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"Bored." Sherlock slings an arm over his eyes as he lies on the sofa. "Watson!"
"Yes, Sherlock," his partner says from the kitchen where he is making tea.
"I'm bored John, not a single interesting crime in ages. I'm even thinking of asking Mycroft if he's got anything."
"So the world is finally ending then?"
Sherlock just grunts in responds and manages to look like a sulking five year old instead of a genius detective.
"Watson I'm going out," he suddenly decides and stands up in a hurry.
Before John can stop him he's out of the apartment. The doctor just hopes he won't get any calls from the police about picking his flat mate up. It’s not like he can't understand where Sherlock’s coming from. Since aliens sudden proved to exist and attacked New York the world has been in shock. This means that ordinary crime has almost stopped for the time being. It's like the world is still processing this new information and until its done nothing will happen. Nothing exciting will happen at least. John just hopes the people in London will get used to the idea of aliens and superheroes before Sherlock gets frustrated enough to do something drastic. He was only half kidding when he'd said that the world would end if Sherlock voluntary called his brother.
Luckily said brother was well aware of this and had decided to take his own measures to prevent a Sherlock catastrophe. He was also displeased by the idea of these so called superheroes that only answer to America or rather SHIELD. It was also a perfect opportunity to distract Sherlock before he became uncontrollable.
This meant that slightly less than forty-eight hours later they were present onboard the helicarrier. While Mycroft and Sherlock ignore all the SHIELD operatives and their surroundings John couldn’t help glancing around as they walked through the corridors behind a miss hill. They stopped when they arrived at what appeared to be a lab space with two men in it. Even John could easily recognize Tony stark from all the tabloids. The other was scruffier, and the way they worked together in the lab must mean that he was Bruce Banner. Sherlock immediately surged through the door and started to explore the lab while his brother gave a suffering sight before leaving with their guide.
"Please try and behave," was his parting shot and Sherlock just waived his hand, clearly ignoring him.
"Well, it's nice to meet you. I’m John Watson and my friend over there ignoring common cutesy is Sherlock Holmes."
"Tony Stark," he flashes his trademark smile and shakes Johns hand. "My sciencebro Bruce Banner."
"Nice to meet you," Bruce offers but continues to work.
John just wants to shake his head in despair as he takes in the three geniuses. Why was it that the higher IQ meant lower social skills?
"So, I’m just going to see if it can whip up a cuppa tea and some biscuits. Sherlock, try and play nice with the rest of the children."
With a final amused look as Sherlock made an offended sound the doctor leaves the lab and goes looking for a kitchen or something similar. He’s lucky to run into Captain America, or Steve Rogers as the man asks to be called. Or perhaps not so much lucky as he suspects that SHIELD doesn’t want him to wander around by himself. But Steve is more than happy to show him to a place where he can brew some tea. After a little bit of rummaging in the different shelves he also finds some cookies that seem edible.
Even though they've fought in different wars the two strike up a pleasant conversation and John forgets to worry what his friend is up to for a couple of minutes.
----
"So, Sherlock was it? Are you going to play nice with us children?"
"I'm never nice. That's what I have John for," Sherlock says distracted while trying to understand the data on the screen. Radiation isn't one of his expertises but he understands some.
"Really?"
Sherlock looks away from the data and gives an irritated huff.
"You're a working alcoholic, or at least were. You recently cut down of your drinking, probably when it became clear that the poisoning wasn’t going to kill you after all. I won't go into your complex relationship with your father, since we both know it would only bore me and annoy you. You yourself don’t want to be a parent unless you count the thing you build as your children, which you do at least in some cases. What I am interested in is the complex machinery you have in your chest. Show it to me."
"Say please."
"Please show it to me, it's the most fascinating thing here."
"You know most people are more polite when they want me to take my clothes of," Tony says with a smirk.
"Ah, a sexual innuendo. I don't do that."
"What, innuendos?"
"Sex. To messy."
Tony gives him a baffled look while Bruce starts to snicker.
"You don't do sex," he says for clarification. "What about John?"
"What about John?" Sherlock says puzzled.
"Well aren't you guys living together?"
"Just because we’re flat mates doesn't mean we're having a sexual relationship. You yourself are living in the same building as Dr. Banner and you don't have intercourse."
"Well, no. But that's just because he says no when I ask him."
"So, are you going to take your shirt of and show me what's in your chest?"
"I'll take it off if you do the same."
"Just because I'm not interested in engaging in a sexual relationship doesn’t mean I'm having a problem with bodies." Sherlock quickly unbuttons his shirt and takes it off, folding it and putting it on a chair. He gives Tony a look when the other man just stands there for a moment observing him.
"You know, saying things like that. That you don't have any problems with bodies, just after you proclaimed you don’t do sex, makes it sound like you mean dead bodies," Tony informs him while unbuttoning his own shirt.
"A body is a body, whether it's dead or alive. It have no problem with either of them," Sherlock says distractedly as he sees the glow that's coming from the Arc Reactor in the scientists chest. "Fascinating, I’ve never seen anything like it."
He bends forward but stops when Tony stiffens.
"No touching, you can see but not touch." Tony tries to sound indifferent but can't manage it completely.
"Yes, if course. You don’t need to worry, I’ve got no interest in trying to take it out." Sherlock hesitates for a moment, unsure how to proceed. "May I put my hand over it?" he finally asks.
"Sure, why not," Tony says with the same tone he would have used if someone had asked him if they could point a loaded gun to his head.
Predictably Sherlock ignores the tone and just take him at his word.
"Interesting," he murmurs as he holds his hand over the reactor. "It’s actually a beautiful piece of technology, you should be proud."
Tony gives him a disbelieving look before a real smile forms on his face.
"I like you. Too bad you're not interested in sex, I bet you would be a great fuck."
"I’ve never had any complaints the few times I tried it."
"What’s your type then?"
"My type?"
"Yeah, what did you look for when you had sex?"
"Tony," Bruce chides. "That’s not something you just asks.
The other two turns and looks at Bruce with the same expression.
"Why not, it's not like he's insulted by the question, right?"
"That’s correct. I’m in no way insulted, it's actually a good question since it tells much if the person answering it. The first time I was just curious, so I would say that the first time I was looking for someone who was willing and had experience. Well, to be hones the second time was the same since I was wanted to compare sex with a woman to sex with a man." Sherlock stands and stretches, not noticing the surprised look in the other two. "After that I was looking for someone who could shut down my brain, that didn't work so I saw no use in continuing. And I find most people boring."
---
John and Steve were walking back to the lab when they heard first the explosion and then the following roar. They immediately broke into a run and skidded to halt when they arrived. The lab was a wreck, and the Hulk had made an appearance. Steve isn’t certain what he should do since one wrong move can have the Hulk going rampage. John on the other hand doesn't hesitate for more than a second as he takes in the scene. He shoves the tray at Steve and marches into the room. The Hulk quickly turns towards him and roars. John scowls.
"Use your indoor voice," he then turns around dismissively. "Sherlock, care to explain why I can’t leave you alone for more than a minute? Now, this is what you're going to do. You're going to apologize to the Hulk for scaring him."
"I will not," Sherlock sounds petulant.
"Sherlock, don't be a git."
"Fine. I'm sorry that the explosion scared you."
Tony can't help but snigger but gives quiet when John turns to him.
"Mr. Stark," he says in the exact tone of voice as Pepper does when she's disappointed at him. "I believe it would be only prudent if you also offered the Hulk an apology."
"I'm sorry," he mutters, feeling like he’s five years old.
"Good, that's settled. Now, I think we all should have a nice cuppa tea and some biscuits. Mr. Rogers of you think you can find a cup for the Hulk, I'm afraid that the ones I have are too small."
Steve resists an urge to salute and only gives back the tray to John before hurrying away in search of a larger cup.
The Hulk is hesitantly standing there shuffling his feet. The other two geniuses are warily watching John as if he's the most dangerous thing in the room. John gives them an unimpressed look.
"I'm not sure why you've thought it would be a good idea to take your clothes of, but please put them on again. And find a blanket for the Hulk."
His orders are quickly followed and soon they're sitting on the floor drinking tea and eating cookies. Even Tony is drinking tea since John gave him the look again when he said he preferred coffee. Even Steve has come back, proudly bearing a large cup that was given to the Hulk.
Sherlock opens his mouth to complain when John offers the Hulk two cookies instead of one, but wisely closes it again. He gives Tony a smirk when the other man tries to take more cookies and John gives him a slap on his hand for his trouble. Tony just sights and drinks his tea after dosing it with more sugar.
It doesn't take long before SHIELD has guards coming, wary of the situation but without their guns out since there haven’t been any alarms. They quickly retreats as they take in the situation, or rather that there isn't one.
After about half an hour the Hulk shirt and Bruce comes back, looking tired but slightly content. He gives the blanket and the large cup a bemused look, clearly uncertain about the situation.
"Does anybody want to explain what happen and why there isn't any wreckage around me?"
"It was amazing, Watson here subdued the Hulk with tea and cookies," Tony tells him with a grin. "He's like a male Pepper, he can make you feel like your four and just been caught taking apart the vacuum cleaner. It's like a super power. "
"Virginia Potts is Tony Stark’s PA, or was his PA. Now she's the one who runs his companies," Steve explains to the two guests. "Apparently she's one of the few persons that can make him behave."
"Pepper's great," Tony agrees. He gives Sherlock a smirk. "So, I would ask if you would want to see my etches, but they're back at my workshop. But perhaps you want to play with my lab equipment."
John snorts amused that Tony can make that sound so dirty. Sherlock hesitates for a moment before giving a nod.
"I think I would like that. John, are you still upset or can I do something more productive than drink tea?"
"Go ahead and be productive. Just remember, play nice with the other children and no more explosions."
He completely ignores the three indignantly stares he receives and gets Steve to help him gather the cups. John hesitates for a moment, uncertain if he should leave the lab again after what happened last time. But Steve mentions a fire range and curiosity gets the better of him.
----
It takes a while before one if the SHIELD minion manages to get into the conference room where Fury is sitting with the other Holmes. Fury isn't happy with the interruption, not that he's enjoying the meeting either but the interruption means that it will be longer before he can kick the unwanted guest of his ship.
"What?" He barks at the pale minions.
"I'm sorry to disturb but there has been a situation."
"There has been a situation? It the fucking situation took care of itself why the fuck are you telling me about it?"
"The Hulk made an appearance and you've said that you always want to know when he does," the minion says looking as he want so bee anyplace but there.
"Why the fuck wasn't the alarm raised! What's the damage and where has he run of to this time." He can feel a headache coming on, a headache that tells him it's probably Tony fucking Starks fault, or that he's at least involved somehow.
"There was no damage, well nothing after the first explosion that made him transform." He gives the two men a stunned look. "He just walked in there and made him drink tea."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Ah, I think I know," Mycroft interrupts. "It was John Watson, correct. If someone could it would be him, after all he is friends with my brother."
Fury sends him a glare but then turns back to his minion.
"There is surveillance footage, right?" his tone of voice making it clear that if better be.
"Yes, of course," he quickly finds the right file and puts it on screen.
The video isn't very long but clearly shows the way John Watson takes command of the situation and then makes everyone drink tea, even Tony stark. There's no sound so they can't hear what they say, but even so it's clear that the two geniuses is apologizing to the Hulk. Fury is impressed; he's never seen anybody who managed to do that. He's pretty sure that Coulson would have been able to, but since that's no longer an option after his run in with Loki he's given up hope in finding someone to manage the avengers.
"I'm sorry to inform you that John won't be interested in working for you. And Sherlock definitely isn't just going to let him move to New York to handle you so called superheroes," Mycroft tells him with a faint smile.
"Well, excuse me if I don't take your fucking word for it."
"By all means, ask him."
"Where is this Watson?"
"The last I heard he was back in the lab again talking to Captain America and Bruce Banner."
"Fine," Fury storms out of the conference room followed by an amused looking Holmes.
John is indeed in the lab. He's sitting on a vacant chair reading some medical notes as Fury barge in closely followed by Sherlock’s brother. Sherlock takes one look at them before scowling.
"Absolutely not, John I mine, you can find your own."
"Sherlock?"
"This person wants to keep you here, probably because of the way you handled the situation with the Hulk."
"Well, there wouldn't have been a situation if you and Mr. stark hadn't made sure to explode something."
"That's not the point, John. The point is that now he wants to keep you."
"Yes, well, that may be true. But I can speak for myself."
Sherlock huffs, but doesn't say anything else.
"Mr. Watson," Fury begins.
"It's doctor actually," John interrupts him.
"Fine. Doctor Watson, your, associate is correct. You could make a different if you worked with the avengers."
"I'm already making a different, thank very much. Since I’m both working as a doctor and helping Sherlock with his work."
"You could help save life," Fury grates out.
"Which I’m already doing on a regular basis. I'm pretty sure you would get better results if you didn't try and order the avengers around. They're not soldiers. You should try and use suggestions instead if threat and yelling. The Hulk is a very good example of this, if the people around him stopped trying to shoot him or capture him he wouldn't feel like he needs to attack or defend himself."
Fury’s eye twitch.
"We're not a fucking babysitter that's looking after kids. We're the goddamn SHIELD we deal with aliens and villains who wants to either destroy or take over the world on an almost daily basis. They won’t stop if we offer them fucking tea."
"While that's true, I do hope you don't put your own people in the same category as that. My point is that the Hulk would be much less inclined to damage things if you stopped screaming at him or shoot him. He's perfectly civil when talked to in a normal voice and offered refreshment."
At this point they have gathered quite a large group of spectators, who's watching as if it was some kind of event or match. Sherlock can only find himself fascinated by the difference of the two. While Fury us getting more and more agitated, and let’s be honest furious. John is getting calmer, even more British as if he uses that as a weapon against the other. Sherlock can easily see that John is getting more and more upset by the way Fury tries to intimidate him. But instead of lashing out like he would have dine against Sherlock or someone else, he gets more withdrawn. Sherlock is pretty certain that if someone doesn't intervene soon it will end with John shooting the other in cold blood. Apparently his brother is if similar belief as he clears his throat.
"I'm sorry to disrupt your conversation, but it's time for us to leave. We wouldn't want to miss our plane home, now would we?"
John takes a deep breath before he says his goodbyes. Sherlock just stays silent and at his side, but he gives a nod to Bruce and Tony.
"Do we have time to make a stop so we can buy something for Mrs. Hudson?"
"Yes, I believe we do," Mycroft says after unnecessary consulting his watch.
"Good, then you can buy a souvenir to your assistant at the same time."
"I hardly think," Mycroft gives John an assessed look. "Perhaps you're correct, I can see if I find something suitable."
"Let’s buy something for Lestrade to," Sherlock decides. "The gaudiest thing we can find"
The smile John sends him tells him he's said the right thing. It also tells him that John is calm again, calm for real.
"Come along Watson," he hurries away forward the exit with his friend close on his heels. Ignoring his brother and the fact that place is built like a maze. He was showed the way to the lab and that means he kind find his way to the exit without a guide.
"Mr. Fury, it's been a pleasure meeting you. Hopefully we can work together in the future if it's needed."
"Pleasure was all mine," Fury grits out clearly lying through his teeth’s.
Mycroft just gives him a bland smile before walking after his brother. Hopefully he can catch up with them before Sherlock manages to start another incident. If not, John was there to take care of things before they got out of hands.