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Phil buttoned his suit jacket and looked at himself in the mirror. It was slightly too big for him, unlike the stylish jackets he would wear to events like the Brits Awards. It made him look slightly kiddish, which reflected the feeling of the day well enough. There he stood, alone, in his childhood bedroom dressing up for a wedding that he would be attending equally alone.
“Remind me again why Dan couldn’t make it?” his mother said. Phil jumped as he didn’t realize until just that moment that she was standing behind him, watching from the doorway as he got himself ready.
“He was busy today,” Phil lied. “A family reunion.” Though Phil knew he would be spending the day in the sofa crease scrolling Tumblr.
“Well, that’s just unfortunate. I’m sure everyone else would love to have met him,” she said. She paused and looked at him seriously. “Maybe next time.”
Phil could tell that she was just being kind by not pushing her suspicions on him. He nodded at her in appreciation, both for the support and for her discretion. The day would be hard enough.
The true reason Dan was not with him was because you simply don’t take your best friend to a family wedding. It’s just not something you do.
Phil sighed and straightened his cuffs, walking out the door behind his mum and filing into the backseat of the car. He bent his head slightly to fit in, and his knees nearly touched his chest.
Martyn opened the opposite door and waved Cornelia in. She sat between them, the three squeezing together uncomfortably close. Phil thanked the universe that he got along well with them both and it wasn’t as awkward as such a situation could be.
As the car set off into the morning glow on the horizon, Martyn grasped Cornelia’s hand. She laced their fingers together, entwining them easily. Phil caught himself staring for just a moment too long. He snapped his head back to the window, unsure if the knot in his stomach was his travel sickness or something else.
“You okay, man?” Martyn whispered across Cornelia’s face. She too looked concerned as she scrunched her eyebrows together. Though he may be approaching thirty years old, they never seemed to stop worrying about him.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Phil said dismissively. “Just forgot the dramamine, that’s all.” But he noticed that it got worse when he looked at the pair, looking as much like a team as anyone in the world, and unashamed to let it show.
Suddenly Felix’s voice popped into Phil’s mind. YouTube power couple. I mean, YouTube power duo.
Truth be told, Phil lived for those jokes. He smiled into the landscape, head resting against the car window.
Phil cursed himself for following his parents around like a puppy dog at the church, sitting next to them. He felt like the third wheel regardless of who he was with. But soon enough, the pastor began the ceremony. Phil relaxed, thinking this would be a break from the stress of being there alone. He wasn’t exactly right.
The wedding march began and everyone stood, turning to see the bride enter in a flowing champagne colored dress. She held a small bundle of flowers, and looked forward beneath a matching cage veil. This was the favorite part of weddings for Phil, as he turned around the instead watch the groom. He caught the glisten in the groom’s eyes. Not fully crying, but no one would miss the effort it took for him to hold it back. They smiled, and giggled.
Phil thought of the only person who has ever made him feel that way.
“You may be seated,” the pastor started. “The groom requested to begin with a reading.” The crowd was absolutely silent, paying close attention to this unconventional turn of events. The best man handed the groom a small piece of paper.
“Elizabeth,” he said. “I love you very much, probably more than anybody could love another person.” The phrase rang a bell in Phil’s mind. He was unsure where he had heard it before. “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Phil realized this was obviously a quote. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird. I could die right now, Liz. I’m just, happy. I’ve never felt that before. I’m exactly where I want to be. And the greatest thing I’ve ever learned is just to love and be loved in return.”
Phil scoffed inwardly at how cheesy it all was. Quoting romances one after another. But some part of him was left slightly shaken.
Could he ever have that?
He pulled his phone out and his mum gave him a dirty glance and a quick elbow to the ribs. He continued anyway.
“I really wish you were here.” He sent the text and remembered to flick his phone onto silent.
At the reception, Phil looked up from his phone to find that his table was empty. Everyone was off dancing and having a good time. Phil had spent a good five minutes staring at his screen which read:
“You know why I can’t be. But yeah, I miss you too.”
The first dance had passed and Phil had all but avoided looking the newlywed couple in the eyes all night when they approached him, arms wrapped around one another’s waists.
“Phil! So good to see you!” his cousin said. He stood to greet her and her new husband.
“You too Lizzy!” he said as he hugged her and shook his hand.
“So, why couldn’t Dan make it?” she asked kindly. “I would’ve loved to meet him. You know I’m such a fan of your guys’ videos.”
“Yeah, well, really who brings their best friend to a wedding anyway?” Phil mocked. She gave him a patronizing look.
“Really? Who do you think you’re kidding, Phil?” She jabbed at him. He had forgotten that they grew up together, and she had seen him go through all his childhood crushes.
“Yeah, fair. I can’t really put it past you.”
“No, not just me. I mean, do you really think you’re fooling anyone? What, like leaving him out of family events is going to convince people you’re not together?”
Phil felt the spread of heat move up his neck and color his cheeks pink. Because Dan was not his best friend, no matter how many times he said it today. No matter how many times he denied anything else.
Because they were a team, a duo, a power couple.
Because Dan was the person he thought about when he watched other people hold hands, get married. Because he wanted that for them, but their stupid pact to keep it hidden got in the way.
Only it didn’t even work, apparently.
“Fair,” he said finally. Ending that discussion before it got the chance to really begin. “But today isn’t about my relationship. Congratulations, you two!”
They both blushed and looked one another in the eyes. The groom pulled her closer to his hip.
“Thanks,” he said. “And good luck to you.” He walked away, but Phil heard a final whisper. “What was that all about?”
“I’ll tell you all about it later.”
Dan was the person Phil told everything to. He downed his drink and let it burn.
Up each agonizing step, Phil’s feet seemed to resist him. It was like adding sand bags to his ankles with each stair. But when he reached the landing, turning the key in the lock, the weight lifted off his shoulders because he was finally home where there were no secrets. Dan was on the other side of the door, ready to greet him after the long day apart.
Phil saw his dark eyes the second the door swung open. He took a slow step inside, letting it click shut behind him. He bounded to his boyfriend, and wrapped his hand around the back of hi neck, pulling his face in for a kiss.
Their lips met swiftly, Phil backing him against the wall and roaming his hands all up his chest.
Dan slid his hands up Phil’s back, untucking his button-down from his pants and grazing his fingers across the soft skin of his love handles.
They breathed together, the sweet same air, the scent of cake and wine on Phil’s breath. Dan couldn’t get enough.
“You know I’m going to marry you someday, right?” Phil said.
Dan nodded fiercely. “Right.”
“Someday soon?” Phil asked. He ran his hand along Dan cheek and then through the bristly hairs at the base of his neck.
“Yeah?” Dan questioned. He kissed him again.
“We should probably get comfortable enough with sharing our relationship to actually attend weddings together first,” Phil concluded.
“Agreed,” was all Dan said. He was out of breath. Meanwhile, Phil felt as if the breath he’d been missing all day had finally returned.