Chapter Text
Meryl reaches the shack at the end of the long, unmarked dirt road at 1932 but doesn’t knock until 1940. She doesn’t feel ready but suspects she never will unless she takes the plunge. There’s a delay between the knock and the answer, the sound of barking, of a deadbolt being slid.
“Were you followed?” asks Wolf, rolling her Rs. Meryl shakes her head no. Almost sheepish. She's put on a lot of confidence since the last time they met, but seeing the woman again momentarily plunges her in another year, another time. For a moment she's that rookie again, green as they come, and in front of her, the terrorist, the deadly sharpshooter. The pain as bullets go through her every limbs, like pins through a butterfly. Her mouth is dry. What is she doing here?
The moment passes. She’s 20 again, older. Wiser. Stronger. And she’s here. Now.
“No, don’t worry, I wasn’t. Can I… come in?”
“Of course. If I didn’t want you to come in, you think you would have made it this far?”
Meryl tries to laugh but swallows uncomfortably. Wolf opens the door fully. “Do come in. The dogs won’t bite.” A small smile is playing on her lips. Meryl can’t help but answer it. One deep breath, and she steps into the shack.
There’s not much in there but it’s tidy. There are not much personal possessions or if they are, they’re all put away somewhere out of sight. A habit Meryl knows well. There are a few videotapes on the low table by the CRT TV, and a few knick knacks around the room. A radio. A dog - wolf? Wolf-dog? She’s not sure. Snake would know - snifs at her, then trots away, seemingly disinterested. Wolf offers her a seat on the worn, faded green sofa and Meryl takes it hesitantly. Maybe it would be better if she stayed standing? She sits like it’s prom and it’s her first time in a fancy restaurant. Gosh, she’s so uncomfortable.
The sofa is covered in dog hair, and she can’t help but smile, can’t help but relax. It makes the whole thing feel more… human.
They’ve met another time, before this, not long after Shadow Moses. With Dav- Snake. To discuss what they were going to do. Wolf’s been working with Snake and Otacon on and off since then, on their Philanthropy thing.
It was very soon after Shadow Moses. Too many feelings still associated with the event. Fear, pain, love. Meryl couldn’t say what she had to say. Kept glancing sideways at Wolf. Words stuck in her throat, to her palate, her tongue. Easy words. Not too complicated. “I don’t hold it against you.” But it was too soon, and they weren’t ready to see the light of day. She would not have truly meant them.
Well it’s not daytime now, either, but she supposes night will do.
“Snake told me you wanted to see me. I have to admit, I’ve been curious about what this is about.” Wolf’s still smiling slightly. Meryl doesn’t answer immediately, shrugs off her coat to buy some time. Wolf sits next to her on the sofa, at a comfortable distance.
“I… I have something I want to tell you.”
“Yes, I could infer that. Well, you’re there now. What is it?”
Meryl looks into her eyes. Wolf’s still smiling at her. She spits it out before this gets too awkward. “I… I don’t hate you.” Of course it comes out all wrong. Of course.
She reddens. Wolf makes a sound that she cannot interpret.
“That's not… I … Can I start over? Please?”
Wolf nods, magnanimous.
“What I meant to say was that I don't hold it against you. The things that happened… to me.” She stops, takes a breath. Her nails are digging into her palms and her voice hardens. “I was angry, of course. Sometimes I still am. I was caught in something awful that had nothing to do with me. It wasn't fair.” She takes a moment to ground herself, to calm down. She's always been quick to let her emotions rise. For better or for worse. “But I don't blame you. You did what you thought you had to. Same as me.” Wolf is still silent, letting her finish. Meryl uncurls her hand, extends it to her. “If we're to be allies, we could at least be friends. Or, er, something like that. I mean if that's what you want.”
She looks to the side, to the floor, really, anywhere but at Wolf. She feels awkward, embarrassed. She's standing in front of a hardened warrior and here she is, acting like a 12 years old. Why didn't she bring her a friendship bracelet while she was at it? She feels like a naive, ignorant rookie all over again.
But Wolf takes her extended hand rather softly.
“Meryl,” she says her name almost as if experimenting with it. “Look at me.”
Meryl obeys, raising surprised eyes to the other woman. She has such beautiful blue eyes. Merciless and piercing.
No. Not merciless but strong. Keen. She starts talking and Meryl can't look away. Steels herself to be as strong as those eyes.
“ I do regret it. not all. I was fighting for something. but I don't like hurting women, and children. I didn't like hurting you.”
“So… am I the woman or the child in this scenario?” jokes Meryl because she doesn’t yet know how to answer that.
A sly, amused smile plays on Wolf’s green tinted lips.
“Both, maybe.”
“I'm not a child! I'm probably the same age as you!” she exclaims. She can't be offended, she walked straight into that one. But she was a child, it's true.
“The battlefield will age you quick. I haven’t been a child in a long time.” She says this matter of factly but there is a sadness in her eyes. “You seem to have grown up too.”
“Yeah I went through some… bad times.” Between all the violence at Shadow Moses and learning that her uncle is actually her father - no, she refuses to call him that, that cheating piece of shit - she feels like the last 2 years have actually been much more. She doesn’t feel the same as she did before.
“I’m sorry if I played a part in that. I wish you find peace. I know I’m trying to.”
Wolf still hasn’t let go of her hand.
“Th-thanks. I- I hope you find peace too.” She should say more. She came all this way, might as well make it worth both their while. The time for holding it in has passed. “I hope that this thing you’re doing, with Hal and Dave, that whole “Philanthropy” thing? I hope that’s the thing that helps you find your peace.” She squeezes Wolf’s fingers softly.
“Thank you.” It is soft. Heartfelt. “I’m taking a little time off for now. I… I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. I’m not sure I know how, to be honest.” She smiles a self-deprecating smile. “Maybe you could show me how?” She seems surprised at her own words, just for a second. Meryl is finding it harder and harder to be afraid of her. So close, she feels entirely human, and not like the nightmare Meryl has built up in her head. She still shot you, though. But a lot has happened since then, and already the memory is fading, covered - but not entirely replaced - by something else.
Meryl answers the smile, and blood runs up to her cheek and she doesn’t understand why. “I… I could try? I mean, I’m not sure I know how either.”
Wolf laughs. It’s not an unpleasant sound.
“Let’s try, then. Maybe one of us will learn something.”
When Meryl exits the cabin it’s night. They somehow talked for hours. Wolf has introduced her to all her dogs (wolves?). Meryl even helped her feed them. She’s covered in dog hair and slobber.
She feels giddy and strong. Like she’s young and she hasn’t hit the painful wall of knowing her limits yet. Like she used to be, before Shadow Moses.
They leave with each other’s numbers and a promise to meet up again soon. To do something fun. Peaceful.
Meryl isn’t sure if this all is going to work out. But she does know something. A heavy burden has been taken from her. She isn’t as afraid and angry as she used to be, and that’s something. It isn’t peace yet but it’s something.