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May 7 – Confessions
“Sorry,” Iida murmured as he scratched at the back of his neck. His eyes darted everywhere except Todoroki’s face. “I wasn’t sure who else I could talk to.”
Todoroki studied the other young man from his spot against the wall. Iida looked so small in his desk chair, a thought that Todoroki would have laughed at if he didn’t see the way Iida’s shoulders were hunched, posture closed and eyes downcast. Iida was supposed to be loud with a straightforwardness that could almost be mistaken for arrogance, if one didn’t know any better. He was always open and welcoming to anyone who needed him. This Iida had lost his composure.
“It’s alright,” Todoroki assured.
Iida finally looked at his face as he smiled gratefully, one corner of his mouth turned up higher than the other.
“What’s bothering you?” Todoroki rested his back against the wall.
Iida broke eye contact again as he sighed. “I feel stagnant.” Todoroki watched his eyes narrow in thought behind his frames. “You and Midoriya, even our other classmates like Asui and Kirishima, you’re all growing exponentially, set to become real heroes. Ever since,” he trailed off, “ever since the fight in Hosu, I’ve been trying. But lately, more and more, I feel like,” he paused, right hand gripping the other wrist, “maybe I’m not good enough, no matter how hard I try. Maybe I never will be.”
A part of Todoroki was staggered at the remarks. How could Iida, a man so good despite his flaws, feel like he wasn’t good enough? This was the man who took the safety of their entire class upon himself. This was the same person who stood with Midoriya and Todoroki against the Hero Killer, who tried his best to protect them. Todoroki could still hear those blades sticking through armor and flesh. He didn’t think he would ever forget, no matter how many horrors he’d see in his lifetime. It happened so quickly that Todoroki didn’t even have time to think “I’m going to die” before Iida shielded him from Stain’s knives.
Iida was amazing and brave. How could he not see it?
“My brother,” Iida continued, “was like a shining star. His sidekicks adored and respected him. The public looked to him for hope. I want to be just like that, just like him. But sometimes it feels impossible, you know?”
Two thoughts connected in Todoroki’s head. “Maybe,” he started hesitantly, unsure which words to choose. He wasn’t good at comforting people. “Maybe you should stop looking up to your brother.” He put his hands up in a placating fashion when Iida stared at him, scandalized. “What I mean is, stop looking at your brother like he’s an untouchable god. You’ve spent your whole life idolizing him, but maybe you should look at him as a peer. Learn from him, internalize what you will from him, but don’t put him on a pedestal or you’ll never feel good enough, not so long as you’re comparing yourself to him.” He wasn’t used to speaking quite this much at one time, but he couldn’t seem to stop the words. “No hero is perfect. Every single one of them are human. Be your own Ingenium, not your brother’s.”
Iida huffed quietly. “My brother told me the same thing.”
Of course, he did. Todoroki had met Ingenium a couple times while attending hero events with his father. Tensei seemed very level-headed at the time, and especially now that Todoroki could compare him to how passionate and rash his younger brother could be. Iida’s single-minded focus was great for academics but led to tunnel-vision when it came to heroics. It worried Todoroki sometimes. While attractive in its own way in their mundane life, behavior like that could get him killed.
“But now that Tensei is retired, the name of Ingenium must live on,” Iida continued. “And the public put their faith in him because of how he acted. If I fail, not only am I letting him down, I’ll let them down as well.” He pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. “But I’m never going to live up to his name. Stain was right—I’m not a real hero and people don’t change that quickly.”
That was when Todoroki remembered the date. It had been a year since Hosu. The sports festival should have reminded him, but he’d been so busy with preparations. But a year wasn’t too quick for someone to change. Iida had grown so much over the course of the past year. Todoroki found it hard to believe sometimes, but Iida was even more mature now than he had been then. He was more confident, composed, and most importantly, he knew his limits. This current Iida wouldn’t have the audacity to try taking on the hero killer on his own.
And yet to his own eyes, Iida was still a child pretending to be just like his big brother.
“I’m selfish. You and Midoriya work with a sense of altruism. You really do fight because it’s what is right. I envy the two of you.” His eyes looked hurt as he admitted that.
“I like you.” Todoroki wasn’t sure what made him say it. It was almost like his mouth moved without checking in with his brain first. It was just that Iida kept putting himself down and he wanted him to stop so he said the first thing that came to mind that would deflect the conversation.
Iida hesitated. “Thank you, Todoroki.” He smiled brightly. “I like you, too, and greatly value your friendship.”
Part of Todoroki wondered if Iida could really be that dense, or if he was just letting him down nicely. Then Todoroki realized that, yes, Iida could be and somehow that was part of his charm. Either way, he had a way out of this conversation. He could change the subject to anything he liked, now that it was steered away from Iida’s self-depreciation.
“No, Iida.” Todoroki stepped away from the wall to approach Iida. The other boy looked up at him, eyes wide behind his glasses. “I like you.” He stood in front of Iida now, looking down at his openly confused face. “I’ve been wanting to ask you out but was unsure how you would react.”
Iida’s eyes narrowed. “On a date?”
Todoroki shrugged. His face felt hot. He hadn’t thought this far ahead, even while daydreaming about how he would confess. He’d only entertained the scenario as fantasy, not something he’d ever be brave enough to do. “Yeah, like to a café or aquarium or something. Just us.”
A pinkness spread over Iida’s high cheekbones. “I had no idea.”
Now Todoroki knew his face was flushed. “My sister always said I’m expressionless.”
Iida chuckled a little. “A bit hard to read, but definitely not expressionless.” He regarded Todoroki like some fascinating creature he’d never seen before. Todoroki held his breath, waiting for his reply. “I think I’d like that. Just to… hang out and learn more about each other on a personal level. No pressure?”
“No pressure,” Todoroki agreed.
Iida had a gentle smile on his face now. Todoroki promised himself, whatever may come, he would continue to make Iida smile.