidewalk, watching traffic come to a stop at a stoplight. She watched the cars, giving her eyes something to do while she distracted herself from thinking of her hunger. A “Brother’s Cleaning” van stopped near her and she looked at it, noticing the paper attached to it covering up what the previous name was before.
Her gaze shifted to the window and her eyes met that of another. They stared at each other, the world around them seeming to freeze as if extending the long moment for as long as possible. There was something familiar about the man staring at her and he seemed to have this realization on his face as he looked at her too. The light turned green and Ji An watched the van go, standing there for a long moment once her mind suddenly realized what had just happened.
That was him. Her Ahjusshi.
She was sitting quietly at a table in a small restaurant. She didn’t order anything and looked to be waiting for someone. Not a minute later did someone come and stand by her table. He removed his scarf and coat, placing it on the chair next to him with his bag before sitting in front of her. Her eyes met his and they stared at each other for a long time. They spoke no words, instead drinking their beer in the strange silence that took over the room. Suddenly he raised his glass up and Ji An looked at him. “Let’s be happy.” he said and Ji An felt a wave of sorrow pass over her as she noticed how sad his eyes looked.
She clinked their glasses together and they both downed their drinks.
Ji An opened her eyes to find herself standing outside the restaurant. She didn’t remember walking here, but peering through the glass from a distance she saw a familiar handsome figure sitting inside, drinking alone with those sad eyes. She stepped forward, wanting to go inside and sit across from him, not giving a damn if he knew her or not, but she didn’t.
One day, she thought and made her way home.
She didn’t know where she was, but there was so much laughter in this one little place that it was almost infectious. There were a bunch of ahjusshi’s in one room, each holding a drink and talking loudly about their life. There was a beautiful woman with curly hair talking loudly and treating everyone to food and drinks. This must be her bar then Ji An wondered in awe, wondering how such a small place like this could be filled with so much warmth. It made her feel like she belonged and something inside her wished to stay.
“Dong Hoon! You’re here!” the beautiful woman said and the rest of the room greeted the new person kindly. He seemed to be the one everyone was waiting for. Her eyes stared at the drink the woman handed her instead, and she heard him come towards her at the bar where he stopped and looked at her.
“Who are you?” a familiar deep voices asks causing Ji An to lose her breath. She looks at him and sees her Ahjusshi staring right at her, a strange curiosity in his eyes.
“Lee Ji An.” she answered back, unsure of her own voice. He smiled and her heart pounded against her chest so fast against her chest she thought she might pass out.
Instead the sound of her phone ringing woke her up and Ji An answered it. “Hello Miss Lee Ji An? I just wanted to tell you that your resume has been selected at Saman E&C. Would you be able to start tomorrow?”
She breathed out.
“Yes.”
For some reason a ladybug was causing disorder at the office. Ji An ignored it as she typed up the receipts into the computer. She was almost done, and had a lot of other things to take care of before her shift was over. But suddenly the room became silent and she paused, wondering why no one was screaming anymore.
“Don’t move.” a voice spoke in her left ear and Ji An froze, recognizing that voice. She felt his hand on her arm and she glanced over to see that the ladybug that had landed on her arm suddenly take off and fly away. He sighed, looking disappointed and looked at her. She didn’t stop staring and neither did he as the rest of the room took off after the ladybug.
“Miss Lee Ji An.” he said politely and her heart pounded at his closeness, her fingers curling into her palms. This was real right? No more dreams right? “It’s good to have you on the team.” he said with a smile that made her heart skip a beat. He walked off and her gaze followed him and stayed there for the rest of the day. The day ended quickly and Lee Ji An walked out of the building, wondering when she was going to wake up. Manager Park Dong Hoon walked next to her and she followed him on the train, realizing after a while that he had the same stop as her. She could have laughed at that, but kept quiet.
He stepped out into the streets and Ji An spoke before her mind could catch up with her. “Buy me food.” she said and he paused, looking back at her. For a moment she thought he wasn’t going to answer, but finally he nodded and motioned for her to follow. She quickly followed after him, not wanting to lose sight of him incase she did wake up and this all was indeed another dream.
They walked together and after a moment he paused and looked at her. “Have we met before?” he asked suddenly, looking at her like he suddenly just realized something. She stood there for a moment, processing his question before looking at her Ahjusshi with a fond look.
“Not at all.”
His face was unreadable, but he continued ahead anyway, seeming to relax the longer he was with her. They ate and drank and he made sure to take her home. “Get some sleep.” he said and walked off. She watched him as he left and hoped that when she woke up in the morning everything wasn’t a dream.
When she got off work the next day she waited for him and he looked at her. “Buy me food.” she said.
“Again?” he asked.
She smiled.