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"Spaces between us hold all our secrets. Leaving us speechless and I don't know why. Who's gonna be the first to say goodbye?"
20, 000 Directioners screaming their lungs out singing in tune (or not) with the light of Liam Payne's eyes, the storm before his calm, the lightning thunder of his heart, the one and only Mr. Zayn Malik. All eyes are on the Pakistani heartthrob and Liam himself can't help but appreciate with adoration and glee as Zayn does what he was born to do - sing and steal the show.
Liam turns to catch a glimpse at his boyfriend as he croons the chorus of Spaces and suddenly as if Zayn knew that Liam was staring at him, he turned to look at Liam with a smile but abruptly stopped singing. When Liam tried to ask what happened, he saw Zayn's figure slowly starting to disappear as Zayn yelled for Liam. Before Liam could reach him, Zayn succumbed to dust and all Liam could do was scream, only for it to fall on deaf ears.
Liam wakes up with a start, heart pounding while his body is covered in sweat. Switching on the lamp beside his bed, Liam rests against the headboard and counts to 10 to reduce his pounding heartbeat.
When his breathing goes back to normal, Liam heads to one of his cabinets, stocked with some alcohol and fills a glass with some scotch before gulping it down, on the rocks and heads back to bed, hoping for a dreamless sleep. As his head hits the pillow, Liam can't help but imagine Zayn's piercing eyes and godawful smirk looking back at him through his closed eyelids.
*
Louis Tomlinson can be your best friend and your worst enemy, or that is what he likes to tell people. For all those who don't believe his statement, his equation with once Bus 1 mate Zayn Malik was all the proof and evidence you required. What was one a beautiful 'weeded' friendship with laughter and heartfelt conversations turned into a bittersweet battle of harsh words and suddenly everything crumbled from flames to ashes.
Holding baby Freddy in his arms as he tries to pacify his little monster, Louis can't help but look back and reminisce about his once upon a time best friend. But why today? Maybe, it could be because it was on this day years ago when they got their matching tattoos for the world to see. He still remembers the night they came back to flaunt their tattoos to the other three only for Liam to throw a hissy fit and not talking to either Zayn or Louis for days.
As he finally put Freddy in the crib, Louis heads to his own bedroom to grab a change of clothes but not before taking a small box out of his cupboard. As he sits on his bed with the box in his hand, Louis carefully opens the lid to find some photos from when he was still in One Direction (What does hiatus even mean?). Upon going through the goofy photos, Louis finds what he is looking for. The picture was of a much younger Louis and Zayn messing around with the latter's arm on his shoulder laughing without a care in the world.
Louis may or may not have cried after that as he refuses to confirm nor deny the accusation.
*
Going incognito was always a bad idea as Harry would say it a million times, but there are moments in his life where Niall wishes he could be normal and not a one-fifth member of the biggest boyband in the world. Don't get him wrong, Niall would not change his life for anything, but a little peace and anonymity would do his neverending search for inner peace, some good.
Which is why, a beanie (Louis would be so proud), huge sunglasses and a fake mustache (somewhere Harry is rolling his eyes and curly hair with disappointment) is adorned by Niall as he walks through a music store.
Scrolling through the sections, hoping to buy the new Shawn Mendes album, Niall subconsciously heads to the section Z and finds what he was not looking for - a younger version of his once upon a time friend, Zayn Malik in Mind of Mine. Although it has been more than a year, the asshole part in Niall's heart (which exists and may come as a shock to many) could not bring himself to buy Zayn's album. A part of him didn't want to let Zayn have the satisfaction of leaving the band halfway.
However, the other part of him reigns supreme tonight and Niall changes his mind and decides to finally find out what the fuss was all about. Going to the counter with the Shawn and Zayn albums and paying, Niall leaves the music store with a smile on his face.
*
"When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus, in a black dress, she's such an actress. Driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it, I'm kind of into it."
Harry Styles will never not love rocking it on stage and to do it in a platform like Victoria's Secret Fashion Show will be high, he won't get by anything else unless that drug's name was Louis Tomlinson.
Harry heads backstage only to be floundered by well-wishers who hug and spew praises at him. Harry blocks them all out as he can't help but miss his brothers and the love of his life. As an unspoken ritual, after ever One Direction show, the five (or four) of them would hug each other tightly to help calm the energies radiating off of all of them post an epic sold-out concert. Wanting some breathing space, Harry excuses himself and flees for his personal room.
Call it coincidence or godawful luck and Harry bumps into someone just near his door, who just happens to be his ex-mate and formed One Direction member, Zayn Malik.
"Dude, watch where you are going," Zayn exclaims his first words to Harry since leaving the band. On turning to see the intruder who bumped into him, Zayn is left stunned to see the curly haired boy with whom he spent several nights on the tour bus talking about their once unrequited love for their soulmates.
"Harreh, it's umm...how...how's it going? I mean, obviously, it must be good given how you just killed it on stage...not that I was stalking you but I was just watching you sing Kiwi and...wait, what was I saying?" Zayn stammers with a nervous laugh as Harry can't help but smile his charismatic smile at him.
"Good to see my Zayn is still in there somewhere," Harry quips. "I've been good by the way. Today felt amazing and the crowd was off the hook as well."
"Ofcourse they were, you are Harry Styles after all. No one can resist those damn curls. How offended was Louis after you chopped the locks," Zayn asks. "Well, I did get quite some lecturing on how he would find it completely arousing to pull my hair while I gave him the best blow..." Harry narrates only to be stopped by Zayn. "After all this time, that is still way too much information, mate."
"As I was saying, eventually, Louis found another kink which is extremely satisfying as well," Harry quips and Zayn can't help but smirk a bit before getting serious. "How's your family doing after Robin? I wanted to call but," Zayn stops in between looking down while a hand of his runs the back of his neck nervously.
"Mom and Gemma were prepared and as much as I thought I was, it still stung and even now, I refuse to accept it, but it's life, I guess," Harry says. "I'm sorry mate, he was a good man and he'd have been proud of you tonight, Harreh," Zayn says with a soft smile and Harry nods along.
There's an inkling in his bones and before he can stop himself, Zayn blurts out, "Umm...how's Liam?"
"What did you say?" Harry asks stunned. "Umm...never mind, I have to go find Gigi. Bye, Harreh," Zayn quickly says and before Harry could stop him, he flees away.
*
"Louis Tomlinson, where the hell are you guys. I have been waiting for hours to see your stupid faces. For once in your life, would it be difficult for you to be on time," Liam exclaims on his phone. "My dear Liam, when has there been a time in your life where the wonderful Louis has listened to you. And in my defense, before you go on your Daddy Liam tirade, it was all Harry and Niall's fault," Louis quips as Liam hears a loud protest from both Harry and Niall.
"Liam, the reason why we happen to be late is that Louis and Niall were fighting like girls over who sits shotgun," the always sensible Harry (not when it comes to Louis) says. "I'm assuming Louis won that round," Liams asks already knowing the answer,
"That would be the right answer, oh wise Payne," Louis quips before abruptly screaming, "Open the door you jackass," and proceeds to bang on Liam's apartment door.
Liam hurries to open his door and is greeted by his brother only to yell, "Louis! I have neighbours so stop banging on the door." Without saying a word Louis engulf Liam into a tight hug and Liam can't help but melt into it. He is then wrapped by two pairs of arms as the OT4 hug it out like it was just yesterday they performed for the last time on X Factor.
*
Sitting by the fireplace, on the loveseat are Harry and Louis cuddling up to each other. Liam, who sits beside Niall on the couch can't help but admire how his two best friends complete each other. It also makes him a whole lot of jealous as once upon a time, Liam thought he had found his Harry or Louis in a certain bad and shy boy only for that same man to crush his heart without any explanation and fly back home without so much as a courtesy goodbye.
"It's hard to believe that there was a time when not a day would go by when we would not see each other's miserable faces but now..." Niall ponders.
"I miss you guys every single day," Louis adds. "Are you getting sentimental on us, Mr. Tommo?" Liam tries to diffuse the emotional feelings, welling up a bit himself but will not admit it one bit.
"Do you think the hiatus was good for us?" Harry asks. The other three keep quiet for a few seconds before Liam replies, "Honestly, it was. I mean look at us now. We can finally stay away from the Modest's grabby hands and be ourselves. The world deserves to know the real us."
"Amen to that sister," Louis states and the other two nod along.
"I saw Zayn in China," Harry says and looks around the room to be met with stone-cold silence. "I bought his CD and may have heard his album about twenty times since then," Niall adds before Louis continues, "I cried after seeing an old Zouis picture."
The other three turn to look at Liam who looks anywhere but at his bandmates. "What? Why are you blokes looking at me that way?"
"Is there anything you would like to add to the conversation Mr. 'I still am not over Zayn Malik and am irrevocably in love with him and Pillowtalk is about me, obviously' Payne?" Louis quips. "There is nothing to talk about," Liam stresses.
"Liam, we know Zayn leaving affected you the most," Niall adds before Liam interrupts him. "I don’t want to talk about it!"
"Talking helps Liam," Harry suggests. "No, it does not!"
Louis tries again and says, "You can’t bottle everything up…" He stops himself when an angry Liam gets up from his place and yells, "WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN LOUIS?"
"Liam, calm down," Louis says as he tries to pacify Liam but it falls on deaf ears.
"Calm down you say! How am I supposed to be calm Louis, knowing that the love of my life walked away without even saying goodbye? How am I supposed to be calm when I thought he would be there no matter what? He promised me, he promised he would never leave my side and what did he do? He left, he fucking walked out and didn’t even have the decency to tell me why. It wasn't just the band he left Louis, he left me too and all I'm left with now is a broken heart that still can't seem to move on. He took a piece of me and now I don't know how I am ever going to be okay," Liam goes on a tirade before his knees give out and he falls down hard and before he knows it, he is engulfed by a much needed Harry Styles cuddles ft. Louis and Niall.
"He asked me about you. In Shanghai, when I met him, he asked me about you, Liam. I could see guilt in his eyes. I could... " Harry whispers to Liam not before being interrupted by the love of his life. "Stop feeding him bullshit."
"Shut up, Louis," Harry exclaims and looks at Liam with hope in his eyes. But what he sees is a whole another Liam that Harry is not a big fan of.
"No, Louis is right. He is an asshole and I hate him," Liam says as Harry adds, "You don’t really mean that."
Bloodshot anger-filled eyes look back at Harry as Liam says with finality, "Yes, I do."
Harry shuts up after that.
*
*Two Weeks Later*
BREAKING NEWS: ZAYN MALIK AND GIGI HADID HAVE CALLED IT QUITS - news flashes all over E! News as Zayn watches on with utmost disinterest in his PJ's with popcorn and beer to keep him company on a very lonely night. Thinking about Gigi, Zayn has a sense of relief wash over him as he can now breathe, figuratively or literally, one would never know. While Zayn knew from the beginning that Zigi was all for show, Gigi began developing feelings for him and as much as Zayn wishes he could feel the same for the supermodel, who had soon become one of his closest friends, his mind always went back to those damn puppy eyes that haunted his dreams ever since that fateful last night he spent with his ex-boyfriend.
Before he could wallow more on his miserable life, Zayn was interrupted from his self-pity by a knock on the door. Reluctantly, Zayn heads to open the door only to be greeted by Harry.
"Harreh," Zayn exclaims before he is engulfed in a tight hug. "Glad to know you’re happy to see me. Are you not going to invite me inside or are you still in the ‘I hate everything about One Direction’ phase," Harry quips as Zayn laughs and lets him in.
It may have been three years, but all it took was an hour for Zayn to be his old needy self and get his share of Harry Styles cuddles although he knows that he deserves none of it but the way Harry runs his fingers through Zayn's hair calms his ferociously beating heart, even if just for a while.
"I still think about it sometimes you know. How it was. The five of us...us against the entire world," Zayn says before he can stop himself. "You miss us, don't you," Harry tried to joke but it comes out serious.
"Of course, I do," Zayn justifies. "Funny, how it did not stop you from proclaiming how we both were never really friends, to begin with," Harry tries to be sarcastic but it was Zayn who knew Harry better than he knew himself and could immediately sense the pain etched in his voice.
"Harreh," Zayn starts before he is interrupted by Harry who says, "Let me guess? Management told you to do so. Wasn’t one of your biggest reason to leave the band, to get away from pests like Modest?"
Zayn gets away from the cuddling and asks, "Why are you here Harry?"
"Do you still love him," Harry questions and notices the bewildered look on Zayn's face. It was now or never, but damn it if Zayn didn't at least try to run away (again). "We are not discussing this, Harreh. Drop it!"
Zayn gets up from the couch heading to the kitchen before Harry interrupts, "Liam had a breakdown the other day." Zayn turns to look at Harry whose eyes are trained on him with a ferocious intensity which makes Zayn want to hide under a blanket or Liam's arms.
"He lost his shit. Cried about how much he hates you for what you did and how you abandoned him without saying goodbye," Harry continues. Zayn's shoulders go stoic before they slump and Zayn heads back to sit next to Harry. "He really hates me, doesn't he?"
"I don’t think he could ever hate you Zaynie. He’s just broken, I guess. You were his life and he was your jaan," Harry tries to comfort Zayn. "Don’t say that word!" Zayn exclaims to which Harry quips, "Why not? It’s not like you care about him anymore."
"Of course, I care about him Harreh! You know it better than anyone else. How could you even say that" Zayn asks bewildered and a whole lot of vulnerable. "I thought I did. I don’t anymore. Why did you leave him Zayn? I mean, I get why you left the band given your issues, but why did you have to leave Liam too?" Harry asks.
"I wish I could tell you Harreh," Zayn says with a defeated sign. "I need an answer right now Zayn Malik. Liam is the strongest panda bear I know who has a heart of gold and deserves the world and I nor Louis or Niall can stand to see him hurt. Yet, two weeks back, the three of us had to see Liam give up. Give up on what he thought was the most important thing in his life, his soulmate, you Zayn, you! So tell me Zayn, why? Why did I have to see one of my best mates cry himself to sleep because of you? I demand an explanation as to why you broke Liam, Zayn."
"Please don't say that," Zayn says and closes his eyes to block out the vision of a defeated Liam crying before an agitated Harry gets up and exclaims, "You know what, screw you, Zayn Malik! Have a good life!"
As Harry places his hand on the doorknob ready to stomp out of his former asshole of a bandmate's life, he hears Zayn's soft whisper. "I’d rather have him hate me than I, ruin him."
Harry turns to look at Zayn who is shaking as he hugs himself tightly and continues, "Liam is perfect, Harry, in every sense of the word. You know how fucked up it got for me in between and how Liam was there every step of the way. However, I was affecting Liam as well and he does not deserve to be anything less than happy. That is why I left not only the band but him as well."
"But why didn’t you just tell all this to Liam," Harry says as he heads back to sit beside Zayn who immediately clings to Harry like a koala bear. "Because if I would have tried to say goodbye to Liam, I would have never left," Zayn whispers.
Harry sighs as he goes to move his hand towards Zayn's chin to lock eyes with him. "Do you still love him?" Harry asks one more time waiting for the correct answer, whatever that may be. "I don’t think there would ever come a day where I don’t," Zayn says with conviction before clinging to Harry once more breathing his hipster scent. Some things never change, indeed, like Harry Styles, despite the new hairstyle.
"Then, fight for him, Zee," Harry states like it is the most obvious thing in the world. "It is not that simple, Harry," Zayn says.
"Love is never ever simple," Harry quips before wiggling his eyes at Zayn who stares back at him and question with a mock gasp, "Did you just quote a One Direction song to me?"
Harry smirks and says, "Maybe?" which makes Zayn crack a smile before he continues sadly, "He’d be better off without me."
"Firstly, you don’t get to decide what’s right or wrong for Liam. He’s capable enough of making that decision by himself. Secondly, I know for a fact that Liam is madly in love with you and always will be. Why do you think he is still single?" Harry asks.
"He hates me," Zayn stresses which agitates Harry and he concludes, "No, he does not, you idiot! Fight for him like he would do for you. The question is simple Zayn, do you even want to fight for him?"
That shuts Zayn right up.