Chapter Text
It wasn’t the kisses Christian that had missed most. Not the thing he had thought about most in his prison cell. He had been longing for something much simpler. Their conversations, hearing Loki’s voice, his intelligence sipping into every single one of his words and Christian feeling like this could be something he would have said himself. Even if he didn’t agree, there was nothing more fun and fulfilling to debate with Loki. To find out what was going on in this beautiful, messed up mind and to marvel at the chaos.
Those had been the thoughts he hadn’t been able to let go.
Right now things were different.
Loki’s lips were on his and Christian felt like he had been drowning for weeks. He was clinging on to him, his fingers digging into Loki’s arms and he felt so weak. Like he was going to trip over any second. Unfortunately that thought became more prominent. The undeniable knowledge of what the last months had done to the general state of his body. Emaciating was the best word to describe it and Christian hated it.
Especially right now when he could feel the leather Loki was wearing against his own clothes. Also that mouth on his own. Christian wanted to slip inside of Loki, get all wrapped up inside of him and tell him all over again that he had been stupid, that he was sorry and that he wanted to be taken apart. As a punishment and because he wanted to.
Pressing himself closer Christian kissed him deeper, desperate for all the contact that he could get. It wasn’t like he had given up, but during the last months and the beatings he had come to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to see Loki again. That the Asgardian wasn’t even going to come to kill him himself. That he wasn’t worth the trouble.
Loki had done more than that. He had come back, only for him. Christian wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Loki had come with the intention to save him. He had probably made up his mind during the interrogation. What did it matter? They were here now. Wherever ‘here’ was. Christian was desperate to hold on to him, which he did and it resulted in a quiet, pained moan.
Nothing more was necessary to remind Christian of the gunshot wound. Pulling back Christian looked down at Loki and the dark leather of armour was sticky with blood. For a second rage and concern were fighting for the upper hand before a clear winner emerged.
“We need to take care of that.”
As expected the first reaction was a dismissive grunt. “Shouldn’t you have learned that by now?”
“I know that the security of the World Security Council uses Vibranium bullets and if they didn’t go right through… we’ll need to get them out. I know you heal quicker than anybody else, but I am not going to let you stand here bleeding.” Looking around Christian didn’t really bother to take in his surroundings, he just needed an opportunity for Loki to sit down. They were in a nicely furnished apartment, quite familiar to the place Loki had lost because of Christian. “Lie down on the couch, okay? I’m going to take a look at it.”
A bit to Christian’s surprise Loki followed suit and stretched out his long legs.
“Let me see?”
The beautiful green light transformed the armour into simple sweatpants and a t-shirt. Also blood-stained. Slowly Christian pulled the shirt up to reveal the wound in Loki’s side. Two of them, they had already stopped bleeding. Christian could clearly see where both of the bullets had penetrated his skin. “Are you in pain?”
Loki raised a very condescending eyebrow and Christian felt a smile making its way on his lips. “I know that will heal. That it means nothing, but that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt.”
After releasing a silent breath Loki nodded. “Actually it does… your primitive guns seem at least to be doing a good job on that.”
“Alright. I need to get the bullets out… You happen to have anything that I can use to do that?”
As soon as Christian had asked his question Loki made a little gesture and a proper first-aid kit appeared right next to them. “Where did you steal that from?”
“SHIELD.” Loki said casually and Christian smiled. “I figured… Okay, let’s get to it.”
Christian has had his fair share of experience of stitching people up. It happened to be part of the training. There was no denying though that it had always annoyed him when people had been whiny about their injury. It was such a pathetic display of weakness. Loki was barely uttering a sound as Christian was getting out the bullets, same thing when he was cleaning the wounds. Why would he? Those were indeed just scratch to him, but Christian still wanted to know that they had been taken care of.
A hand was suddenly touching his face and Christian instantly leaned into it. “I don’t know that look on your face. What are you thinking about?”
Releasing a little breath Christian shook his head, trying not to give into the thought. There was an unpleasant feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach. Getting more intense every second. Almost painfully so. A constant little sting. One that would make him snap and then make him do things. Now wasn’t the time, he wasn’t finished stitching Loki up and he would rather go back into his prison cell than doing a bad job on this.
“Come on, tell me. I want to know.” Loki’s voice was gentle and yet demanding. The way it had always been and Christian wanted to fall into it. Tell him every little thing that was on his mind and have Loki reacting to it.
“I…” Christian’s eyes darted to Loki’s face, to his mild expression and the sting got more intense. Almost unbearable. Taking another look at the wound Christian put into words what was going on in his head. “I am thinking about how I wish I would have done more than just stabbing him. I killed him too quickly. He didn’t get to suffer enough.”
Now his hands were starting to shake and that was exactly what he hadn’t wanted. He wasn’t going to mess this up because of his anger, but just looking at the wound was almost causing a fit of rage.
Loki’s hand firmly grabbed his hair and pulled him forward. Instead of saying anything Loki pressed their mouths together in what turned out to be a rather fierce kiss. One that took Christian by surprise and made him all the more aware of what a mess he had to be right now. Sure, he was wearing new clothes, but that was it. Beneath them he was still too thin, beat up and his hair had to be filthy. Not to mention what his face had to look like. Also it was getting harder to ignore the pain from his split lip.
Pulling slightly back Christian mumbled quietly “Don’t. You just got shot into the stomach.”
“I don’t care.” Loki laughed which was still an amazingly beautiful sound and as he leaned in for another kiss, Christian couldn’t help himself but sat back up on his haunches. “I do care and…” Sighing softly Christian ran one hand through his hair and it indeed felt greasy and dirty. “I look and I feel horrible. I haven’t looked into the mirror for a week, but I can vividly imagine what I look like…”
It was embarrassing yet impossible to ignore.
Loki ignored something else entirely. His wound as he sat up and put his hands on Christian’s cheeks. “You look like you’ve spent time in the dungeon. Which isn’t nice, I’ll admit. But that’s only temporary and superficial…” Trailing his thumbs over Christian’s cheekbones Loki smiled. “You have that glint in your eyes now. It finally came out, you’ve stopped holding back and it makes you… shine. You are gorgeous.”
During his whole life Christian had never really been the kind of person that was easily impressed by compliments to his physique. He much more enjoyed being considered a smart or interesting person. Right now, having Loki tell him that he was beautiful was making his heart beat so ridiculously fast and the sting disappeared within a single second. Being replaced with a warm, almost fuzzy feeling of content.
“You can’t possibly imagine how much I missed you.” With another person Christian would have felt strange voicing such a thought, but with Loki everything seemed alright. Every single twisted thought in his mind suddenly made perfect sense and seemed absolutely alright.
“Oh, I think I can.” Loki replied, his thumb now grazing Christian’s split lip, making him wince. Narrowing his eyes slightly Loki cocked his head, contemplating. “Do you want me to do something about them?”
“Who?”
“All of them.” Loki’s voice had lost its gentleness. “The agents and officers that laid their hands on you. From the second they took you into custody until now. Whatever you want. Cut off their fingers, poke out their eyes, slice their throats. Just say the word…”
Christian’s breath got caught. “I thought… You said I needed to suffer. You would have got me out sooner if you hadn’t wanted that. There is no way that you didn’t know what they were doing with me.”
“Sure I knew.” Loki nodded. “You betrayed me. I needed to make a point. Make you understand that I’ll ruin you if you stab me in the back… but you tried to save me and you didn’t regret doing that even when they pushed you into the dirt and hit you. So I came back for you.”
“So why go back to get revenge on them? When it’s what you wanted…”
“Because they hurt you.” Loki stated matter-of-factly. “I don’t claim that any of this is logical and it doesn’t have to be. I would love to eviscerate them if you told me to. Exactly how you feel about the man who shot me.”
That was so hard to imagine. Never before in his life had Christian felt such anger. Overcome by urge to completely destroy somebody until there was nothing left of them. Choking their life out of them. He would have done exactly that if it hadn’t been for the knife in his hand. Loki claiming to feel the same way brought a smile to his lips. “They don’t matter to me… Not right now. I just… I want to be with you. Can we burn the world down later on?”
This had Loki laughing and Christian leaned into him, wrapping his arms around Loki’s neck. No wince, nothing. As if Loki had already forgotten about being shot. It sent a pleasant shower down Christian’s back to be reminded of how powerful he was.
“As you wish…”
There was a new kiss and Christian was torn between wanting to crawl beneath Loki’s skin and just wanting a very long shower. For now he was content with resting his head on Loki’s shoulder and breathing in his familiar scent. Like winter. Another thing whose absence that he hadn’t noticed before and now it seemed like a miracle that he had survived without it.
“I thought about you. A lot… You were pretty much the only thing I thought about during these seven months…”
“I hope so.”
“Not just…” Christian reached for his hand, entwining their fingers. “When I wasn’t waiting for you to come and kill me, I was hoping that you would obliterate SHIELD completely… I imagined it. When they brought me back to the headquarters today I was almost… disappointed.”
Clearly amused Loki chuckled. “Oh, I did. Only a week after they locked you up. I was a lot of fun actually.”
Yes, Christian was sure of that. Smiling softly he glanced at Loki. “You’ll have to tell me.”
“I will.” Loki agreed and lifted their entwined fingers. Only now Christian remembered that his own hands were still covered in the blood of the guard that had dared to shoot at Loki. By now Loki’s hand was also smeared with red and they were both a mess. Christian couldn’t care less. They looked wonderful together like this. “And how about after I’ve told you, we’ll tear the whole place down. Together. Obliterate it. The entire organisation and all of their associates.”
There was the thrill again. The one that Christian had thought he was never going to feel again. It made him shiver in excitement. Was there anything better? Getting back at them for wanting to put Loki in a cell? Locking up his beautiful madness and maybe even trying to steal his gifts? They should definitely burn for that and Christian would do everything in his power to help, just to make up for his own part in this horrible game. Though Loki claimed that he had suffered enough, Christian didn’t actually think he deserved to be forgiven yet.
Looking at their bloodied hands Christian nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”
Loki’s mouth brushed over his cheek and then touched his ear. Christian shuddered as Loki talked to him in the sweetest tone that he had ever heard. “They were all beneath you from the very beginning. From the first second you set foot in there. It doesn’t matter, because I am going to give you so much power. So much more than you have ever imagined.”