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Evgenia lays sprawled out on the floor of her bedroom, headphones perched on her head as she stares at the laptop in front of her. Episode number who knows at this point of her anime binge watching. With the free time she has right now, she thought why not get back to something that usually made her feel better when she needed it. With all of the very adult decision making she’s been at the helm of for the past month and a half, she really was anxious to get back to her more lighthearted interests. Despite her previous insistences that she was an adult now. Sometimes she really just didn’t want to deal with that or anything that came with it.
Two days hulled up in her room watching anime was perhaps overdoing it though, or at least her mother seemed to think so when she came strolling into the room and tried to get her attention. Evgenia slowly pulling the headphones down to hang around her neck as she meets her mothers slightly perturbed gaze.
“Yes?” She asks when her mother doesn’t say anything first.
“Are you planning on leaving this room, or even getting up off the floor anytime soon?”
“I got up earlier.”
“To grab snacks and use the bathroom doesn’t count.”
A sigh from Evgenia, which her mother choses to ignore as she continues on. “Jerry needs to be taken out, and I need to get some work done. Can you please do that? Fresh air will be good for you both.”
Evgenia gives her a look. “Yes, I can do that.”
There’s a pause, and it almost seems as though her mother wants to tell her something else, or rather she wants to ask her something else. But a look crosses her features, one mothers seem to get when they think they know more than you do. Usually they’re right. She has been rather secluded of late, that was bound to raise questions. It hasn’t yet, but her mother looked close. Instead, as she leaves the room she tosses a few quick words over her shoulder.
“Perhaps you could invite someone to walk with you.”
Evgenia doesn’t say anything to that. There’s quiet, and then the door of her mothers office closes. Leaving her to think on that for a moment before she lets her mind wander enough and, yeah. Mothers really do know more.
With a bit of hesitation and some uncertainty she reaches for her phone and pulls up a thread of messages that haven’t been updated in what feels like ages, but reality it’s only been a few days. She had sent a happy birthday, had received a thank you in response and that was it. And before that, it had been a few weeks since their last legitimate conversation. It would be a lie to say she hasn’t gone to said thread, typed something, then deleted it. Multiple times. Even waiting to see if that stupid speech bubble would come up on it’s own. It never did, and she hasn’t received a message from the source since the last. And she didn’t really know why.
Or. . . she did. But she didn’t think things would play out like this. Naive, wishful thinking, perhaps, considering everything that’s unfolded since the last time they had any decent sort of contact.
Fighting the basic instinct to forget about going through with this, she types out a simple message she hopes would help erase whatever wall was currently up.
Hey, hope you had a safe flight home and a good vacation.
Jerry and I are going out for a walk, mom says we need the fresh air. Would you want to join us?
Her finger hovers over the send button as she reads over what she had typed, then stabs at it like the device would burst into flames if she hesititated any longer and quickly tosses her phone aside, jumping up to change into track pants rather than sweats. After slipping into her shoes and tucking her phone into her pocket (not hitting the home button to see if she had a response yet), Jerry comes down the hall when he hears her grab the leash from the hook by the front door, and they go on their way.
The sun and that fresh air hitting her skin in just the right ways, not overwhelming or overbearingly warm or bright yet in the late spring. Jerry pads along slightly in front of her happily, occasionally parking at birds and ducks he sees when they make their way to the park. Letting him entertain himself for a bit, Evgenia hangs by the water and watches when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. Jerking to grab it, heart leaping only to be quickly let down when it was only a notification from Instagram. Noticing no response in her texts.
Letting out a defeated sigh, she turns her attention back to Jerry and wrangles him away from a seemingly very pissed off family of ducks. Opting to head over for the open field and letting him run around, playing toss with his toy for a bit. Maybe if she waited, she would just show up. It’s happened before, unplanned meet ups in the park on their days off that turned into hours of goofing around and ending in a coffee or some other treat before they went their separate ways.
That’s when things had been simpler, and they were a little bit younger. Now they were a little older, with a lot more weighing on them that wasn’t so simple at all.
She never does get an answer, at least not until later that night when she’s tucked away in bed and pretending to sleep, laptop beside her and Tokyo Ghoul playing softly in the dark. She lazily grabs her phone, but wakes more when she sees Alina, with the puppy emoji next to her name, pop up on her lock screen.
I’m sorry for the late response, I had a long workout today.
Didn’t feel like doing much else.
She types a reply back quickly.
It’s okay. Rain check?
She doesn’t get an answer back as quickly as she had sent her own. She doesn’t get one for the remainder of the episode currently playing, or the one after that. It goes unanswered and she goes to sleep wondering why, why, why.
.
.
.
It’s been a couple days. No response. She’s been on Instagram though and that’s the only reason she knows Alina isn’t even in Moscow, but back in her hometown. No doubt to be with her family a bit longer before she had to return to her regular training schedule. They even had a celebration for her, and Evgenia finds herself smiling at the pictures but never hitting the like button. She didn’t need Alina to know she was all but stalking her social media.
In the end she couldn’t really be upset, she wasn’t home either after all. Off at another ice show. The flight had been long, and one day into rehearsals and her stay in Japan had her still incredibly sleep deprived. And it must be showing as she sits slightly bleary eyed off to the side as she watches a few of the other skaters doing their run throughs.
“Are you alive, Medvedeva?” Gabby teases lightly as she approaches, unscrewing a water bottle as she sits down next to her.
Laughing lightly, Evgenia rolls her shoulders back, sets her phone aside and attempts to wake herself back up. “I don’t think I’ve slept a wink since I got here.”
“If you wanted to sneak away to the lounge and steal an hour or two I could cover for you,” Gabby offers. Making Evgenia smile lightly.
“No, it’s okay. I might feel worse if I nap. I just need a good nights sleep.”
“You should be able to tonight, rehearsals won’t be so grueling the longer everyone gets settled into their choreography.”
Evgenia hums in response, massaging her thighs as she attempts to ease any cramping and stiffness she’ll feel later after having not worked like this in a while. Gabby hands her the water bottle, and she takes a slow sip because she couldn’t even remember where she had sat her own.
“You know, we’re really looking forward to welcoming you to the team soon,” Gabby says softly out of the blue. Evgenia turning to look at her with a bit of surprise.
“Yeah?”
The older girl lets her own kind of surprise shine through at that response, laughing lightly. “Yeah. It’ll be nice to have another girl near my age around.”
She could certainly sympathize with that, seeing as she had been the oldest one for the most part in her previous group. “I’m looking forward to being there, too.”
The two girls share another smile, warm and full of sincerity before they’re both called back out onto the ice. Gabby offering her hand to help Evgenia up which she takes gratefully.
“Hey,” the older girl starts, turning to her as they lean agains the boards to take their guards off. “If you’re up for it, we could order in and hangout before you ultimately pass out. Could be fun.”
She couldn’t really argue with that, especially because it would do her good to make better friends with her new training mate. That had been part of the point of this trip anyway, and she’s quick to agree. Giving Gabby her room info and her number as well. Forgetting for a moment how tired she was, feeling a bit more rejuvenated as she rejoined the others, everyone laughing their way through the remainder of rehearsals.
.
.
.
“So,” Gabby drawls slightly. Head bowed as she intently worked on redoing Evgenia’s nails. Eating had turned into talk about random costume hopes for the new season, into make up and hair tips, and then became this. “Any special reason for you constantly having your head in your phone?”
“What?”
“Oh come on, you’re almost always on your phone when you aren’t skating. Unless you’re channeling some sort of power from it, no one should be staring at their phone that much unless they had a. . . reason.”
By the tone of her voice, she was suggesting something other than simply staring at ones phone. There’s a bit of a smile playing on Evgenia’s lips as that dawns on her, shaking her head.
“Probably not the kind of reason you might be looking for.”
“Pity. I thought we could gossip about a boy or something,” she sighs in a playfully forlorn voice.
A snort of laughter leaves the younger brunette. “No such luck there.”
Gabby eases back and takes a look at her work, nodding approval to herself as she screws the brush back into the bottle, glancing up at her with a knowing look. “But it is about something, right?”
She wasn’t really sure if she wanted to talk about this, seeing as she almost always kept things to herself. Kept everything bottled up and only let it out in the confines of her room late at night, or when she absolutely had to speak to another person lest it drive her mad.
She nibbles lightly on her lower lip as she thinks on it a little longer, wonders if it was okay to talk about things with someone you really, didn’t know super well. But maybe it would be easier? And maybe it would help them bond, and god knows she was going to need people she could trust and rely on in a place she didn’t know.
Eventually that’s what does it for her, that and she was dangerously close to the losing her mind part.
“There might be someone, someone important, that I haven’t been having the easiest time talking to lately and it’s unfortunately been weighing heavily on my mind. I find myself staring, waiting for messages I never end up receiving. And if I do, there isn’t much to them.”
She watches Gabby work over that information in her head, brows furrowed slightly in thought as she shifts to sit cross legged in front from her. “A friend?”
Evgenia nods.
“These situations can sometimes be trickier with friends than anyone else,” the older girl sighs sympathetically. “Have you tried simply cutting to the chase, asking them if something was wrong? If there was something you could work on together to make things better?”
“If I had, I probably wouldn’t be in this position,” she grumbles. Gabby nods with a bit of a chuckle.
“I know, easier said than done.” There’s a pause, and then she continues. “Do you mind me knowing who?”
Evgenia bites her tongue for a split second on the name as it comes up quickly, because she was still afraid of potentially speaking ill about her, even in private. Even with someone who just wanted to be a friend to her.
“Alina,” she murmurs eventually. And that brings forth a dawn of realization across Gabby’s face. She guesses it’s because you’d have to be absent from the internet entirely not to have seen the news. Everything made perfect sense to the other girl now.
“I thought it might get ugly on your end, but I didn’t expect to see what I had.”
She doesn’t want to do it, but curiosity. It gets the better of everyone. “What exactly do you know? From what you’ve seen?”
“Well, I imagine a lot of it is highly dramatized because that’s the media, but there had been quite a few Canadian news outlets that played it off like Alina had been the reason for the coaching split. They said you asked why Alina couldn’t have been held back. Some articles didn’t even mention Alina at all, just used the Russian rivalry turning bitter as the title.”
Evgenia closes her eyes, swallows down her own bitterness over the whole situation.
Gabby quickly adding, “I wasn’t going to take most of it at face value. The Canadian news hasn’t always been kind to the Russian skaters, to put it lightly.”
Well. She would have to look out for that, wouldn’t she? She doesn’t even want to know what they have to say about her moving to Canada to train.
But god, nothing could be worse than the amount of guilt she was feeling because of this. She thought she could navigate this with ease and then tell people when it was all a certain thing. She thought that might be the easiest way, rather than say she was leaving and if it fell through cause unnecessary drama or pain. She hadn’t anticipated how quickly things would spiral out of control. How quickly it all would get out, how quickly rumors would spread until all parties involved had no choice but to address it. And she certainly hadn’t seen the very public slander coming either. None of it needed to play out the way that it had, and the guilt mounted more than ever the moment Alina’s name had been dragged into it. She had refused to comment on that, on all the ugly parts that had happened because she didn’t want to add more fuel to the fire. She had said her peace, and she was moving on. But there was one missing piece of the puzzle that was making it difficult. And she couldn’t seem to solve this part, despite her efforts. Though rationally she thought if their positions had been reversed, she may have very well been doing exactly what Alina was doing now.
She feels a hand rest against her knee, squeezing reassuringly and pulling her from her deep train of thought.
“None of this is your fault, you know.”
Frustratingly enough, she feels warm tears at the corners of her eyes. Letting out a slight trembling breath. “I know. But it isn’t even all of that, I’m sure. It’s me leaving. And. . . I didn’t exactly get to warn her that any of this was coming.”
She feels that hand squeeze again, and then the one thing she didn’t want to voice but had been thinking falls from her lips. “I’m afraid she might hate me.”
There’s a quick dismissive tsk that leaves the girl sitting with her. “Alina is the last person on earth who could ever hate you. Sure, maybe she’s hurting right now, you both have good reason for that, but you can’t fake or change what I saw just like that.”
Evgenia looks up, sniffling and keeping any other tears at bay. “What did you see?”
Gabby smiles sweetly at that. “All eyes were on you at the Olympics. No one missed a moment you two shared. I was with you both for that show in Korea, too. Fuck what people on the outside of that think or say, you know the truth. And you’re going to get through this. That girl adores you.”
The strong language pushes a laugh from her chest instantly, the younger brunette bowing her head and shaking it as she regains her composure, a smile appearing just slightly thinking about the last part. After all, it had been Alina’s determination to show everyone there wasn’t an ounce of bitterness between. Sweet, kind and terribly good Alina. She owed Alina everything she had shown her, and she was going to be damned if anything or anyone tried to ruined that.
“Thank you for that. And I think this calls for some sweets or else emotionally unloading isn’t worth it.”
Gabby, with a deep laugh, is quick to agree and they order a bunch of junk they’ll probably regret later. The eldest ends up falling asleep before her, in the other bed in her room. Evgenia finding herself curled up and phone in hand. It’s VK tonight rather than Instagram where she sees brand new pictures of Alina with her puppy. After what felt like ages, she finally had her. She stares at the picture, eyes sweeping over the adorable bundle of fluff, and landing on that smile on Alina’s face. Feeling a knot in her stomach that she can’t explain at all, but there’s a small smile on her face as well. Finger tapping the like button before she can convince herself otherwise.
And much to her surprise, her phone buzzes in her hand with a new text. Alina’s name popping up and she opens it quickly to find a different picture. One that was clearly just taken, not posed or done up or anything. It was Alina laying in bed with the new puppy curled up next to her, a soft smile lighting up her face. And a simple message attached to it.
Mas and I say goodnight.
You both look cute. Sweet dreams.
She doesn’t question the suddenly friendly gesture, she doesn’t think too hard on it other than hoping Alina had seen her name pop up after liking her picture, and had been thinking of her, too. Maybe she just needed time. Maybe everything would be okay after all.
.
.
.
Music plays loudly and bodies move to and fro, Evgenia with her head tossed back in a fit of laughter as she holds onto Gabby’s hand, each taking turns awkwardly twirling each other on the dance floor. Everyone participating in an end of show party, celebrating each other.
“It’s a damn good thing we aren’t ice dancers, we’re terrible!” Gabby shouts over the music in amusement, causing Evgenia to laugh harder.
“Wanna try lifts and see if we’re any better at pairs?”
“Don’t trust her, she’ll drop you and you’ll never be the same!”
Yuzu pipes up over the music, hopping into the little circle with them. Earning a shove from Evgenia.
“I dropped you one time this week and you’ll never let it go.”
“Of course not! I am a treasure and I should be treated as such.”
Evgenia rolls her eyes, both flashes a fond smile in his direction. She’s about to say something else when she feels a light buzzing coming from her purse, turning her attention to it and pulling out her phone.
Are you free?
She freezes reading Alina’s text, hand reaching out to Gabby and Yuzu. “Don’t have too much fun without me, I gotta answer this.”
Yuzu looks excited, Gabby has a knowing smile.
“Does Evgenia have a special someone?!” He teases and grabs her shoulders to shake her playfully, trying to peer at her phone. She just laughs and shoves him away.
“Don’t let him get too much more out of hand,” she says to Gabby as she walks by, getting a thumbs up and then a whispered ‘good luck’. As she walks off to find a space to just stand around she sends back her response.
I am. What’s up?
Another message comes through quickly.
Can we FaceTime?
Looking up and for a new place to go, where she could get some quiet and calm, she sends a yes anyway. Wandering until eventually she finds herself outside, standing on a balcony with outdoor lights thankfully lighting enough to be seen when the call comes and she answers. Breath catching in her throat for a split second when she sees Alina’s face pop up. Of course she’s seen pictures lately, but this was the first time she’s seen her with it just being them, even if there were miles upon miles between them.
The same thing happens when she hears her voice, too. If her breath caught like that again she might forget to breathe.
“Where are you?”
“Party, everyone kind of threw it together to celebrate after finishing the show.”
There’s a frown that appears on Alina’s face. “Oh. I don’t want to pull you away from that, you should be having fun.”
“No,” she’s quick to say. “No, it’s okay. I needed a break anyway. Plus. . .” she trails off, looking at Alina looking back at her expectantly and she decides to just say it.
“I’ve missed you.”
She barely has to wait a second before Alina smiles and nods her head a bit. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry we haven’t really gotten to talk.”
Evgenia shakes her head. “Don’t you dare apologize. I know it’s been a, uh, strange period of time lately.”
She hears a thoughtful hum from through the phone, watches Alina nibble on her bottom lip in a thoughtful pause, looking off. And Evgenia thinks for a split second that this might go south quickly, but Alina, in her usual way, defies all her worries and all the odds.
“I don’t blame you for anything, Zhen. I hope you know that. I needed some time to process everything. I needed some time to get through the ugliest parts of this. But I don’t blame you.”
Evgenia purses her lips, about to shake her head because maybe she doesn’t want to do this part after all. But Alina knows better. Knows her better than she thought, maybe.
“I know that look, and I’m just going to get this out of the way before you try to tell me not to. Can you look at me?” She asks softly, Evgenia, not realizing her gaze had drifted away turns back to her phone. Looks into the slightly blurry brown eyes, gentle and far more at ease than she would have thought.
“I had a lot of time to think. During the week it all happened, and during my vacation and even in the past few days. I. . . I was hurt that you didn’t think you could come to me about all of this, about the possibility of you leaving. And it still hurts to think about that part. Sometimes I think about how I don’t know what to do at all when you aren’t around, and it was there that I realized there’s nothing I can do about the physical absence that’s going to happen, but I also realized there was a very realistic possibility that there could be an absence of you from my life entirely. And that just isn’t a reality I want to live in.”
“Alina. . .” she whispers, but the other girl keeps talking.
“You’re too important for me to stay sulking in my own sadness, and risk losing you because of that. Because of reasons that have no business getting in our way. This is a big deal for you, and I want to be there for you. Even if it’s only like this.”
Sweet, kind, terrible good Alina. Again and again she makes that all the more clear, and after everything Evgenia can exhale. And it doesn’t all leave her just like that, no. She’s crying before she can even realize she is.
“Are you crying?!” Alina suddenly asks in alarm and disbelief, causing Evgenia to groan as she tilts her head back and sniffles.
“Shut up.”
There’s a small laugh that leaves the younger girl. “I’m not judging, I just—“ a pause. “What is it?”
Taking a deep breath, she finally lowers her head and looks at her phone. Looks at Alina and feels her heart pound in her chest as she speaks.
“I was so worried you’d hate me. I was so worried we wouldn’t be okay.”
She watches Alina’s features shift into one of the softest expressions she has ever seen cross those features. Lips parting in a silent breath of her name and it might be her favorite sound right now.
“Evgenia Medvedeva, you’re a damn fool if you thought that.”
A laugh bubbles up and out of her throat so quickly and she fills it warm her entire body, just as much as the little giggle that comes from Alina does.
“When you get home, do you want to take that walk I didn’t join you on? You could meet Masaru.”
She’s never agreed to anything so quickly in her life, and the remainder of the call is mostly spent watching Alina talk. Watching that smile, sneaking a few screenshots that she’ll end up looking at later with the same knot in her stomach she hasn’t been able to figure out. But it isn’t a bad feeling. In fact, she feels better than she’s felt in weeks. And It’s all because of her.
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.
.
Her fingers tap out a steady rhythm against the table as her other hand lifts the coffee she’s been nursing to her lips, taking a slow sip and letting her eyes drift to the door for about the millionth time since she arrived. She hears a throat clear somewhere next to her, and she pulls her eyes from the door to look at an elderly woman looking somewhat annoyed at her. Evgenia realizing quickly that the tapping of her nails against the wooden table had been louder than she thought. She mumbles an apology and settles back in her chair, only to jump up when her eyes turn to the door again, and this time who she had been waiting for steps into the coffee shop.
Alina gives a small wave, pushing sunglasses up onto her head and tucking a leash into her back pocket as she makes her way over to the small table Evgenia had snagged for them in the back corner.
“Is Masaru outside?” Evgenia asks when she’s standing with her.
“Yeah, she’s got some water to cool down. I think she wore me out more than she wore herself out, though,” Alina says with a laugh. The sound hitting her in what can only be described as a ‘whoosh’. They fall silent, a beat or two passing as they just stand there looking at each other before Alina tilts her head with a crooked grin.
“Well. Hi,” she murmurs.
“Hi,” Evgenia says with a smile slowly forming on her lips.
Alina steps forward then and opens her arms, Evgenia following suit as her arms wrap themselves around Alina’s neck, Alina’s around her waist. Her body is squeezed against the other and she finds herself turning her head a bit into a perfume scented neck, breathing in the scent and relishing just being held like this. By this person. She doesn’t know how long they stand like that, but it’s definitely a significant amount of time. Alina’s fingers trace slow patterns over her lower back in between gentle rubs, and she burrows further into her neck. Separating only when Alina steps back and clears her throat, gesturing to the table.
“What did you get? I’ll get you a refill while I order.”
“Usual mocha.”
“Figured as much. I’ll be right back.”
She almost doesn’t want her to go, or she almost follows after her, which both are ridiculous because she was coming back, but still. She couldn’t help it. After far too much time apart, it was like being in a desert and finding an oasis in the middle of it. Or something less dramatic. She settles back into her seat, and when Alina comes back they immediately dive into talk about the dog just outside. Alina leaned over the table as she showed her various pictures. Each one cuter than the next, and for some reason she finds herself looking more at Alina’s face as she talks and flips through the pictures, than the actual pictures themselves. She’s just so happy, and so excited, and it shows in every part of her face and it reaches her eyes in equally beautiful ways and she doesn’t know where it comes from, but that knot is back, and it unravels and untangles itself just a bit, and becomes something else entirely. But she still can’t quite place it.
Instead she focuses on the girl in front of her, happily engaging with her until they both grow tired of sitting and Evgenia gets anxious enough waiting to meet Masaru and when she steps outside and sees her, she grabs Alina’s arm and lets out a small, cooing aww. Causing Alina to laugh in response, Evgenia moving over to Masaru to say hello. There’s a moment where the dog seems uncertain seeing as she didn’t know her, but immediately softens when Alina gives her head a rub and she steps into a crouching Evgenia and licks her face, causing a fit of laughter to leave the oldest girl.
“Oh, god, she’s even cuter in person. I might have to steal her from you,” she says between her laughter and the licks to her face.
“I dare you to try, it’d be the last thing you do,” Alina teases back. Their gazes meeting in a mutual grin.
“God, I wish we had more time. I’d like to actually play with her.”
Alina offers a small pout in agreement. “I know, I did promise you that. I’ll have more time this weekend, though. We’ll do it then.”
Evgenia gives Masaru’s head an affectionate scratch before standing finally, facing Alina with a soft smile. “Sounds good. But before that, do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow? Mom and I usually order sushi, and I figured that might be the best night to invite you.”
There’s so much hope in her voice she almost wants to be embarrassed by it, but doesn’t have time because the younger brunette is nodding her head. “I’d love to. Maybe we could make a sleepover out of it?”
Evgenia’s entire face must light up in that moment, her own quick nod following the smile that threatens to split her face. “We can do that.”
Alina gives a warm smile, followed by a one armed hug as Masaru on her leash keeps her other hand occupied, and when they part she watches them go, Alina turning a bit to wave goodbye and Evgenia waves back. Feeling her heart clench just slightly, that knot loosening again.
.
.
.
They keep those promises and those plans thankfully. And many more to follow those. They eat so much sushi the following night that Alina threatens to never eat the food again. The two of them curled up in Evgenia’s bed and an episode of Sailor Moon playing on her laptop.
“You’re the one who said she could eat that last roll. I wasn’t even serious about the bet, you know.”
“I don’t back down from anything, and I’m not about to start with a bet that you started. Fake or not.”
Evgenia snorts at the determined tone of voice and the determined look on Alina’s face, that quickly gives way to a frown as she rubs her stomach.
“You’re supposed to be watching the show, like you promised.”
Alina sighs, sprawling out next to her. “If you rub my tummy I promise I’ll be quiet and watch.”
She rolls her eyes a bit, but smiles nonetheless and adjusts herself on the bed so she’s now laying behind Alina, arm draped over her hip and her head resting in her propped up by her elbow hand. Rubbing slow and gentle circles against Alina’s stomach, who in turn lets out a relieved and content sigh. Quiet falling over them as Alina looks intently at the laptop, and Evgenia simply watches Alina watch the show.
“Do you feel better?” She asks quietly after a long while, getting a nod in response and a mumbled ‘mhm.’
She feels a hand reach back and crawl up her arm until it stops over her hand on Alina’s stomach and eventually those fingers thread their way into her own. Alina squeezing her hand lightly, and Evgenia never wants to move from this spot.
.
.
.
“Do you think this looks good on me?”
“It looks terrible on you.”
She says it without turning around, feels something soft whack the back of her head as she rummages through some clothes racks. Turning then with a laughing frown to find Alina glaring at her, and standing in a /very/ nice black dress. The shoulders of the dress hugging the girls shoulders perfectly, the skirt coming down just to her knees, but it’s definitely more form fitting than anything she remembers Alina wearing dress wise.
Realizing she’s been staring too long without saying anything, she clears her throat. “I stand corrected. What’s this for?”
Alina shrugs, looking down at herself and smoothing her hands down the front of the dress. “I thought I might get something different to wear to one of the banquets this year.”
Now Evgenia smiles, approaching the girl and giving her another look up and down before teasing her. “Don’t grow up too fast, Zagi. I’m not sure I can handle that.”
She gets another whack, this time to her side with Alina’s t-shirt. “Don’t do that, it makes me feel like a little kid. I’m definitely not a little kid anymore.”
She watches Alina turn around, look herself over in the mirror and Evgenia just stands next to her, looking at her reflection in the mirror.
“No, you’re definitely not,” she says softy and quietly. Alina glancing up at her and there’s a brief moment where they share a significant look, Evgenia feeling that thump, thump, thump of her heart beating against her chest before it passes.
“So it’s okay?” Alina asks. Evgenia nods quickly.
“More than.”
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.
.
“Alina! Your dog is trying to kill me!”
She shouts dramatically as she falls over into the grass, Masaru jumping on top of her and pushing a grunt from her chest in response. Licking her face happily.
She hears another body drop down next to them, a winded sigh leaving Alina. “Yes, I can see that you are in great danger.”
Evgenia just laughs and laughs until eventually Masaru gets distracted with chasing a butterfly instead and bounds off behind them, not straying too far when Alina calls out to her, who then turns her attention back to Evgenia.
“God, you’re a mess,” she chuckles. Reaching over and brushing a few blades of grass from her shirt and picking some from her hair as she reaches into her bag to get a few tissues to wipe her face. Evgenia just lays back on her elbows and lets Alina clean her up, grinning as she looks up at her the whole time.
“What are you smiling about?” The younger girl eventually asks, looking at her with amused puzzlement.
Evgenia doesn’t answer in so many words, other than “I think you should be messy, too,” and then sitting up and wrapping herself around Alina until she’s on her back in the grass and they’ve managed to roll in the other direction a bit. Alina letting out a giggling peal of laughter and ending up half pinned under Evgenia’s weight. Both girls trailing off in their laughter, Alina looking up at her with bright eyes and Evgenia just stares down at her and she’s certain she’s never seen anything better than Alina smiling with her eyes. And she can’t even pretend she hasn’t just been caught staring.
“What is it?” Alina asks.
Evgenia just shakes her head. Feels her chest expand with an overwhelming fondness. “You just look really pretty right now.”
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“Would you stop fidgeting?”
“Your feet are cold, I’m trying to stay warm.”
“That’s what the blanket is for.”
“That’s not enough.”
Evgenia muffles a laugh into Alina’s pillow and slowly rolls over until she’s got her arms wrapped around the girl, pulling her into her body. Eyes closing and settling again when she feels Alina roll back into her with a content sigh.
“Next time you should just let me sleep with my socks on,” she whispers into her neck.
“I will not have that nonsense happening under my roof.”
She doesn’t argue, just chuckles and gives the body against her a squeeze as they both drift off to sleep.
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“Stop, wait, you got a bit of chocolate right there,” Alina says with a snort of laughter, cutting off her enthusiastic rambling about the movie they had just seen. Walking Alina back home, having stopped for ice cream along the way. She reaches up and rubs her thumb at the corner of Evgenia’s mouth until she’s certain she’s got all of it.
Evgenia, just watches her with a strange sort of wonderment. A bit of a blush forming over her cheeks when Alina pats one cheek.
“You’re clean. You were saying?”
“I don’t even remember.”
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“Here you go,” Alina murmurs sweetly, setting a steaming cup off coffee down in front of her before settling into her own seat. Back where they had started two and a half weeks ago. Chased inside from their walk in the park by a summer rain shower.
“Thank you,” Evgenia says with a smile. Bringing the cup to her lips and taking a long sip, letting it sooth the slight inconvenience of very nearly getting poured on.
“So,” she starts, leaning back in her seat. “You were telling me about your short program before we were so rudely interrupted.”
“Right,” Alina nods after a sip of her own coffee. Divulging back into the conversation they had been having. Evgenia sits in complete attention to what’s being said, and she even finds herself smiling with a proud sort of fondness at the way Alina speaks so seriously about her skating. About skating in general. She gets the same light in her eyes that she gets when she talks about animals, or when she’s playing with Masaru, or even Jerry. Any animal, really. Her two true passions she thinks. She kind of loses herself looking at the way Alina’s hands move enthusiastically. The way she tilted her head in that way that she did when she was struggling to find the exact words that she wanted to use. The way she chews on her lip between different words here and there while she thinks. The way her eyes light up that way that they do when she’s talking about those things she cares about most, and Evgenia doesn’t know where it comes from but suddenly that knot appears again and this time it unravels completely, and it unravels quickly.
Alina’s eyes meet hers for a moment and, oh. Oh.
Oh god.
“Are you okay?” She asks suddenly. Pulling Evgenia from her stunned state just enough to catch a sound, but not words.
“What?”
“You look really flushed all of sudden, are you not feeling well?”
She feels fine, at least physically. She wasn’t coming down with anything. No, this was something else entirely and it left her utterly floored. How could she not have seen this coming? What with the time they have been spending together. No, it wasn’t just that. It was every sleepless night she had spent thinking about Alina and wondering if things would go back to normal. The countless times she spent staring posts on Instagram and VK with a desperate longing that she couldn’t pinpoint. Until now. Even before that, maybe. Reflecting quickly on their whole year; every laugh, joke, smile, touch and hug from practice, to competition to the ice shows they gone to together. It all fell into a one place, a place where it made sense and somehow didn’t at all.
It takes one more look, one more look into those sweet, kind, terribly good eyes and she knows she loves her. She was in love with Alina and she didn’t have the benefit of ignorance is bliss anymore. There was no hiding from it now.
“Zhenya?” Alina’s voice breaks through again. Feels a hand touch her wrist just barely and suddenly she’s jolting upwards, taking her coffee with her and spilling down the front of her shirt.
“Shit,” she and Alina both gasp. The youngest getting up quickly and grabbing hold of her arm to stop her from moving too much as she grabs a handful of napkins and wipes as much as she can away before sighing.
“Come on, we’ll take care of this in the bathroom.”
She lets Alina steer her there, leaning against the sink as she just watches her friend wet some paper towels as she daps lightly at shirt. Glancing up at her a bit shyly.
“Do you mind lifting your shirt? I want to make sure you didn’t get burned.”
She looks at her for a moment, about ready to explode because how on earth could someone be this adorable trying to take care of another person? Eventually she rolls her shirt up, wincing just a tad when she feels the dab of the paper towel to her skin.
“It doesn’t look bad, thankfully,” Alina confirms. Straining and throwing the damp paper towels into the trash next to them. Evgenia caught staring quietly at her again.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Alina asks, again concerned. Stepping forward and into her space and Evgenia might just choke with how quickly her breath catches.
Alina lifts a hand and places it over her forehead, as if trying to declare her well or not herself. She’s so close and she can smell her perfume that she’s grown to love so much and find so much comfort in because it was Alina. She has a sudden, overwhelming urge to kiss her. Or run away. It’s the first that wins out in the end though.
Alina opens her mouth, whispers her name and Evgenia jerks forward and cups her face into her hands and presses her lips to Alina’s so quickly and so soundly the other girl lets out a grunt of surprise and doesn’t respond right away. She’s about to panic about that, before the surprise seems to leave Alina’s body because she relaxes and she feels her hands grip both of her hips as she’s tugged forward, their lips parting into a slightly deeper kiss that starts with Evgenia shyly asking for permission for more and getting it when it’s Alina who brushes her tongue over her bottom lip before dancing with her own, lips sealing right back over the others into a kiss neither of them knew they had in themselves. Pulling back with the lightest of discontent sighs leaving them both when they do. Alina’s pressed up against her at this point, Evgenia’s lower back against the sink and she doesn’t even care. They’re both breathing a bit heavily and she feels fingers press and massage that very spot against her back that was starting to ache.
“I was wondering when you would work up the courage to do that,” Alina eventually says to break the silence.
“What?” Evgenia asks in surprise, hands lowering from Alina’s face. Extremely flustered from what just happened, but equally from that. Alina just lets out a throaty laugh.
“I thought you were going to that day in the park. When you were practically on top of me. You looked like you wanted to.”
“Maybe I did,” she admits. Thinking about it now, it would’ve made sense.
“Would have made for a better story about my first kiss, rather than saying it happened in a Starbucks bathroom after you spilled your coffee on yourself.”
“Some people might find that dorky and endearing,” Evgenia defends. Causing a smile to pull at the corners of Alina’s mouth.
“It does oddly work for you.”
“Are you okay with it? I mean, as far as first kisses go.”
Alina leans back and brings one hand up and presses her index finger to her lips to silence her, giving her a significant look. “It was perfect because it was you.”
That overwhelming fondness washes over her again, and she just grins like a fool and doesn’t at all try to hold it back. Pushing her lips out to kiss Alina’s finger, who then drops it with a chuckle. Evgenia leans forward and presses a lazy kiss to the corner of Alina’s mouth, who hums softly before letting her head fall to the side enough to let their lips connect fully, but this time it’s softer. Lips moving over lips lightly as Alina brings her arms up this time and wraps them around Evgenia’s neck, stepping a little closer, causing a groan to leave the oldest as she brings her hands to rest at and squeeze the youngest hips. Mumbling against her lips.
“We should probably get out of here.”
“Nuh uh,” Alina breathes out against her lips before pressing a quick peck, and then another to her lips.
“Someone might need to come in here.”
“Then we’ll leave.”
Another couple of pecks, that turn back into kisses that she interrupts one more time.
“So we’re just making out in a Starbucks bathroom, huh?”
“We’re making out in a Starbucks bathroom.”
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.
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“I don’t want to stop kissing you,” Evgenia whines as she leans back against her bedroom wall. Refusing to look at the emptiness there and focusing solely on the girl in her arms.
“You’re going to have to unless you want your mom to come in and catch us.”
A disgruntled sigh leaves the older brunette, one hand resting securely on Alina’s hip as the other rests against her jawline. Bringing her forward into another slow, deeply affectionate kiss. One that’s returned wholeheartedly.
“I don’t want that to be our last kiss,” she whines again. Alina just shakes her head and places her hand over the one resting on her hip.
“It won’t be. Just for right now it is. Don’t think about anything else.”
Evgenia just nods, stealing one more kiss, equally significant as the last before she lets Alina go and replaces her hand with the handle of her suitcase. But she isn’t far behind, she’s right there beside her as they leave the house.
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“You sure you have everything?” Alina asks. There’s a slight tremble of emotion to her voice that she knows is only being held back by distracting herself with the question.
She glances to her right, at her mom with her luggage off by the check in desk making sure everything is in order before they got on their plane. Turning back to Alina as she nods.
“And you’re going to text me when you get there, right?”
“Please, I’m going to call you the second I get the chance.”
Alina smiles at that, but it’s sad. And it makes her heart clench harder, because this might just be the hardest thing she’s had to do. She watches Alina’s shoulders raise and her chest puff up slightly as she attempts to stop herself from crying and Evgenia can’t handle that.
“Sweet girl,” she murmurs, stepping forward and folding Alina into her arms just when she feels that body tremble into a quiet sob. It doesn’t take Evgenia long before she’s crying along with her. Both of them squeezing the other so tightly they might burst.
The overhead announcement rolls off various gate openings and Evgenia curses everything when she hears her own. She isn’t ready to let go, she isn’t ready to go, not from this spot. Not from Alina’s arms.
“You have to go,” she hears Alina roughly utter. Evgenia ducks her head and presses a kiss to her neck, hidden away from prying eyes and she feels Alina’s pulse jump when she does. Feels the other girl shift to do the same in return.
“I’ll see you in a couple months, okay?”
All Alina can do is nod. Evgenia grabs her hand and squeezes.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
It’s the first time they’ve uttered those words since the change in their dynamic, and it had meant a lot when they had simply been friends, and it meant just as much now.
She hears her mother call for her, and she’s never been more willing to find out how to stop the hands of time than she is right now. She watches Alina’s features mold into the strongest and easiest smile she can manage and dear god she just wants to kiss a real one onto her face, but she can’t. She has to settle for squeezing that hand a little tighter until she has to let go. When she does, she doesn’t take her eyes off Alina, who does the same, until they’re gone from each others sight.
On the plane she stares out at the runway, holding herself together up until she watches the ground start to disappear, and then she turns away and into her mothers side and sobs until she can’t sob anymore.
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Those promises they made, they’re easier to keep in the beginning. They text every single day, they make sure to call or FaceTime when the time difference works for them and it’s fine. It isn’t so bad. But days turn into weeks, which turn into two months since she had left Russia and suddenly daily texting has turned into a few once a day, here and there. Calls a day turned into one per week until it stopped altogether. They both had heavily busy training schedules between them, preparing for the upcoming season. But Evgenia couldn’t help but feel like she was right back where she had started at the beginning of the summer. Staring at her phone when she had the chance, and pining. Only it was worse this time because she knew all that she knew. She knew what it was like to hug Alina without worrying it would be too much. She knew what it was like to sleep next to her, holding her. She knew what it was like to kiss her and she would lie awake sometimes unable to sleep because she couldn’t stop thinking about it. The curse of knowing, the curse of wanting something so badly and being unable to have it.
She throws her jacket down on the bench as she clips her guards into place and then deposits herself on that bench. She was too distracted and practice was harder because of it. She hears skates come to a skidding stop before light thunks against the ground follow it.
“You okay, Medo?”
Yuzuru asks softly, concern clear in his voice though.
“Just fine,” she lies with nod.
“If you’re going to lie you could at least be more convincing.”
A sigh leaves her, yanking her jacket on. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You never want to talk about anything. Sometimes you just need to. I’m a good listener.”
Of course she knows that, he’s listened to plenty of rants when it came to daily frustrations and happiness on the ice. But never about her life outside of it. It was about time she got over that, huh?
Before she can say anything, he chimes back in. “You don’t have to tell me exactly, but I think I can guess.”
She stares at the ground for a long moment, before uttering a word. “It’s just hard. It’s harder than I thought it would be, and I. . . I miss her a lot.”
“No one was expecting you to adjust in the blink of an eye,” he starts. “You have been doing the best you can, and damn, long distance is hard. You certainly can’t expect to be perfect at that.”
Evgenia lets out a small laugh, before turning to look at him with slightly sad, almost puppy like eyes. “I’m not even sure it is long distance. Not like that anyway, we didn’t exactly say we were a couple.”
“Really? Could have fooled me,” he says easily. Getting a light bump of her shoulder to his. Causing him to chuckle lightly.
“Listen, I mean it. I knew it that night you were stretched out on my couch FaceTime’ing her like I didn’t exist at all.”
“You can’t be the center of everyone’s world, Yuzu.”
“Alright, but I at least expect to be the most important man in your life.”
An affectionate roll of her eyes follows that, before she nods with an equally affectionate smile, earning a grin from him. He scoots a little closer and lightly wraps an arm around her shoulders, giving her an encouraging squeeze.
“I think you think too much sometimes. It shows sometimes when you’re on the ice, and it shows when you’re away from it. You just need to get out of your head. Overthinking can cause problems where there aren’t.”
She turns her head to look at him with slightly raised brows and a bit of snark to her tone when she speaks. “Who knew you were so wise.”
He turns away then, staring off dramatically. “It’s a curse sometimes.”
After her snort of laughter, he gives her shoulders another squeeze and then an encouraging shake. “You’ll be just fine. Just don’t work yourself into the ground, and don’t worry yourself into a funk.”
She smiles genuinely now, leaning her head to his shoulder for a moment. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, we should get out of here and head to my place and watch some bad television and break our diets for a night.”
“I’m choosing what we watch this time. If I have to suffer through one more youtube series about bees, I swear.”
“They’re cute and need to be saved!”
She tosses an empty water bottle at him as they both get up and head for the locker rooms, bantering back and forth the whole way and for the time being, she didn’t feel so on edge.
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She and Gabby are sitting on the floor of her bedroom, TV on low volume as they both pick at each others pastas and Gabby shares stories about the show she had just returned from.
“I liked this one number we did so much I am honestly considering asking if it can be my exhibition program this year,” Gabby says with a laugh.
“I dare you,” Evgenia teases back, both girls falling into laughter and then silence. The question she had been holding off on simply because she didn’t want to be that person, but she also couldn’t help herself. And the other knew it would come up at some point, considering who was at this show.
“How is she?” She eventually does ask. Gabby had definitely been expecting it, and she just shrugs her shoulders and tries to be as honest but as kind as she can be, so not to hurt her friend.
“She seemed good. She and Nathan seem really close now. They spent the majority of their time together. That’s really good for her, I think.”
It was honest, but it still hurt. It wasn’t like she didn’t think Alina deserved that, but given everything between them it wasn’t something she could pretend she didn’t feel. And maybe she should have expected this. She left, Alina was bound to find new people in her life that she could talk to, rely on, people that weren’t just her. She was happy for her, but it only made her miss her more. And given how little they’ve spoken lately, that pang in her chest is greater than ever.
“She misses you, though.”
“How do you know?” She asks sadly. Gabby just smiles.
“She has a picture of the two of you as her lockscreen. It’s you smiling at the camera while she kisses your cheek. I don’t think that would be there if she didn’t care about you.”
Well. It’s the little things, she supposes.
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The new season rolls around before she knows it, and she’s walking up and down warmup area of her first major competition of the season. Locked in her space as she has her music turned up high. Getting herself loose and ready slowly but surely, with two more groups to go before her own. She refuses to look around for another team Russia jacket she knows well, but she can’t say it isn’t at the back of her mind. Of course said jacket flashes in the corner of her eye when she least expects it to, head jerking to the side and landing on an equally locked in Zagitova. God, she looked so much older even in a few months. The quiet, softer determination she had last season replaced with the air of a highly decorated champion, looking to make sure things stayed that way. Gone were the sometimes doe like eyes, replaced now with a confidence and determination that would have her moved to her core if she weren’t who she was. As it is, it’s certainly something to witness.
She’s been looking long enough for Alina to turn and catch her eye, who turns away almost immediately and Evgenia feels her heart sink for a moment but it’s quickly erased when she watches Alina set her things down and nod in the direction of the locker rooms. She takes a quick look around, avoids any eye contact with her former coach and ducks away a few minutes after Alina had.
She closes the heavy door behind her as lightly as she can, stepping further into the room and finding Alina waiting for her. That chilly look still on her face and maybe now, feeling a little more human away from everything, it gets to her.
“Hi,” she all but croaks out.
“Hi,” Alina murmurs back.
There’s a dead silence that falls between them for a stretch before Alina speaks again.
“I wanted to wish you good luck out there.”
Evgenia’s brows furrow slightly, and she takes a few tentative steps closer to the other girl. “Is that all?”
Alina chews on her bottom lip before letting it go, knowing full well she’ll have to fix her lipstick. “I guess I just wanted to see you. Before we have to step onto that ice.”
That is said far softer than the first minimal things she’s said, and Evgenia takes that as a good sign. Stepping closer still. Taking a good, long look at the other girl, before smiling softly. “You look good. Murder gaze and all.”
She watches Alina’s lips quirk upwards ever so slightly before it vanishes and she straightens out her jacket. “You look good, too. Canada’s been good to you.”
Evgenia gives her a bit of a tight lipped smile in response to that. Every second that ticked by was a second they lost right here, right now. And it’s Alina who seems to sense this too as she’s the one who steps forward this time. Looking into those eyes, Evgenia can’t pretend anymore. She can’t play the pleasantries game anymore. One breath, and a look down to Alina’s lips and back up to meet her eyes.
“I miss you so much, and all I want to do right now is forget about what we’re about to go out there and do.”
Alina blinks, considers those words for a moment before she’s reaching for Evgenia. Fingers gripping the hem of her jacket. “I suppose you should stop staring at me and do something about that, then.”
That’s all she needs before she’s surging forward and looping one arm around Alina’s shoulders as the other gets a handful of hip. Lips meeting in a crash that slips into a frantic tenderness, that eases into a longing softness. Evgenia swallowing a needy moan from the other girl that screams volumes of her own feelings. It’s been too long, and at the same time it feels like no time has passed since their last kiss. Alina still knows the exact placement of her lips against Evgenia’s that pulls the most content sighs from the older brunette. She knew exactly where to put her hands and how to hold her when they kissed. Like they had never parted and there weren’t continents and oceans between them.
“For the record,” Alina husks out against her lips. “I’ve missed you, too.”
Evgenia presses a quick, relieved kiss to Alina’s lips before she speaks herself. “I was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same. Things haven’t been as easy as I would have liked them to be.”
“You worry too much,” Alina says, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Falling silent and exchanging lazy kisses and simply holding each other. Evgenia soon enough finding her head resting against Alina’s as Alina tucks her face into her neck. Bodies gently swaying side to side.
Alina’s hand smoothes up and down her back, lulling her into a perfectly calmed state. Evgenia whispering into her hair.
“We’re okay, right?”
She feels Alina nod, but she speaks anyway. “We made it through the hardest parts. We’re standing here now. We always were better up against adversity.”
There’s a smile that spreads across her face then, squeezing Alina a little closer and a little tighter. “I want to take you on a date while we’re here.”
“Winner or loser has to pay?” She teases, causing Evgenia to breathe out a light chuckle.
“I’m going to compete my hardest.”
“I wasn’t expecting anything less.”
“Nor I from you.”
Alina lifts her head, looks at her with those sweet, kind, far too good eyes and that smile she would move mountains to keep on her face.
“To think you ever believed for a moment anything less than the fact that I am head over heels for you, Medvedeva, and I was willing to wait as long as it took. Distance or not.”
If her heart was going to explode from simply loving and adoring a single human being, it would have in that moment.
“You don’t have to wait anymore. I don’t want to wait anymore,” Evgenia says with every ounce of what she’s feeling poured into those words.
A hand comes to rest against her cheek, Alina leaning forward and resting her forehead to Evgenia’s. “That’s my champion.”
A small chuckle leaves her, bumping her nose against Alina’s. “Yours. And you’re mine.”
“Yours,” Alina whispers back.
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.
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“I can’t believe you took me to Starbucks for our first date.”
“Some would say that it’s dorky and endearing. A throwback to the day I realized how I felt about you. Other’s might say it’s because it’s the only thing I could think of where they speak English.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“But you love me.”
“Ridiculously enough, I do.”
Evgenia hands her her coffee, looking at her expectantly. “Turn it around.”
Alina raises a brow, but turns the cup nonetheless. Finding an address and a time written on it. She looks up at Evgenia with a question in her eyes.
“That’s where we’re having our real first date. Tonight.”
She gets a light shove, before she’s pulled into the younger brunettes body for a hug. “You nearly had me fooled.”
Evgenia drops a kiss to the crown of Alina’s head and squeezes her against her.
“You want to fake a spill and sneak off to the bathroom for old times sake?”
Alina snorts. “We’re not making out in an international Starbucks.”
“We’re definitely going to make out in an international Starbucks. That’s going to be our thing.”
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The end.