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Like a breath of fresh air, freedom comes to Nakamoto Yuka. She clutches onto the documents that authorize the change from the man known as Nakamoto Yuta to the woman named Nakamoto Yuka. Though it seems a small change to some, it means the whole world to her. Other people have no idea of the pains that she had to go through to get to this point, not only socially but legally as well.
It’s no easy feat to obtain legal documents of a change in status of sex in Japan. The most damaging to her, and a lot of others, is the necessity of sterilisation according to Law 111. Yuka can still feel the phantom pains of the operation. Despair creeps upon her even through the elation of her new status. There are inevitable regrets in her decisions leading up to where she is now. She let so many precious things and futures go in order to have her present.
Yuka sobs through the phone conversation calling her family over to her apartment and even through them congratulating her. She clings to her mother, trying to ground herself to reality. This is real. Her mother reassures her over and over. Her father and sister urge them to get ready so they can all celebrate outside with a fancy dinner. Yuka laughs a little at that. They are all big on celebrating with food.
When she gets back in her room alone, she messages a friend in Korean through social media, “Are you free?”
Not long after, a reply comes, “Yeah. I’m done with my work for today.”
“Can I call?” She sends, her hands slightly shaking in nervousness and excitement. When she gets the go signal, she presses the button to video call and eases herself on her bed.
At first, it’s a blurry image of a man which soon clears. She smiles as her friend gives a shy smile and wave. She switches to speaking in Korean. “Hi, Yong.”
“Hey. What’s up?” Her friend, Lee Taeyong, asks as he moves to sit upright. His eyes narrow before he comments, “Did you cry? Sorry. Your eyes look kind of red.”
Yuka snorts at this. “How do you even notice these things? It’s been about 2 hours since I cried. It shouldn’t even be that noticeable anymore.”
Taeyong raises an eyebrow at her. “Do you even know what you look like when you cry? And afterward? Your face gets all red and your eyes get a little swollen. It’s noticeable even after 3 hours.”
“It was one time I cried in front of you! How do you even remember the details?” Yuka outright laughs at the absurdity that is her friend. “You’re so weird, Taeyong.”
To his credit, Taeyong looks abashed. He rubs the back of his ear while looking to the side. “I know. You told me that countless times already.”
Seeing her friend thoroughly embarrassed already, Yuka calms down and settles for a smile thrown his way. “I mean it fondly, you know.”
Taeyong looks back at her, smile appearing slowly. “I know. So, is that why you called? To tell me the cause of your crying?”
“Mm,” Yuka nods before turning her head away to the side. It’s still a struggle to talk about her situation even though he’s been compassionate towards her. She takes a deep breath before looking at Taeyong with a smile and letting the words out of her mouth. “My petition has been approved. I can officially be myself.”
Taeyong’s face lights up in excitement and he stumbles over his words for a good minute. It makes Yuka laugh with a light heart. He gathers himself with a quick apology and a laugh. “Congratulations, Yukkuri! You deserve it and I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks, Yong.” Yuka feels warmth all over her insides and on her cheeks. She breathes deeply to calm herself and settles back on her headrest, looking contemplative. “It still feels kind of...unreal. I don’t know if I’ll be able to believe this isn’t a dream anytime soon. I mean...is it truly possible that I can have what I desire most in the world? That sounds so fictional...”
“Hey, what did I just say?” Taeyong frowns. He speaks with a confident tone and air, “You deserve it. Nothing's fictional about this, Yuka. You’re this spectacular, awe-inspiring woman who deserves to be herself and deserves so many good things in this world.”
Yuka rubs her eyes. The sleeves of her dress dampen with tears. Without looking up or putting her arm away from her face, she replies, “Why are you making a girl cry? That’s not being a gentleman.”
Taeyong’s voice quiets down, “Are they happy tears?”
“I don’t know.” Yuka takes a breath before peeking at her friend. “I wish you were here. I miss your hugs.”
Taeyong smiles with reddened cheeks. He misses hugging her too. He misses going out with her. He misses her. “I’ve almost saved enough for a ticket to go there.”
Yuka narrows her eyes, slowly putting her arm down. “Are you eating properly?”
“I…” Taeyong’s smile turns into a sheepish grin. “I’m trying? But I may or may not be eating a lot of sweets for energy.”
“You haven’t changed since university days.” Yuka shakes her head.
Taeyong makes an offended expression. “University days was just three years ago. You’re talking as if we’re both old already.”
“I feel old.” Yuka scrunches her nose in distaste before sighing. “The three years after I came back here have been exhausting. Running back and forth from my job to fixing all the legalities of changing my status. Yong, I feel like it’s been a lifetime.”
“Hey,” Taeyong calls out gently, making Yuka look at him. “It was worth it, wasn’t it?”
Yuka smiles, “Yeah. It was.”
“Then, it’s good. And you should give yourself a break. Have a vacation and go hiking again. Eat delicious food.” Taeyong rests his chin on his palm, looking fondly at Yuka. She smiles back just as fondly. “Wear pretty clothes. Be even more beautiful than you already are.”
Yuka laughs to hide her embarrassment. “Why are you buttering me up? Are you gonna ask me to pay for half of your ticket?”
“Maybe. Are you willing?” Taeyong grins. But before Yuka can reply, he adds, “Don’t say yes! I was just kidding. Save that for yourself. I remember how much it cost you financially to get the approval.”
“Shouldn’t you be saving the money for yourself, too? Instead of going here because I told you to.” Yuka raises her eyebrow, feeling a tad bit scared that she’s forcing her dear friend to sacrifice things so she can meet him again.
Taeyong frowns slightly in confusion. “Did I make you feel that way? That you’re forcing me?”
Yuka shakes her head in response. “No. I was just thinking…”
“Okay. But if I have, I’m sorry. I’m not going there unwillingly. I want to see you in person so badly.” Taeyong looks away, flushed with shyness. “I miss you so I’ve been working hard to be with you again. No one’s forcing me but myself. All because I miss you.”
Yuka puts her hand on her equally flushed face and whines, “You’re so embarrassing.”
Taeyong whispers under his breath, “I know. I kind of want to choke myself.”
“Ooh, you’re still so kinky, Yong.” Yuka wiggles her brows at him despite being red in the cheeks.
“Stop!”
The next thing Yuka sees is the ceiling of Taeyong’s room and a bit of his hair. She laughs at his reaction. She can’t see him but she knows he’s hiding his face with both of his arms. “It’s okay, Yong. You know I’ve accepted you and your kinks.”
“I’m never confiding in you again.” Taeyong’s words come out low and muffled.
“You’re so adorable.” Yuka comments with another laugh. “Come on, Yong. Look up so I can say good night. I need to sleep now.”
Immediately, Taeyong’s face is back on the screen. “Oh yeah, it’s getting late. I need to sleep too.”
Yuka smiles, “I’ll talk to you again soon.”
“Sweet dreams, Yukkuri,” Taeyong greets in Japanese.
Yuka feels warm, hearing Taeyong speak her language again. She replies, “Sweet dreams, Taeyong.”
They end the call and Yuka gets ready for bed. Once done, she places the documents next to her pillow before lying down and staring at it. She places a hand on top of it and moves her fingers across it to make sure it’s still there. A ping snaps her out of daze. She reaches for her phone and opens Taeyong’s message that’s in Japanese.
“Congratulations! You deserve it! Be yourself! Love yourself! Let’s meet again soon! I miss you!”
It makes her smile and her heart clench. He’s so sweet and silly. She replies, “Thank you so much! We’ll see each other soon. I miss you.” Then, she looks at the documents and Taeyong’s message one last time before closing her eyes. She falls asleep to Taeyong’s encouraging words.