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If I had to write down all the things I love about you, no paper would be enough and no pen would last until the end of this endless list. But if I had to say one thing, that would, for sure, be you, solely you.
Because you, entirely you, is enough, your eyes, your smile, your hands, those precious moles placed all over your face that are no rival to constellations; the way you get mad when things don’t go the way you wanted it to be, the way you cry because you are overly attached, how you scrunch your nose, that obnoxious laugh, and all that warm owned by your heart.
And if you were to ask me for how long have I carried these overflowing feelings, I would stay silent, because I myself haven’t been able to answer that question. Was it the first time I saw your smile? The first time tears started to fall down and cupped your beautiful face? Or was it because of your never-ending care for others? Even that confidence that you use to hide all your insecurities has been a culprit.
I have always been aware of all these feelings, and have never denied them to myself, Why should I? I never once felt the need to hide them, until this very day I have never been able to hold them up.
And I’m sure you have noticed them, you and everyone have been witnesses to all these unbearable emotions. Each and every act of fondness towards you have always been accepted and reciprocated, and my heart filled with the warmest feeling, as in a cup of hot chocolate to a cold evening.
I have even dared to fool you, just to see your bitter reactions, enjoying the way your nose scrunches, and those hurt eyes, making sure your feelings for me were to grew bigger, to fill your mind with thoughts of me. A jerk I’d call myself.
But I was sure your feelings would never change because no matter what I did, you would always meet my eyes with this loving gaze of yours, your hand would find the way to mine, you would always caress my hair and every time my name was mentioned you would listen carefully.
Even getting you jealous was, and still is, one of my biggest pleasures. And all of this never once doubting this endless fondness of you for me. Maybe a tiny little part of me wanted to make sure that you still cared about me, getting your attention.
Of all the mistakes I made, taking you for granted was the worse one. Assuming you would always love me even though my feelings were so changing, thinking you'll wait forever for me, for the moment I would grab all the courage and take you in my embrace to never ever let you go. I thought that no one will ever fill my place, because to your heart I was, undoubtedly, the number one.
But I was wrong, I was so wrong, I was dumb and a coward, and it took me so much time to finally realized it.
I was feeling so joyful and life felt like a dream, I was taking my time, living to the fullest until the moment that It was to make you mine. Enjoying all the memories as your friend, before stepping into a world where there was no going back, and a world I would never want to leave.
Thinking back in time, you were already mine, completely mine; I was the only person you would look for, the only one to make you nervous, the only one filling your dreams, the only that had your heart. I never once thought of you leaving me, Why would you?
Now the answer was all clear; because the moment you dodged my eyes, and your hands weren't holding mines, everything was crystal clear. I didn't need to see you being embraced by someone else, having you fixing some taller boy their tie, or laughing nonstop with a man who wouldn't let go your hand; but you stills showed it to me. I know you wanted to make a statement, and I can assure you I got it.
Or maybe you just wanted to leave a place that was taking you nowhere. My heart ached every time I saw you with someone else.
After that, all were desperate attempts to bring you back to my side and finally having you, no more roundabouts, no more escaping the truth.
I was sure your heart was still next to mine because you would always hold back my hand, call my name with that sweet voice of yours, and you would still look at me with that overflowing fondness; all this giving me hope, raising up my chances to have You back.
Because no matter how much distance you were to place between us, I would always find my way to your heart, and you wouldn't go that far away.
And because this time I won't let go your hand, this time I will hold you.
I will hold you so tightly you won't be able to look back or escape.