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He asks me to dance. In the middle of all this, he asks me to dance. We never get to see each other anymore.
He offers his hand to me like he did that night he begged me to join him, but this time I know my answer without hesitation.
I place my hand in his and feel his fingers curl around me.
We begin to waltz.
"I didn't know you could dance," I say with a teasing smile.
"Well, a short time ago you didn't know there was anything within me besides darkness, so it's understandable." He smiles back, a small, smug smile, halfway between a smirk and a grin.
He swoops me around. My footing is wrong, but he catches me and smooths it into a graceful twirl. He's more prepared for this than I am.
I giggle and watch his feet. "It's been a long time since I danced at all," I say, my face hurting from smiling so hard. I guess it's rare to feel like this these days. Then again, I don't think I've ever felt quite like this before.
"You and me both," he says, smiling bigger this time as he adds, "Believe it or not, Hux isn't a dancer."
My body shakes as I laugh, my face dimpled and wide. His grin is just as big, and he watches as I continue to laugh at the image of Hux dancing. His lips close but his smile is still spread across his face. Those brown eyes that make me melt are soft and looking right at me, gently watching me with such tender awe.
I lay my head against his chest. Our waltzing melts into a slow sway. Our bodies against each other, our fingers interlaced and warm.
"I wish this moment would never end," I say, straightening myself up again.
"Me too," he says, his deep voice vibrating shocking waves down to my knees.
My face sinks as realty sinks in.
"How much time do we have?" I ask.
His smile vanishes immediately. He pulls in a deep breath and lets it out, heavy, weighted. "I don't know. They'll find us soon, no doubt. If Hux doesn't, someone else will, and he'll find out anyway." His face is solemn now, and I find myself instantly regretting asking him.
I scrunch my face and inch closer, my hands slowly fluttering from his and gliding across his chest. My eyes are soft and inviting. I smile to break the tension and blow it away, wishing it would never return.
"They might never find us."
He halts. Looking at me, he wonders what I mean. I can tell he wants to ask but is scared that he may be wrong.
We are no longer dancing, but our bodies are still in rhythm. I feel him against me, his chest moving with every careful breath he takes. His arms slide around me and pull me in tight. I am bound to him. Whether or not he realizes it, I am.
"Leave," I whisper desperately. "You know this isn't the life for you, and Hux treats you horribly anyway. I have a bad feeling about him. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to assassinate you as part of his twisted plan for power."
Ben's lips part. He looks at me with eyes mixed with both fear and desire.
"I want to. I wish I could, but...he will send everyone after me. I'll be a traitor. He won't rest until I'm found and killed. My death won't be one of mercy either."
"Ben," I say gently, spreading my hand out on his chest feeling his heart beat between my fingers, "I'll protect you. We all will. I'm still here for you. Nothing has changed. Except, that...well, you know." My eyes dart up to his. Color has spread across his face.
"Last time you were here, I told you I love you." He says, acknowledging what sent the ruddy color to my cheeks. As he said it, it was as if he were trying to convince himself that it really did happen, and that I said it back. It's hard for me to come to grips with it too sometimes. It's a lovely, beautiful, sorrowful thing to be in love with the enemy.
"Well, we can figure it out." I say, placing my other hand on his cheek, my thumb tracing the bottom tip of his scar. "Next time you can tell me what you want. But for now..." I blush, get up on my tiptoes and press my mouth on his. His arms are still wrapped around me, and I feel his hands relax and then tighten on my back. His lips press back with vigor, opening and closing with mine as his grip on me sends warm shivers through my body. Each of his breaths kiss my skin and cleanse me from the pain of thinking. I kiss him harder and revel in the taste of his lips.
Thunderous footsteps echo close by, but instead of hiding--instead of being afraid--we just kiss each other harder. More passionately, more frantically, his hands traveling to my face and my arms clutching him as if he'll disappear if I let go, like he did when we touched through the Force.
Tears spill from our faces. We know what's next. The separation. The unknown. The longing. The fear of it all.
Our kissing slows. His lips give mine one last kiss before we slowly move apart. He looks at me with such pain and sorrow. It feels as though my heart has been crushed and shattered into a million pieces and I'm not sure if it will ever fully heal.
"Please," he whimpers, his fingers stroking both sides of my face. "Don't go. Please. I can't bear it again. It was so long since last time, and it's different through the Force--"
"I know," I say, choking back tears. I bury my head in his chest and let myself cry.
Sobbing, I hold him tighter. I feel his half-stifled cries on my head as he rests against me.
We stand there in as tight of an embrace as anyone possibly could until our anxious, rapid heartbeats slow back to normal.
Ben backs away and looks at me. I can't look away, despite how hot my face feels. He's looking at me the way he did when we touched hands for the first time that night on Ach-Too, through the Force. It's the same look he had the last time I was here. When he told me he loved me.
I lean up and kiss him softly and then look him in the eyes.
"Let's dance," I say, almost too quiet to hear. He nods, his eyes dark and his mouth shuddering ever so slightly. He lifts up his hands, and I take them, warming them in mine.
We start to slide across the throne room floor, waltzing and watching each other. His face is so close to mine. I never want it to disappear. I want him to always dance with me. To always kiss me and look at me with eyes that beam love and passion, as if I were the answer to every question he's ever had about the galaxy.
We dance between stars, between worlds, and I envision everything there is to know about this man. Ben Solo. The man I love.
I take in his lips, his chest, his legs. Everything. I swallow him up whole and let nothing go. If we were to dance within these stars for all eternity, I'd be completely satisfied.
~~~~~~~~
If you enjoyed this work by Elise Yeakley, check out her Reylo fanfic "The Madness That Binds Us" on Geek Insider here (a new chapter comes out each Friday):
https://www.geekinsider.com/tag/starwarsfanfic/