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There goes the connecting wire for your television box, you guess. You’re throwing the frayed end of the wire in the trash with a worry line between your eyebrows, thankfully majorly hidden behind your sunglasses. You wonder briefly who might know anything about patching wires back together, cause that’s real hood type shit that you never had to learn, and figure Dirk might. Until then, you guess the television’s out.
You’ve just gotten done telling Zandyr “no” firmly and followed by “you can’t do that” peppered with exasperation, admittedly, because they could have gotten hurt for real, seriously, a huge wire like that? Thank god the TV wasn’t on! You explain this to Karkat who doesn’t seem nearly as stirred as you are. “I mean, I know you guys didn’t have like, actual wires made of plastic and metal that can like electricute you, so maybe you’re missing the significance here, like, when a pet chews on your shit, it’s kind of a big deal!” You have mindfulness - your voice is at a calm volume even though your words have a lot of emotion, because there are three or four grubs idling around the room right now that have been alerted and listening for awhile, and not even to mention the subject of the matter, Zandyr, all curled up tight in a pink ball and making clear occasional stress clicks in Karkat’s arms.
“Okay, okay,” Karkat tries to calm you, and maybe the approach he’s taking makes you realize with a jolt that you’re giving anxiety signs: waving your arms animatedly while you speak, and the way your voice extra-stresses the important words. It grounds you all of a sudden in kind of a jarring way. “I get you, really, I get you, this can’t happen.” You’re beyond glad he’s on your side.
Like any parents know, the next step you both have to discuss is the How, as in, how do we get Zandyr to stop chewing on things. You’re sure it’s immediately in both of your minds, but you plop tiredly on the other couch and say the question aloud, which makes Karkat stare down at the grub in his arms with deeply lowered eyebrows. You know that’s his thinking face. And you can see the fabric of his baggy shirt kind of moving around even though he’s not moving, you know Zandyr’s still chewing even right at this moment.
“They’re literally constantly doing it, so what if they’re in pain right now, like with their teeth or their jaw?” Karkat takes his pointer and shifts around a little to unfold the grub from it’s tight curl and poke at it’s mouth. Zandyr’s vindicated little self curls away from the attention at first, but with persistence, Karkat’s ultimately allowed to give a few varying pushes to their small mandible muscles with the topmost pad of his fingertip and watch for a pain response, which he doesn’t get. You watch him closely and sit up a bit because you are 100% certain he’s going to get bit if he does that with any upset grub, and you’re a little awed when Zandyr doesn’t snap at his hand. Ferrus would have bitten. Gaudiu would have bitten ages ago. They just keep working on chewing on the fabric in their mouth, since Karkat didn’t make them stop. “Okay, so no.”
“Yeah.” you say right back to him, then add “that’s good though.” Nonomi is currently affixed to your denim covered calf and parking themself there, which you aren’t minding. “So..” Karkat makes his thinking face again, except this time at the darkened television, and you’re thinking too, you guess. Two of the grubs start having a muted hiss/shriek match over by the hallway that you’re keeping an eye on, but doesn’t need any intervention from you right now since they’re just yelling at eachother and having a little standoff over there. Karkat doesn’t even glance over like you do, you notice.
“I’ve never really owned pets, not to imply that this is really relevant or anything, I mean it sort of is. I’ve had birds come around.” You’re tapping your foot, the one Nonomi isn’t connected to currently. “They don’t really break shit ever. They like to steal shit. We get enough of that with Corvid.” The immediate thought and reminder makes you smile inwardly, “You know I found a bunch of like, ribbon in their little collection they’ve got? How’d they even get that?” and then you’re smiling for reals and Karkat stops you all of a sudden with an abrupt “Dave.” that could just about mean anything, so you shut up right there so you can know what he means by stopping you.
“Obviously you didn’t realize this, and I’m kicking myself in the ass for realizing this just this second rather than like five minutes ago.” Oh, so it’s good. Karkat’s making eye contact so he totally sees your shoulders lower slightly in relief. He continues without acknowledging it, and sighs briefly to start. “Lemme try to explain this coherently. So they were making stress sounds, like a shit ton before … but now they aren’t.” He raises his eyebrows afterwards as if to say, ‘do you understand?’ but kind of in a smug way, you know, like you just know he’s proud he figured out the problem before you. Like you’ve been keeping tally. You haven’t. For the record.
“They’re not stressed..” you mumble to yourself as if to explain the concept to yourself again. Karkat’s still holding Zandyr, and now that you look at them, they aren’t in a ball anymore, not really. Just sort of nestled into his neck .. and still chewing on the shoulder hem of Karkat’s shirt. It dawns on you what he means once you start watching Zandyr again: for them, chewing on things is comforting. He’s nodding and smiling and you know it’s definitely smug, and you know you married a fucking bastard. “Ahhh, you got the problem on lock-down, you get the prize trophy Karkat, ahhh, you’re amazing,” you mock, hiding your brief grin with the motion of getting up from the couch and moving to the one he’s sitting on so you can stroke Zandyr’s carapace with the back of your fingers. Nonomi’s still hooked on your calf, by the way, just chilling there. For a couple moments, all is well, and then the original problem comes back to you.
“But we still have to do something about it.” You don’t say it tensely, you rather try to say it like it just occurred to you and you’re merely just bringing it back on the table.
“Okay that, uhm.” Karkat is shoved out of his glory moment and back into thinking mode. “Do we really need to stop them entirely though?” He sounds like he’s proposing the idea, too. This part of the discussion is like brainstorming, but with two people instead of just yourself reasoning to yourself in your head. There’s no way you can work this metaphor into this discussion right now.
“No? I guess not. I really don’t know.” you say, and you rest your chin on your hand to think with. “I mean, it’s good for them, right?” Karkat nods at you, and then you both look down at a suddenly appearing Lielin whos butting their forehead against Karkat’s thigh kind of like a cat, you think. “Oh, hey.” you say conversationally, and Karkat scritches at the back of their neck for a second, which makes them trill in what you know is a happy noise. It makes Zandyr chirp and look down and then wriggle their way out of Karkat’s hold to crawl unceremoniously on top of the wriggly Lielin and they start playfighting halfheartedly. “So anyway,” Karkat says, smiling for just a second (it’s cute to see him bemused) and pushing the two of them lightly aside out of his dip in the couch, “I get what you mean, that they could get hurt if we let this continue the way it is. It sounds like to me that neither of us feel like they’ve got to stop entirely, so I think we should do what we had to do with Fletch, remember? You –remember, you found a bird and got it to teach our grub not to destroy things. I don’t know how the hell.”
“Yes, yes,” you say like you have something to be proud of and shift around on the couch so you’re more comfy, and now this is light impromptu cuddling. Nonomi has now decided to ascend onto your thigh, so you rest a hand on them. “It was one of my prouder moments.”
“I’m still not over it. You got a bird–”
“I’m cool with birds.” you say matter-of-factly, and it makes Karkat pause for a second.
“Yeah, and no one else.” You shove him in the shoulder and have a laugh for a moment.
In the next lapse you say, “I don’t even know what animal would go along with like, chewing up wires. A ferret?” you gesture at the tv, who is now your audience apparently. “A dog..?” Karkat supplies unsurely, like he’s never seen a woofbeast in his life apart from Jade. Yes, you can say woofbeast. It’s an awesome word.
“Wait, that’s a good idea actually. I could talk to Jade about it and see what she thinks.” You’re settled against Karkat’s left side, sort of angled away with Nonomi on your lap and Raccon suddenly approaching from your side, so it’s only natural that Karkat’s left arm has wound up around your shoulders as you think. Raccon climbs onto your legs and licks Nonomi’s hair. “She’d give me a little less grief than Rose. I dunno if I feel good enough to stress about this.. and Rose is kind of a stress beacon when it comes to problems with the kids.”
“Yeah,” Karkat sounds like he agrees tentatively, which you appreciate. This is pretty cozy. Zandyr and “She really likes to discuss it instead of act, so I understand I guess. I feel the same as you do.”
“Mm.”
Lielin and Zandyr have stopped tussling and decided on laying in the downward curve of the couch cushion together beside Karkat’s thigh, and you know the four of them you have here are going to be purring and falling asleep any moment, which you guess is fine. Without having to look, you also know Zandyr is probably chewing on Lielin’s hair or something, for sure. “Gonna text Jade?” is the phrase that pulls you out of staring down at Lielin and petting their hair softly, and thinking momentarily about just how great this is right now. “Oh, yeah.” You shift your hips a tiny bit, just enough not to jostle the two in your lap, to get your phone from your back pocket. You start typing out a message to her while Karkat rests the side of his head on the top of your head.
TG: hey jade
TG: just having a problem with the grubs i could use your advice about if you get a moment
TG: its zandyr this time the little rascal lol
TG: the pink one
TG: if u remember
TG: i mean its not really a problem i dont think
TG: ok it kind of is? well its not like an emergency or anything but its just like…a thing
TG: that we figured you might know about out of everyone
TG: so yeah get back to me idk nobodys in a rush were just hanging out
The night passes without any text back, but as you said, it’s no problem. To be fair, it is the evening, and three or four hours from everyone’s bedtime - whether Jade might be at a party, or at her work, or already asleep, or some other thing, it’s all fairs. You get her text sometime in the early morning when you’re all definitely still asleep.
GG: ahhh i’m sorry dave! hey!!!
GG: good morning!
GG: i was really exhausted last night. i just got back from dirk’s, i was just busy smacking him around a bit :P
GG: just kidding. just helping him clean up his house a little. it’s kind of crazy he lives in such a mess! i told him once it was all clean that it’d really liven up the place if he had a few plants. so we went out to the stores after that.
GG: i had to make him, but you know, it’s one of those things where it’s just good for you to get out and get fresh air.
GG: it was so good for him!!!!! honestly im really proud of your brother!!!!
GG: he has a freakin cactus in his apartment!!!!!
GG: a really cute one too!!! oh my god, youve got to talk to him sometime.
GG: he named it jorje.
GG: anyway so yeah, tell me about this thing that you said i would know all about :P
GG: when you wake up, obviously, i doubt you’re awake at butt in the morning! im going back to sleep myself in a second.
You of course didn’t get back to her immediately, rather later in the morning after you’ve had something to drink. You will never drink coffee ever again, or at least not for a long time, so it’s caffeinated apple juice for you for now. You’re sitting at the kitchen table with at least three grubs on you and one (Bowie) at your shoulder nosing at your hairline, which is making you try not to laugh or hunch your shoulders since it’s tickly. You’re doing a good job ignoring them in favor of replying to Jade, who seems to be online right now.
TG: ok, first and foremost
TG: jorje?
GG: dave!
TG: no, seriously, thats awesome though
TG: but just throwing that out there
TG: was that your naming idea? cause it sounds like you rubbed your furry little paws all over that one
TG: my bro isn’t one to do cute and adorable
TG: at least not very well
TG: …dont tell him i said that
GG: alright yeah, you got me. :P
GG: i might have offered him the inspiration.
GG: also dirk is very cute. the way he leaves all his takeout on the coffee table, it is rapturous. to be fair, i do the same thing on the kitchen counter sometimes :3
TG: yeah me too
TG: anyway thats awesome though ill hit him up later and talk to him about it
TG: and maybe act all mushy and emotional at him and tell him im proud of him for working up the ability to do all that
TG: and uhhh thanks for doing that for him
TG: i should probably say that right
GG: yes, you should probably say that >:P
GG: and you are welcome! it was my pleasure! really!
GG: dont think your little joke didnt get past me! i might tell him that you said that right this second, dave! brotherhood is like a pact to uphold. and the first rule is not to pick on eachother when the other brother’s not around!
TG: jade i am all over that and you should know that
TG: the bro code has been tattooed on my back ever since i was a kid
TG: so when ever i need to review it which i dont i just need to look in the mirror over my shoulder
GG: wouldn’t it be reversed then? in the reflection?
TG: ……
TG: ok
TG: anyways
GG: yes.
TG: zandyr
GG: yes.
GG: zandyr. the pink one. i did remember that! she’s very chewy, isn’t she?
TG: they
TG: and yes
TG: wow you remembered that too
GG: ahh, sorry, i forgot about the pronouns. they. and yes i did! it’s sooo cute! they never bite either! when i was over last time, they would chew on my fingers really gently and it wouldnt even hurt.
TG: uhhhh that was a couple weeks ago they mightve gotten bigger since then
TG: dont be teaching my kid to chew on people jade
GG: dont worry! it was only the one time. i think it takes a lot more than just one time to ingrain something in them when theyre so young. actually, now that i think of it i did think that you might have a problem with that? if not already, then soon?
GG: i really should have brought it up!
You’re beyond relieved at how the conversation is going. You and Jade have been talking for almost an hour, just 13 minutes short of one hour actually, so by now you’ve moved to the couch with Bowie and Taphri and Raccon and now also Rahnza who followed you over to the couch when you got up, pocketing your phone briefly to carry them. Karkat is on the other couch and you’re swaying your leg (nudging Taphri in the head softly every few seconds, making them bite your jeans playfully) and you’re relaying what Jade is saying generally to him. He’s glad too, since it’s looking like Jade can help you guys out. You also tell him about what she did with Dirk, and he equally agrees that that’s awesome. And that Jorje does not sound like a name he’d come up with for a cactus. Or anything. Most importantly, Karkat tells you that it sounds like she has an idea in mind already, which you decide to tell Jade next.
TG: ok karkat said that it sounds like you have something in mind already
TG: like to help with that
TG: cause what happened was that
TG: well zandyr just chewed up our wires behind the tv thats all
TG: the tv wasnt on or anything but they couldve gotten hurt from that
TG: so like
TG: yeah thats what happened
GG: i understand!
GG: and i do!
TG: do you now
TG: i would love to hear it
TG: and so would karkat if you didnt catch that hes sitting next to me
GG: ok, lemme explain. prepare yourself. what you’re about to hear is gonna blow your mind!
TG: ok hold on let me get the helmet
GG: i will not hold on for that dave!
TG: alright im gonna drop the metaphor track i want to actually hear your idea
TG: go on
GG: you know how some kids liked to chew on their sleeve or their shirt collar all the time, when we were little?
GG: that’s kind of just one thing in a category of hundreds of things, that are defined as 'sensory seeking behaviors.’
GG: examples of those are like, touching things that you see and wanna touch, fidget toys, and little things like fiddling with a necklace or a bracelet, or messing with your hair!
GG: it can be like a bajillion things, but the point is that fiddling with stuff calms you down when you’re stressed out.
TG: yes
TG: that
TG: we talked about exactly that yesterday
TG: like we noticed with zandyr that it helps them calm down
TG: ahh thats awesome that its like a thing
TG: i honestly actually forgot about that being a thing
GG: so you understand! i’m pretty sure its universal too, with just about anybody, so it shouldnt be something that isn’t true for trolls. i dunno if that would make sense to me.
TG: yeah we definitely understand that
TG: but the thing is is that we cant have zandyr chewing on just whatever
TG: if they chew on wires
TG: yeah
GG: i know i know, im getting to that. there’s actually kind of a solution for it. but not really to stop them from chewing entirely, like ever again, but to kind of… focus on what they chew on?
GG: for kids who love to chew on things, they have silicon jewelry that goes around their necks like a necklace so they can learn to just use that when they feel like wanting to chew things.
GG: i have a couple here actually, cause davepeta wanted one one time awhile ago and i was messing with the code.
TG: that feeling when you’ve explained the same thing to another dave
GG: but this time it’s for your kid!
GG: not that you can’t totally make one for yourself. here, easy peasy, i’ll just give you the code. it’s GT53CGJ4
TG: i’m surprised it was that easy though
TG: so what, we just teach zandyr to use this necklace when they want to chew? i feel like it should be more complex than that
GG: yep! that’s all! it’s really not a problem if they like to chew on things. they’re just looking for sensory stimulation.
GG: all you have to do is teach them to redirect it.
GG: it’s not blastoff device science, dave.
GG: uhm, i know zandyr doesn’t really have a neck to hang a necklace on? maybe you could loop it around a few times?
GG: wait. lemme mess with the code for it … i can make the cord adjustable if I just combine the pendant with this other strap thing i have. hold on.
TG: you dont really gotta go to that length jade really this is mad helpful
TG: we have little name necklaces for them right now anyways, so yeah, necklaces work fine
TG: jade
TG: you dummy
GG: too late >:P
GG: here’s the code for the silicon pendant with adjustable cord. L3K4YPSF
TG: im gonna think of how to repay you somehow for this, for reals
GG: nooo shush! shush your stupid head. i’ll come over sometime next week, just cause it’s about time i see them all again. :P and see how zandyr does with it! i’ll get back to you on it though, i have to see how next week is looking.
So, that was that, then. You’re still shocked long after the conversation is over that the whole thing was a lot smaller of an issue than you thought it was, but that’s true for a lot of the problems in your life. You and Karkat punch the code in after you’re done talking to her and the result is this green slightly-squishy silicon flower on a cord, like she said it would be, and it’s a little smaller than your palm. You let Karkat see it, and he tries to squish it too of course, and then you go put it in Zandyr’s mouth and they just look up at you quizzically and start chewing on it automatically like they would if you put anything else in their mouth.
Karkat expresses that it’s gonna be stupid easy to just teach them to chew on that all the time. This whole thing was kind of like relearning something you forgot that people and kids just do, and parents from ages long past have already known it frontways and backways that you’re just learning now, as a new parent. You thank Jade mainly by sending her a bunch of pictures of Zandyr using the silicon pendant, and then one a couple days later where you first find them carrying it around the house in their mouth. After that, grub fights caused by Zandyr chewing on their hair or leg without permission go down to zero.