Chapter Text
It was early evening when Connie heard his comrades return. The sudden appearance of noise and chatter startled him, considering the fact that he spent the day in his small cabin, all by himself and with only the airship’s monotonous whirring drowning out the pressing silence. While he attentively listened to the footsteps entering the corridor, getting threateningly close, but passing by and eventually falling silent again, he stared at the ceiling. Or at least that’s where his eyes were aimed. He couldn’t see anything. The gnawing pain in his chest demanded his entire attention and numbed him for any other sensation.
After several minutes, the rattling sound of a nearby door opening and shutting again filled the hall. When he noticed the approaching footsteps, directly heading for his cabin, Connie briefly pondered whether it was worth the effort of getting up or at least facing the wall. He decided it wasn’t.
The footsteps stopped in front of the door. Whoever it was seemed to be hesitating. All the better. Connie wished they would just leave. But this hope was in vain. “Connie?” A worried call, followed by a knock on the door. “Are you there?” Interesting question. Was he there? Did he want to be there? Didn’t matter. He couldn’t answer anyway. “Connie, I’m coming in.”
Connie held his breath. The door was swung open gently and Jean stepped in, an uneasy expression on his face. “Hey.” His lips formed a faint smile. Connie managed to turn his head, though he only recognized him after a few seconds. “Jean.” His voice was hoarse and almost inaudible, but the sight of his friend induced his empty eyes to light up for a second. Jean sighed, relieved that Connie had answered at all. He closed the door and took another step towards the bed. Connie, however, stared blankly at the ceiling again. Yes, he was happy to see Jean, but it wasn’t enough to soothe his pain.
“Connie, please. Talk to me.” Jean took one more step and was now standing right in front of the bed, trying to meet Connie’s eyes. “Don’t cut yourself off. We only have each other now.” His voice was shaking a little and he took a deep breath. Connie bit his lip. This caught him off guard. Jean usually kept his feelings for himself and never showed any sign of weakness. Slowly he straightened himself up until he sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m… sorry.”, he said voiceless and lowered his gaze. “It’s just…” He sniffed. “It hurts... So much.” “I know.” Jean’s voice broke. “Me too.” He sat down next to Connie and sighed again. “And that’s why I don’t want to lose you as well!”, he added quietly, but firmly. Connie jolted and gasped. “Jean…” He didn’t know what to say. Of course Jean was just as hurt as he was. But he just couldn’t deal with it! Not yet. He felt like someone ripped open his chest, teared out his heart and left behind a gaping wound, too deep to be healed ever again. He crossed his arms and snivelled. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted this numbing pain to just disappear.
Jean inhaled sharply. The loss was bad enough as it was to him, but seeing Connie suffer like that was far worse. He could almost feel his tormenting agony in his own heart. “It’ll all be okay.”, he said lightly, not sure whether he was trying to cheer up his friend or himself. Slowly he put his arm around Connie’s shoulders and repeated: “It’ll be okay.”
Connie twitched. The warmth and comfort of Jean’s touch were more than he could take at the moment. “Jean…” He was tongue-tied and his lips trembled. “Yeah, I’m right here, Connie. And I’m not going anywhere.” That was too much. Jean’s calming voice gave him the rest. It went right through his barricade of numbness, dissolving it and luring out all of his repressed emotions. Immediately he collapsed and found himself weeping and sobbing hysterically on Jean’s shoulder. Jean tightened his grip, pulling Connie closer and stroking the back of his head comfortingly. Silent tears were flowing down his face, while Connie kept on wailing and clinging to his chest.
“Shhh. It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.”
