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“Dear Dan, there are a lot of things to say to you, and so little time. As I write this letter, my eyes fill with tears and memories that I never want to forget.
I know that we had some rough times, but I apologize for that, we were both dumb and young, and we didn’t quite know what we were doing or where we were going. Do you remember the time when we first met in the train station? I was the most nervous person on the world, I was trying so hard to impress you and acting a little weird, but it was all because of you.
But despite of my weird acting, you saw through me and decided I was a good company. And that’s practically how our story started. Days passed, and we went to the Manchester eye. Again, I was a little nervous, but that feeling went away when you kissed me. My heart did that flippy over thing, it had never done that before, but it felt so good. You felt so good.
Months passed, and we shared even more amazing moments and funny stories that we now remember with a big smile. Although I would love to write a book of each memory I have with you, I don’t have plenty of time, so I’m writing down some of my dearest moments.
Do you remember the time when I said I love you in the snow? It was so perfect that I thought I was in a fairytale. We were walking near the abandoned hospital, it was by far the snowiest day ever. You looked so magnificent in that hat you used to wear, I loved how you looked even though you said you looked a little bit cringey. Then you laid down in the snow, I laid next to you and kissed you. You tasted like the caramel macchiatos we desperately bought every day at Starbucks.
The week we spent at my house is by far one of my dearest moments of you and I. Just the thought of being next to you practically all days was a big happiness for me. Maybe we didn’t do much, maybe we were just laying there watching movies and talking, but for me it was perfect. Believe, it was. That’s when I realized I couldn’t live without you, that was the moment I knew…
And don’t think I’m forgetting the Halloween gathering. We were there and after a while, we got a little bored and decided to go sit near a fountain that was there. We sat and talked and looked and the stars. Then we kissed and that’s when I realized I didn’t care about the other youtubers that were there. I only cared about you, I just wanted to be there with you, holding your hand under the moonlight, kissing you and never letting you go.
And years passed on, and more adventures and dear memories came with that. Making videos with you was one of the most fun and loving things I made in my life, you weren’t just my friend or my boyfriend, you were my true love, and I hope I was yours.
You made my world full of colors when before it was just a black and white reality. I have no words left to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me, you are truly my guardian angel.
I love you so much and I hope you never forget because, believe my dear, I will never forget how nice our love was.
With love, your little ray of sunshine.
January, 2022.”
Dan hold the card in his hands and let himself cry a little bit, just a little. There he was, in front of Phil’s gravestone, trying to imagine he was still alive, next to him, like always. The reality he was living wasn’t something he wanted, it was his worst nightmare…
“I have never been good with words, you know?” Dan started talking, convinced that Phil still could hear him from up above. “But here, I’ll try to do my best. You have no idea how much you mean to me, you were like a gift, only 8000 times better. I was lonely and, you saved me, you really did.”
Dan pulled out a little gold ring from his pocket and, after looking at it for some seconds, he put it next to the grave. “I was going to give you this in a few months, because I didn’t want to be just your boyfriend, I wanted to be you husband, to always be with you. But apparently, I waited for too long.”
Dan left the ring in the box next to Phil’s grave, like a promise of what they could have become. His Phil was gone, it was his, or at least it had been.
“Happy birthday, Phil…”