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Once Simon was aware of it he couldn’t not be aware of it. “A Bram face? Seriously?”
Leah nodded, her lips quirked upward. “It’s like this really genuine and goofy smile whenever you see him. It’s almost heartbreaking. And gross.”
Simon snorted. “You can’t tell me you don’t secretly love it.”
She shrugged. “I do, but only because you look so cute when you do it.”
Back in the early days of high school, people had briefly thought he and Leah were a couple. He hadn’t known how to explain to them that, yes, they loved each other, but it was a whole other type of love. A love they didn’t even have to verbally announce to know to be true (though Simon did often say it, but only because he knew Leah didn’t actually mind it).
He looked at her now and knew nothing about her words or face radiated any sort of jealousy. She was genuinely happy for him, and she genuinely enjoyed the smile he apparently couldn’t stop whenever he caught sight of Bram, which, okay, it was kind of embarrassing, but purely because they’d only been dating for a couple of months and he wasn’t sure just where they were in their relationship. They hadn’t talked about it yet.
He peered up at her. “Is… is it very obvious?”
Her face softened. “Uh, kinda? I mean, I can totally tell when Bram enters a room just by looking at you.”
“Ah fuck.”
“It’s not a bad thing, though,” she said. “It just shows that you like him.”
Simon was nodding. “Right. And he knows it, so it’s not a big deal, right?”
“Totally not a big deal.”
“But oh my god, Leah, what if I like him more than he likes me? I mean, does he get a Simon face when he sees me?” Simon was properly panicking now, meaning that Leah was also panicking over having made him panic. It was funny. Simon was definitely more obvious about freaking out over something, but he’d known Leah for so long he could tell she, too, was backpedalling as quickly as she could.
“I haven’t observed him enough to see it,” she said, her words slurred together. “But I’m sure he does. I’ll look for it during lunch. Just make sure you arrive after us.”
Simon nodded. “Yes, good idea. Okay. No need to panic.”
“Who’s panicking?”
God, they were a mess. Fortunately Bram had been friends with them long enough to know things got like this sometimes. Simon couldn’t even imagine what it’d be like bringing a whole new person into their mess of a life. It’d be chaos.
Yes, he was most likely overreacting. Don’t blame him.
Simon tried to see Bram’s potential Simon face as he walked into the cafeteria, but he got distracted by how his own lips twisted upward automatically, and, yes, okay, Leah was right about the smile being genuine. He was pretty sure he’d never done anything as genuine as smile at Bram.
He had it bad. It was both thrilling and absolutely terrifying.
“Hey,” he said, settling down beside Bram and letting their fingertips touch. They didn’t really do PDA. Maybe they would in the future, but it still felt too fresh and precious to share with the world. Not to mention this school probably had some homophobes hiding around. Unfortunately.
“Hi,” he said, his smile so wide it almost made Simon dizzy. Maybe that was his Simon face, maybe not. All he knew was that his Bram face currently matched that smile.
“Thank you for the warm greeting,” Leah said across the table.
Simon rolled his eyes. “Oh, you’re here too?”
“Fuck you, Spier.” Which was Leah talk for “we’ll talk later”.
“How were your morning classes?” Bram asked, all casual as if he wasn’t making Simon’s heart beat faster than it should.
“Boring. But I’m excited for English.”
“Any particular reason for that?” Leah asked.
Simon grinned at her. “Because you’ll be there, of course.”
“Good answer.”
“You’ve trained me well.”
Pretty much all of his friends - and his boyfriend - being in his afternoon classes meant that he was barely able to get Leah alone at all to ask her about Bram’s Simon face, but he managed to pull her aside as she was walking to the bus at the end of the day. “I’ll drive you home.”
She looked up in surprise. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“I’ll tell you about Bram without you bribing me.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m being nice. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Bram has practice, doesn’t he?”
“Nora will still be in the car, so tell me quickly.”
“I feel like I should drag it out just because.”
“Leah.”
She laughed, and Simon had to smile. “Okay, so, it’s definitely more toned down than your smile, but it’s there.”
“It’s a smile?”
“Obviously. But it’s like he tries to hold it back, as if he’s shy about it.”
Simon could picture it. “He probably is.”
“But it’s the eyes that told me exactly when you walked into the room. They get all crinkly, almost glittery. It’s ridiculous.”
“Oh my god.”
“All I’m saying is he didn’t smile at me like that when he saw me.”
“Leah, I love you.”
“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”
Simon saw the face the very moment he let Bram into his house later that afternoon, as clearly as he could feel his own. He wondered if Bram had noticed or if he was as clueless as Simon had been before Leah had told him.
“I can’t stay long,” Bram said apologetically.
“It’s okay. Come here.”
They kissed, briefly because they were still in the hallway, in plain sight of both his family and neighbors if any of them decided to look their way. Bram greeted everyone in Simon’s family before allowing Simon to drag him to his room.
“Don’t waste time being polite,” Simon said, and Bram was laughing so beautifully it was unfair.
This still made him nervous. The whole thing about the two of them being alone in his bedroom. Usually they worked on homework, or attempted to, before they inevitably ended up curled up on Simon’s bed, either watching something funny on one of their phones, talking, or kissing. Or all three.
Today was different because Bram really didn’t have much time and could only stay for about an hour. They saw no reason to act as if homework would even get made, so they skipped that part entirely and lied down on Simon’s bed. His hand found Bram’s immediately.
“So,” Simon said, breaking the silence. “Leah told me something today and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Oh?” Bram was stroking his knuckles with his thumb. “What did she say?”
“It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Now I have to hear it.”
Simon let out a laugh. “It’s about you, if you can believe it. Apparently I have a Bram face.”
Bram blinked. “A Bram face.”
“As in, I get this look whenever I see you that I wasn’t even aware of.”
“Is that so?”
“Have you noticed? It’s a smile.”
“Not necessarily that it’s a smile specifically for me.”
“Well, it is.” Simon felt shy all of a sudden. As if confessing this was a big deal. “Leah says it’s genuine and goofy.”
“Those might be the two most accurate words to describe you.”
“Oh hush.”
Bram was grinning now. “I kind of want to see that smile now.”
Simon clamped his free hand over his lips. “Gotta work for it,” he said, his words muffled.
“I have ways, you know.”
“Good lu- wait, not fair!”
Bram had rolled over to his side and was using his own free hand to poke at Simon’s belly, holding onto his other hand tightly so that Simon couldn’t use it to defend himself, which obviously resulted in his giggles streaming freely as he uncovered his mouth.
“Not fahair!” he repeated.
“So fair.” Bram smirked at him. “I don’t quite think this is the Bram face, but it’s good enough for me.”
Simon tried to roll onto his side, which honestly just gave Bram better access to his ribs and side, so maybe it was quite counterproductive. “Bram!”
“Yes?”
“Stop!”
“Hmm, in a bit.”
Simon tried to bat his hand away. He really did. But Bram had clearly more control of his own limbs than Simon did. “Bram, ple- ah! Not there!”
It was like Bram knew where Simon’s worst spots were, and yes, okay, he’d tickled him before, but Simon hadn’t expected him to have memorized them.
Bram was clawing at a spot on his upper ribs, just below the hollow of his arm. “Do you give up?”
“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, just stohohop!”
Bram backed off, laughing along with him. “You’re so cute.”
“And you’re mean,” Simon replied, that helpless smile still on his lips.
“But you like me anyway.”
“But I like you anyway.” Simon poked Bram in the chest. “You have your own Simon face, you know.”
“Is it overly mushy?” Bram asked, scrunching up his nose.
“It’s very Bram-y.”
“Oh no.”
“Hush.”
“How bad is it?”
“According to Leah it’s kinda timid, but your eyes light up. I’ll have to agree with her.”
“You’ve noticed it?”
“Only after she pointed it out,” he admitted. “Seriously, that girl is way too observant.”
“I guess I couldn’t have expected myself to not have a Simon face.”
“I’m just happy I’m not alone in this. It proves that-” He cut himself off, cheeks heating up.
Bram frowned. “It proves what?”
“Nothing.”
“Simon.” Bram spidered his fingers up his side briefly. “Tell me.”
“It proves that you like me as much as I like you.”
“Did you have doubts about that?”
“Kinda? I mean, no. I mean.” He sighed exasperatedly. “Have you seen yourself? You liking me back is kind of surreal.”
“You think I would pretend for two whole months?” Bram asked incredulously.
“I don’t know.”
“Simon.”
Simon started giggling again as Bram reached out to poke him repeatedly on his midriff. “Okay, okay!” He grabbed Bram’s wrists. “I apologize for my insecurities.”
“You’re dumb.”
“Cute dumb?”
“Obviously.”
Bram leaned closer and Simon met him halfway, their lips colliding as if they were always meant to, even before they knew it.
Simon had a feeling the people around him would have to get used to his Bram face.