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This wasn’t the first time that Ryouma found Ichiro crying.
Ryouma felt his heart clench as he saw the usually perky junior in tears, muffling his own shaky breaths into his arm. Ichiro hadn’t even noticed that he was there, the boy too immersed in his own sorrow. It felt wrong seeing Ichiro cry but here he was yet again.
The red-head closed the door behind him quietly and walked towards Ichiro. He tried to be silent but the wooden panels of the club room were old and hollow, making his footsteps only too audible. Ichiro’s head whipped towards him. The boy’s expression was horrified at first, fearful that any of other club members would see him like this, but when he realised it was Ryouma he calmed down a little. Ryouma offered him a gentle smile.
“Good morning, Ichiro.”
“M-morning, senpai!” Ichiro rubbed his face with his sleeve, smearing a streak of tears and snot against the black material. Ryouma offered his handkerchief to the younger man and Ichiro took it, wiping his face quickly. “Ryouma-senpai, the others aren’t coming this morning, are they?” He didn’t want anyone else to see him like this.
“No. Just me. I’ve already dragged Kyotaro to class so he’s napping there and I suspect Nanao-senpai and Taishi are already in their classes. I’m only supposed to be dropping these snacks here so they don’t get confiscated by the teacher.” He shook the bag for emphasis before he placed it on the table in front of them.
“Mmmm… I see…” Ichiro mumbled. From the looks of it, Ichiro looked like he had no intention of leaving the club room and was going to miss homeroom again. Ryouma opened his mouth to tell him off but stopped himself in time, repressing the urge to ask why Ichiro wasn’t in class. He had a feeling that he knew the answer to his unspoken question already.
“… Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“No. No! I-It’s fine, senpai! Believe me! I’m fine!” Ryouma felt his heart break a little. This wasn’t right. Ichiro, open and honest Ichiro, was lying. Even though Ichiro knew he knew, the boy was still lying. Ichiro’s voice was shaky and he seemed ready to burst into tears again, his facade desperately straining to stay together. He wanted to look like he was carefree and happy, not like he was a mess. “It’s just… nothing. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine by lunch time.”
“Yeah…” Ryouma knew that was true but he wasn’t comforted in the slightest. Ichiro would play the fool and act happy-go-lucky instead of just genuinely feeling that way. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“I…” Ichiro looked away and closed his eyes tightly. He practically shrank in his chair, looking more scared and more vulnerable than ever. Ichiro was trying to calm down but the boy was still shaking from the intensity of his earlier sobs. “… Even if I did… you can’t help, Ryouma-senpai. It can’t be fixed.”
“All the more reason you should talk, Ichiro. You need an outlet for something like this. It’s clearly affecting you.” Ryouma gave him a kind smile. “I’m willing to listen to you if you need it.”
“Senpai…” Ichiro looked up again, his lip quivering a little. He looked conflicted and Ryouma could tell that Ichiro wanted to share. He was just hesitating for whatever reason. Ryouma was patient though, letting the younger man mull it over. However, just as Ichiro looked about ready to speak, the bell rang. “Ah… n-nevermind. You should go back to class. I’ll catch up.”
“Ichiro… Don’t give me that. I’m staying here. I can catch up with class,” Ryouma said in the same serious tone he reserved for scolding his friends (mostly Kyotaro). “You look like you need someone to talk to. Now, take a deep and slow breath. I’m going to make some tea. Settle.”
“…Alright. Thank you, Ryouma-senpai.”
“Think about it. I’ll make tea and we can have sweets.” Ichiro perked up at the mention of sweets and Ryouma smiled. That was more like it. Ryouma hurried to the kettle and started it before he brought back a pack of candy. He ripped it open before he offered Ichiro one. The younger boy took it and popped it in his mouth.
“Mmm… Thanks.”
“No problem.” Ryouma didn’t rush Ichiro. He just sat there patiently, letting Ichiro get into a better mindset. Ichiro was no longer curled up on the chair but he was still slumped against the table as if he needed the support since he couldn’t bring his head up.
“…It’s my parents. They came home yesterday from their business trip.” The younger boy ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, a mix of hurt and frustrated. “… They came home and they basically spent all of last night yelling at me. You know, like normal parents do.” Ryouma frowned. So it was his parents again? It was his parents last time too… and the time before that. Ichiro’s parents were rarely home because of work. There seemed to be a huge correlation between ‘times they were home’ and ‘Ichiro having a breakdown in the club the morning after’.
“Right. So.. what did they say specifically?”
“Same thing as last time. They want me to be more like Maasa,” Right. They were cousins. Ryouma forgot about that sometimes. “And then they got into an argument about good and bad breeding. I…” Ichiro paused before he shook his head. “I… don’t know much about what they said, so I just spaced out.” Ryouma could tell that was a lie from how Ichiro looked away. It reminded him of a time when they were talking about genetics. Ichiro told them all his parents said he must have inherited ‘bad genes’ from somewhere. They had disregarded it at the time but now Ryouma was wondering how often Ichiro heard that sort of thing. Was that why he got so excited when Nanao showed some interest in his genes?
“… I see. Anything else?”
“Yeah.. just… You know. Parent stuff.” Stuff that drove Ichiro to tears, apparently, "A lot about business. I got a lecture about my grades and how they weren’t good enough. I’m not good enough to run their company… not that I want to run it, but they’re saying that I’m going to ruin the business unless they can find some other use for me.” If it was from anyone else, Ryouma would have laughed and agreed that Ichiro wasn’t suited for the business world but the fact that Ichiro was saying those things made him uneasy. That last part especially left a nasty taste in his mouth. Ichiro played with the candy wrapper quietly, crushing it with his hands and tearing at the corners in an effort to try and calm down.
“And?”
“And?” Ichiro gave a small, shaky laugh but it was hoarse and bitter. “What do you want me to say, Ryouma-senpai? I said there’s nothing we can do about it. My parents are always like that. They did go on but… it’s just things about me, like how I’m not trying hard enough to be a Dougo. Even though I get whatever I want and I get sent to a good school, I’m just… me.” Ichiro balled his fist. “… I swear I’m trying to be something or someone good, Ryouma-senpai. I want to make my parents proud. Just… the me that I am… I’m just… stupid, I guess.”
“Ichiro…”
The tears were welling back up and Ichiro buried his face into his hands. He pushed at his eyes, as if that would force the tears back into his skull, and shook his head. Usually, when he was upset, Ichiro was fiery and angry but now there was only a tired man, looking like he had given up hope.
“It’s stupid. They’re always like that. I should be over it. It’s fine. They’re always like that. I’m used to it. Why am I overreacting?”
Without another word, Ryouma moved to hug Ichiro. The younger boy froze up, tensing as the older man squeezed him tightly. He didn’t fight though. Ryouma pulled the smaller boy towards him and Ichiro practically melted against Ryouma’s frame.
Last time he had come to comfort him, Ichiro had managed to convince him that he didn’t have to stay. Ryouma missed out on seeing how badly this was affecting Ichiro. He had inadvertently denied Ichiro the outlet he so desperately needed.
“I’m sorry…” Ryouma whispered, "I’m sorry you’ve been trying to shoulder all of this by yourself, Ichiro. I knew that you were upset but I didn’t tell anyone. I’m sorry.”
“Ryouma-senpai, it’s alright. You didn’t… there’s nothing we can do-” Ryouma hugged him tighter and Ichiro shuddered. There was a waver in the young man’s voice as he tried to fruitlessly fight the wave of tears. “Senpai…” Ichiro grabbed the back of Ryouma’s sweater and began to sob into Ryouma’s shoulder. Like a mother- a real mother, not the parasitic socialite who birthed Ichiro- Ryouma held Ichiro close, cradling him delicately. He rubbed the boy’s back, wanting to let his friend know he wasn’t going to endure this alone any longer.
“Ichiro… Your parents are missing out. They’re so caught up with what they want you to be and what they want to make you, they’re missing out on who you are now,” Ryouma said. Ichiro sniffled. “That’s their loss. They’re at fault for not seeing you grow as a person. Kyotaro, Wakura-senpai, Taishi and I all know how wonderful you are. It’s like you said, you’re trying to be a good person and we can all see that. Trust me when I say that you don’t have to keep saying you’re stupid or there’s something inherently wrong with you. You’re funny, you’re exciting to be around, you’re fun and most importantly you're our Ichiro. You’re perfect the way you are.”
Ryouma wished he was like Kyotaro or Nanao, always knowing what kind of inspiring words to say to the little ones, but Ichiro seemed to take his words in all the same. Ichiro wailed loudly, unable to suppress himself, and opened his heart out. Ryouma felt hot tears run down his own cheeks and he closed his eyes and hugged the boy tightly. Loud, noisy sobs were filling the club room, Ichiro no longer able to hold back all the pain that had been welling up inside of him.
They stayed like that for a while. Ryouma was patient. He let Ichiro sob for what could have easily been the entire morning and even when he started to calm down, Ryouma kept his steady hold, patting him gently. Loud sobs dissolved into quick and breathy sniffles before further disappearing into a gentle wave of silence.
Ryouma slowly pulled himself away and smiled gently at Ichiro, his eyes also streaked with tears. Ichiro’s face was red and wet but there was a watery smile on his face, far more genuine than the one he had pulled when he had come in. The two of them smiled at each other and then laughed. Ichiro wiped his face with Ryouma’s handkerchief.
“Thank you, senpai…”
“It’s no problem.” Ryouma’s jumper was probably ruined by Ichiro’s tears but he didn’t mind it too much. He wiped his own eyes on it before smiling a little more brightly at Ichiro.
“If you ever need a place to stay for the night to get some space or if you want to just hang out, you can always come to my place.” Ryouma reached out and squeezed his junior’s hand. “And if you do want to improve your grades, let me know, alright? I want to help you. Maybe it will help you get your parents off your back. I think I could make it fun.”
“I don’t think I’d want to study ever though. It’s too hard and it’s not like it’ll accomplish anything.” Ichiro said. ”But thank you, senpai. If something happens again, I’ll let you know.”
Ryouma smiled. He slowly pulled their hands apart and went to get the tea. The hot water was lukewarm but he still poured it anyway and served it. Ichiro wasn’t as picky as Nanao was when it came to tea, so the younger boy took his pink cup and sipped at it. He took another candy, watching Ryouma sit back down with his own drink.
“You can go to any of the others if you prefer to. We’re all friends. Just send us a text or call us if you’re having problems, no matter what time it is. We all want to help you out.”
“Nanao-senpai told me I can’t call him at any time though.”
“Oh yeah… but that’s because you tried to call him at 4am because you finally got the joke he told us at lunch.” Ichiro gave a shaky laugh at that and smiled.
“Yeah. Guess so. Man, I felt so, so, so bad… Ah! No need to remind me, Ryouma-senpai.”
“You’re the one that brought it up.” Ryouma laughed. “But fair. How about me and Taishi then? Kyotaro would be up for listening to you but he’d fall asleep mid-call.”
“If he got up to answer the call anyway. I have a feeling he’d sleep through it.” Ichiro pouted.
“Mmm… You might be right. But if he does wake up he’d listen. He’d find it a great excuse to sleep later in the day.”
“I think I’d rather talk to you, Ryouma-senpai. You’re so nice.” Ryouma smiled as he heard that. He was glad to hear that Ichiro trusted him that much, even though he didn’t think he deserved it since he had left the comfort for so long. “Thanks for listening to me. I… You were right. I feel a lot better.”
“Glad to hear it.” He was. Ichiro was lightening up and loosening up as well. He was looking a lot like his old self. He’d probably be back to normal by the time the others came up to hang out. Ryouma wished he could do more for him though. There was little he could do about the situation with his parents, but maybe there were other things he could do for his friend.
————
Ryouma had been worried that Ichiro was going to skip the tutoring sessions that he had offered and had just accepted his place at the bottom of the class. However, he was pleasantly surprised when Ichiro showed up not only at the first session, but seven more after that. It seemed he really wanted to get his parents off his back.
“We’re never gonna use calculus in real life. Why do they teach it to us?” Ichiro groaned, sighing and putting his head on the table. “It’s so useless!” Ryouma gave a gentle laugh.
“Who really knows? But you’re doing well, Ichiro. Just one more question and we can take a break.” Ryouma passed Ichiro another chocolate and the boy popped it into his mouth. Ichiro sat up again and stretched. He nodded his head to Ryouma, eyes sparkling and filled with new determination.
“Alright… if it’s just one more, let’s get this over and done with!” Ichiro yelled, pumping his fist up enthusiastically.
“Atta boy. You can do it, Ichiro!” Ryouma cheered, copying the boy and also pumping his fist up. Ichiro dove back head first into his work and began to scribble away and Ryouma scooted up close to his friend, peering over his shoulder to check his work.
“Something wrong, Ryouma-senpai?” Ichiro looked up and nearly jumped, not realising how close the man was to him. Ryouma gave a little smile, completely missing how absolutely red that the younger’s face was as he pointed at Ichiro’s untidy scrawl.
“The derivative is wrong, Ichiro-kun. You’ll work yourself in circles here. Go back a step.”
“Ah… That’s it?” Ryouma looked up from Ichiro’s shoulder but he was already looking back at the paper and erasing the thick lines.
“Yeah… That’s the only major error but you’re doing well.” Ryouma smiled. He was proud of Ichiro, really. He was really doing his best. The boy wasn’t smart by any means but he could do the work if he pushed himself. He had the potential and Ryouma was happy to be here to help him reach it.
The two boys were set up quite comfortably on cushions around Ryouma’s heated table, though since it was so small that they were currently pressed up against each other to get away from winter’s chill. It wasn’t the first time the two of them were so close together when studying, much like it also wasn’t the first time that Ryouma noticed just how handsome Ichiro was.
Ryouma rarely dared to look down at Ichiro’s body, especially while the man was studying (he felt a little weird with the idea of checking his kouhai out) so he usually just looked at Ichiro’s face when he wasn’t looking at Ichiro’s work. The man had a kind and soft face and his eyes were so lively that they always managing to draw Ryouma in, even when doing the most mundane tasks. Ichiro’s features made him look so inherently innocent, complementing well with his usual sharp grin or whatever animated expression his face sported. He really was attractive: beautiful to Ryouma as he was precious.
Ah. He was having those thoughts again. Ryouma was glad that Ichiro was so focused on his work and couldn’t see the complementing shade of red on Ryouma’s face. He would have died if Ichiro saw him like this…
Ryouma wasn’t sure when he fell for the smaller boy but it hadn’t been too long ago. He had just started to notice Ichiro more and more, both in school and when they were alone. He thought of the boy’s laugh and smile, his cheeriness and spirit. He thought of him constantly, as naturally as breathing was to him.
It wasn’t a good thing though. Ryouma felt so bad for having those thoughts. Ichiro was his friend, after all. Ichiro came to him for comfort and help, innocently and whole-heartedly, and here he was, thinking about how much he wanted to kiss Ichiro at that moment. Ryouma hoped that Ichiro would never find out. He doubted that Ichiro felt the same and, more importantly, he was worried that Ichiro would think that he was only helping him out because he wanted something from him, which was the furthest thing from the truth. He didn’t want to use Ichiro like so many other people wanted to…
“Done!” Ryouma was jolted out of his thoughts when the pencil was suddenly slammed down on the table. He backed away as Ichiro leaned back from the table, giving a deep and heavy sigh. “That took forever! Man, I’m beat!”
“Well, I’ll check it now and you can eat some more sweets.” Ryouma picked the paper up and Ichiro cheered. The pink-haired boy stuffed his mouth with the treats as Ryouma gave the paper a quick skim. He smiled.”Looks good. You’ve done really well, Ichiro. I’m proud of you,” Ryouma said genuinely. Ichiro looked over, eyes sparkling.
“Really? You mean it?”
“Yeah! Definitely! You’ve come such a long way. We keep this up and you’ll definitely start passing your classes.” Ryouma’s heart skipped a beat as a large smile overcame Ichiro’s face. Ichiro pumped his fist again.
“Ah! Thank you, Ryouma-senpai! But I would have never gotten this far if it wasn’t for you. You’re amazing. You’re like, the best teacher ever!” Ryouma’s own cheeks were pink at that and he gave a laugh, smiling broadly, trying to seem less like a love-struck schoolgirl.
“I’m glad to help, Ichiro.”
“You’re always helping me with everything Ryouma-senpai. My schoolwork, my home problems… everything. I appreciate it. You’re wonderful! You’re amazing! You’re the best!”
“Am I? Oh… oh wow.” Ryouma blushed. If he wanted to say such things, he’d be hopelessly stuttering but Ichiro was always open about his feelings. He didn’t feel shame when he spoke. He really was a wonderful boy, amazingly pure despite his family circumstances. “That’s… kind of you to say.”
“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You’re so great, senpai! I wish I could live with you.”
“Eh?” That caught Ryouma off-guard. “Me?”
“Of course! It couldn’t be anyone else! I love you after all!”
…
Wait what?
“Love?” Was he hallucinating? Hearing things? Ryouma put the paper down and looked at Ichiro, a little dazed from the torrent of words he had just been hit with and slowly trying to process what had been said. Ichiro nodded enthusiastically, hair flopping in his face like an overenthusiastic puppy.
“Yeah… I mean you’re so caring. You’re honestly a better parent than anyone who’s looked after me.”
“Ah…” Well… there it was. Ichiro loved him like a parent. Ryouma’s face fell a bit as the man said that but he did his best to retain his smile. Right… This is what he was expecting. Actually, this was probably the best case scenario because it still meant he was special to Ichiro in a way. Romantic love. He was being dumb... “That’s good to hear. I love you too… I’m glad I’m special to you, Ichiro.”
“Yeah…” Ichiro’s bright smile dulled a little though as he saw Ryouma’s expression falter. Even though Ichiro wasn’t the most observant student, Ryouma’s poker face was awful. “Ryouma-senpai? Is- Is everything alright?”
“Yeah… Yeah fine… I’m being dumb.”
“You’re not dumb, Ryouma-senpai. Very least to me…” Ichiro leaned in closer and tried his best to lean over so Ryouma could see him face to face. Ryouma gave a small squeak and tried to look away but Ichiro kept climbing on top of him.
“Ichiro!” He yelled, face red. Ichiro blinked, a little confused before he suddenly realised what was the problem. He was in Ryouma’s lap, almost straddling him.
“Ah! Senpai!” Ichiro tried to stand up in a flustered panic but he slammed his foot on the underside of the heavy table. He yelled as he fell forward, pushing Ryouma down and trapping him under him.
“Woah!”
“Oh gosh! I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine!” Ryouma’s face was entirely pink and so was Ichiro’s. Ichiro pushed himself up but he made no attempt to get up. Ryouma felt his heart race as he stared up at Ichiro and he swallowed roughly in an attempt to say something. “Ichiro… I…” Ryouma gave a shaky laugh. Gosh, why was Ichiro so cute? It made it so hard to be in situations like this. “… I don’t think that’s how you show your love and appreciation to a parental figure.”
“Parental figure?” Ichiro blinked before his already pink face went even redder. “No! Ryouma-senpai! Not like that!” Ryouma stared dumbly and Ichiro shook his head. “I… I love you and I appreciate you but not like a parent. You’re way more important that! I like… I love you, senpai. I’ve liked you for a long time! I’m sorry if I made you think that it was like that. I just didn’t know how to express how much you meant to me.”
Ryouma felt Ichiro collapse onto him and wrap his arms around him. The red-head grunted a little but he brought his arms around the smaller figure as Ichiro kept going.
“You mean everything to me, Ryouma-senpai. I love you. I feel like I have a real home with you.” Ichiro’s eyes were watering. He looked at Ryouma and grinned. “You don’t have to return my feelings… but I have to tell you I love you. And I feel safe and sound with you.”
“Ichiro…” Ryouma tilted the man’s head up. Now with new courage, he tilted the man’s head up and placed a kiss on his lips tenderly. When he parted, he hugged him tightly. “I love you too, okay? So don’t worry about it. I’m glad I mean so much to you… cause it’s the same for me. I love you for being such an amazing and inspiring person. You’re so strong and determined, Ichiro. You’re far more amazing than I am. I love you, and the you that’s you, okay?”
“Senpai…” Ryouma was fairly sure that they were both crying but he laughed. Ichiro laughed as well as they sat up and held each other, cupping each other’s faces. Ryouma kissed Ichiro again deeply and closed his eyes, listening to the sigh of satisfaction from Ichiro.
He was glad these tears weren’t born from sadness but Ryouma still wanted to take care of Ichiro. The man kept kissing him over and over again until all of the tears were gone, then even more after that until Ryouma had made sure his love for Ichiro had been etched into his heart.
————
“Ryouma-senpai! Good morning!”
“Good morning!” Ryouma smiled. “How are-“
Ryouma jumped as all of a sudden he felt lips against his own. It took him a good few minutes to realise Ichiro was kissing him, right in front of everyone. The older man pulled away, eyes wide.
“A-AH! Ichiro?” Ryouma’s face blossomed fully red and he covered his face. Even though they had been together since the weekend, it was still a shock. Ichiro had just kissed him in public! In front of everyone. Ryouma peeked through his fingers to see Ichiro’s equally red but beaming face.
“Hehe! I see why Nanao-senpai teases you so much, Ryouma-senpai! Your blush is so cute!” He exclaimed, so loudly that other people glanced over. Ryouma felt himself melt a little bit, both from embarrassment and how endearing this all was. Ichiro was breath-taking when he was his usual self.
“I-Ichiro…” Ryouma covered his mouth, not trusting himself to say anything.
“Ah…I feel like we’re interrupting something,” Taishi said, pushing up his glasses. Ichiro spluttered as he realised that the other three were there, staring at the two of them in a mixture of confusion and amusement.
“AH! How long have you guys been standing there?” Ichiro exclaimed.
“We got here five minutes before you, Ichiro-kun. You’re the one who didn’t notice us. Too excited to get to your boyfriend, huh?” Nanao teased. “Now I need you to each leave a piece of you for me, boys. How can I get to you both if you’re both all over each other?”
“Wakura-senpai!”
“Nanao-senpai!”
The two boys blushed and looked away, completely mortified with the man’s sly words. Nanao just laughed before he wrapped an arm around Kyotaro to support him, the tired man having slumped on him.
“We’ll leave you alone now. Come on Taishi-kun, Kyotaro-kun.”
“Good job, Ryo-chin,” Kyotaro said sleepily as he was pulled away. Taishi just petted Ichiro on the shoulder, giving him a look that demanded he’d give details later, flustering Ichiro further. The other on-lookers started to walk away, just leaving the two embarrassed boys there together. They said nothing at first, just staring at each other, before Ichiro meekly stuttered out a few words.
“I am so sorry, Ryouma-senpai.”
“It’s fine, Ichiro… I… It’s fine. It’s… It’s not like I didn’t like it.” Ryouma mumbled. He adored getting kisses, after all, He gave a small laugh, looking at Ichiro again without his hands in his face. “You’re… really cute too when you blush. For the record.”
“Ah…” Ichiro grinned broadly at that and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Ryouma’s laugh softened into a smile and he stepped closer. Without really thinking about it, he leaned down and pressed his lips gently against Ichiro’s. Ichiro smiled and took Ryouma’s hand, squeezing it through the gentle kiss.
“I love you, Ichiro.”
“I love you too, Ryouma-senpai. Thank you for loving me as me.” Ichiro grinned broadly, glad that Ryouma was happy to keep doing this. “Come on!” Ichiro tugged his boyfriend’s arm. “Let’s go catch up with the others before we’re late for class!”
Ichiro seemed so much happier these days. Maybe it was because he was living with him when Ichiro’s parents weren’t home. Maybe it was because his grades had improved and there was less to fight him about. Maybe it was because Ichiro had a good support network. Maybe it was all three reasons. Whatever it was, Ryouma was glad. Ichiro had spent enough time crying and it was time for more good things in his life. Ryouma was honoured he could be one of those things, that he could be there to enjoy those smiles and comfort Ichiro when he was sad.
Ryouma squeezed the hand back and began to follow him closely.
“…Yeah. Right behind you, Ichiro.”