Chapter Text
They say that the best way to find what you’ve lost is to retrace your steps. But for me, it feels like I’ve been shuffling backwards my entire life. Even so, I know that at one point, I’ll always end up right back where I need to be…or so I’ve always thought.
I mean, I simply wasn’t expecting things to play out like this or to be in this awkward situation.
Let me just say that watching Jean beat the ever-loving shit out of Eren was definitely not on the itinerary for today, wallowing maybe but this? Not exactly.
I guess I have some explaining to do. It’s a pretty long story but I guess I’ll start from the moment I finally met Jean Kirschtein…again.
~
I glided my hand along the cool textured white walls of Trost University, a nervous habit I hadn’t quite been able to kick, gently thrumming my fingers over each bump and indent as I made my way closer to the thick wooden door that lied at the end of the somewhat empty hall.
A single door stood between me and the one person who I’d always believed to be my future.
A face full of freckles and mildly tousled chocolate hair reflected back at me from my phone as I checked the clock for the hundredth time today. But I had made it here, still very nervous and every bit as glad I’d managed to arrive early, all for the sake of rooming with a certain hot-tempered guy.
I braved on, slipping the phone back into my jeans pocket, ignoring the goosebumps that rushed over my skin with each step I took to that door.
This was my day. Probably my last chance as well.
God, I had been waiting for what seemed like forever for another opportunity like this, another chance to make Jean Kirschtein fall in love with me—again.
Will I get it right this time? How hard will it be?
I mean it’s not like I hadn’t done this before; in fact, I’ve done this plenty of times, each time tougher than the next.
My hand trembled slightly as it hovered over the door handle, my steps faltering moments from opening the door.
Go in Marco. Just move your feet. It’ll be ok, I tried to encourage myself.
Anxiety loomed over my head suffocating me, the pressure weighing heavily against my tense shoulders almost as if trying to drown me, hauling me into a dark abyss I just couldn’t escape…
But that’s impossible; I can’t drown—because I’m a mermaid.
Yeah, I couldn’t really drown per se; actually, I couldn’t really die either, making me one hella cute immortal…or so I’ve been told.
But that didn’t stop me from reeling the feeling of it; after all, humans are sensitive creatures.
With heavy hands I pushed the door open, maybe a little harder than intended since it swung wide open, slamming hard against the wall with a resounding smack.
“Jean...” the word dripped from my lips helplessly as anxious tears tried to force their way to the brim of my eyes. Instead, I ended up simply staring through doorway, mesmerized by the most unbelievable sight just a few feet away.
There, sitting across the room, casually scribbling away in his notebook in a black Pokemon evolution t-shirt and light wash jeans sat the man I have spent my entire life searching for.
Breathe…I had to remind myself every few seconds seeing as how the concept of acting human totally slipped my mind and right out the window.
Light honey brown eyes met mine as Jean finally twisted my way, snapping me out of my sudden daze; he met me with a scowl before returning to his writing along with mumbling a string of curses I didn’t quite catch.
I could still very much tell how furious he was; his cute face crinkled deepening the furrow of his brow and the tip of his ears turned a lovely shade of scarlet. He even still did the thing where he chomped down on the corner of his bottom lip. If he bit any harder, it’d be next to impossible to quell the urge to ravish those plump lips.
And then I remembered I was still staring.
Stop it, you’ll creep him out…I had to remind myself again. I blinked once, then twice. Was this normal enough? Probably not, since I stopped blinking when I caught sight of how his two tone hair fell gently on his face and how just as easily he combed it back with a simple graze of the hand.
Now that I think about it, his hair is a little longer than I remember, but he still looks just as handsome as ever…
But this was definitely not the time to get distracted or hesitate so I braced myself with my best smile, moving cautiously toward him.
Don’t screw this up, don’t screw this up, for the love of god Marco, please don’t screw this up…
Clearing my throat, I extended quite a shaky hand to Jean. I couldn’t help it; not only was I a walking bundle of nerves, but I was also deadly terrified of what was becoming my horrible first impression.
“Hey, I’m Marco Bodt. Looks like we’re gonna be roommates.”
Oh god, he looked at me. Calm down, the day just started you can do it…remember, you are not alone. Connie and the others are helping this time…
Problem was, Connie and Armin were nowhere to be found. Maybe they were just running late, I mean, Connie never was quite the punctual guy. See when we first met, many centuries ago, he missed his departure with his clan forcing him to extend his vacation playing with the penguins in the Arctic Circle. Fortunately for him, I was able to keep him company since my clan had just recently arrived.
Armin, on the other hand, for as long as I’ve known him was definitely meticulous. Ever so nitpicky about the details, there’s no way he’d ever be late. I don’t think late is even in his vocabulary.
This worried me, no call, no text, no way of knowing where they were or if they were even coming at all.
I was being ambushed my all my negative thoughts, when suddenly the hum of Jean’s smooth low voice called me away, “Jean. Yea, guess we are. If you don’t mind, I already claimed that bed.”
My eyes followed Jean’s slender finger to the farthest wall on the left to a bed which looked very much already settled in. Clothes had already been thrown every which way, some wrinkled, others balled up, not to mention had a stack of Pokémon games scattered by its edge.
So typical Jean… I couldn’t help but smile, relaxing my shoulders a bit knowing that even after all these years some things never changed.
Familiar voices from behind caught my attention, making me snap my head around.
“Connie! Armin!” I let out a soft sigh of relief as the short buzzed haired guy and blonde entered. Running to them, I left no room for them to escape from my bear hug.
“Marco…can’t breathe…you fucking…giant…” Connie groaned patting me rapidly on my back.
“Oh sorry guys, I’m just so glad you guys are finally here,” I tried explaining as my face heated up. Rubbing the back of my neck, I went ahead and asked, “Get here alright? Kinda took ya a while there.”
“Oh you know just the usual ‘traffic’, plus it took a while for Armin to dry so that’s why we’re late. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have had to have gone in by yourself,” Connie smirked, jabbing an elbow in Armin’s side.
“Sorry Marco, my hairdryer stopped working so I had to borrow Sasha’s. I know how important it is this time around…”
“Ah it’s ok, I just barely walked in…Don’t think I made such I good impression seeing as I kinda slammed the door open like some barbarian…”
Connie and Armin looked at each other before erupting in a fit of giggles.
“Jesus Marco, it’s already hard enough. But don’t worry, we’ll figure something out!” Connie managed grabbing his sides.
Just as the laughter subsided, an arm snaked its way around Connie’s shoulders, followed by a, “Hey, I’m Jean, your other roommate.”
God, seeing that arm in the wrong place irritated me to no end.
Armin glanced to Connie, both trying to maintain their smiles at the little predicament at hand. A gentle brush on my arm from Armin comforted me enough to keep me from spilling everything on the spot right then and there.
Connie on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to break the silence, “Oh yea, guys this is Jean,” introducing him as if we didn’t already know who he was, “Jean, this is Armin and looks like you already met Marco.”
“Hey,” Jean nodded.
“Sweet, looks like we got the good roomies! So let have fun, yea?!” he grinned and pointed to Armin then again to me.
With a quick pat, he grabbed his stuff, “Here, let me help you,” I said as I reached down for one of his suitcases.
I trailed behind Connie to the other room across from mine. I couldn’t help blurting out, “He doesn’t like me.”
“Jesus, Marco. We just started, don’t give up on him yet,” he groaned, pretty sure he’s tired of all my pessimistic commentary.
“I know…I’m just scared is all. I mean what if what happened last time happens again?”
“It won’t, that’s why you have us here,” Connie assured me, “Anyway, since you’re actually sharing a room now, you have to be more careful.”
Connie looked up from his unpacking, a somber expression on his face, “If he finds out about us mermaids too soon, we’ll just be repeating exactly what happened last time.”
I winced, definitely didn’t want to relive traumatic events.
“I understand. So what now?” I asked.
“Now, you just be you. The point is for him to come to you, or at least meet you halfway. For now, just try to get him to be your friend,” he advised.
I let out a sigh, “Ok. Well, I guess we can go hang out in the living room and get situated first.”
I opened the door, eyes widening at Jean’s stance. I had opened the door long enough to watch Armin touch Jean’s abs which for some reason then prompted him to remove his pants.
What the hell was going on? Why? He’s only been here a few minutes and Armin already had him half naked?!
My vision clouded momentarily, a rush of mixed emotions…being human definitely sucked right now even if it was temporary.
I need some air…or water in this case.
My breath quickened as my eyes searched for the exit, hastily running out and straight to the pool.
Of course, the doors to the Natatorium were locked to the students until the official start of school; luckily, I didn’t have to wait that long. Somehow, Armin had managed to get us all copies of the key. I slipped in the key easily, unlocking the chains on the heavy metal doors.
Reaching the pool, I snatched two towels from the rack and set them close to the edge before I dived in. I let all my worries sink into the deep as I breathed in, painfully letting the water course through my lungs, forcing my gills open. Relief soon washed over me as I watched as my legs mesh together transforming into a tail and letting the shimmering scales cover my body where my freckles once were.
Even after all the transformations I’ve done over the years, my body was still not used to it but I’m glad the pain was only momentary. It’s what I could do after that made it all worth it.
With a swish of my tail, I swam from one stretch to the other letting the rush of water flow over every scale in my body.
The water glistened above as it reflected the afternoon sun through the glass roof.
Feels like home…
I swam on my back for what seemed like hours, though it may have been only minutes, relishing the sensation of floating but underwater.
I finally found him again, things can only get better...I told myself.
I reached out a hand, loving the feeling of being weightless, “Time to go back.”
I lifted my heavy body out the pool, dragging myself onto a towel gasping like a fish out of water as the air painfully entered my lungs once again. I waited until the sun dried my tail long enough that my legs easily separated.
Maybe I should lay off the full transformation, I thought to myself.
And now that Jean was back in the picture, any sort of transformation was risky. Taking into account my lack of control, it was no surprise it took longer to revert back. Perhaps I could get away with the partial transformation since I still had my legs and the revert time was less.
Nevertheless, I headed to the locker room. I sat underneath the hand dryer, letting the hot air dry my skin enough to hide my scales and return my freckly tan flesh.
Once dry enough, I headed back to the dorm getting there just in time to join the guys as they popped in a movie.
“Mind if I joined?” I asked a bit embarrassed. I usually wasn’t one to storm off on people, I just didn’t have the heart to do those kinds of things, but I did. I left and gave no explanation.
Yet, what I saw was not disappointment but relief wash over their faces as their tense shoulders eased. “Not at all, we just started,” the replied handing me the giant bowl of chips.
“Thanks,” I mumbled meekly taking a seat on the floor next to Jean and right in between Connie’s legs as he sat on the couch next to Armin.
I casually leaned back getting comfortable between Connie’s legs munching on the chips before placing the bowl down to avoid throwing them everywhere when something scary popped out—which I usually ended up doing.
I thought I should mention that I hated scary movies. I hated how they were so unpredictable. I hated how the gory faces just popped out of nowhere. And I hated how they made me look weak and childish.
But I knew Jean loved them, he’d love them ever since I took him to watch the first horror film that ever come out in France back in the 1890s. I remember the stupid grin he had plastered on his face the entire 3 minutes of the silent movie. And I also remember his relentless laughter at my expense as I held onto him…
So I stayed put, covering my eyes after every shock, shrill scream, and frightening music, unconsciously drifting toward Jean.
My hand remained in the chip bowl throughout the movie seeing as I was too scared to even move a muscle. Too scared, that I didn’t even notice Jean’s brief touch on my hand.
Oh god, don’t talk to the old lady, don’t talk to the old lady, what are you doing?!
Oh god, I watched as the man in the movie who had clearly been warned to stay away from the old lady in black question her.
Who does that?!
My heart accelerated, already becoming difficult to breathe when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I tensed, not wanting to turn around. What if it was the old lady? What if Connie took my picture and she was in it getting closer and closer with each photo?
Those were the thoughts that had consumed my mind until a soothing voice whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry Marco, movie is almost over. And remember, it’s not real man.”
Right, this isn’t real. It’s almost over…
I instantly felt better, but still prepared myself because the endings are always the worst.
But it was still not enough as I watched the woman take the picture of the father and having old lady come at me, I mean she didn’t come at me, but it surely felt like it. Either way, that didn’t stop me doubling over as I screamed and kicked over the bowl.
The lights were on the second it was over with Armin clearing his throat saying, “Ah, that was a good movie. Guess we should call it a night?”
I saw the look on his face, how his hands trembled, and the wavering in his voice, a bit glad to know I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t handle these kinds of movies.
“Yeah, first class is in the morning,” I agreed, knowing we were both going to have trouble sleeping later on. I wobbled to the kitchen retrieving the broom to quickly clean up the mess I had created.
As I began sweeping, Jean leaned over taking hold of the dust pan, “Oh let me help you.”
“Oh, thanks,” I mumbled, feeling the heat rush to the tip of my ears as it always did when Jean spoke to me.
Maybe he doesn’t hate me, or whatever it was at least it was a step in the right direction.
After throwing away the wasted chips, we separated saying our goodnights before heading to our room.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched Jean get ready for bed. I couldn’t help it; it’s another habit I haven’t been able to break.
Once his shirt reach over his head revealing his smooth skin, it took every fiber of my being to keep away. He tempted me, always tempted me. All I wanted to do at that moment was reach over and kiss every inch of his body.
No words could possibly describe my longing to be so close to him again, close enough that I could feel his heat sticking to my body, close enough to feel his breath lingering on my skin, close enough to feel his every muscle move beneath me, so close that I could hear his heartbeat.
Sigh….but I’m starting from zero…again, I remind myself.
He’s gonna have to like me first and right now I have no idea what he thinks of me.
I shake off my wandering thoughts, and changed into some comfy pajamas, settling in the fluffiness of the bed and the warmth of my blanket.
My eyes drooped heavy with sleep, but they remained open, wide open once the lights went off. All the scenes from the movie replayed in my head, it was like I was watching it all over again.
Pretty soon I found my eyes wondering about the room, looking over every shadow and tensing at the slightest noise. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be a good night after all…
“Marco?” a voice whispered, coming from Jean’s bed.
I took a moment before I whispered back, “Yes.”
“Do you want me to leave the light on?” he suggested.
“No, it’s ok.”
But I did, I wanted there to be light, more than that I want Jean to somehow come to my bed like he used to. Yet, I knew he wouldn’t.
Hearing his voice in the pitch dark instantly eased my body, so I reached over for my phone. Sliding the screen to unlock, I slowly scrolled over the only pictures in my gallery on my brightly lit screen. I couldn’t help it as a smile creeped onto my face. And with that I completely forgot about that dreadful movie, letting the sleep consume me as I held tightly to my only peace of mind.