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It had been a month. Ever since he had the depression key, Quentin hadn’t been the same. He was easily agitated and overly emotional. Yes, it was gone now, but the feelings it gave him never left. He had good days, sure, but more bad days, it seemed. He told everyone he was ok but they all knew he wasn’t.
They all worried about him. Dean Fogg made it a priority to stop by his room and check on him every single morning and ask how he was doing and if he had taken his medication yet, and wouldn’t leave until he watched him take it. It was getting old and every time Quentin saw him he felt a surge of anger creep up in him.
Why can’t he just trust him? He doesn’t need to be watched like a child. He had even assigned Penny to keep an eye on him and report back to him daily. He was starting to feel like he was in a prison. He was having more and more episodes. Outbursts of anger. Tantrums. He couldn’t control it.
They started out as mere frustrations and annoyances caused by everyone checking on him, but lately he was having them almost everyday. His knuckles were sore. Red and cracked from punching walls and doors and anything else in his reach during these episodes. There is only one person who could calm him down when an episode started and that person is Eliot.
Its embarrassing that he lets himself get that way. He loses himself in those moments and can’t regain control. Almost everyday something sets him off and he snaps. The anger takes over him. The anger he feels towards Poppy, the key, and the things his other self said to him. Whoever he was with would call Eliot and he would come running and talk him down. Today was no different. Just when he thought everything was going well and he was going to get through a whole day with no issues...
He was with Penny, Kady, Alice, Josh and Todd in the living room of the cottage hanging out and talking, while having a beer. Margo and Eliot were at an evening class but would be joining them soon.
Todd made a comment to Quentin about being careful and not to have too many beers because it’s probably not a good mix for him with his medication. That was all it took.
He slammed his beer down and glared at Todd. Fucking Todd. The room fell silent. All conversation stopped. Penny was watching him cautiously, knowing what was coming.
“Q, it’s ok. Take a breath, bud.” He felt his breath becoming faster and shorter.
That familiar feeling in his head creeping. He started clenching his fists. This was fine. He was fine.
Todd looked like he was about to piss his pants but spoke up.
“Look, Q, I wasn’t trying to be...I just meant...”
He couldn’t find the right words.
Kady reached across the coffee table and laid a gentle hand on Q’s clenched fist.
“Hey. It’s ok. Let’s go outside and get some air.”
Penny stood up, agreeing.
“Yeah, it’s cooled down and stopped storming. Let’s take this lame party outside.”
Before he knew what was happening Penny was pulling him up off the couch in one swift motion and leading him towards the door.
He heard Todd mumble a comment to Josh, “He’s had 2 beers already, shouldn’t we make him stop?”
Quentin stopped in the middle of the door frame.
“Are you a fucking doctor, Todd?”
Todd looks stunned.
“What? No..I just..”
Quentin started to turn around to look at him but Penny’s firm hand on his back wouldn’t allow it.
“Keep walking, baby boy. I don’t wanna have to hold your ass down on the ground tonight. I got a good buzz going and it’s gonna be a good night.”
He was being pushed out the door and lead to the patio but he stopped again.
“Ok. I’m just gonna run back in and get another beer first.”
He pushed his way passed Penny and the others and went to the fridge and grabbed another beer. Drink the anger away. That’s a good idea. Plus he wasn’t even feeling buzzed yet. He opened his beer and took a long swig. Yuck. Why was he even drinking this shit? He didn’t even like beer.
He felt someone walk up behind him. He turned around to face Todd. Ugh. Fucking Todd.
“Hey Q. Look, I really wasn’t trying to be a dick and tell you what to do earlier. I was just concerned because I’ve heard that depression medication and alcohol don’t mix well together. It can cause you to feel more drowsy and even increase your symptoms. Just looking out for you, man. That’s all.”
Q nodded, smiling. “Well, thanks for the concern, dad, but I think I’m doing just fine. I’m not even buzzed. Just trying to enjoy the evening.”
He went to walk out of the kitchen and stumbled a bit, catching himself on the table. Just a wave of dizziness. It happens. He was used to it. This was always one of the side effects of his meds.
“Hey Q, you sure you’re ok?”
Todd was suddenly right beside him. He slammed his beer bottle down, harder this time because it smashed everywhere.
“Yes Todd. I’m ok. I just need a second.”
Todd put a hand on his shoulder to steady him and for some reason that sent him over the edge.
By this time Penny and Kady were in the kitchen, coming to see what the crashing sound was.
Quentin turned around slowly and took Todd’s hand off his shoulder and tried to punch him but stumbled again. Todd caught him.
“Jesus, what is going on?” Penny asked.
Todd looked at him and said, “He just freaked out when I told him I was looking out for him and he broke his beer bottle on the table. Now he’s dizzy.”
Penny took Eliot’s tip and approached Q slowly. If you came right at him it made things worse. He slowly reached for his arm but Q pushed it away.
“Don’t. Touch. Me. I’m fine.”
Penny backed up and put his hands in the air, surrendering.
“Alright, baby boy. I’m not touching you. How about we go sit down? Yeah?”
He didn’t want to sit down.
“Can everyone please just leave me alone? I don’t need a babysitter. I’ll come back outside when I want to.”
He didn’t mean to sound like a dick when it came out but he did. Great. He slammed his fists down on the table again. Penny was beside him in a flash.
“Q, stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself. Let’s go sit down.”
There was no turning back now.
“I am sick and tired of you people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do! I’m an adult and I can take care of myself. If you all would just realize that and let things go back to how they used to be then everything would be ok.”
He walked back over by the fridge to get out another beer but before he knew what was happening he was beating the wall beside him with his right fist over and over again. Screaming out in frustration.
“Oh for fucks sake.”
Penny grabbed his fist mid-punch and held it still while reaching for the other one as well.
“Q, that’s enough! You’re bleeding. We’re going to sit down now. Fight me all you want, I don’t care.”
He held both of Q’s arms with one strong hand and lifted him up off the ground and over his shoulder with the other and was taking him into the living room.
Q was kicking and screaming to be put down. Penny set him down gently and before he could get any words out, Q got a fist loose and decked him in the jaw. It wasn’t that hard though. Penny had definitely been punched harder than that so it didn’t even phase him. He grabbed both of his fists again and held them tightly, trying to calm him down.
“Seriously, Q. Stop. I’m gonna pretend that didn’t just happen and let it go but you have to relax.”
He tried to free himself from Penny’s strong hands but it was no use. The next thing he knew he was being laid on the hard floor. Penny was straddled on top of him holding his fists down above his head. He was telling Kady to call Eliot. This was getting too out of control.
Eliot answered on the second ring. “Hey, everything ok?” He was on speaker phone and before Kady had a chance to say one word, Penny was yelling, “Yo! Baby boy is having a meltdown, I need you.”
Eliot could hear Q’s frustrated cries in the background and his heart dropped. This was happening way too often anymore and he didn’t know what to do. He hung up and grabbed his bag and Margo and they were out the door and on the way.
When Eliot and Margo arrived it sounded like World War 3 in there. Poor Q was on his back, screaming with his fists held down while Penny sat over him trying to talk to him. Eliot walked over to where they were and told Penny to slowly let go of him.
“Um, guys, can we clear the room a bit? Or at least everyone back up to the other side of the room?”
Everybody backed up into the kitchen and watched as Eliot worked his magic. He was so gentle and patient with him.
Q pushed himself up off the ground and got up and sat on the couch, his breathing rugged. He had his hands on either side of his head, fingers digging into his hair and rocking back and forth. Eliot sat down beside him slowly and reached a hand towards him. When Q didn’t pull away from him he knew that it was ok to continue.
He moved closer and started rubbing the middle of his back. Just Eliot’s presence made him feel ten times better. Calmer. It was like he had some kind of power over him. Q started rubbing his temples.
“My head hurts so fucking bad.”
He felt so much anger at himself and wanted to hit something. He was shaking. The tears were coming whether he wanted them to or not.
Eliot stopped rubbing and put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his chest.
“Come here Q, I’ve got you. Shh.”
Q tried to resist a little at first, hating that he was like this but Eliot pulled him closer.
“Just breathe. Slow deep breaths.”
He did as Eliot said and after a few minutes started to feel better.
“Wanna tell me what happened?”
Q felt himself ball his fists up again. Eliot notices this and puts his hands over Q’s fists and said, “With your words, please.”
Q took a deep breath before speaking.
“I just get so annoyed with everyone checking in on me and telling me what they think I should be doing. I mean, I appreciate it that people care but it’s getting old. Dean Fogg comes to see me every morning and won’t leave until he watches me swallow my pills. There’s just always someone hovering over me and I just snap. I don’t know why.”
Eliot smiles softly and nods.
“I understand. Kind of. We’ve all just been so worried about you and what you might do. That fucking key almost destroyed you. I know it’s gone now but your mood is still shit and it scares me. You get so angry so easily. I wish I knew how to help you. Don’t get mad at me for saying this but I really think you should talk to a professional. There’s plenty of therapists here. You’ve got to get this anger under control before it consumes you.”
Q’s first thought was to be offended but then saw Eliot’s face looking sad at him.
“I know. I promise I’m gonna work on it.” Eliot smiles and rubs the side of Q’s face with his thumb.
“How do you feel about anger management?”
Q sat up instantly and stared at him.
“What? I don’t need that.”
Eliot nodded his head and grabbed his chin.
“Just think about it, ok?”
Q shook his head. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to sit with a group full of people and talk about my feelings.”
Eliot laughed, “I don’t blame you there. Maybe just a therapist? It might do you some good. And if it will make you feel better I’ll even come with you.”
Q scrunched his eyebrows together.
“Is that even allowed?”
Eliot took his hand. “Someone has to be there to make sure you don’t lose your shit so I’ll make sure it’s allowed.”
They both laughed.
Q said, “Let me try to take care of this on my own first. I’m not completely comfortable with the idea of talking to a stranger about what makes me angry.”
Eliot stood up and pulled him to his feet and they turned around to face the others.
“Hey guys. Sorry I freaked out on you.”
Eliot grabbed his hand and they all walked outside to finally enjoy the night.