Chapter Text
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Joey is coming over today fuckfuckfuckfuck, Chandler thought with a groan. His best friend coming to hang out shouldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen in the history of existence yet, here we are. See, Chandler is most certainly not at all gay whatsoever, but, Joey makes him feel some pretty gay shit. Here’s the real kicker though, Joey’s been flirting with him, not friendly “oh, Joey” flirting, like honest to god, real ass flirting, and Chandler thinks he’s going to combust. He doesn’t plan to have anything happen, no moves will be made on his end, no sir, this is just two bros hanging out and playing video games, entirely bro-like conversations only, no eye fucking at all, regular, heterosexual bro time.
Joey has other plans. See he knows Chandler is an awkward fuck when it comes to romance, so Joey has a plan. He’s made it very obvious that his flirting isn’t meant to be a joke so this hang out sesh is going to be perfect for making a move. He’s decided it’ll be normal for the first part but at the end he’s going to kiss Chandler goodbye (unless he can’t help himself before then, what can he say, Chandler’s too cute for his own good sometimes) and leave him flustered, won’t even mention it the next time they see each other at the coffee shop with the rest of the group. It’s perfect, gives Chandler time to process but also adds build up and tension between them, no way this could possibly not work.
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11:30am is when Joey will be there, seeing as how it’s 11am right now, Chandler should probably get off his ass and get ready instead of nursing his coffee and ranting to Monica about how terribly this is going to go over the phone (even though she’s just next door and he could easily walk over to her apartment to rant in person but he’s too frozen in place). Finally, he gets up, telling Monica he’s getting ready, she sighed loudly in very obvious relief that Chandler was finally getting off his ass and leaving her alone. Ok, so what to wear, he thought maybe something simple but nice and flattering, not that it matters because they are just two bros hanging out, entirely platonic, nothing gay at all.
Joey’s on his way to Chandler’s apartment in normal Joey attire, but a bit tighter because, gotta be a bit hotter if he’s gonna make a move, not that it’s really possible to get hotter than I already am, he thought with a slight smirk on his face. Today was gonna be fun, he’s gonna make unnecessary physical contact, flirt, the works, ya’ know? Chandler is already awkward with the flirting from before but today, Joey was gonna have way too much fun with this. Alright five minutes away, probably shouldn't give a warning, makes it less fun. The drive continued with Joey humming to the radio and chuckling softly when he thought about Chandler’s reactions, this is gonna be a great day.
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Knock knock, he heard Joey rap on his door from the bedroom.
SHITSHITSHITSHIT, Chandler wasn’t even dressed yet.
“Hey Chandler!” He heard Joey yell from the living room of course he just walked in.
“Hey Joe gimme a second I’m not exactly dressed.” He said with an awkward chuckle.
“It could stay that way, I don’t mind.” Chandler could practically hear the smirk in his voice.
“I’MGOODTHANKSI’LLBERIGHTOUT”
He paused.
“WEARING CLOTHES.”
The sentence was so rushed he’d be surprised if Joey heard anything more than “wearing clothes.” It seemed his message was received, however, considering the muffled laughter from the other room. Today was going to be very difficult, very very difficult.
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I’m fucking hilarious. Joey thought with another laugh. Ok, Chandler’s getting dressed, I have some extra ~evil villain plotting~ time. Or not , he thought as Chandler walked out of his room, looking extra awkward, very endearing.
“Well he-LLO Chandler! Lookin’ great!”
“T-Thanks… you too.” There’s that cute stutter, I really should compliment him more often.
“What do you want to do?” Chandler asked, blush already rising to his face. It will never cease to amaze him how his sarcastic attitude disappears in flirty situations.
“I could say “you,” but I think you’d combust, you’re blushin’ enough as it is.”
“Shut up, Joe.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Sadly.”
“There’s the snark.”
Chandler gave him a “fuck off” look, he couldn’t help but laugh at it.
“I’m gonna set up Mario Kart, ok?”
“Sounds good.” Chandler bent over to get all the stuff out so they could play, the urge to make a joke about his ass was overwhelming.
He kept working with the tangled wires as Joey sat on the ground, chuckling to himself at Chandler’s frustrated expression.
“Shut up, Joe.”
“Didn’t say a word.”
After a good 5 more minutes of annoyed groans and amused laughs, the game was set up. They chose their characters and started the game. Chandler was losing miserably but Joey wasn’t far ahead of him, neither of them are very good at this game.
“GET BACK HERE YOU DONKEY BITCH, YOU AREN’T EVEN A FUCKING DONKEY” Did he mention Chandler is a sore loser?
“Chandler, chill out.”
“YOU SHUT UP, THIS GAME IS BULLSHIT”
“God, ok, Chandler I’m turning off the game now.”
“NONONO I’M ABOUT TO PASS THAT FAKE DONKEY”
“Ok, Chandler, I’m turning it off.” he turned off the game as Chandler yelled way too loudly. Joey swears he’s a child when he gets a controller in his hands.
“I need a smoke.”
“You need to sit your ass down because you will not be smoking anytime soon.”
“Dammit, Joe.”
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Maybe he’s a bit of a sore loser, but COME ON DONKEY KONG ISN’T EVEN A DONKEY. This just pisses me off! Come on gaaa- Joey’s hand is on my thigh, why is Joey’s hand on my thigh? He looks over to Joey and he has this annoyingly hot smug look on his face, fuckin’ hell, he’s probably blushing right now, shit.
“Hey, Joe?”
“Yes, Chandler?”
“Whatcha doin’?”
“Nothing much.”
“I meant with your hand.”
“Ah, yes, my hand.”
“Yes, your hand, what are you doing?”
“Well currently, my hand is on your thigh.”
“Yes, Joe, I noticed that.”
“Glad we got that cleared up.”
“Do you plan to just leave it there?”
“I am pretty comfy, I think I’ll keep it where it is.”
Something he’s known for a while was reinforced today, Joey Tribbiani is an asshole.