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All Chuuya wanted was to lay down for a very long time, and not move.
Walking over the rubble was jarring. Chuuya only didn’t fall because Akutagawa held him up, practically dragging him around and over obstacles. It was rough, but it was better than Chuuya trying to crawl back himself.
Chuuya could see scrapes and bruises on Akutagawa’s face and the patches of skin exposed from tears in his coat. He knew there were likely a lot more, if not worse injuries, hidden beneath his clothes.
“You must be exhausted,” he said. But the more he used his own voice, the harder it became to talk.
Akutagawa grunted in response. It wasn’t straight up denial, like Chuuya expected, which meant that Akutagawa must have been extremely tired.
Chuuya would have used his Ability to make them both a bit less heavy if the idea of using For the Tainted Sorrow didn’t make him want to pass out on the spot. That would make things harder for Akutagawa.
He decided instead that they wouldn’t go into work. Work could wait a bit. Everyone else was probably regrouping as well.
“Akutagawa,” he said. “My apartment.”
Akutagawa stopped for a moment and faltered. He knew where Chuuya lived, but probably didn’t like the idea of being in anyone else’s apartment.
“Or yours,” Chuuya added. “Anywhere that’s not work.”
He wished he could see Akutagawa’s face after having suggested that Akutagawa bring them to his apartment. He was sure that whatever expression Akutagawa wore right now was very amusing.
“Very well, Chuuya-san,” Akutagawa muttered, and they started walking again. Or, Akutagawa walked and Chuuya leaned on him heavily while doing a poor imitation of walking.
It was hard to tell where they were because of all the rubble, but Chuuya assumed it was farther than he would have liked. His bones ached. He was probably bruised all over. His mouth still tasted like copper and his lungs burned. That was probably concerning, just like everything that happened after he used Corruption was probably concerning, but he’d always brushed it off.
Chuuya wanted to laugh at himself, now that he thought about it. He always tried to get Akutagawa to see a doctor about his cough, but Chuuya wouldn’t look into his own issues. The issues caused by Corruption were pretty specific to when he used Corruption, though, so maybe he was justified.
He didn’t think Corruption had lasting effects, anyway. He’d never checked, and he didn’t really want to. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell Akutagawa to go to the doctor. Akutagawa coughed all the time.
He was coughing now.
Chuuya didn’t say anything, because Akutagawa would probably drop him and leave. Even though Chuuya was an Executive, Akutagawa clearly hadn’t been planning on helping him until Chuuya asked him to. Maybe it was because Akutagawa didn’t know anything about Corruption and thought Chuuya was just taking a rest.
They kept walking. It should have been awkward, being this close to Akutagawa, but it actually felt nice. Chuuya wondered if he was too tired to feel awkward, or if he really, really wanted to touch people outside of fighting. He wasn’t sure.
“So...you’re out here,” he said, despite his throat feeling scraped raw, because Akutagawa was interesting to talk to when he talked. “That means you fought your Ability, right?”
“Yes,” Akutagawa said. “Didn’t you?”
“How would I have fought the dragon if I didn’t have my Ability?”
“That was you? How?”
Chuuya ignored the question. So no one except the Special Abilities Department had really been able to understand what was happening. “Did you see him? That Shibusawa guy? I’m guessing he’s dead, right?”
“He was dead before,” Akutagawa said.
“Eh?”
“That man...was a difficult opponent,” Akutagawa said. “After the dragon was defeated...by you...he appeared and was almost impossible to eliminate because he was already dead.”
Chuuya wondered if he didn’t understand because he was so tired, or if the situation really was that complicated. He didn’t doubt it. Shibusawa had been complicated six years ago, too.
“So what you’re saying is...you fought him,” Chuuya said.
“I did. Alongside jinko and Kyouka.” Akutagawa’s voice was full of distaste. Chuuya almost wanted to laugh.
“That’s impressive, that you defeated that guy,” Chuuya said. “Especially if he couldn’t die...he sounds like a cockroach...like Dazai.”
“Dazai-san betrayed the Agency,” Akutagawa said.
“It was a bit more complicated than that,” Chuuya said, “but I’m not in the mood to try and figure out Dazai’s convoluted plans. It was enough that I had to save his ass at all.”
“Save,” Akutagawa repeated.
“It worked out, right? That’s the only thing that matters,” Talking was getting even harder. But it was keeping him awake. “It’s too bad that Shibusawa was still around after I killed the dragon...that was a lot of work.” He felt even more tired just thinking about it.
“It was a worthy challenge,” Akutagawa said.
Chuuya laughed and choked on it. Akutagawa stopped walking, and waited until Chuuya caught his breath to continue moving again.
“You never said if you had to fight your Ability, Chuuya-san,” Akutagawa said.
“I never fought it,” Chuuya said. “Which is probably for the best, if you had to fight your Ability without your Ability.”
“You don’t think you’d win?” Akutagawa sounded almost disappointed.
“Sometimes you gotta be able to admit when you’re up against something you can’t defeat,” Chuuya said.
“You would just give up?” Akutagawa asked.
“No,” Chuuya said. They were in more recognizable territory, which was good, because Chuuya felt dizzy from being upright for so long. “Turn left.”
“Then what would you do?”
They were only a few blocks from his apartment now. Chuuya used his free hand to fish his keys out of his pocket, grateful that he hadn’t lost them during the fight. He felt like if he passed out, Akutagawa would be too embarrassed to search him for keys. Then again, Akutagawa wouldn’t be able to find the apartment. Thinking about it that way, Chuuya really couldn’t afford to pass out.
“I...what did the others do? Who didn't defeat their Abilities but were still alive?”
“They must have held off their Abilities until Shibusawa was eliminated,” Akutagawa said.
“Right. I would’ve...done that.” Chuuya felt something crawling up his throat, and he turned his head to the side to cough up blood.
Akutagawa slowed down, but they didn’t stop walking.
“We should have gone back to headquarters,” Akutagawa said.
Chuuya knew what he was implying: that Chuuya should have gone to the Port Mafia’s infirmary.
“Mori is a s-shit doctor,” he said. His vision was starting to blur. He pointed towards a familiar building. “That.”
“I should check you for injuries,” Akutagawa said.
Chuuya knew he wouldn’t make it to the apartment. “903,” he choked out.
“What--”
Chuuya passed out before Akutagawa finished his question.
*
Chuuya could hear a voice and it didn’t make sense. But slowly, he could make out words, and the words put themselves together into sentences.
“--should be back to work tomorrow.”
A pause. Chuuya’s arms and legs hurt, and a pain in his chest was gradually making itself known.
“I’m fine, Higuchi. Assist Black Lizard. You need not worry about me.”
Chuuya could taste the blood in his mouth again. He was definitely awake. He was also lying on a soft surface, but not his bed. The couch, then. Something lukewarm and damp covered his forehead. His shoes were off, and he felt like he was wearing less clothes than he had been when he passed out.
He tried to say something, but only managed to make a rasping sound. His throat hurt. That was frustrating.
“Chuuya-san?”
Chuuya waited a moment before trying again. “Akutagawa.” A good start. He had more he wanted to say, but for now at least he could show that he was awake.
He heard Akutagawa moving and opened his eyes. Everything was blurry at first, but focused after a few seconds, and he saw Akutagawa standing awkwardly a bit to the side of the couch.
Chuuya turned his head to face him and the damp cloth slid off his forehead and landed on the floor with a plop.
“Do you need something?” Akutagawa asked slowly, as though those words in that order in the same sentence were another language to him.
Chuuya thought about it. “Painkillers.”
Akutagawa nodded and disappeared. Chuuya could hear him rummaging around the bathroom.
He felt a bit stronger now, so he pulled himself into a sitting position, leaning on the arm of the couch. His biggest, most distracting problem was pain, so once he took care of that, he could concentrate on everything else.
Akutagawa returned with a glass of water and two pills. Chuuya took both of them and set the glass aside. They were both quiet for a few minutes, until Chuuya felt his senses dull a bit.
Then he smiled at Akutagawa. “Thanks.”
Akutagawa shifted uncomfortably. “I’m just doing my job, Chuuya-san.”
“You didn’t have to stay,” Chuuya said. “Or try to make me more comfortable and…” He glanced down at himself. Everything was gone except his white shirt, which had been untucked and was partially unbuttoned, and his pants.
Akutagawa’s eyes widened. “I checked you for injuries,” he said.
“You actually checked me for injuries? That’s pretty thorough,” Chuuya said. His lips curled into a grin. “You really do care. I’ll have to keep that in mind.”
“I...was just…” Akutagawa turned his head away. “I…”
“I’m teasing you,” Chuuya said, holding back laughter. “You really have an image to uphold, don’t you.” The only other person he’d seen act so horrified about being caught doing something decent was Dazai.
Akutagawa didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he sat down, perching awkwardly on the edge of the couch. Chuuya noted that he didn’t sit completely at the other end, though.
“I checked you for injuries because you were coughing up blood,” Akutagawa said, clearly still feeling the need to explain himself. But Chuuya had the feeling he was also curious, and didn’t want to ask. “Your ribs aren’t broken as far as I can tell.”
Chuuya raised an eyebrow. So Akutagawa wasn’t going to ask outright. “Well, that’s why I didn’t think I’d beat my Ability. There’s a part of it that I can’t control. It’s powerful, but it also does shit to my body...internally I guess...and sometimes externally. That kind of thing isn’t good.”
“I see,” Akutagawa said. “Are the effects lasting?”
Chuuya shrugged. “Don’t know. I’ll have to ask Mori.”
“That’s unfortunate,” Akutagawa said.
“Speaking of Abilities--sometimes I think your Ability is what’s causing your health problems,” Chuuya said. “But I don’t know. I’m not a doctor.”
“My Ability?” Akutagawa frowned. “I’m fine.”
“Of course you are,” Chuuya said. “And the fight didn’t cause you problems, either?”
“No.”
“I’m glad you’re fine after fighting an extremely difficult opponent and probably getting the shit beaten out of you.”
Akutagawa looked at him. Chuuya stared back.
Akutagawa turned his head away and coughed. “I can still walk.”
“Mm-hmm.” Chuuya continued watching him. “It’s okay to admit things, you know.”
“But--”
“You don’t always have to be fine.”
“This is nothing,” Akutagawa said.
That was probably as close as Akutagawa would get to admitting anything for now. Chuuya knew Akutagawa had worked through worse injuries.
Still… “You should let me check you for injuries, now that I have you here,” he said.
Akutagawa choked. “You what?”
Chuuya was amused by Akutagawa’s shock. “Check you. For injuries. If someone doesn’t then you’ll just hide it.”
“Chuuya-san--”
“Just Chuuya is fine,” Chuuya said. He shifted closer, ignoring the dizziness the movement caused in favor of giving Akutagawa an expectant look.
Akutagawa stared at him.
“Just take off your coat,” Chuuya said.
Akutagawa hesitated, then shrugged off his coat. Underneath, his white shirt was stained with dirt, likely from the rubble. Chuuya noticed how still he sat, how tense he was. Chuuya wasn’t sure why.
There were blood stains, but not soaking through the fabric, so Chuuya assumed they were from scrapes. Blood also stained the collar of Akutagawa’s shirt, but that was explained by the blood running from cuts on his face.
In fact, that blood had dried. Chuuya frowned and leaned forward, grabbing the damp cloth he’d dropped on the floor earlier. It wasn’t the best thing, but Chuuya couldn’t get up yet so it would have to do.
He held it up. “Can I?”
“Can you what?” Akutagawa asked.
“Get the blood off your face,” Chuuya said.
Again, Akutagawa hesitated. “Sure.”
Chuuya moved so that he was sitting up a little straighter. One of the cuts was by Akutagawa’s hairline. Chuuya pushed the hair away from Akutagawa’s forehead, trying to get a better look. The cut had crusted over, and it didn’t look too big, so Chuuya didn’t worry about trying to do anything to it other than dabbing it with the cloth.
He cupped Akutagawa under the chin to steady his face, working down Akutagawa’s cheek, trying not to be too rough, but still firm enough to get the dried blood off. It took a bit of work, but once he was done, Chuuya was satisfied with the result.
He turned Akutagawa’s head so that he could see the other cheek, since he couldn’t move to Akutagawa’s other side. This forced Akutagawa to face him, and he felt the whisper of Akutagawa’s stuttering breaths on his neck as he moved even closer to get at the blood..
“You should take better care of yourself,” he murmured, noticing how bony Akutagawa felt. He was half-leaning on Akutagawa now, the position slightly awkward. He dragged the cloth down Akutagawa’s cheek, and down his neck. At the same time he moved his free hand to the other side of Akutagawa’s neck to steady his head.
Akutagawa’s breath stuttered again, and this time Chuuya kind of understood why. The throat was one of the most vulnerable spots on a person, and Chuuya had slit many during his time in the Mafia. Not many people touched his throat--really, the only thing that did was his choker. He assumed it was the same for Akutagawa.
Then he realized that Akutagawa’s relationship with touch probably wasn’t the best. Akutagawa spent his first years in the Mafia being trained by Dazai, which meant being hit, punched, kicked, shot at.
Chuuya couldn’t erase that. He could only show Akutagawa that there were gentler kinds of touches that came from other people. And if Akutagawa still didn’t like touch, that was fine.
Chuuya caught himself. He was still working on Akutagawa’s skin long after it had been clean, and he was thinking about Akutagawa as if whatever they were doing would continue after this day.
What were they doing? Caring for each other? Talking? Chuuya had done that before, talking to Akutagawa. But neither of them had ever been this vulnerable.
Chuuya pulled back so that they were no longer so close. They remained close enough that their shoulders were touching.
“Do you trust me?” Chuuya asked. Then he realized what he’d asked and that he probably didn’t have a good enough filter when he was like this. “You don’t have to answer that.”
For a long time, Akutagawa didn’t answer. Chuuya considered moving further away. Akutagawa probably wanted to go home.
Then, quietly, Akutagawa said, “I do.”
Chuuya smiled. “Me too.”
Akutagawa shifted. “Is this comfortable?”
Chuuya was leaning a little more heavily on Akutagawa. “Yeah. But if it’s not for you, that’s fine.”
“Can you move?” Akutagawa asked.
Chuuya laughed. “I can move further down the couch, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t think I can get off it yet. But those pills are working, so I’ll be able to get up and try to do things soon.”
By do things, he meant collapse in bed and drift in and out of a daze that wasn’t quite sleep until his body decided to let him function for long enough to take a shower.
“I’ll stay until then,” Akutagawa said. “You can stay like this until then.”
Chuuya was surprised. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks.”
Akutagawa was quiet for a moment. “This...is not...this is comfortable, for now.” He sounded surprised at himself.
Chuuya smiled. “Good.”
They stayed like that for a while, in a silence that was rather peaceful, until Chuuya gathered the energy to move again.