Work Text:
Everyone has one of those days when everything you do is wrong and you think the universe highly dislikes you, but Im Changkyun’s different. He’s completely sure the entity above simply hates him.
Changkyun stares at the name of the person he’s meant to share the best moments in his life printed beautifully in his wrist, marked for the rest of his life. A month ago he used to be happy every time he remembered his name, his heart pounding uncontrollably just thinking about a future together. Changkyun doesn’t know his face or his personality, he doesn’t know if he himself will be enough for this person, but he worked hard to be a perfect soulmate, one anyone could be proud of. Changkyun’s the best in his class, sports aren’t his favorite activities but still he’s captain of the archery team in his high school. He learned how to cook and clean for his sake, he even learnt how to say “Hi” and “I love you” in nearly every language known in the world.
“Yoo Kihyun?!!” – His new coworker and new friend, Lee Minhyuk read his name over his shoulder, excitement obvious in his voice when he mentions his name – “Oh my god Kyunnie! I know who he is! He’s my…”
“Shh, Hyung, shh!” – Changkyun doesn’t want to hear anything about him now or any time soon or maybe not in this lifetime even – “I also know who he is and I’m not in the mood to listen to anything about him.”
Changkyun sighs, maybe sad, maybe resigned, maybe tired or maybe all of them together. Despite his curiosity, his older friend doesn’t say anything about his intended anymore, obviously worried and confused but still too awkward to pry further.
He wished he’s the old Changkyun, the one who jumped like a little excited puppy with the simple thought of finding his soulmate someday. The one who dreamt about their bond, unbreakable as he wished it to be, and about those feelings people said only soulmates could feel.
Changkyun daydreamt a lot about the moment they’d meet for hours, but now he wished he doesn’t, how he wished he's one of those people who don't care and live their life as if they aren’t connected with another one, how he wished he didn't spend whole hours late at night thinking about the perfect life they’d live.
Because he lived in a fantasy and the reality hit him hard.
Actually, Kihyun’s better looking than he thought he would be, indeed, he’s the most beautiful human being Changkyun has the pleasure to lay his eyes on, even more handsome than his friends and that says a lot. He can remember his perfect features, his porcelain pale skin without any single acne or scar, his surprised brown eyes that looked a bit innocent at first sight but at the same time hiding a lot of bitchiness and sassiness and those rosy thin lips adorning perfectly his face. He remembers his height, almost the same as him, and his red hair fading its color making it look as a mix of hot pink and red but still so precious in his eyes. He’s thin, but still everything about his body can’t be described with other word that “beautiful” or maybe he liked them because they belongs to Kihyun.
The “Yoo Kihyun” He’s waiting for, is a dream makes true.
But dreams can be nightmares too.
“Kyunnie!! A Mocha latte!” – His other friend, Lee Jooheon, elbowed him, bringing him back to reality. With a café full of annoying customers and his boss nearby, the last thing Changkyun needs to do right now is spacing out, especially about certain person he shouldn’t even been thinking about.
“Minhyuk Hyung.” – He calls for the eldest to attract his attention. His shift is finally over and he has some time to think properly about the subject… And not being all gloomy because a person found his soulmate that day in the coffee shop he’s working at and thinking why he doesn’t have that luck; the luck to be accepted.
Minhyuk, who was changing his clothes, hummed in acknowledgment, letting Changkyun know he’s listening – “What do you think about soulmates?”
He smirks even if the black haired man can’t see it, a part of him knows Changkyun couldn’t hold back his curiosity for so long and he’s right - “Are you asking me what I think about soulmates in general or about Kihyun specifically?” – Changkyun’s silence says everything by itself and Minhyuk doesn’t need to be a genius to understand the situation – “Ask me whatever you want Kyunnie, I won’t tell him.”
“Kihyun… he… how is he?”
“A dick, a pain in the ass, a neat freak and a grumpy old man, even if I’m older.” – Changkyun chuckles, maybe Kihyun isn’t really the perfect specimen he thought He is – “He’s really smart, he’s studying engineering but his passion is photography, he’s also a good singer and really good playing the piano, oh! He’s a good cook too.”
Letting aside the soulmate thing, Kihyun’s awesome only from hearing the things Minhyuk’s saying about him – “I was his roommate during high school but I never saw his mark, you know?”
“Yeah, I suspected he isn’t very fond with the idea of soulmates...”
“Ow Kyunnie, I bet he’ll love you if he gets to know you.” – The elder hugs him and squeezes him while Changkyun groans, annoyed – “You’re adorable~”
“I’m not adorable, I’m handsome.”
“And modest too.” – Minhyuk teases and releases his grip so the younger can finally breath – “How ‘bout we have a night full of movies and cuddles?”
“…” – Changkyun weights his possibilities, he can go and have fun with his overexcited co-worker or lock himself into his room and cry over something he can’t change… - “-Yeah, sounds fun.”
~*~
The next time he meets Kihyun he almost lets a whole plate of cupcakes fall on the floor. Thankfully Jooheon’s there to catch it just in time and his worried stare doesn’t go unnoticed but completely ignored by Changkyun. On the other hand, even if Changkyun can’t see his face he knows he’s as pale as a ghost, waiting for the floor to swallow him alive, allowing him to quietly disappear magically of the coffee shop.
As though feeling his presence, said man turns around to look directly at him. Awkward and full of all kind of weird, negative feelings Changkyun wishes he wouldn’t feel, Changkyun excuses himself and goes to the change room. He needs to run away and fast.
His soulmate is in the coffee shop with a girl clinging on his arm and he can’t stop the jealousy bubbling inside him. Is she the reason why he doesn’t want anything to do with Changkyun? She’s really pretty and cute, Changkyun kind of understand why Kihyun loves her. It still hurts inside though.
Changkyun sits on a chair to wait for Kihyun to leave before he can return to the counter. Even if he’s trying really hard to not let it affect him, it still does. His heart feels as if it’s ripped from his chest, he feels empty and lonely, as if a half of him is missing. It feels awful.
He hides his face in his hands and lays them on his lap, trying to breathe properly again, trying to calm down, trying to forget the person just few meters away from him but nothing seems to be working. A big part of him wants to reach for Kihyun and touch him, he’s been craving for it for days or even years and when he walked away it felt as if he’s leaving a part of himself behind. Is this how the bond works? Changkyun heard about it, the connection soulmates share.
He knows Kihyun feels his sadness but he also knows he doesn’t care.
And it feels like a curse instead of something that should be beautiful. A curse that is tearing his small heart with it's icy claws, digging deeper every day.
“Changkyunnie...” – His best friend opens the door slowly to not startle the already trembling boy and kneels down to be at Changkyun’s eye level – “Are you okay?”
“Yeah Hyung… just give me a second.” – Jooheon pets his hair and then hugs him when the younger doesn’t calm down, rubbing circles around the younger’s back trying to ease the tension. It doesn’t help either but Changkyun appreciates that his best friend is there supporting him. Maybe that’s what he needs right now, a support to not fall.
“Kyunnie, you can leave if you want, our shift is almost over and we can cover for you few minutes.” – Yes, that’s what he needs, get out of that place and hide in the warmth of his bed and maybe cry until he falls asleep… Yes, he’ll do that.
“Thank you Hyung, you’re the best.” – Changkyun hugs his friend one more time and changes out of his work uniform. He’s planning to use the backdoor so he won’t collide with Kihyun in any way, and maybe he won’t see him again around the shop anymore. After all, Kihyun already discovered where he works and if his soulmate is as smart as he thinks he is, he’ll avoid that place from now.
“If it helps, that red haired guy you’re scared of already left.” – Jooheon comments, sensing his little friend’s discomfort and it totally works. Changkyun sighs in relief and smiles a bit sadly at Jooheon – “Who is he? A bully? Want me to kick him in the balls?”
“Seriously Hyung, can you even do that?”
“Don’t avoid my question kid, who is he?”
“…My Soulmate.”
As planned, Changkyun sneaks out by the backdoor after bidding goodbyes to his friends. It’s already dark outside and it will probably would help him relax. Even when he was a kid and still until now he finds comfort in the darkness, the moon and stars the only company he has and the chilly air of the night massaging his aching muscles. Right now, that’s what he needs…
“You’re kind of predictable, you know that?” – A voice coming from the darkness scares the fuck out of him, yelping unconsciously and turns around immediately to face whatever is behind him, only to find said red haired man standing there with an eyebrow raised. ‘Well at least it’s not a ghost’ – “Im Changkyun right? Of course you are! I don’t even know why I’m asking if I’ve had your name in my wrist for 21 years!”
“Hmm… yeah… sorry for that.” - He bows respectfully and tries to walk away but Kihyun has other plans and letting him go isn’t one of them, holding the wrist to stops him and casually the one with his name printed on it. Such a simple meaningless touch can create a lot of damage. The skin under his touch is burning, electricity passing through them like magic and he knows Kihyun also feels it because immediately the latter pulls away. Changkyun can feel the bond literally protesting, begging to close the distance and finally touch him, feel him but the younger doesn’t say or do anything to stop him.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing.” - Kihyun insists, his voice as soft as a whisper but Changkyun clearly hears him – “It’s not your fault we’re stuck together, so yeah, I’m sorry for push you away and… hmm… the things I said.”
He wished he couldn’t say “stuck together” as if it is a kind of a curse. They’re bonded for life, destined to be together for eternity and spend the rest of their life loving each other as if the other is the only thing that matters… but at this point Changkyun can’t even think Kihyun will accept his mere existence - “It’s okay, I need to go.”
“Wait! I’m not done!” – Kihyun follows him, running a little bit to catch his pace but this time he doesn’t touch him, too much for Changkyun’s dismay – “Please listen to me, just… Five minutes, please Changkyun.”
“I-I can’t.” – Changkyun, for first time that night, meets the elder’s eyes, they’re full with regret, guilt and sadness, he almost gives up, almost – “I don’t want to hear you saying you don’t want nothing to do with me, if that’s what you wanted to say please just go, you let it be known very clear last time.”
“No, that’s not what I want to say.” – Kihyun stands in front of him and every time the black haired tries to pass him, Kihyun blocks him with his whole body, so Changkyun finally accepts his fate and agrees to listen whatever the red haired wants to say – “Changkyun I have a girlfriend and I love her a lot.”
“Yeah, hope you have a long and happy relationship…” – The sarcasm is palpable, the hurt and sadness a bit hidden but still present in his voice… but it’s not like Kihyun couldn’t feel it anyway.
“Changkyun.” – He calls again, this time his hands grabs tightly his shoulders and the same electricity from before runs between their bodies. The feeling’s addictive but Changkyun knows better he shouldn’t get used to it, he closes his eyes, maybe because he doesn’t want to see the man in front of him or maybe because he wants to remember the intensity for the rest of his life. Something he wants but he can’t have – “What about if we start as friends first? Not all the soulmates need to be lovers, you know? Maybe we can be best friends someday.”
“Friends?” – He doesn’t want to be only friends, he wants to hold his hand and hug him at night, maybe live together and the days when Kihyun’s tired, prepare for him a cup of hot chocolate and sit together in a big sofa where they can cuddle until he falls asleep and carry him until his bed and maybe give him a goodnight kiss – “… Okay.”
But he also needs to be near this man and maybe then breathing will be just a tiny bit easier for him.
~*~
Changkyun’s dizzy. Not in the kind of way when a person makes you feel as though you're spinning around and everything is pink and beautiful, magic, butterflies and rainbows… no, Changkyun’s actually dizzy and his head is killing him. He woke up that morning with a small headache and his stomach screaming to not eat even a little bite of his food. He left like that, not giving enough attention to his well-being, not caring enough to. That day he had an important exam and Mr. Do isn’t known as the most patient person in the world, not to mention he still had to work after school and his boss already gave him a warning the previous day.
He blames it on the stress...Maybe he can’t handle the school and his job at the same time, also the whole soulmate thing and friendship isn’t really helping with his mental health. But whatever it is, Changkyun doesn't have the willpower nor the desire to think about any of this right now.
“Kyun, are you okay? Why are you so pale? God, go and rest if you’re not feeling well. Kyunnie are you even listening to me!?” – Once at work, Minhyuk attacks him with questions, Jooheon following him behind, both worried sick about their little friend who entered the café looking like a zombie, but Changkyun tells them everything’s okay, that no, he’s not sick and yes, he can work the whole shift.
But Changkyun definitively is not okay and at the end it hits him hard as a truck when he’s not prepared. Everything around him is cloudy and the only thing he can hold to stay still is the table he was trying to clean. He hears someone calling his name through the sudden buzzing in his ears before everything suddenly turns dark and he’s completely gone.
The next time Changkyun opens his eyes he’s in a place he has never seen before. The whole room doesn’t look like a hospital or any of his friends’ bedrooms; this is too clean to belong to any of them. The room isn’t anything out of this world, just a small closet and a night stand next to the bed, a camera above with a lamp behind and the bed where he’s laying on.
Changkyun looks for his belongings and finds his phone in his pocket, it’s already late he noticed, a little above 10 and he has at least twenty missed calls and forty unread texts, most of them are from his coworkers, even Hyungwon and Kihyun.
Wait, YOO KIHYUN?!
He opened the red haired man’s conversation first and immediately his heart stopped.
Kihyun
Hey, are you okay?
9:15 am
Man, go back home, I think you are sick.
12:23 pm
GO BACK HOME N O W
1:35 pm
CHANGKYUN!
Where are you??!!!
2:15 pm
IM CHANGKYUN WHERE ARE YOU????
2:30 pm
You know what? I’m calling Minhyuk
2:35 pm
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WORKING? GO HOME
2:40 pm
WHY IS THE POINT OF HAVING A FUCKING PHONE
IF YOU AREN’T REPLYING THE FUCKING TEXTS
2:43 pm
Whatever, I’m coming!
2:45 pm
Kihyun was there? Is he in his room? Wait, IS HE IN HIS ROOM? He needs to get the fuck out of there NOW but his legs has other plans and immediately give up when he tries to stand up, falling and crying in pain when his bottom hits the floor. He’s weaker than he thought, but now not only his head is killing him, his butt too.
Changkyun hears fast steps to the bedroom and the door opening, revealing his suspicions. He’s indeed in Kihyun’s room. The red haired man stares at him, a mix of worry and anger in his face, only to march over to help him up and make him sit in the bed again – “Why the fuck do you think work with a 40°C fever is a good idea, hmm??”
In his defense he didn’t know he had 40°C fever and if he wants to graduate and have money to survive he needs to go to school and work. That’s what Changkyun wants to say at first but the burning glare in the elder’s eyes makes him shut his mouth up – “Did you eat?” – Changkyun shakes his head, remembering he doesn’t have appetite to breakfast and forgot to take lunch after that. Kihyun sighs and pats his head – “I’ll bring you some porridge and you’ll eat it, okay?”
Just thinking about eating something makes him feel nauseous and shakes his head again with those puppy eyes everyone loves the most, trying to convince him – “I’ll throw up.”
“You need to eat something if you want to take the pills.” – Kihyun kneels in front of him to be at eye level and lightly smiles and Changkyun blushes, avoiding his gaze, his sudden kindness taking him aback. He feels as if the elder is treating him as a little kid but he can’t really be mad, Kihyun’s being kind of gentle and his efforts are welcomed and appreciated - “Don’t you want to be better? Healthy? So you can run and play with your friends?”
“You’re completely aware I’m a grow man, right?” – Kihyun chuckles and Changkyun admires it, his laugh is probably the cutest thing he has ever seen, the elder had one of the cutest cheeks in the world and he’s dying to pinch them… or bite them… or both.
“I thought you were like fifteen, I don’t know, I’m still not completely sure.”
“I’m EIGHTEEN!” – Kihyun giggles a bit and Changkyun, even if he’s trying to hide it, he smiles back, because Kihyun’s happy and that’s all thanks to him.
“Give me a second okay? Please don’t try to get up alone, if you need something just call me and I’ll be here.” – Changkyun nods, he doesn’t have the strength to fight back anyway, and the elder leaves to the kitchen, he guesses.
Kihyun’s acting different. Before he thought the latter was a rough and tactless guy, but now he’s all soft and smiling at him… and he really needs to get out of that place before he falls harder.
Falling for Kihyun would be easy, he’s the definition of ideal soulmate slash boyfriend in Changkyun’s opinion but what would he do with those feelings later is what the younger’s worried about.
Not long later, Kihyun’s back with the food in his hands and even if the black haired man doesn’t have the stomach to eat, he still finishes half of the bowl with the help of Kihyun making stupid faces to make him eat. Kihyun will be a great father in a future he realizes, but Changkyun isn’t really fond of the idea of being treated like a little kid… but pouting isn’t the best solution either.
Despite his complains he still likes it when Kihyun laughs at his face, making him feel something warm in his chest.
Maybe it’s just the fever though. Hopefully...
After eating, as Kihyun promised, he gives him the pills and lets him sleep in his bed for the night and after ignoring several whines and complains, Changkyun’s wrapped with a fluffy and warm blanket while Kihyun’s sitting next to him petting his hair. He’s dozing - Almost falling asleep- when he holds the elder’s hand, completely addicted at that feeling and almost forgetting they don’t belong to each other but Kihyun doesn’t pull it away and that’s already a good thing – “You know, if we’d meet in other circumstances, you’d be everything I wanted for a soulmate, even better if I can say.” – Changkyun says and immediately falls asleep, completely missing the slight blush in his soulmate’s pinchable cheeks. Changkyun strongly believed that in the morning Kihyun would think everything he said was the fever talking.
~*~
Some years ago Changkyun used to dream about meeting his soulmate a lot. Sometimes his mind created scenes where they were sharing precious moments together, an unknown person next to him and Changkyun knew he was his soulmate because he can feel it. Changkyun could never recall his face once he woke up but those days were the happiest for him.
But now everything is different. Changkyun dreamt again about his soulmate, this time isn’t a faceless person which he won’t remember in the morning. He was Kihyun, with those beautiful brown eyes looking down at him and the most beautiful smile in his face, the younger realizes he was lying on his lap while the elder ran his fingers through Changkyun’s hair, caressing it softly.
- “I love you Kyun.” -
He wakes up, eyes full of tears and an uncontrollable pain in his chest, erratic breath and heart beating in a fast pace. Normally people would calm down after realizing it’s just a nightmare and things are the same as always. But that’s the mainly the problem here, the issue was that Changkyun wished the dream was real so he could have replied to Kihyun “I love you too”.
Drying his tears, Changkyun takes the vibrating phone on the nightstand to know and maybe snap at the person bothering him so early, but immediately changed his mind when he read the name.
Kihyun
wassup with you now?
6:43 am
What do you mean?
6:45am
Playing dumb uh?
Man, I can feel you miles away,
What happened to you so early?
6:47 am
Oh, sorry for wake you up with… hmm…that
Just a bad dream
6: 50 am
It’s okay, I was already awake
A nightmare?
You know they’re not real right?
6:54 am
Just a bad dream, not a nightmare
6:55 am
Aren’t all nightmares bad dreams?
6:56 am
But not all bad dreams are nightmares ;)
6:58 am
Don’t come to me with your weird
Philosophy
Mind share with me then?
7:03 am
I…
Already forgot it
7:05 am
Wow Changkyun
I can feel you lying
7:06 am
You can’t feel that
…
right?
7:07 am
So, you are indeed lying
(¬.¬)
7:09 am
Hehe O:^)
I’ll tell you later
7:11 am
Lying again, huh?
7:12 am
No, I promise!
7:13 am
Anyway, want to go somewhere?
I know you’re no working today
So pleaseeeee
7:17 am
Sure
7:30 am
Say Changkyun’s nervous is so short to describe how he’s truly feeling right now. He had met Kihyun before, sure, they even texted each other frequently but never like this… this is like… like... like a date. – “So, I’m finally meeting that soulmate of yours I definitely do not want to kill?”
“Please Hyungwon Hyung; don’t say anything like that in front of him, pleaseee.” – Changkyun begs with those effective puppy eyes he knows Hyungwon is so weak to refute. The pink haired man rolls his eyes but nods anyway.
“Okay, but to make everything clear I still want to kill him.” – They’re waiting for Kihyun outside his high school, while Hyungwon’s texting with someone. He really doesn’t know and isn’t interested to ask either. Changkyun’s feeling his nervousness going overboard, moving his feet to one side to another and looking as a kid wanting to pee.
“He’s here oh my god Hyung.” – The smaller sees his distinctive red hair moving closer and notices Kihyun isn’t alone as he was waiting, of course the elder wouldn’t want to be “in a date” with him, more like a friends hanging out than a date actually. Changkyun isn’t disappointed, not at all.
“Sorry Kyun, Minhyuk wouldn't leave me alone until I bring him with me.” – Kihyun apologizes when he reaches the younger, giving him a short hug and smiling wide at him. Changkyun smiles back, relieved Kihyun isn’t the one indirectly rejecting him. The younger turns around to introduce his soulmate and coworker to his tall friend but Hyungwon’s staring at Minhyuk with open eyes and when Changkyun gazes at the eldest’s direction he notices Minhyuk’s mirroring the same expression – “Guys?”
“You are…” - Hyungwon starts…
“…My soulmate.” – … Minhyuk completes and then Changkyun realizes what’s happening just in front of his eyes. His best friend and new friend hug and in the years he has known Hyungwon he never saw him smiling so wide. He’s really happy for his friends, they deserve all the happiness in the world and both of them are precious in Changkyun’s eyes… but at the same time he can’t avoid the jealousy and the wave of sadness running through him. Seems Kihyun feels it from him too, because he grabs his hand and drags him away of the scene.
“Finally alone!!” – Changkyun chuckles at his sudden excitement but blushes with the sight of their interlocked hands, a view he doesn’t want to forget, never ever – “I didn’t know how to get rid of him.”
“You’re so mean.” – The younger said jokingly – “Minhyuk just wanted to spend time with his ex-roommate.”
“Minhyuk prefers to shave all his hair rather than willing spend time with me…” – Kihyun does a dramatic pause and gazes at Changkyun, raising an eyebrow – “How did you know we were roommates?”
“Hmm? What?”
“You asked him about me, huh?” – Kihyun smirks at Changkyun’s blushing cheeks, pinching them because they’re too cute to resist – “Just ask me directly next time, Minhyuk doesn't have any trustworthy opinions.”
They choose to go for ice cream since it’s already a warm day and sit in a bench in the park near the elder’s apartment, joking and getting to know each other better. Kihyun isn’t the person Changkyun thought he was, the elder actually is really kind and friendly. Talking with him is easier than he thought and Changkyun’s falling, he knows he’s falling hard for Kihyun but still does nothing to stop it. Kihyun is perfect in every aspect and someone as him deserves to be loved… even if he won’t reciprocate his feelings ever. “Only friends” sounds good too.
“… And then Jooheony got really scared when I screamed in his ear, now he doesn’t want to watch movies with us anymore.” – Kihyun laughs hard, a silent addictive laugh and Changkyun shamelessly stares, those adorable chubby cheeks he’s wishing to bite as long as he has known him. God Kihyun’s too cute to take his eyes off of him.
“You’re so mean Changkyunnie.” – The black haired makes an offended face jokingly and Kihyun laughs again – “Now the poor Jooheon is traumatized.”
“Nah, he’s scared of almost everything, even his own shadow, I just helped him a little bit.”
Kihyun wants to say something else but a girl’s voice interrupted him – “Kihyunnie?” – Said girl is really pretty, with a perfect figure and perfect face. Kihyun stands up to greet her with a wide smile as she gives him a peck on his cheek. Changkyun immediately turns around to avoid the person he thought is Kihyun’s girlfriend and his soulmate’s smiling face talking with her – “Baby, what are you doing here?”
“Well, I wanted to surprise you and I found you here!” – Changkyun’s awkward with the couple in front of him and only wants to hide in his little apartment and pretend his “date” wasn’t ruined, so he stands up ready to leave.
“Changkyun, she’s Nayeon… my… girlfriend” – She smiles politely and shakes his hand politely – “Baby He’s Changkyun… my… friend.”
A part of him really wished the red haired would introduce him as his soulmate but he’s asking for a lot, Kihyun’s still hiding his birthmark even when Changkyun is right next to him. The younger excuses himself with a poor excuse he knows no one bought and rushes out of the place. As masochistic as he is becoming, Changkyun turns around to stare one last time at his soulmate. She’s clinging onto him like a baby monkey and drags him direction to his apartment.
A little part of Changkyun wishes Kihyun would follow him to make sure he’s okay.
He totally misses Kihyun following him with his eyes the whole time, a sad, worried expression on his face.
~*~
Im Changkyun feels like the biggest failure in the world. He has a job, like a REAL job, and he has studied hard to enter in any university he wants, to practice any career he wishes, but his fucking mind needed to fail and do this badly in this exam. He doesn’t know with which face he should meet his family and friends, all a life getting perfect scores to get… this?
Idiot, the biggest idiot, what’s the point of studying all night if his brain is dumb during the test? He should stop thinking about certain red haired man; that’s affecting his studies too as well as his heart and daily life.
His phone rings and Changkyun already knows from whom the text is without looking at the screen, it’s their thing now.
Kihyun
I’m starting to think you’re some kind of a depressive emo kid
And I don’t know if I’ll start every conversation with you with the same words.
But what happened to you now?
12:08 pm
Hyung :C
I’m a failure
The dumbest between dumb people
A complete idiot
A disgrace for the humanity
12:17 pm
Wow wow stop kid
What’s wrong?
12:18 pm
I did badly in an exam
12:20 pm
Ohh, how bad it is?
12:21 pm
9 :C
12:22 pm
….
If you tell me it’s 9/10
I swear to god Changkyun I’ll go there
And kick your ass
Really hard
12:22 pm
WAIT WHAT?? WHYYY??
Hyung I’m being serious here!!
I always had perfect score until now!
12:23 pm
You’re joking right?
You’re lying to not tell me anything
Okay I understand if you don’t want to share
something private with me
But lying?
12:25 pm
Hyung!!
I’m serious!!
What if that affects my final score?
12:26 pm
You’re such a nerd Changkyunnie!!
I almost want to kick you, really
You worried me for nothing!!!
12:28 pm
You’re so crueeeel
I’m suffering here!
12:30 pm
What about if we forget about scores
And go for other ice cream again?
I invite!!
To celebrate your first 9!
12:35 pm
Why do I feel lightly mocked!?
But Sure!
Pick me up after work
12:36
“Going out with Kihyun again?” – Jooheon, who was reading their conversation above his shoulder, asks, an eyebrow arched and a playful smirk on his face – “Your relationship is progressing well for what I can see.”
“Friendship, you mean.” - Changkyun sighs resignedly and starts changing his clothes – “He doesn’t like me as soulmate anyway and he has a pretty girlfriend too.”
“Are you sure?” – A part of the younger tells him Jooheon has been hiding something from him the whole time, as if the constant smirk Jooheon always has isn’t enough clue.
“Okay, what are you implying?” – Jooheon fakes innocence and the black haired man rolls his eyes - “Jooheon I have known you ever since we were in diapers, now spit everything out.”
“Remember the day when you fainted?” – Changkyun nods but how he wishes he couldn’t, still embarrassed for such scene in front of so many people – “He caught you before you hit the floor.”
Changkyun’s surprised. Kihyun is such a fairytale prince, even Edward Cullen is shaking, ha… But still he suspected that isn’t everything, so the shorter motions for the elder to continue with the story – “We wanted to take care of you as the good friends we are…” – Changkyun rolls his eyes a second time that day, he’d be as good as dead if those two ever try to care for him, maybe they’d give him a wrong pill even – “…But he shouted so angrily ‘he’s my soulmate and I’m the one taking care of him!’ and carried you bridal style out of the café. Such a prince, right?”
Can’t the floor just swallow him alive? Most embarrassing moment in his life. He can feel his cheeks burning but his friend just pats his back, laughing at his disgrace and tells him everything is okay. No long later Minhyuk arrives and their shift starts.
Changkyun spots Kihyun entering the café five minutes before his shift is finally over. He smiles at the elder and hugs him when he’s close enough – “How’s my nerdy boy doing?”
‘My nerdy boy’ He said, Changkyun feels offended but forgets everything when the “my” part repeats one and over again inside his mind. The younger knows he shouldn’t show any reaction, so he pouts and whines like the little kid he definitive is not – “Hyung~ I’m not a nerdy boy!“
“Sure you are~” – The red haired man teases him a little bit more until Jooheon wraps his arm around the younger’s shoulders and pulls him closer to his body. Kihyun’s face immediately changed, as if he’s planning someone’s murder or something like that.
“Mind introducing us, Kkungkkungie?” – The younger cringes hard with the mention of his old nickname and elbows his childhood friend on the stomach to shut him up– “Ouch???!!”
“Don’t call me that!!” – Changkyun rolls his eyes, obviously embarrassed but hiding it behind a fake annoyance – “Hyung, he’s Jooheon, the guy I told you before.”
“Oh, you’re the one scared of everything?” – Jooheon, with his small cute eyes, glares at Changkyun who is giggling softly – “Nice to meet you, I’m Kihyun.”
“Nice to meet you too.” – They shake hands but the younger knows Jooheon’s planning something when he sees that evilly smirk he knows very well – “I have millions of embarrassing stories about this guy here, want to hear them all?”
Kihyun chuckles, and oh my god no, for his own sanity Changkyun shouldn’t have let those two demons meet!! - “That sounds fair, I’m all ears.”
“But Hyung~” – Changkyun whines cutely as a little kid and the red haired pinches his cheek cooing, discreetly pulling him closer to him and away from Jooheon’s dangerous hands – “I won’t leave you alone with the demon!”
“I have embarrassing stories about Kihyun too, you know?” – Changkyun’s eyes shine with interest and Minhyuk noticing this, winks at the younger, completely aware of Kihyun glaring at him but after all those years knowing each other he’s not scared anymore– “Call it revenge, Kihyunnie~”
“Don’t you dare Lee Minhyuk! I know who your soulmate is too and I have plenty of stories I’d like to share with him.” – And after a little fight between the two same-age friends (actually best friends but they would rather be dead than admitting that) Changkyun drags his soulmate out of the coffee shop. Kihyun wants to go for ice cream again and even if the idea sounds extremely tempting, Changkyun’s craving for some time alone with him – “Your apartment Kkungkkungie?”
“Oh my god! Please Hyung, I beg you and if you want I’ll kneel here and now, please, don’t call me that.” - Kihyun chuckles and unconsciously holds his hand to walk together, obviously missing how the simple touch is driving Changkyun crazy, but of course Kihyun isn’t even aware his smile can do that too – “Yes, if you want of course, I have a comfy couch where we can watch a movie and eat popcorn until our stomachs can’t take it anymore.”
“Will you scare me as you did with Jooheon?” – The slightly taller arches an eyebrow and smirks playfully, but Changkyun fakes innocence and shows him his super effective puppy eyes to convince him – “Fine fine, I’ll go with you, just don’t look at me like that!” – Another victim unable to fight against his puppy eyes! Perfect!
Changkyun can’t hide his happiness the whole time and notices the elder smiling softly at his excitement, but what he loves the most is how Kihyun’s small yet strong hand is wrapped around his and not even asking once to take it away. Changkyun’s happy truly truly happy and in moments like these he doesn’t care they’re only friends as long as he has Kihyun by his side.
Once they arrive to his little apartment, Changkyun clearly panics. The younger always enjoyed living alone, he’s tidy and likes to have everything organized… but Changkyun completely forgot that morning he made a big mess looking for his notes and the whole living room is full of papers – “Hyung, can you wait here two seconds? I’ll be back as fast as I can.” - The younger doesn’t wait for his answer before open the door and closing it immediately to not let him peek inside, throwing everything to his room. He can clean later and if Kihyun asks, a monster is living there and no he can’t go inside.
“That was fast.” – Kihyun teases him, entering to his small living room. His apartment’s nothing too luxurious, he’s living alone with a simple job as waiter and with a little help from his parents, so Changkyun hopes he isn’t disappointing Kihyun. The older gazes at every corner and then sits on his couch – “I like it, it’s not as bad as I thought actually.”
“Wow, Mr. Neat Freak is satisfied?” – Kihyun glares at him but soften when he sees Changkyun’s smile. He’s happy with every single thing the elder likes about him, it’s so obvious.
“You’re spending too much time with Minhyuk.”
Changkyun prepares the popcorn and brings the ice cream he bought the previous day with coke and every single snack he has and put them all in the coffee table, and then picks a fluffy blanket in his bedroom to finally sit to watch the movie Kihyun already chose for them.
At first they sat with a good gap between them but as the hour passed they were closing the distance and without noticing they’re already sharing the blanket. Changkyun thought he would panic, pack his things and leave but when an arm rests around his shoulders and pulls him to lay his head on Kihyun’s, he finally felt himself relax.
Changkyun definitely doesn’t know what kind of game Kihyun’s playing but the whole “I want to be just friends” and then cuddling him on the couch is driving him insane. Anyway, Changkyun isn’t totally complaining, he loves his little touches, especially when the elder draws little circles in his arm and rested his head on top of his.
The mood is really good and they’re spending good time together… Until Changkyun gazes at the elder’s wrist, his name still covered by a bracelet and sighs. For a second he forgot Kihyun doesn’t want him and showing his name is out of question. He has never seen his mark, even Minhyuk never saw it before and they lived together and he can’t help but wonder why Kihyun hates it so much. Changkyun moves a little bit, taking his head away from his shoulder to stare directly at the confused Kihyun– “Can I see it?”
“What do you want to see, Kkungie?” – The younger points at his wrist, ignoring the blush creeping to his face by the sudden nickname the elder gave him. He could get use to it if Kihyun is the one calling him like that – “My mark?”
Changkyun nods and the elder sighs. He notices Kihyun’s a bit hesitant at first but fulfill his request anyway, removing the bracelet slowly as if he’s reconsidering his life choices and Changkyun can’t deny he’s nervous as well, he doesn’t know why but he is.
Changkyun doesn’t know what he was waiting for when he asked but there it is, his name with his messy handwriting, black and small. The skin there is considerably paler than the rest of his arm for how long Kihyun has been using the bracelets. The younger stares and smiles sadly at the birthmark. It’s just as he imagined, similar to his own. With his finger he traces the patron delicately - ‘Im Changkyun’ – and finally sighs.
“It’s not you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Don’t tell me now soulmates can read minds because I’ll get scared.” – He chuckles dryly and humorless, but Kihyun doesn’t even smile and the next thing Changkyun feels is his tiny fingers holding his chin to lock their eyes together.
“It’s not you Changkyun, I don’t dislike you and you have never done anything wrong, okay?” – Changkyun doesn’t know what else to do but nod, never breaking the eye contact. They’re so close, so fucking close and wonders if Kihyun’s aware of it, the elder isn’t moving away and that’s good but the sudden need to close that distance is uncontrollable. Changkyun can almost feel the bond between them as a physical force pulling them closer. His heart’s doing things he doesn’t think were possible and wonders once again if the red haired could feel it too. Kihyun’s the first one to look away, only to move his gaze to his lips and lick his owns at the act, the hand he had in his chin moves to interlocked it with his hair. Changkyun closes a little bit more of the damn distance separating them, staring at his lips as well and now they’re only few inches away, impossibly close, so close that if any of them move they would be kissing.
But he can’t. Kihyun loves someone else and he can’t take advantage of him, so he kisses his cheek and hides his face on the elder’s chest – “I’m glad Hyung, I don’t dislike you either.”
Kihyun caresses his hair softly and without noticing he falls asleep hearing the elder’s heart beating fast and happy because is him the one responsible of it.
~*~
After two months since he met Kihyun, Changkyun feels it.
He felt it before when Kihyun was happy or upset, when he was in good or bad mood but nothing as strong as now and Changkyun finally understands why the elder always tried to cheer him up when he was sad. The feeling’s horrible; He can’t even find the right words to describe how terrible it feels. Changkyun feels as if he wanted to hide in his blanket and cry all night but without any apparent reason and the worst part he knows something extremely bad is happening with his other half right in the moment and his hands are tied behind his back. Changkyun can’t help him, reach for him, comfort him, tell him everything’s going to be perfectly fine and Changkyun will always be by his side. All Changkyun wants, needs to do is make him smile again. That beautiful smile should never leave his beautiful face, because Kihyun’s precious and whatever is making him feel like that deserves a good punch in the face.
Changkyun can’t stay still and opens their last conversation, immediately texting him. Each second passing is just raising his worry until eventually he can’t breathe properly until he's sure Kihyun’s okay. The younger definitively just can’t lie in his bed and pretend nothing is happening…
Kihyun
Hyung what’s wrong?
10:05pm
Kihyun plz
Answer me
10:10 pm
God, I’m sorry for all the times I did this to you
I’m worrying as hell here
Hyung please
10:25 pm
Just tell me where are you?
Please
11:00 pm
HYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUNG
11:02 pm
Shit Kihyun, I can’t be here doing nothing,
knowing something’s wrong with you
11:03 pm
I’m desperate Hyung
11:05 pm
I’m coming over
Don’t you dare to ignore me okay?
11:12 pm
Changkyun sighs tiredly, disappointed but not surprised. It’s so obvious Kihyun won’t be replying to his texts, calls going ignored. It hurt but he still can’t give up so easily. He picks whatever coat he has in his closet and his shoes and closes the door behind him. Changkyun knows he’s a big mess, the hair he is always trying to fix into perfection is a complete disaster and his puffy red eyes from sleep extremely obvious to the world. He doesn’t even pick a pair of glasses to hide them, but who cares? At least Changkyun doesn’t and he bets Kihyun wouldn’t care either.
The walk to the elder’s apartment isn’t long, barely fifteen minutes walking but Changkyun feels it is tortuous and ridiculously slow. At some point he starts running and in record time he’s already arriving to the apartment building and thanking to the heavens one of the elder’s neighbors let him in. Changkyun runs all the stairs up until his apartment completely ignoring the elevator right next to the stairs and knocks at Kihyun’s door.
At first, Changkyun knocks delicately, calling for the elder’s name with the sweetest tone his deep voice could allow him but Kihyun ignores him, so he gradually knocks harder and harder as his voice also gets louder – “Hyung?!! I know you are there please let me in!! Hyuuung!!!” – At this point he suspects at least half of Kihyun’s neighbors are awake because of this and he feels a bit guilty. After all it’s almost midnight in a weekday but he bets if the person on the other side of the door was their soulmate, they’d do exactly the same or worse.
Then, the door slams open and a furious Kihyun welcomes him, his eyes are red and puffy obviously from crying and his cheeks are still full of tears. Only the view breaks Changkyun’s heart in millions of pieces in an instant – “For fuck sake Changkyun, why the hell are you her-” – The younger knew since the very beginning Kihyun would snap at him but Changkyun also knows he doesn’t care a bit. The red haired man can say whatever he has in his mind, insult him, even punch him wherever Kihyun wants and push him away and still Changkyun would receive it happily. But the elder looks so sad and lonely, the only thing Changkyun wants to do is protect him.
And Changkyun also knows Kihyun would probably get even madder at him if he asks for permission to hold him and comfort him… so Changkyun doesn’t dare to ask and wraps his arms around his slender waist and pulls him closer into his arms. Unwilling and still a bit sulking Kihyun hugs him back and doesn’t take him so long to start crying again, his hold tightening around the younger, sobbing and clinging onto him as if his life depends of it.
Changkyun can’t deny seeing the current state his soulmate is makes him want to cry but he holds it back and tries his best to comfort the boy between his arms, shaking side to side like people do with babies and repeating over and over again “everything will be okay Hyung, I’m here for you” but nothing seems to work. With all the strength the younger man has, even if it nearly breaks his thin body, Changkyun lifts him up and carries him to his sofa and sits him on his lap. Kihyun leaves a little surprised gasp but doesn’t say anything else, getting too comfortable between his arms.
It takes him around half an hour to finally stop crying and meet Changkyun’s eyes. The younger offers him a small smile and wipes the dry tears with his thumb, caressing the red skin softly. Kihyun’s a big disaster but Changkyun found him very adorable. God, that’s how whipped he already is – “Better now Hyung?”
“Far from being okay actually.” - Kihyun leans into the touch and his hand goes to rest above Changkyun’s, enjoying the warm coming from the younger – “But thank you for being here.”
“I’ll always be here for you Hyung.” – Changkyun doesn’t know if he said something wrong but as soon as the elder registered his words his face shifted. Now showing not only sadness but also regret and the black haired wants nothing but erase such awful feelings from Kihyun.
“Changkyun I have something to tell you.” – The elder turns around breaking the eye-contact and immediately new tears appear, Changkyun holds him closer to his body, trying to say everything’s going to be okay and hoping the elder would understand the message – “I-I’m sorry-”
“Shhh Hyung shhh you don’t need to apologize for anything.”
Kihyun shakes his head, he wants and needs to do it, right there, right now - “I-I’m really sorry for what I-I did when we met Kyunnie, I told you to fuck off and left you even before you could talk.”
“It’s okay Hyung, I don’t mind…”
“It’s NOT okay, I literally felt your sadness and I didn’t turn around, Kyun I-I’m a bad person I left you there… c-crying and you were so sad for days, even after we became f-friends you were always sad and disappointed, I-I can’t help but blame myself, a-and I regret it s-so much, Changkyun y-you deserve someone better…”
“But when I was sad you were there Hyung, you took the free time I know you don’t have to spend it with me and cheer me up.”
“But Kyunnie…”
“Listen Hyung...” – Changkyun says, cutting him off – “If I have the chance to choose a person to be my soulmate I’d choose you without even thinking it twice!”
Changkyun blushes deeply when he registers what he said just a moment ago and the surprised rounded eyes of Kihyun staring at him aren’t helping at all. But then Kihyun smiles lightly and shyly hugs him and the younger completely forgets his recent outburst and the embarrassment it brought to him, he doesn’t mind if he can make Kihyun smile again – “God, You’re such an adorable baby…”
“Uhh I already said millions of times I’m not adorable! I’m handsome!”
“You’re cuter when you say you aren’t.” – Both chuckle, the elder goes back to cuddle him while Changkyun caresses softly every part his hands can reach – “Kyunnie…” – Changkyun hears his soulmate calling for him and immediately turns to meet his eyes – “Cuddle me to sleep.”
“Want to go to the bed?” – The red haired man nods and stands up to stretch his aching back, then gives him a hand to Changkyun to hold and follows him to his bedroom.
“You know, I wanted to lend you some pajamas but I see you came ready to sleep here.” – Kihyun teases smirking after check the messy look the younger has.
“Hyung~”
~*~
Kihyun never told him why he was crying that night but after few weeks, hours of cuddling under a blanket and uncountable dates Changkyun took him out on, the elder is smiling again, even more often and brighter than before and gradually he’s growing attached to Changkyun more and more…
Okay, Changkyun’s the one growing attached to him but he can’t help it, he really adores the elder’s company, his little touches and senseless jokes, his smile and even his frown, his good times and bad times. Changkyun enjoys everything the elder gives him, even his nagging and those long hours Kihyun spends mocking at him.
Day after day, week after week, they spent it together and without noticing 4 months already passed. Changkyun’s busier than ever with his exams and the elder isn’t any better but still they try to find at least an hour each day or every two days to be together, sometimes one of them spends the night on the other’s house and study together or sometimes Kihyun picks him up and drags him to at least eat together.
The elder’s doing an effort for them to work and Changkyun appreciates it.
They’re still friends of course, but Kihyun got use to the idea he has a soulmate, a part of him belongs to Changkyun and no matter how much he wanted to fight with fate, they’re destined to be together in a way or another.
Kihyun goes to Changkyun’s graduation and meets the younger’s parents. At first Changkyun’s almost panicking but everything goes surprisingly well and they love Kihyun so much, of course, who wouldn’t? The red haired man is perfect. They eat out together and when Mr. and Mrs. Im leave to their hometown Kihyun drags the younger to their “private party” in his house.
“Hyuuung~ have I ever told you you’re the best cook? Wow you should open your own restaurant! I’ll be your first customer.” – Changkyun hums in pleasure, complimenting every single time he takes a bite. Kihyun makes a cocky face and later laughs at the younger’s cuteness, already too weak to actually tease him.
“I know Kyunnie, you told me the same every single day.” - The elder pets his head and gets up to wash the dishes as Changkyun follows him behind as a lost puppy waiting for his attention again.
“But I meant it, you know.” – Kihyun smiles thanking him and then his phone rings in the living room. Kihyun curses but goes to answer it anyway, it’s his best friend’s special ringtone Changkyun remembers and maybe it’s something important. Changkyun’s left alone in the kitchen and thinks he should help Kihyun at least a little bit, so he does the dishes for him.
He’s almost done when he feels a pair of arms holding him from behind and freezes, no in the bad way though, he’s just surprised because Kihyun isn’t the touchy type – “Wow, you can do that?”
“Harsh Hyung, of course I can! I live alone, remember?” – The younger whines and finishes what he was doing quickly to finally melt in the embrace. Kihyun’s warm and the little butterflies in his stomach make it look all so magical and special. His hands rests on the elder’s and allow himself enjoy the moment. But then Kihyun lets him go and Changkyun does nothing to hide his disappointment.
His whole body turns into jelly when Kihyun spins him around to meet his eyes. The sudden closeness is surprising but not unwelcome and the hands holding his waist and pulling him closer aren’t really helping to ease his uncontrollable heartbeat. Changkyun meets his eyes and sees a bit of want mixed with something Changkyun thinks is similar to fondness or maybe affection… maybe love.
Kihyun holds the younger’s hand close to his face and kisses his knuckles softly. If Changkyun was red before, now he’s about ten shades darker, especially when he flips his hand and kisses his birthmark, staring directly at his eyes. The black haired doesn’t know what came over Kihyun and where the whole “only friends” went but he isn’t complaining at all. Changkyun likes the elder’s gentles touches, almost as he secretly dreamt them to be.
Lost in his eyes, Changkyun doesn’t notice the sudden closeness between their faces, he doesn’t know who leaned first or who finally closed the distance but when their lips meet he really couldn't care less.
He read in books how the first kiss between soulmates was like magic, with fireworks around them and the whole world disappearing, where only the two of them exist. Changkyun always thought people were exaggerating but now that he's experiencing it himself, those stories were nothing compared with how he feels when Kihyun starts moving his lips, still an innocent kiss but one heartfelt enough to send Changkyun flying.
Kihyun pulls back and stares at Changkyun, looking for any regret on his face but when he saw none he leans in again to join their foreheads together – “Can I?” – A little bit too late to ask but Changkyun nods anyway, gulping when Kihyun’s so close to his lips again. Their breaths hit each other’s faces, so sweet and so quick, before the elder leaps forward to lock their mouths together. The black haired man mewls, a shaky hand reaches up to grip his hair, trying to bring him impossibly closer. They kiss for the longest time, just lips twisting here and there, gentle and then a bit stronger. The elder licks his bottom lip, asking him silently for permission, one Changkyun gladly gives and their tongues dance together in a rhythm they create together.
Everything’s new for Changkyun but he finally allows himself something, for first time he thinks about himself, about his own pleasure and not the rest of the world, he allows himself enjoy, to take what the universe gave him, enjoy the only thing he truly wants. He allows himself to forget and forgive, forget they aren’t supposed to doing this and forgive their past mistakes and any new ones that might come in the times to come. They’re building their own future and from now on he can’t lie to himself and pretend this isn’t what he wants, like Kihyun isn’t what he needs, like being only friends with him is okay and fair.
The next thing he remembers is Kihyun carrying him to his bedroom and laying him in his bed. He remembers the kisses and the touches, the beauty of a naked Kihyun leaning above him and his eyes shining with lust mixed with the love he wishes is truly there. He remembers the pain and the pleasure and the feeling to be one with the one his heart wants. He remembers every single detail and that’s something he won’t ever forget .
He dreamt about them together.
Fantasy was good but the reality can’t be compared with nothing.
~*~
As the morning comes, Changkyun curls into a ball and tries to avoid the blinding light. It’s warm and too comfy to move but an annoying voice kept calling his name over and over again nonstop – “Kyun, it’s time to wake up baby…” – He whines, covering his face completely with the blanket. He hears a slight chuckle from beside him and gentle hands caressing his hair – “Don’t be a kid, Kyunnie, it’s late.”
He finally opens his eyes and the view welcoming him is too good to be real, Kihyun, smiling down at him and… he’s partially naked- “Finally!” – The elder kisses his forehead, the only thing the younger uncovers to let him see – “You have to go to work baby.”
He called him baby… twice…. Is he still dreaming? - “I-I don’t want to.” – The black haired man hides again and makes himself into a big burrito. Even if Kihyun finds him incredibly adorable, he doesn’t want him to be scolded by his boss. Resigned the elder takes his blanket away, exposing his naked body and instinctively Changkyun hides his private parts with his hands yelping loudly in protest - “Good morning sleepy beauty.”
“G-Good Morning Hyung, d-did you sleep well?” – The elder hums, before he moves to pepper kisses all over his neck, barely brushing his lips against his skin. Changkyun can’t say he doesn’t enjoy those loving gentle touches but it tickles and he can’t keep his giggles inside.
“Hyung stop hehe it tickles~” – Kihyun smiles down at him and pecks lovingly his temple.
“Time to get up Kyunnie.” – The red haired finally stands up and stretches his back. Suddenly Changkyun feels cold with the warm of Kihyun’s body leaving his side but the elder smiles at him and Changkyun forgets everything, smiling back as reflex – “If you need something just tell me ok?”
“I need a bath.” – Kihyun helps him up and walks him to the bathroom, bringing Changkyun some of his clothes and a towel. Changkyun realizes how much time he spent in the elder’s house when he notices he already has a toothbrush and his own pair of clean underwear. Taking a bath is torture, his whole lower part is killing him and walking is even worse ‘yes, of course Changkyun but you wanted it harder and faster’ he blushes with that single thought, memories of their previous night blossoming in his mind. He regrets nothing but he’s highly embarrassed.
With baby steps he walks out of the room, looking around for Kihyun and spots him cooking something that smells delicious, his stomach is completely crying for food. Silently Changkyun wraps his arms around the red haired man’s waist hugging him from behind, Kihyun giggles a little bit, turning to kiss the head resting on his shoulder – “You okay there?”
“My ass fucking hurts and I hope you can feel that too!” – Changkyun says whining but obviously joking. He makes Kihyun laugh and totally satisfied he releases the hold. Kihyun turns around to meet his eyes and kisses him gently but long, taking all the time he wants and as much as the younger enjoys this, it’s already late – “Hyung, I have like 20 minutes to arrive to work.” - But Kihyun instead of taking Changkyun’s hint, he just goes in for another kiss. Then another. Then another. And another one just because he can. He’s insatiable. And so is Changkyun to be honest.
“Hope you have time to eat though.” – Changkyun nods, he wouldn’t miss this even if his boss scold him later. They eat mostly in silence, the younger notices Kihyun stealing glances at him and when Kihyun’s caught in the act he shamelessly smiles. Changkyun really doesn’t know what came into him but he’s totally enjoying the attention.
“Shit Hyung I’m late now!!!” – The black haired stands up, picking his belongings and apologizing for not helping him to wash the dishes.
“It’s okay Kyunnie.”
“Thanks a lot… for… hmm… everything.” – He whispers when Kihyun’s opening the door for him, and without previous warning Changkyun kisses the red haired on the cheek. As he watches the smile growing on his face, Changkyun finds himself smiling as well. His heart is fluttering and he loves the feeling. He could get used to this really fast.
He runs, waving at Kihyun once more before he is out of sight.
Changkyun can feel Kihyun’s happiness the rest of the day and he does nothing to hide his own, even if his coworkers tease him for it. A lot.
“Someone had a good night, huh? Right Jooheony? I wonder who…” – Minhyuk asks for only-god-know-how-many times that day, raising an eyebrow and smirking. Jooheon teases him less but still follows the younger for some “juicy” gossip and if Changkyun isn’t in extremely good mood he would have snapped at them a long time ago.
After a long day of working, he finally could go home and recover those hours of lost sleep but at the same time he’s considering passing by Kihyun’s house. He has been missing the elder a lot that day and he didn’t have time to text him because the café was more crowded than any other day. Sadly for him, his lower back was protesting and the whole day was torturously slow for him. He noticed Kihyun wrote to him several times asking if he was feeling better and his insides totally melted at the show of care. Why is he so cute? Why is he so boyfriend material? God have some mercy on Changkyun.
Anyway, at the end he decides to visit him again and maybe –if Kihyun allows him- spend the night there, because “is too dark outside already” and “everything is so dangerous now Hyung”. Changkyun decides to bring the chocolate croissants the elder loves so much, ordering them every time he went to the café, and finally leaves his workplace with his annoying friends still inside inside. The dynamic duo threw him some sneaky comments about his passionate night he prefers to ignore and settled for pretending he doesn’t know them. God he needs new friends.
Changkyun’s almost at the elder’s apartment (crossing through the park since it’s faster) when he notices two people talking and then hugging. So awkward, a lovey-dovey couple, and Changkyun actually needs to interrupt their little moment. It’s dark but when they part, Changkyun notices something and immediately frowned.
The guy has red hair, he’s small as him, that nose, those eyes and totally… yep, he’s Kihyun. Hugging a girl he then recognizes as his girlfriend and Changkyun feels everything inside of him breaking. When Kihyun kissed him the first time Changkyun thought about her, about what they were doing but the elder doesn’t seem the two-timing player, so he really thought and wished they weren’t together anymore.
How wrong Changkyun was and he wonders how Kihyun could smile at her knowing all the things they did less than 24 hours ago.
Paper bag thrown into the garbage; he walks out of that place. His heart literally feels as if it broke in countless jagged pieces, left behind with Kihyun, because yes, he’s leaving half of him behind and Changkyun wonders how many times he’d let Kihyun use him until he opens the eyes and realize he isn’t wanted there. “You can read someone soul through his eyes” Changkyun thought it was true, he totally saw something similar to love in his eyes, is he overthinking? And maybe Kihyun just wanted to fuck? Curiosity? No, he really thought his words were sincere… wait which words? He never said he loved him, or liked him, or actually, he didn’t say anything.
Changkyun was really being used, blindly allowing it? And he wonders how many times he’ll cry for Kihyun to understand he isn’t loved.
The younger was so immersed in his own thoughts he doesn’t noticed the red light and the last thing he remembers is a deafening honk and the screeching of tires before everything went white. And maybe that’s the best for both of them, Kihyun would be happy with his beautiful girlfriend, he wouldn’t have to be stuck with an immature kid. Kihyun never had any other option than being with him because fate thought they were a perfect match and oh, how he wishes that was true.
Maybe he should let himself go.
For Kihyun’s happiness.
A last gift for the person he loves the most, not because of a bond but instead for the man's personality, his smiles, his everything.
Because yes, Changkyun fell in love and he regrets nothing.
Changkyun closes the eyes waiting for the pain to come but actually he feels… nothing.
“HOLY SHIT IM CHANGKYUN I’M GOING TO ACTUALLY KILL YOU!” – Changkyun opens his eyes, finding a red, teary, and furious Kihyun in front of him, holding his shirt as if his life depended of it. The car he thought would hit him already driving away of them and several people staring weirdly at the scene – “DO I NEED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO CROSS THE FUCKING STREET? OR BETTER YET I SHOULD BUY YOU A COLLAR…” - Kihyun’s scolding him as he had never done before but if Changkyun’s totally sincere he stopped listening when he saw Kihyun’s tears.
Changkyun stares surprised at him, hands and legs trembling with fear and thankfully the grip the man in front of him has is strong enough to support him in his feet or he’d be on the floor by now. Kihyun hides his face on the younger’s chest sobbing hard as he tries to calm himself down. He remembers the last time he saw the elder crying and he hates the reason of his tears is him now. Officially confirmed, Changkyun is a masochist.
“Just… please Changkyun be careful, Don- Don’t l-leave me please...” – The elder begs and finally Changkyun’s weak arms go around his slender figure to hugs him back, dragging him impossibly closer – “I-I was so scared Changkyun, I thought I was late and I’d lose y-you...”
Changkyun realizes there’s a person staring at them from afar, Kihyun’s girlfriend. She has a worried and sad expression on her face and Changkyun panics, the last thing he wants is Kihyun hating him for ruin his relationship but she stares at Changkyun, then at Kihyun, then at Changkyun again and smiles when she meets the younger’s eyes, throwing him a heart with her hands and leaving.
Confused, Changkyun tries to say something but Kihyun, who is holding him even tighter, doesn’t allow him – “H-hyung… I need to breathe… I’m… you’re literally killing me.” – The elder releases his grip, now staring at his eyes. As Changkyun thought eyes never lied and Kihyun’s eyes are showing him the slow building fondness growing on him. Kihyun does feel something for the younger, he isn’t insane.
“Trying to joke with me, you little shit.” – He wipes his tears with the back of his hand and Changkyun notices right away something’s missing. The bracelet covering his birthmark is gone, now showing his name to the world to see, he can’t deny he is happy now, but... Why?
“Hyung- your wrist- girlfriend- mark- what?” – Kihyun chuckles lightly, now that he calmed down he holds Changkyun one more time and kisses him lightly on the lips.
“I wanted to pick you up in your work but Nayeon stopped me...We actually need to talk about some stuff.” – Changkyun nods, automatically agreeing to whatever Kihyun wants.
Kihyun drags him to his apartment, hands intertwined together. Changkyun’s nervous to say the least, for whatever Kihyun wants to say but at the same time excited. The walk is fast but still too slow in the younger’s mind. Except with “are you okay?” and “did you have a good day?” they don’t talk anymore. But now sitting on the elder’s couch, Changkyun’s panicking, what if Kihyun doesn’t want him?? What if he regretted it? What if…- “Kyunnie?”
“Yeah???”
“Breathe.” – Kihyun sits next to him, giving him a glass of water and patting his back in a comforting way – “Sorry for scolding you before.”
“I-It’s okay, you were right.” – Changkyun assures him, smiling softly but he can’t hide his trembling hands – “W-what do you want to talk about?”
Kihyun takes a long breath before talk, his hand taking Changkyun’s as if they belong together. Changkyun likes it, it’s comforting, as a way to say everything will be okay – “I think I never told you why I was… hmm… all depressive some months ago.” – Changkyun shakes his head, no, he didn’t – “That night Nayeon came and told me she found her soulmate and wanted to try it with him.” – That’s awful in Changkyun’s opinion – “I was so sad that day, Nayeon was my life you know? I’ve known her ever since we were kids and I really felt as if my whole world crashed.” – Kihyun looks so sad talking about it, Changkyun almost reached for him to hug him, almost - “But you were there for me and you helped me to move on faster than I thought I could ever do.”
“I didn’t do anything...” – Kihyun rolls his eyes and smiles when he hears what Changkyun softly whispered – “At least anything you wouldn't do for me too.”
“I talked with Nayeon today again, I think you saw her.” – Changkyun nods – “She told me she lied, she didn’t find her soulmate, she just wanted me to give you a chance.”
“What…”
“And I think she was right.” – Changkyun’s confused, of course he is, but behind all that confusion a little bit of hope is hidden – “When she broke up with me I was sad Kyunnie, but if you walk away someday and leave me I know that’ll hurt way worse… just thinking about it is already too painful.”
“I won’t leave you ever, Hyung.”
“I know, I don’t get why when I hurt you so bad, Kyun.” – The red haired man sighs again, now extremely sad and Changkyun hates Kihyun’s thinking that way… well yes okay, he was also thinking about the same thing like ten minutes ago but did Kihyun forget all the happy moments they had together? Changkyun was so sad before he also forgot them and he’s feeling extremely guilty right now.
“But you didn’t just hurt me of course.”
“Kyun.” – Kihyun called softly, this time smiling, his eyes meeting Changkyuns’ – “I-If I hypothetically tell you I want to make us work, not as friends but lovers… what would you say?”
“Hypothetically?”
“Hypothetically.”
“I would say I’ve been waiting for so fucking long for this to happen.”
“Because I want to make us work Changkyun.” –
“Still hypothetically?”
“…”
“God Changkyun, good way to ruin the mood!” – Kihyun rolls his eyes but still laughs, Changkyun does the same and hugs the elder as tight as the position allows him, still not believing his ears and all this is actually happening.
“Hyung, I also want to try it with you, god, I’ve liked you for so long Hyung I ju-just can’t believe it.” - Kihyun kisses the top of his head, caressing his back softly.
“Believe it, because I’m falling for you Changkyun.”
Nothing can erase his smile for days and everything because of Kihyun’s sake.
~*~
It’s been few years since they officially got together. It's one of those days when Changkyun’s free from class and homework, while Kihyun takes the day off and they spend it lazily lying on the couch. A movie is playing on the TV but Changkyun forgot about it few minutes after the movie started. Even after spend so long with the other man, Changkyun’s always surprised how beautiful he finds his boyfriend each time his eyes focused on him. Kihyun’s stunning and breathtaking. For him the elder is the most beautiful human being and that’s not open to discussion.
“Kyunnie, if you look at me like that you’ll make me blush.” – Kihyun looks down at him and smiles. Changkyun’s lying on his lap while Kihyun’s brushing his hair. His hand travels to the elder’s cheek to caress it softly.
“Have I ever told you you’re really beautiful, Hyung?” – Kihyun chuckles and the younger swear he isn’t imagining the blush on his cheeks. So damn cute.
“Yeah sometimes, especially when you want something.” – Changkyun pouts but he can’t even deny it, he really does that.
“But I mean it, you’re so beautiful Ki.” – Kihyun smiles, pleased. He secretly loves when the younger feeds his already big ego. So, the elder takes his hand and kisses his birthmark, a habit he got after their first time together. Once he asked why he did it and Kihyun said it is because that reminded him a part of Changkyun belonged to him and that strange feeling of possessiveness warmed his heart.
“I love you, Changkyun.”
Changkyun smiles, remembering he dreamt something similar to this long time ago – “I love you too, Ki.” – But now he has all his life to reply and love him properly.
~*~