Chapter Text
Some people say violence is never the answer, to turn the other cheek. But clearly, they have never met Eren FUCKING Jaeger.
Now I, Jean Kirschtein, was never the type of person to get violent nor the type of person who acted on impulse. Yeah sure, I might look it with the weird messy two tone hair and the permanent scowl on my face. But seriously, I mean, sure, I might have mentioned it a few times about whose face needed to meet my fist, but come on, I’d never actually go through with it. I’ll never admit it out loud, but honestly I’m all bark no bite. Or at least I thought I was…until now.
I think that pretty much explains why I’m at Club Titan wearing some ridiculous black leather outfit as I straddle Jaeger on the club dance floor, beating the ever-loving shit out of him.
Okay, maybe that doesn’t explain anything.
Shit, I guess I better start at the beginning…The day I first met Marco Bodt.
~
The humming of the air conditioner could be heard over the furious scratching of pencil on paper.
Well, fuck you too Connie… I thought, fidgeting in my seat, as I pulled my legs up onto the chair crouching over my journal.
I had already waited for more than half an hour for this bald midget who’s supposedly my friend to come so we could call dibs on the same dorm room.
Our plan was pretty solid, been planned ever since we both got accepted into Trost. The idea was simple, set up camp before the other two motherfuckers got here. Then, we would turn our room into the ultimate game room. Hell to the fucking yeah.
I had already called dibs, on what I dub the best rooms, by unpacking all my games and systems. But Connie…ughhhhh.
Connie—he had been my only friend ever since we met a few years back when I was in high school. Well technically he didn’t go to my high school, but that didn’t stop us from hanging out at the arcade every day after school.
Out of anyone that’s ever tried to talked to me, he’s the only one that’s managed to put up with my horrible lack of social skills. And that made me—utterly relieved.
He’d always seek me out and that made it easier to talk especially since he did most of the talking for me. But now, he couldn’t get me to shut up. Even so, I still hated talking to people.
What if I said the wrong thing? What if I offended them? What if they…hurt me?
Okay, maybe I had a slight tendency to overthink things, but knowing that never really stopped me from being anxious. I still ended up having to worry about all those unnecessary thoughts, the ones that left me with sweaty palms and a closed throat that burned with the words that lingered at the tip of my tongue. Yet somehow, I still managed to end up looking so fucking stupid for not being able to even utter even a single word.
But the fact that I could have actual conversations, lengthy ones at that with someone gave me hope. Seems like I wasn’t completely hopeless after all.
Yeah, Connie could get quite annoying sometimes with his obnoxious laughing and stupid comments, but when he suggested applying to Trost University, I didn’t think twice especially when I found out I could get a free ride on a swimming scholarship.
Didn’t peg me for a swimmer, eh? Yeah, I get that a lot. Looks can be deceiving you know. But… swimming was something I’d done ever since I first got into a pool when I was younger, been swimming ever since.
I don’t think anyone ever forgets their first time in the water, I sure as hell didn’t. The way the cold nipped at my feet when I dipped a toe, then falling in when some asshole decided it was funny to push me. But for me it was exhilarating, that one moment I had to catch my breath before my face hit the icy cool summer water.
It felt like a thousand little icicles pricking my skin, until I moved that is. Once I began to move, to propel myself forward, I almost didn’t feel the water anymore. I imagine this is how felt to be weightless, losing the sense of your body as it melded with the water. I could have stayed under forever, but then I would die if I did. Not very fond of dying, in case you were wondering.
That was then; now, I had the option of free school so hell yea I was on that shit. Plus, in case you couldn’t tell, I actually enjoyed swimming.
But right now, this very moment, I hated Connie. Hated him for being late, hated him for convincing me to come to this stupid University, and hated him for making me wait—alone.
I hated being alone as much as I hated talking to people.
“Tch... goddammit Connie,” I complained never once stopping my furious scribbling.
“Connie is a stupid asshole,” I wrote in my journal, the type of journal which was completely normal to have, not girly at all. My manly journal helps calm me down and it was all stupid Connie’s idea. Said he read somewhere that writing shit out relieves stress for a calmer mind or some shit like that. Well, that and the fact that he thinks I have temper issues, which I totally don’t—there’s just a lot of stupid people.
Psh, saying I have issues…yeah right…I’m the calmest motherfucker he’s ever met.
Just then, door suddenly slammed behind me causing me to jerk and slide the e in asshole all the way across the page.
“About fucking time…” I grumbled, trying to finish up the last notes in my journal.
The fuck? What, no witty comment? Off your game Connie…
I spun around in my seat expecting to face Connie, ready to lay down the twelve Bromandments and then some when I glanced up to find that it wasn’t even him.
Right across the room, with his arms wide open looking like some fuckin freckled Jesus, was this asshole. He had that disappointed look on his face that said ‘Oh fuck, I’m stuck with this jerk’. You know the one, the slightly furrowed brows combo with the halfhearted smile.
Well guess what, you are stuck with this jerk!
“John...” I heard him whisper under his breath.
Now who the fuck is John?
The fucking tall ass weirdo kept staring at me, it was kind of creeping me out, so I turned away and ignored him cause that always works, right?
Like I know I’m gorgeous but do you have to stare? Oh that was good, I should have said that.
“Fuck you Connie, when I get my hand on you, you fuckin asshole, you are so fuckin dead…” I mumbled.
I looked down deciding to add a little extra note to myself for future reference, “Note to self: Stay away from weirdo. Kill Connie.”
Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair letting my fingers run over my soft tan tresses.
I peeked once again for curiosity’s sake, but that only left me with no choice but to frown at the man who looked like it was so damn painful to even smile at me walk in my direction.
Oh god he’s coming this way…
I quickly closed my journal, hiding it away deep in the back my desk drawer. Grudgingly, I dropped my feet and stood from my chair facing my new ‘roomie’ only to come face to face with a trembling hand.
“Hey, I’m Marco Boldt. Looks like we’re gonna be roommates,” he mumbled, not once looking me in the eyes.
The fuck he scared of? This is my face asshole…maybe I should smile, nah that’ll probably creep him out more and I don’t need that shit right now.
And this is why I can’t make friends; everyone just gets on my nerves the way they react to me, always assuming I’m just some no good punk. As if they’ve never heard the saying, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover.’
I unwillingly took his hand and somehow managed a reply. “Jean. Yea, guess we are.” Then for some reason, I peeked right behind him and caught the other two roommates trailing in from behind.
Seriously?
“If you don’t mind, I already called dibs that bed,” the words easily slipped out as I pointed to the bed on the left side of the room that was already covered in tons of my clothes and junk.
Meanwhile, I squinted at Connie mouthing “You motherfucker.”
All I got in return from him was a fucking sly smirk as he continued his heated conversation with the short blonde that entered the room with him; no sooner than they entered, were they tackled by the new roommate in a massive hug.
I watched the scene play out, as the three of them smiled and laughed like it was just another day in the dorm, like they’ve been doing that forever.
Why the fuck do I feel left out? Connie is my friend, I think to myself as the ugly possessiveness begins to rear its head.
I somehow muster that strange courage that comes with the whole ‘fake it til you make it’ attitude and saunter over to throw a possessive arm around Connie, “Hey, I’m Jean, your other roommate.”
I managed to catch Connie eyes as the other guys struggled to keep their smile, “Oh yea, guys this is Jean. Jean, this is Armin and it looks like you already met Marco.”
Look cool…
“Hey,” I nodded.
Nailed it.
“Sweet, looks like we got the good roomies so let have fun yea!” he said as he patted us on the back before grabbing his shit off the floor.
“Let me help you,” interrupted Marco as he grabbed more shit off the floor and followed Connie, leaving me alone to deal with Armin.
What is he up to? I wondered, my eyes never leaving Marco. He’s being overly friendly with Connie, I didn’t like that. Not one bit.
“So, what are you studying Jean?” asked the short blonde, whose name I think was Armin, catching my attention.
“Oh, um I’m here for swimming.” I turned back to him and found him attempting to stifle his giggles and trying very hard but failing miserably to resist the urge to grab his sides.
“What’s so funny?” I scowled yet a bit surprised he was actually talking to me.
“Nothing, I just didn’t picture you for a swimmer,” Armin let out in between his laughter.
“Seriously?” I scoffed, irritated of the conclusion most people tend to come to. But I had proof, “Dude, look at this body!” I said as I removed my t-shirt revealing a slim toned chest and abs, completely forgetting that I didn’t know this dude.
“Now touch this smooth skin, touch it!” I exclaimed as I grabbed his hand and dragged it across my stomach. “Feel the abs man, feel em’. Now, check out these legs,” I excitedly mentioned in mid removal of my pants when the doors opened.
Standing in the foot of the doorway, with a firm grip on the handle was a wide-eyed Marco.
What, has he never seen a swimmer’s body before? Well take a good look! I thought smugly.
I didn’t even get a chance to invite him over to feel what was probably going to be the best swimmer’s body he’d probably ever see in his life before he just left the room and stormed off.
“What’s his problem?” I sneered, slightly annoyed.
“Ah, maybe he argued with Connie or something,” suggested Armin, though he gave off the feeling he knew exactly what was up.
“Whatevs,” I mumbled, but in reality it really bugged me. My only friend was having secret arguments with someone I didn’t know.
Connie stepped out the room, “All done unpacking! Hey, where’s Marco?”
Where’s Marco? Isn’t he supposed to know? I wondered.
Things were beginning to get a bit suspicious.
His eyes scanned the room, before landing on Armin who just shook his head, and then at me who was completely lost at the moment.
“Didn’t you guys have a fight or something?” I cocked a brow.
“Ah, so he is mad. Well, he’ll get over it. Um, Armin could I get your help with something right quick?” Connie mumbled as he motioned Armin to the kitchen.
“Why don’t you look through the movies we brought Jean?” Armin suggested to me as he pointed to the duffle bag on the couch.
Off to the side in the kitchen, Connie and Armin resumed their conversation but it was hard to hear even as I strained my ears to listen.
“What the hell happened? I come out, -- gone --half naked!” Connie whispered angrily a he stocked the cabinets with snacks.
“I just asked -- is all! He -- show me -- body, I swear!” Armin flushed handing him more food to store.
“Fuck, -- gonna have to explain --.”
“I know, -- sticking to the plan?
“Yea, I got him writ-- in the stupid jou-- like --, so it’s all good,” Connie confirmed in a hushed voice.
“Great, it will make checking -- easier. The rest is all up to Mar--,” Armin agreed, emptying a bag of Lays into a bowl.
“How bout we watch Insidious?” I yelled over to the guys seeing as I missed and didn’t quite understand most of their conversation.
“Sure, sounds fine,” answered Connie, “Let’s go.”
Connie and Armin took the seats on the couch, which forced me to sit on the floor. I didn’t really mind.
A few minutes later, the door squeaked open with Marco standing in the doorway his face carrying a small feeble smile. “Mind if I joined?” The way his words slipped out his mouth softly, the way his fingers lingered in his damp hair did something to me, not sure what, but I felt it.
Guess I never really got a good look at him since he got here…
He had hair slicked back, the way it would look right after a swim, and his shirt clung to his body giving shape to the slender muscles underneath. Even his freckles gave off a strange kind of shimmer, it was—unreal.
Thump, thump…
What was that?
Thump, thump…
I casually touched my chest.
It’s me? The fuck? Weird…
I didn’t give it much thought as I shook it off then popped in the movie after the others replied, “Not at all, we just started.”
“Thanks,” he mumbled, taking the spot next to me. I watched as he hogged the chips before the movie even started but felt relieved when he set the not yet empty bowl between us.
Sometime during the movie, I noticed Marco had shifted extremely close to me, his body so tensed that I worried for a moment he might die of a heart attack.
Psh, amateur…
I reached for some chips, my eyes glued to the screen especially knowing that the good part was literally moments from coming up.
Oh how I loved scary movies…the adrenaline rush was something similar to swimming.
I felt around as my hands grabbed a handful of chips…and something else.
It was soft and warm, yet big and strong.
Peeking down from the corner of my eyes, I found myself close to holding hands with Marco Bodt. I could see he was terrified as his other hand stuck to his face but remained opened enough to let him watch with one eye glued to the screen regardless.
I have to give him credit for sticking it out, hate to admit it but I’m impressed.
I quickly retrieved my hand, then hopelessly tried to watch the rest of the movie. But my attention was mostly toward the tingling sensation in my hand and how I somehow knew that my hand would fit perfectly in his.
I was thinking too much into it—it was just an accident, yes… just an accident…
I returned my attention to the movie, shaking away those weird unnecessary thoughts. A glance to the side and I found Marco breathing hard, pretty much one jolt away from fainting.
It made me pity him, seeing as how he couldn’t handle scary movies. I’m generally a nice guy, honestly; I just have trouble handling other people.
Maybe we got off on the wrong foot…
As I was about to give him a comforting pat, Connie swoops down placing a hand on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Whatever he said helped Marco visibly relax, his breathing soon returned to normal.
Tch…
I motioned my hovering hand behind my head, nonchalantly scratching an itch.
“AHhhh!!” screeched Marco from beside me moments later as he slumped over spilling the bowl of chips.
Armin calmly stood, turning on the lights, the slight tremble in his hands betraying him. “Ah, that was a good movie. Guess we should call it a night?”
Out of the four of us, guess only Connie and I could handle scary movies. But we were used to it; we had spent summer after summer engulfed watching scary movie marathons at my place.
“Yeah, first class is in the morning,” agreed Marco as he snatched a broom from the kitchen closet and began sweeping up the spilled chips, still a bit shaken up.
Poor dude, will he even be able to sleep?
“Oh let me help you,” I cleared my throat, grabbing hold of the dust pan.
“Oh, thanks,” he blushed.
After all was said and done, we all split into out rooms quickly changing into some sleepwear and called it a day.
Rummaging through my pile of clothes that laid on the bed, I found some black shorts and an old gray tee, one which had been worn one too many times. As I changed, I could feel the sensation of eyes on me prickling my neck.
What is it? I could feel my neck heating up.
I pushed all the remaining junk off the bed into a pile that I would eventually get to.
For real, I will clean it up tomorrow, I lied to myself.
Turning off the lights, I slipped into bed. I knew it was gonna take some getting used to. It felt like I was missing something, but it had always felt that way to me—never really figured out what exactly was wrong with any of my beds. So I turned and turned, finding a somewhat comfortable position; except now, I could see Marco right across from me.
He wasn’t looking too good, his knuckles white with the tight grip he had on the sheets, eyes shifting about the room. His bed squeaked with every movement he made. Had I known he was this scared, I wouldn’t have chosen that movie or even turned off the lights. I felt bad for the dude, then I felt bad for me cause if he wasn’t gonna sleep then he wasn’t gonna let me sleep.
So I asked, “ Marco?”
There was no response before a barely audible voice spoke softly from the other bed.
“Yes?
“Do you want me to turn the light on?”
“No, it’s ok.”
No? It’s ok? Like hell it is!
I got the feeling if I didn’t turn on the lights, Marco might not be alive the next morning.
As I was about to get up, I saw a hand slip from underneath the covers and reach for a phone. I watched as the light from the phone illuminated his face. Whatever he was looking at, made him smile and made me a little curious, but if it got me some sleep then I wasn’t gonna question it.
I laid there watching as his eyelids closed, the muscles in his face relaxing smoothing out the lines on his face. The moment I heard Marco’s deep and peaceful breathing, not a twitch, squeak, or a spasm coming from his bed, my mind drifted off to sleep.