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Dan snapped the lens cap back on the large camera in a huff. He began the process of packing up, a familiar routine. The delicate balance of the weight on his shoulder so he didn’t drop thousands of dollars of equipment that didn’t belong to him, and the meticulous packing in the padded bags.
“I swear this panda will never be born,” he complained. “What is this, the third time we’ve been out here? And nothing.”
Louise rolled her eyes at him, running her fingers through her hair for the first time all night. It was absolutely forbidden while she was in front of the camera, after all the work the crew puts into hair and makeup.
“Come on, Dan. You know that the first time we were out here it was at the beginning of the story to announce the pregnancy, and last time they really thought the cub was coming!”
“And today?” Dan said, a hollow laugh following quickly as he knew the answer was ridiculous. He also knew that Louise knew.
Dan was just sick of it. His first anniversary at the local news channel had been a couple months ago, and he was still being put on the fluffy stories. It had been six months at least since they promised him better gigs, and they had yet to deliver. He was craving something, more.
“Well, today we had to cover how inexplicably long this panda cub is staying in the mum,” she trailed off, defeated but trying her best to keep in light spirits. “Anyway, you can’t be so pessimistic all the time! So many people would love to be here at the zoo before opening.”
“Name one!” Dan said as the pair shuffled out of the vet center.
“My friend Phil,” she snapped her fingers and pointed at Dan as she realized. “He loves animals, pandas in particular.”
“Oh, not this again!” Dan laughed. The conversation was nearly as familiar as the camera he carries at work every day.
“You’d like him, I swear to you!” Louise quipped. She batted him playfully on the arm, and wrapped a hand around it, shaking him back and forth.
“Louise, the last time you set me up on a blind date, the jerk bailed on me halfway through it!”
“He hadn’t told me his daughter was due to be born any day! What could you expect from the poor man? He had to be there.” They went through their practiced dance. “Besides, that was two months ago, and Phil isn’t expecting a child so no need to worry.”
Truthfully, Dan had been considering getting out in the dating world again. While Louise’s suggestions weren’t always perfect, it would be, well, convenient. He sighed.
“How did you meet this guy again?”
“He was in my uni program! Trust me, you’re just his type. He loves the gloomy, self-loathing thing,” he teased.
“Hey!” Dan nudged her shoulder to shoulder and sent her balance off-kilter. She stumbled around the pavement looking drunk with giddiness and late nights.
“I’m joking with you, of course!” She said. “Listen, just take his number. It doesn’t mean you have to marry him, jeez.”
Dan considered this for a moment. He could refuse Louise again, but though she was sweet, she was also stubborn. He’d never hear the end of it. Or he could take the number and give it a shot. His shoulders slumped with resignation as he pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it over.
Louise gleefully took out her own and copied the number into his, under the name “Phil <3”
Dan rolled his eyes as he examined his new contact. Louise pulled him into a soft hug before they parted ways.
“Remember to answer my calls Dan! We need you when this cub finally does make an appearance,” she said over her shoulder as she walked away.
Above the contact screen, Dan could see the time shining 6:15am. The news team called him out earlier than ever before. He reminded himself that this was what paying dues is all about, but somehow that didn’t help his eyes stay open or his brain to work properly. Too late to get back to sleep, he thought.
The dreaded sun was already peeking out from behind the historic buildings of London, spreading oranges and purples across the horizon. Disgusting. He’d need coffee if he was going to make it to the evening broadcast. Lots of coffee.
Dan turned into the nearest ASDA, the desperation overtaking the laziness. The artificial lights were all too bright and unwelcome for six in the morning. He squinted as he walked through the store between aisles of cereal until he finally found a refrigerator full of drinks, a single shelf dedicated to sickly sweet iced coffee in plastic bottles. He stared blankly, deciding between French Vanilla and Mocha.
He wondered which this Phil guy would pick. He had no idea what this man was like. Dan already had his fair share of bad blind dates to look back on. The last time, when he was ditched because his date’s ex-wife went into labor with his child, was not actually the worst of them.
Dan grabbed a bottle without really looking. Mocha it is.
He wanted to date, sure. It’s just that he was over being set up. Dan could get someone on his own; he was sure of it.
As he meandered to the check out line, he glanced up for the first time. The cashier stood quietly, his hand crooked awkwardly in his pocket, his uniform top bunching up behind his wrist.
The man was tall, and slender built. His black hair cut into a fringe that tapered down to just above the edge of his eye. It framed his face well. The color accented just how blue his eyes really were, and Dan took a moment to catch his breath.
He set his drink on the conveyor and watched as it scooted away slowly. Dan followed his gaze up to the cashier’s nametag. It read Lester.
“Is that your real name?” Dan asked. Lester’s face contorted, his eyebrows pulling together in offense. “Not that it’s bad or anything,” he saved himself. As the man’s face relaxed, Dan let a cool smile grace his lips.
“It’s my last name,” he said. “Big mix up. Lives were lost,” Lester said with a grin as he flipped the coffee across the laser scanner.
Dan giggled at that. He was cute, the way he bit his lip gently after such a sarcastic quip. A blush creeped up Dan’s neck. He could do this. He had plenty of experience flirting with attractive men.
“Well then, Mr. Lester,” he said with a wink, “that sounds like quite the disaster. I’m glad you made it.”
Dan watched a blush spread from his new friend’s cheekbones all the way to his nose as he averted his eyes.
“Would you like this in a bag?” Lester asked, reverting to a very professional customer service voice.
“No, thanks,” Dan said, accepting that it was time to leave the poor guy alone.
“Pound fifty,” Lester responded kindly. Dan gave him the cash and a friendly nod before leaving.
“So did you text Phil?” Louise said as she fluffed her hair, to the dismay of the director standing just behind Dan. Dan adjusted the eyepiece and hoisted the camera to his shoulder, checking the angle of the shot.
“No,” he said flatly. He kept his eye focused into the lens.
“Are you going to explain that at all or will I be left hanging?” Louise replied.
“Look,” Dan started, “I just don’t want to text a total stranger, okay? I can do this on my own.”
“Sweetie,” Louise answered, “I know you can do it on your own, but Phil is a great guy! And it’s not like you’re seeing anyone else.” Louise checked her teeth for lipstick in her compact.
“I might be,” he said, scuffing his foot against the pavement. Louise’s eyes magnified.
“Spill!”
“It’s nothing,” Dan brushed it off. “It’s just this really cute guy. He works at an ASDA close by me.”
“Oh, Dan!” Louise’s shoulders slumped. “Be honest, when have you ever gotten a date with a random cashier?”
“Places!” the director called. “We’re on in five!”
Dan shuffled around to perfect the shot.
“I could definitely get a date with this guy,” Dan promised.
“Darling, what do you even know about him?”
“Well, just his name, and where he works. And that he’s so, so cute. And sexy. And funny.”
“You got all of that, huh?” She asked, a smirk on her face.
“Well, no, I only know his last name.” Dan sighed. He knew Louise was right.
“Listen, Phil is amazing. He would be so great for you. He likes Muse, and anime, and video games. He’s really sweet. Just give him a chance.”
“Okay,” Dan said, gesturing to her to step a bit to the right while he looks into the camera again. “I’ll text him tonight.”
“You will?” Louise confirmed. Dan nodded.
“Five,” the director called with her fingers up. “Four. Three.” She continued counting down on her fingers as Dan hit the button the begin the broadcast.
Dan fidgeted with his phone, clicking the home button twice rapidly and closed the Messages app. He reopened it and typed out a quick “hey” and deleted it.
It was stupid. He didn’t need to be nervous. In fact, he didn’t really need to be doing this at all. But at least it would get Louise off his back. He was going to give it a shot.
Hey I got this number from Louise
She wanted me to text you. My name is dan
He waited only a moment before he saw an ellipsis appear to tell him that Phil was responding.
Hey! Yeah, this is Phil. Louise told me you’d be messaging me sometime. :)
I heard you like Muse too. Lol.
They both shared their experiences at the Muse shows they went to as teens. Dan could feel the tightening of his chest as his phone lit up with another message from Phil. It was familiar and exciting all the same, a feeling he remembered from high school.
Dan flirted unabashedly.
If you were an anime character who would you be
Phil replied.
Kirito all the way. Not really, but a guy can dream, right?
Dan couln’t help but think Phil would be a great Kirito, despite how little he knew about him.
Can I be your Asuna
But like without the breasts
The response came quickly.
You can be my Asuna even if you’ve got the breasts. I don’t judge.
Dan bit his lower lip. It was an instant connection with Phil. He didn’t want to put his cell down.
So Louise says you were in the same uni program
What do you do
He rubbed the edge of his phone as he waited, eager to learn more about this man.
I’m trying to break into the radio business. Maybe as a DJ.
But it’s tough.
He smiled.
I believe in you… and we all know that a strangers faith is the most reliable right
Hours later, he fell asleep feeling dizzy and light. This Phil guy was something, he’d give Louise that much.
By the time he walked into ASDA the next morning, Phil was still on his mind. They texted for hours, yet somehow he still felt like Dan’s mystery man. Sure, he knew his favorite song, and he knew all of his anime senpais, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing out on something important. Something good.
He put the same coffee on the conveyor belt as last time, only in that moment realizing that he’d walked right into Lester’s aisle again.
“Oh, Mr. Lester,” Dan teased. “Fancy seeing you here again.” He enjoyed how the man held a chuckle back from his soft lips, a pale pink just barely off his fair skin tone, but they complimented it well.
“I work here,” he said, and Dan watched his lips form every beautiful word, pull up into a more genuine smile.
If Dan were being honest with himself, he wanted to pursue whatever he could with this Lester. He enjoyed his little mannerisms. The way he caught his tongue between his teeth when he laughed made Dan’s heart flutter.
He scanned the bottle, clicking the keyboard of the computer to his side.
“Pound fifty,” he said. “Those are gross, by the way. It’s like the worst coffee in the world.”
“Well maybe you’ll have to show me better coffee sometime,” Dan said without thinking. Lester froze, his eyes growing wide and Dan hated himself for a split second. He made it weird. “Or maybe not, whatever.” Dan tried to smooth it over. He didn’t even know if Lester liked men.
“Perhaps,” Lester said. His long slim fingers carded through his hair, pulling his fringe up into a slight quiff, but Dan only found it more attractive on him.
He thought it best to leave it at that for the day. After all, Dan knew Louise was right. He didn’t know anything real about Lester. Maybe his quirks were cute, but he wasn’t vetted. Maybe Phil was a safer bet.
He paid graciously and muttered a polite goodbye. As he walked out of the store, Dan cringed at the thought of choosing the safer option for the sake of it. It wasn’t that, not really. He liked Phil, that much was clear. He really liked Phil.
He told Louise as much as they walked to the Underground after their broadcast across the city later that day.
“So, how did it go?” she said with a teasing wiggle in her voice that matched her squirming eyebrows.
“I think it went really well, actually,” Dan said as he slid his hands into his pockets. His pace slowed as he thought of their last conversation.
“I knew it!” she cheered, her hands clapping quickly and she hopped a bit. “When’s the wedding?”
“Oh, shut up,” Dan nudged her with his elbow. “It’s not like that. He’s just, really cool.”
Dan couldn’t help the blush on his cheeks, so he angled his face to the ground.
“I’m kidding with you, you know that.” Louise picked his face up by the chin until she could see the redness spreading further. “I’m so glad you like him, dear.”
“I looked him up on Twitter,” he admit, “but he doesn’t have any pictures of himself.”
The two made their way down the steps into the tunnels below to wait for their respective trains.
“Ah, yeah. Phil is very self conscious,” Louise explained.
“Really?” Dan asked, surprised. “But he was in your program in uni? Wasn’t that broadcasting?”
“Yes, and then he went over to radio,” Louise shot him a look, as if that should explain everything. It didn’t. “He’s not the most confident of guys, with his looks. Used to dream of being a weatherman, but he just couldn’t get comfortable in front of the camera.”
They stopped in front of a platform. Louise double checked the light up sign that read the arrival time of the next train.
“Is he like,” Dan thought of the best way to ask without offending Phil, “not conventionally attractive?”
“Oh, he’s attractive,” Louise answered easily. “He just doesn’t see it himself.”
“I wish I could see him,” Dan said, his voice dropping low.
“Then ask him out on a date!” Louise responded. Her perky voice made it all seem so easy.
“Maybe soon,” Dan said. He hadn’t even gotten him on the phone yet. He wanted to talk with him, hear the tone in his voice as they flirted. He wanted some kind of human experience that wasn’t just text.
Louise kissed Dan on the cheek when the train came flying by them. Dan watched her step over the gap and she called back to him.
“Do what you’ve gotta do,” and she waved.
Dan moved to grab his phone as he walked to his area of the Underground, waiting for the train that would take him home.
Hey I was thinking about you today
How have you been
A few minutes later, Phil’s name lit up his lock screen.
I’ve been well! I saw a cute dog today.
Dan giggled. Phil was the type, it seemed, that got joy from the littlest things. He thought about how nice that would be, to have someone in his life like that.
Can I call you
Dan knew Phil had seen the message. He waited for the ellipsis to appear, but it didn’t. He stepped onto his platform. Dan tried to ignore the tightness in his chest as he waited for his phone to buzz.
A few minutes later the vibrations tickled against his leg.
I would, but I’m just-
I’m really shy.
Dan answered immediately.
I like shy
His hands flew to his hair and he swirled his fingers through the curls. He did like shy guys. He bit his lower lip expectantly. His mind wandered, imagining what Phil looked like with a flush of coyness up his neck.
Yet, when he thought of demure boys, all he could really think about was how Lester sticks his tongue between his teeth to hold back his laugh.
But okay no phone calls yet
When will I get to meet you
Dan arrived at his stop and began his walk to his flat.
Eventually. :p
Despite his eyes being glued to his phone, he could feel them drooping. He held his phone to his chest as he fell asleep.
When he awoke in the morning, all Dan could think about was blue eyes.
It was driving him insane, if Dan were being honest with himself. He liked Phil, so much. When they texted it felt like the whole world melted away. But Dan couldn’t shake this crush on Lester, his mysterious ASDA man.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed at the ungodly hour of seven in the morning. Way too late to not have a reason to be up, but he had a feeling that he had to go buy a coffee. This infatuation wasn’t going away until he truly acted on it.
It’s not like he and Phil were exclusive or anything, he reasoned. In fact, they haven’t even explicitly stated their relationship was a romantic one.
Dan knew that logic wouldn’t hold up. It was a technicality at best. He shook the conflict from his mind as he pulled his black skinny jeans over his legs and a grey color blocked jumper over his head. The door behind him slammed shut as he barrelled out onto the pavement and down the street.
Car sped past him in the road and Dan barely stopped to look both ways before running across it. The morning light was still golden, blinding him as he turned the corner to walk the ten blocks to the grocery store.
Dan could feel his pounding heart. Exercise was never his strong suit, but he couldn’t stop. If he stopped jogging, he may have time to rethink his actions, and he didn’t want to do that.
As the automatic doors parted before him like the Red Sea, Dan felt anything but magical. A tall pale figure with dark hair was stepping into a separate room at the back of the store, seeming to pull his smock over his head.
“Lester!” Dan called from the entrance. “Wait!”
He summoned what little energy he had left and speed-walked to where Lester stood.
“Yeah?” Lester asked, his eyes skimming up and down Dan’s body, assessing the situation. He seemed bewildered, but not unhappy to see him.
“I was wondering if you wanted to show me some better coffee?” Dan asked, less than dignified.
It was out there now, he’d asked for the date, and now he felt unsteady, as if he stood on a tightrope and Lester was at the other end, with the power to reach for his hand or shake the rope.
“Oh, ummm,” Lester said. His hand flew to the back of his neck, rubbing some tension out of it. “It’s just that-”
“Oh no, you’re not,” Dan interrupted. He was falling.
“No!” Lester corrected. “It’s not that. I do like men, and I do think you’re attractive, but,” Lester said as he dropped his hand to his side and lowered his eyes to meet Dan’s, “I’m sort of, speaking to someone right now. I wouldn’t feel right about it.”
Lester’s hands made their way to his pockets and he slid them inside. The guilty look on his face may have been cute if Dan wasn’t felt embarrassed as hell.
“That’s alright,” he said. “It’s fine, it’s good.” Dan stood still, hoping to turn the conversation around somehow, regain some pride.
“I’m really sorry,” Lester said as he pulled at his smock again. There was a tinge of regret in his voice, and sadness. “I was just about to head out, maybe I’ll see you around though.”
“Yeah,” Dan said and Lester entered the employee lounge and shut the door behind him.
Dan left the store, feeling awkward leaving without buying anything. He dialed Louise immediately.
“Hello?” she answered happily. “Dan, you never call!”
“I asked him out,” Dan nearly shouted. He fast-walked down the road without a clear destination.
“Phil? That’s great sweetheart!” Louise cheered.
“Not Phil, the guy from ASDA,” he said. Shame now wracked his own voice.
“Dan, no! I thought you were going to ask Phil out!” Louise prodded.
The day was too bright outside. It was stifling. Dan narrowed his eyes against the sunlight.
“I was going to, he didn’t want me to call him. And today all I could think about was my crush on the grocery man.” He tried to justify his decision, mostly to himself. “I knew that I could never move forward with Phil if this guy was in my head all the time.”
“So what happened then, love?” Her voice was more gentle.
“He turned me down, Louise. And now I just feel so shitty. He’s seeing someone else. Not a big deal, I’ve been rejected before. But how could I have done that to Phil? He’s-” Dan paused to think of the best way to describe Phil. How could he explain all the emotions he was going through, over simple text messages? “He’s amazing.”
“Dan, you haven’t even been on a date with Phil! He’s an understanding guy. Just call him, tell him what happened.”
Dan hailed a taxi, still not sure exactly where he wanted to go, but knowing that he wanted to get away.
“He doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone,” he responded. The driver asked for an address and Dan just asked him to be taken to the London Eye.
“Just call him! He likes you, he won’t refuse your call.”
Louise was making sense. Buildings and cars were flying across Dan’s line of vision and he already regret getting into a car. It just made everything feel like it was going faster. He was panicking.
He politely let Louise off the line and dialed Phil.
“Dan?” he heard on the other line. His voice almost sounded familiar, he liked it.
“Phil! I’m so glad you answered.” He said without giving Phil much time to speak. “Listen, I have to tell you something.”
“Oh, go ahead.” He sounded concerned.
“I sort of asked someone out this morning,” Dan rambled on. “I’m sorry. I’m going to sound so rude right now, I just really feel like I can tell you anything. Anyway, I’ve had this crush on this guy from my ASDA. And I couldn’t help but ask him out this morning. I feel so stupid.”
“Dan,” was all Phil said. There was a catch in his voice. He’s hurt, Dan figured. He smacked himself in the forehead.
“I’m really sorry, Phil. I just… I really like you, and I couldn’t move forward with you without some sort of closer with him. He turned me down, so I got that. But now,” Dan took a moment of pause to check his phone, which buzzed at his ear. Louise was calling. He ignored it. “Now I just want to give this a chance for us, and I couldn’t do that without telling you about it. I couldn’t lie.”
He heard a faint giggle through the line. Dan thought it might sound empty, a facade.
“It’s fine, Dan,” Phil said, before, “Oh! Louise is calling me.”
“No, please, just don’t hang up the phone yet. Can I meet you? I really want to meet you, in person.”
Dan felt strange. He wasn’t used to pleading. The cab stopped on the side of the street near the Ferris Wheel.
“I guess you’ll meet me very soon,” Phil said, a clear smile in his voice which only confused Dan further. “Louise just texted me. The baby panda is being born! I’m going to meet you both there!”
Phil was eager about the panda. Dan could almost see the way he would dance around in excitement. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he must be angry.
“I’m sorry, sir,” Dan said to the driver, “but can you bring me to the London Zoo instead?”
It all happened so quickly. Half an hour later, Dan had finished broadcasting about the birth of a healthy new panda cub.
The mother was licking the cub on the back, cleaning it up while the vets looked over it. They had an exclusive view as press. He wrung his hands together as he anxiously waited for Phil to arrive.
“Don’t be so nervous! He’s going to love you,” Louise reassured him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Dan turned to face her, leaning against the railing that protects the panda enclosure. His elbows resting on the bar casually, he could feel the ache of pressure against his bones and the cold metal on his skin.
Across the vet center, the double doors swung open and he saw someone enter. He’d recognize that face anywhere, it was Lester.
“Fuck!” Dan said beneath his breath. “How did he find me?”
“What?” Louise asked, looking around. “Who ‘found’ you?”
“It’s the ASDA guy. How did he know I’d be here?” Dan wondered. He faced into the pandas again, hiding his face. “He can’t be here, not when I’m supposed to be meeting Phil.”
“Sweetie, that is Phil. Who are you talking about?” Louise waved the man over.
Dan stared at Louise’s face in astonishment. She gave him a hug when he reached them.
“Dan, Phil. Phil, Dan,” she said. Phil’s face turned red and he rubbed the back of his head.
“Hey,” was all he said.
Dan’s head was spinning.
“You’re?” Dan said, dumbfounded.
“Phil,” he said, extending his hand forward. Dan met it with his own and their skin finally met. It was warm, and the electricity in his nerves moved in waves from his hands all over his body. “Phil Lester, actually.”
“This whole time,” Dan said, tone flat, not sure if he was asking or stating.
“I only just found out,” Phil . “When we were on the phone.”
Dan brushed his explanation aside, in favor of leaning in the place a wistful kiss to his lips.
They moved together, with Phil sinking into it despite his nerves. He was shy, after all. But with Dan taking the first step, he felt free enough to lace his fingers through Dan’s curly hair. The short buzzed sides lightly scratching his palm as he ran it up and down to get Dan closer.
When they broke apart, Dan spoke first.
“Can you stay here with me?” the vulnerability peppering his tone.
“You mean like a date?” Phil said, and he bit his bottom lip in the way Dan always adored, back when he was simply Lester. Dan nodded his head furiously.
“Of course!” Phil enthused. “Who says no to a zoo date?”
“I don’t know,” Dan reasoned. “Someone who doesn’t like the person who’s asked them?”
Phil ran his hand down the outside of Dan’s arm, an innocent enough gesture, but meaningful all the same.
“I like you,” he said.
“Wait, Dan said. “It thought you were in radio? But you work at ASDA!”
Phil laughed.
“I’m breaking into it! Give me time.” Dan shook his head, taking in the absurdity of it all.
Dan and Phil spent the rest of the day at the zoo. When they were finally kicked out of the panda enclosure, they spent over an hour with the llamas, two with the lions, and made sure to hit every exhibit in between.
Dan watched every mannerism Phil made, soaking in the way his hand crooked in his pocket when he was idling, and the way he bobbed his head when he was happy. He noticed how he used all fingers to gesture air quotations and Dan had to catch his breath.
How could he be so lucky.
When Dan finally felt the adventure of the day wearing down on him, and his eyes began closing slower and slower, they made their way to the exit.
The sun was setting in front of them, and Dan reached to pull Phil’s hand into his own.
“I’m really sorry that I asked you out. Well, Lester out, when I was already texting you,” he said, the remorse still weighing on his shoulders.
“You don’t have to apologize to me, for asking me out,” Phil replied.
“But you showed some loyalty in turning me down,” Dan said regretfully.
“Okay,” Phil said. “But then can I say I’m sorry for turning you down, just because I was already talking to you?”
“That’s silly,” Dan said. He felt Phil kiss the side of his head as they looked out at the sunset.
“Exactly,” Phil answered, and squeezed his hand tighter.
They both looked out over the horizon, and how the oranges faded to pinks, and purple, and black. The evening glow warmed their bodies. The day had set, but it felt like a beginning.