Chapter Text
At first, Felicity wondered how she was going to do it. Go from being a stepmother to a boy she'd only known for less than a year to a single parent in a new town where they knew no one.
But of course, after that first night of fears and doubts, she woke up with only one clear thought. No matter the state of her life, or her marriage, it was her responsibility to be there for William. And, coming as a slight surprise to herself, she wanted to do it. The morning after Oliver was taken away, she and William were taken back to their apartment, accompanied by several ARGUS agents, to gather a few things before leaving for god-knows-where. William emerged from his room with a suitcase and his Flash backpack, where Felicity was waiting for him in the living room.
"Where did Mr. Diggle go?" William asked tentatively.
"He'll be back in a couple minutes, he just needs to check on the arrangements. Then we'll leave, though...he won't be coming with us."
William nodded his head slowly, coming to sit by her. He was fidgeting a little, glancing at her nervously, which Felicity picked up on right away.
"What is it?"
William took a deep breath before saying all at once,
"Are we going to stay together?"
Felicity was so stunned she didn't respond for a moment, leaving William to rush on,
"I want to stay with you, I don't want to go to my grandparent's or anything," He cast his eyes to the floor, "But I know this isn't what you signed up for...I'm not, you know - "
Felicity could feel her throat tightening at the thought of anyone, or anything, taking William away from her. She interrupted him, reaching out to take one of his hands.
"You are mine, and I will never let anyone take you from me," she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "I want you to know that I will never take your mother's place. But I will do my absolute best to make sure I do right by her, because I know she's watching over you."
William could only nod slightly, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Felicity's heart constricted when she thought of everything he'd had to go through the past year.
"We might not have come together like a typical family, but I love you like any mother loves her son."
William reached up to rub his eyes roughly, and she could see the tears falling quickly. Felicity was struck by the image - the whole time she'd known him, he stayed strong, seeming beyond his years. But in this moment, he had never looked so much like the child he still was. She reached for him, wrapping his arms around him, determined to take care of her son.
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Part of ARGUS' protective custody meant a total separation from their old life. This meant they could not speak to any of their old friends, or their family. Neither of them had seen or even spoken to Oliver since they'd left. She'd heard ARGUS' promises - they were trying to arrange a visit, in a way that kept them safe, they just needed 'more time'. Too many criminals were on the look out for them both, trying to exact their revenge on the Green Arrow. The prison was being watched, the call lines monitored. Felicity was disappointed, to be sure, because despite the growing anger and resentment she felt, she missed Oliver desperately. She even wished she could yell at him, because then at least she could try to resolve some of her feelings.
She was sad for William as well, who perked up every time he heard the phone ring, on the off chance the time had finally come.
But Felicity was committed to creating a good life for William, one that included a new home and a new last name. She went into it with as positive an attitude as she could, knowing that William would pick up on whatever she was feeling.
Luckily for them both, Barnes, Vermont had some real upsides. Unlike Ivy Town, the town felt less like a suffocating suburb and more like an eclectic, close-knit community. Their home sat on the outer ring of town, cloistered in by tall trees that would sway in the breeze. She and William spent many of the long summer afternoons sitting on their porch, trying to embrace the relative peace they'd found.
They were only in town for two days when, as they walked past the local library, William stopped at a bulletin board. Felicity followed his gaze to a bright yellow flyer that read "Summer Little League Try-Outs - May 28th".
William hopeful face turn towards her, and she caught the first glimpse of excitement from him since Oliver. She couldn't help but smile back, nodding as she reached to tear one of the information slips from the bottom of the page.
So for that summer, Felicity became...well, not a soccer mom, but a baseball mom. She cheered when he made it onto one of the best teams, attended all of his games, and took him and his new friends to ice cream after a particularly tough loss.
It felt all at once entirely foreign and completely familiar. Though she at times couldn't help but marvel at who she had become, she also found it crazy that William was ever not a part of her life.
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This was not to say that their lives were easy, or perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. The shadow of Oliver's absence followed them constantly, and they both struggled to be the person their new lives demanded. Two weeks into baseball practice, the coach came up to them as they prepared to leave.
"Felicity, right?"
"Yes, it's nice to meet you!" Felicity shook his hand.
"You've got a special kid here - he's got some arm!" he said.
Felicity saw the sheepish smile on William's face, although it faded with what the coach said to him next.
"Your mom here must be so proud of you."
William flinched almost imperceptibly.
"I'd love to meet your dad sometime," the coach blundered on.
With that, William was clearly struggling to maintain his composure.
Felicity's smile tightened on her face, saying only, "It's actually just the two of us."
The coach's face reddened, stumbling out an apology they didn't wait to hear as they marched home.
William stayed quiet during the walk home, shutting himself in his room the moment they got home. Felicity, unsure of what to do, decided on giving him some space. But as the afternoon turned into the evening, she hesitantly knocked on his door, calling out to him,
"William? Do you think we could talk for a minute?"
There was no response, so she slowly opened the door to his room, easing herself in. William was sat on his bed, staring intently at a book he didn't seem to actually be reading.
Taking a deep breath, Felicity said, "Look, I know that was uncomfortable today. I just want to talk - "
William interrupted loudly, "I don't want to talk to you!"
Felicity, though taken aback, tried to cover her surprise by saying "I understand it's hard - " But again William cut in.
"You can't understand! You're not my mom!"
Felicity took a second to gather herself before responding, "I know I'm not Samantha, but I am your parent and I just want to help you."
William slammed his book shut and turned away from her, clearly trying to end the conversation. Entirely conflicted on what to do, Felicity hesitated for a moment before deciding to leave him be. But she turned as she got to the door, saying quietly,
"I'll be here when you're ready."
That night, Felicity spent several hours alternating between spiraling into her fears and obsessively googling how to help adolescent trauma. That is, until she heard the door of William's room creak open. She turned to see William standing at the doorway, his eyes rimmed red from crying. Neither of them spoke for a moment, and then William's face began to crumple and he broke down, moving towards her as she automatically opened her arms to hug him.
They stayed like that on the couch for several minutes, and then she heard William say in a quiet, shaky breath,
"I'm sorry."
Felicity fought her own tears as she assured him, "It's okay. You don't have to be sorry."
She felt him shaking in her arms, and he tried to speak several times until he could get the words out through his tears.
"I didn't mean it. Please don't leave."
With that, Felicity lost the fight with her own tears, and they began to fall freely as she pulled back slightly, moving to hold his face between her hands.
"I will never leave you. You don't ever have to worry about that."
William leaned his head back into her, and she simply held him as he let his tears fall, finally allowing themselves to feel the pain they had both been trying to hide from. After some time, William's tears came to a stop, and Felicity felt his strangled breathing start to ease. Just as she was about to say something, William sat back and spoke again,
"I'm so angry...and sad. And I don't know what to do with it. I want to be strong for you, because," William took a breath to steady himself, "I don't want to become too much for you. I don't want to drive you away."
Felicity made no attempt to hide her tears from him.
"There is nothing you could do that would drive me away. If I have to tell you a million more times that I see you, and love you, as my own son, then I will," she assured him, "But I hope you believe me this time. You are the best thing in my life, and I don't need you to be strong for me. I need you to let me take care of you."
William listened to her, holding onto her every word.
"You're allowed to feel angry, and sad," Felicity continued, "And so am I. This isn't always going to be easy, but I think if we lean on each other we're going to be okay."
Felicity looked at William closely, hoping to see him believe her.
"I can't promise I'm going to be the perfect mother, or always make the right choice," Felicity said, smiling softly, "But I will always stay, and I'll always try."
William seemed to take her words to heart, and so while that was far from the last difficult moment for them, they started at least being honest about the pain they carried.
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Aside from the emotional weight of caring for a boy who'd essentially lost two parents in the space of a year, Felicity also began to realize that there were plenty of practical things about parenthood she didn't know - her short time as a co-parent with Oliver, with Raisa's help, did not afford her the knowledge most parents of an 11 year old would have.
A month into their time at their new home, William came into the house, in his dirty baseball uniform, and immediately collapsed onto the couch. Felicity started to tsk at him, about to remind him that he was supposed to change when he got home. Then she noticed his overly flushed face, and how his face seemed to be scrunched up in pain.
"William?"
He turned ever so slightly towards her, cracking his eyes open.
"What's wrong?"
He only shrugged in response, causing her nerves to shoot up. Felicity knelt by William, pressing the back of her hand on his forehead, which she could tell was burning. Felicity's brain seemed to freeze - she had no idea what to do. How do you know how seriously sick a kid is?
"Can you feel me what hurts? When did you start feeling sick?"
"Um, I don't know. A few hours ago? My head hurts, and my stomach."
"Hurts how?"
"I don't know. It just hurts a lot."
William curled on the couch, holding onto his side. Felicity felt panic rise in her as she realized she had never signed him up for a doctor when they arrived. She didn't even have any cold or flu medicine in the house. How could she have missed something so important?
And what now? It was a Saturday, so the small doctor's office in town wouldn't even be open. She felt well and truly out of her depth, not even having someone she knew well enough in this town to call to ask for advice. For the next 20 minutes, she tried to track down some relevant information online, but all the while, William's pain crept upwards. In her desperation, she reached for her phone and broke about fifty ARGUS rules by calling the one person she'd been wishing she could speak to in this last month as a single mother.
"Mom?"
"Felicity? Baby, is that you?"
Felicity could feel the tears threaten to fall.
"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk to you yet. I shouldn't even be talking to you now, but I really need your help."
With those words, Donna assumed a calm, controlled tone that Felicity associated with mothers in crisis mode.
"What's wrong?"
"William's sick. He's got a fever and he's in pain - he keeps holding his side, I think it's getting worse. I don't know what to do," Felicity voice shook.
"Okay. You need to stay calm, but I think it might be appendicitis. You had it when you were a kid."
"Appendicitis? Okay...okay, what do I do?"
"Take him to the hospital, they'll be able to fix it easy."
Just the word hospital struck fear into Felicity, which her mother seemed to know.
"Felicity, everything's going to be okay. You've got him."
"Right," Felicity tried to believe this, "Mom, I'm sorry, I wish..."
"I know, baby," Donna voice sounded less steady now, "It's alright. Call when you can. Go take care of him."
With that, Felicity hung up the phone and turned back to William.
"William, honey, we're going to go to the hospital. Do you think you can sit up for me?"
Slowly, William got up and they made their way to the car. Once at the hospital, Felicity was relieved to see the doctors admit William right away, but as she watched them draw blood, take x-rays, and hook him up to wires, she found it shockingly difficult to see. She stayed rooted at his side, grasping his hand and, every so often, reaching up to brush his sweaty hair from his forehead. After a couple hours, while William slept, a young doctor came in.
"Are you his mother?"
"Yes."
"Well, you did the right thing by coming in. He does have appendicitis, and we're going to have to get him into surgery."
Felicity took a shaky breath at this, nodding while trying to regain her composure.
"I can assure you he is in great care. We do this procedure every day, and it's very noninvasive. He'll be good as new in a week."
"Okay. And when will you be doing this?"
"Tonight - I'm actually here to take him to prep," He hesitates as he sees her hold onto his hand tighter, "I'll give you a minute."
Felicity waited until he left the room, then gently woke William. He cracked his eyes open, clearly still foggy from his fever.
"What's going on?"
"The doctors say they're going to have to take out your appendix. This happens all the time, so there is nothing to worry about. And I'll be right here when you're done."
William only nodded, leaning his head into her hand. The doctor returned to the room, made one last promise to take care of William, then wheeled him away.
Felicity fell back into her chair, feeling her nerves and exhaustion overwhelm her. She felt sick at the sight of him being taken away from her. She decided, just one last time, to give in to the support she so badly needed, and took out her cell phone once more.
"Mom."
"How is he?"
"It was appendicitis, like you said. He's okay..." Felicity voice shook, giving way to tears, "He's gonna be fine."
"It's okay, I know how scary it is to take your kid to the hospital," Donna assured her.
"I didn't register him with a doctor mom, I didn't even have medicine in the house!" Felicity said, "I feel like I'm failing him."
"You are not failing him! You are there - and this is not your fault."
"I just feel overwhelmed. His entire life is my responsibility."
"That's what it is to be a single parent, baby."
Felicity feels a flash of anger towards Oliver for doing this to their family.
"But I promise," Donna continued, "It is worth it."
"I know. I am grateful to be his parent, I just want to get it right."
Donna gave a small laugh at that, "You're just gonna have to lower your expectations a little bit. You're not always going to get it right - and that's okay. He'll know how hard you tried, and how much you love him."
Felicity could feel the weight on her chest lighten a little as her mother spoke.
"Mom, I know I've said it before, but now that I have some idea of what it takes...thank you for always being there for me."
"Always, baby."
Reluctantly, Felicity says, "I'm not supposed to be talking to anyone right now. It could put you or us in danger...I'll probably have a new phone by tomorrow."
"I miss you, Felicity."
"I miss you too, mom. I promise it won't be like this forever."
"Good, otherwise ARGUS will have to create a new identify for me too, cause I would have to come join you in your mysterious new life."
Felicity laughs, saying "I'll talk to you as soon as I can. I love you."
"I love you too."
As hard as it was to hang up with her mother, Felicity found the comfort and strength she needed in that moment. When William is brought back to his room, Felicity is there just as she promised she would be.
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For five months, Felicity and William build this new life together. Not always perfect, but they lean on each other until, with every passing day, it gets a little easier. School starts for William and Felicity finds a job maintaining the technological infrastructure for the town.
Felicity gets updates from ARGUS every two weeks - though they are never what they want, filled with vague threats from nameless criminals that are stopping her and William from getting to talk to Oliver. Felicity buys a journal, and in the late nights where her bed is just too cold and too big, she writes letters for Oliver, detailing both the love she has for him and her deep disappointment with how he handled things. She dreams of him, and sometimes all she remembers is his smiling face, and sometimes she wakes up sweating, consumed by fear or anger.
She begins to wonder when this would all come to a head - she knows that this will not continue this way forever.
She also wonders who she will be when it does.