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The clock ticked loudly, as two men sat opposite each other. The one in the chair was man of wisdom, a man to be respected with, and not to be ridiculed with and he was sporting a Warber Parker style glasses and a dark blue tie. While the other was the total opposite, he was a man of fame and was screaming confidence on every part of him, to his gold embellishes and astonishingly “extra” clothing of a prince was sitting on the couch opposite of the man…
The man mentioned in the latter was seen shooting daggers by the eyes who’s named suiting for his attire, Roman Prince stared at the unexpected visitor. From the very beginning, he did his very best not to hide from him at all, clearly stating that the guest was not welcomed here, since the visit was highly unforeseen and so out of the blue.
A few minutes earlier, The man in question who introduced himself as Logan was knocking on the regale’s door of his beloved abode or kingdom if he so preferred. In the doorway, he only informed him that they must talk, and that is how they landed in the living room, and for some time there was silence in the rough atmosphere. Losing his small tolerance of patience, Roman cleared his throat and spoke.
“So… How can I help you?” He asked Logan, who was staring at the corner of the room, seemingly gathering his thoughts.
“I came to ask for advice” Logan punctuated as his glasses fell to the edge of his nose and cleared his throat while repulsively setting his glasses back to his freckled nose.
“Do you want advice from ME?” Roman said, astonished even. The Prince started to become tense as adrenaline which fuels his anger furthermore, starts rushing through his veins. “Didn’t think that the so perfect and prim Logan could have the ability to make mistakes, this is my house, not Virgil’s.” Roman spat out every word with entire emphasis with full disgust and sarcasm.
“I am afraid that he will not be able to help me in this matter.” Logan finally laid his gaze upon Roman. He knew this would be hard, because Roman had clearly set the mindset that he was a grade A asshole that hurt his friend. But he really needed his advice, and he decided that it was time to work on this relation. “This is about Patton. You know we are a good friends…” He stopped because his interlocutor snorted with contempt.
“Friends! I know perfectly well that Patton is in love with you in a death.” Roman scoffed and winced, as painful memories of helping his friend though his sobs flooded his mind. “Do you know how many times he cried his heart out here? He can’t look at anyone but you, there is no chance of reciprocity, and you tell me that you are a ‘good friends’? Do you realize how he feels?!” With each subsequent sentence, he hovered somewhat from his seat, simultaneously raising his voice and balling his fists from utter rage until he finished.
“I’ve talked to Patton about it many times, I am not be able t-” Logan was cut off immediately by Roman who was now fuming with rage.
“But you are able to drag him to bed, right?! Knowing his attitude to this?!”
“I have not dragged him anywhere!” Logan also stood up clear to his face that he was on his wit’s end. “It was HIS idea, it would never have occurred to me to use him that way!”
“And what are you supposed to lose, Mr. ‘I don’t want a relationship, but I will not refuse sex?”. Logan looked like he was about to explode. In order not to let his anger take control of him, he merely placed his face in between his hands and sat down on the couch.
“I am not heartless. I am aromatic, not unfeeling, Roman” He forced himself to keep his tone calm, which was not easy for him. “I care about him, do you understand?”
“That ‘care’ takes a very strange form” Roman mocked. Logan out of pure indignation, suddenly hit the table with his balled up fist in which shocked Roman.
“SHUT UP! And let me finally say what’s going on!” Logan shouted, exasperation burning in his eyes. Roman charged him with a threatening look, but he calmed and sat down.
If Patton hadn’t assured him several times, that Logan treated him well, he would have told him what he thought of him a long time ago. Thinking of it, He should give Logan a black eye to match his dark soul and black polo. He couldn’t comprehend to telling someone that they did not reciprocate their feelings, and then willing to make love with them. In which that’s what Logan did with his friend Patton.
“I’m not be able to fall in love.” Logan finished, clearly tired of repeating it over and over again. “I can’t help it, I have no influence on it.” He said, massaging his temple, trying not to get carried away his nerves. He intended to go through a conversation with Roman without quarreling, as they usually does do, and so he had to explain everything to him. “I know Patton loves me. Even very much, if I can assess it somehow. Listen…”
“Logan! I need to tell you something important!” exclaimed Patton from the doorway as he placed the shopping on the cupboards. “I thought something through” he added, going up to the couch and kneeling at the feet of the friend who sat on it.
“What exactly?” Logan asked quizzically while putting the book aside.
“I want to… I want to make love with you!” There was silence. Puzzled, Logan stared at Patton, and all he saw in the eyes of his lover was determination.
“Could I know why?” He asked carefully. “We have already established that we will just be friends by allowing ourselves to kiss or cuddle - a compromise. We both admitted that we cannot afford anything more.”
“I know! But…” Patton blushed and hesitantly grabbed Logan’s hand, as if he was not sure if he was allowed to. “But I’ve already got used to you. I li-like it when you touch me. I don’t know if this is it, but… I want to try. You won’t hurt me, I trust you.”
“Patton, get up. Come here, sit down.” Logan pulled him to sit on the couch. “Remember; I appreciate it. But I do not want you to make a false hope that it will change something in me. It will not. And I’m not sure if this is what you really want.”
Patton smiled, slowly nodding, he probably expected to hear something like this and has responded immediately.
“I DO! I know you do not…well…love me.” He clearly tried to say it neutrally, but his voice betrayed him in the last two words. “And I don’t… I don’t believe that it will change. That’s your nature, I understand it all. But I love YOU. Do you understand? I want you to be happy, because then I will be happy. You are with me because you’re attracted in physical sense, right? – Logan nodded still in shock for what is Patton saying. “That being the case you make yourself unhappy! Because, why exactly me? It could be someone who … will please you. You know – in this way. You don’t have to live in celibacy because of me.” He moved closer, staring with sparkling eyes. He probably had no idea what kind of fire those eyes made in Logan’s body. “I’ve thought about it before, and don’t think it’s a spontaneous decision. Yesterday night, when we kissed for a goodnight, I did a bit of brainstorming and came to an answer that I want to.” Logan took a deep breath and fought back the temptation to push his partner on his back and attack his lips unto his mouth. And to tear that bright polo out of him and make him… Stop. He will not make him anything. Just as he wasn’t be able fall in love, Patton wasn’t be able feel those instincts. Although his partner apparently offered him permission to this. Logan closed his eyes and let out a loud breath. He placed his hands on Patton’s shoulders and pushed him gently and smiled.
“So you are afraid of me finding someone else, if we won’t have sex?” Upon hearing the sentence Patton’s face fell.
“We aren’t a couple of lovers. We aren’t really in a relationship. You have a right to look for somebody, I mean-” Patton’s voice was wavering with fear and utter sadness but was stopped to a halt as Logan spoke.
“I’m not looking for anybody.” He said with power in his voice. “I’m not interested in romance, you know it very well. The libido can be satisfied with different methods, you don’t need a second person…” He stopped and thought that he must add to be honest “Though it is definitely more pleasantly. I like our deal, because I like you.” He decided it was a good time to confess something. “Look… I am not only attracted to the appearance, but the mind is also a strong sexual stimulus. I have been able to maintain the contacts you are talking about, but usually the person didn’t want to have just sex only. It always ended with a fighting and an allegation that I was only using people, although I made it clear from the very beginning, just like I did with you. You are an asexual, so you can understand that it isn’t something that comes only from attitude, but something else. You know I don’t want to hurt you, just as I know you don’t want to hurt me. That’s why our compromise is the best arrangement I have ever made in my life.”
Patton absorbed his words and smiled lovingly at his partner…He placed a hand on Logan’s hand that was still nesting on his shoulder.
“Don’t you see? You are so lenient, you’ve never pushed on me, and even now, when I suggest it to you, you try to get me out of it. Therefore, if I would try with anyone, it’s only with you.” Patton spoke each and every word with clear love indigitated in every phrase. Logan couldn’t find the answer for that. He felt lost. He had the strange feeling that the words that had just been spoken were very important and he should react accordingly. In books containing romantic themes, similar confessions were usually embellished with a rich description of the state of infatuation. Like warmth in the heart, the desire to hug. He should want to hug him, right? Kiss? Dang. Simply reciprocate this love somehow! But nothing like that happened and he was disappointed of himself, uncertain and defeated.
“I cannot find arguments against this at this moment. You are extremely generous.”
“I love you.” Patton hugged him.
“I know.” Logan returned the hug with equal pressure and he began to stroke his partner’s soft brown hair.
Roman supported his chin on both hands and listened, his eyes were wide open.
”I never figured it looked like that.” He said finally.
“I realize that this is an unconventional relationship.”
“And how is it going?” Roman asked before he could bite into his tongue as he become abashed by seeing Logan’s scolding look.
“Good. I tried my best for him to feel comfortable. Besides, Patton told you that we’re sleeping with each other. You should ask him this question. After all, he knows best how he felt, o not ask me!”
“Alright, alright, easy… I didn’t have the impression that he complained, when he told me…” Roman said, now somewhat embarrassed to remember how much he got mad at the time and stopped paying attention to what Patton was saying. “But hey! It’s fascinating, I admit. I’m reluctant to say that, but I’m afraid I owe you an apology… But that still doesn’t explain why you wanted my advice. For what?”
Logan was silent for a moment. Then he looked into Roman’s eyes.
“I want to propose to him.”
Roman choked for a second, then exploded again. Is Logan making fun of him?
“Propose to him?! Why the hell do you want a proposal?! Are you aromantic or not?”
“I am. It’s primarily for convenience. We live together now, but the wedding makes some things easier. If we have a common surname, then we can, for example, receive letters from each other in the post office. In the event of an accident, we will be able to find out about each other in the hospital. The joint property of spouses will provide us that it won’t matter who have a contract for television or rent is, so it doesn’t matter which one of us will pay. We will be able to do taxes together and take advantage of several relief. It’s always easier to credit…”
And in with each word Roman had become all pale, and tangled his fingers more into his own hair, and with the last word he jerked at them and groaned loudly in terror, so Logan finished this list.
“That’s why I came for advice. As if I would explain it to him in this way… He would break down. And he certainly would react much worse than you. But I… Don’t know how.”
“NO WAY! Logan, you should to get married because of love, not for convenience! This is a tragedy, he only have eyes for you, and he would be ready to accept it!” He yelled frightened at the thought of how disappointed and resigned Patton would be.
“I know…” Logan folded his arms on his chest thoughtfully. “I can even create a simulation in my head. Eh… I only see how he yells at me, or cries. Probably both. Roman, believe me, I don’t want to make him unhappy!”
“And what, do you want? To pretend love?!” Roman once again got angry with this attitude and began to gesticulate furiously. “Do you want to make false oaths, deceiving everyone?! To get married because you need to love someone! Do you even love him?!”
“YES!” Logan shouted. Roman broke off in shock.
“I love him like a brother.”
“You don’t have sex with your brother, Logan!” Roman squeaked with utter disgust at the thought of incest.Logan gave him a threatening look. He closed his eyes, counted to ten and opened his eyes again.
“It seems to me that I have already explained that this was not my idea, let alone a condition. Patton is a wonderful man, I’m well with him. He understands me… Well, in that particular case. Our situation is on two opposite poles, but in a way, very similar. He gave me something that I didn’t awaited or expect. He is understanding like no one else. As I said to him - our deal satisfies me. I want him to be happy, even though I can’t feel what he can feel. I want to repay him and give him something… The wedding is supposed to be for practical reasons, but I want to do it properly. Patton deserve this.”
“I can agree with you here.” Roman folded his arms. “He deserve this.” He looked at Logan with distrust. “So you say you love him … In your own way. Will not you cheat him? You realize that if you drag him in front of the altar, and later I get even a shadow of suspicion that you will find someone behind his back, then I personally-”
“Roman, I’m begging you. I would have to be deprived of my mind to cheat of him. Are you suspecting me of that?” Logan stated as he was in shock of the thought that Roman possesses.
Roman leaned forward, resting his hands on the counter and approached Logan so that his and Logan’s nose were almost touching. He tried to find a drop of deception in his eyes, as the other permitted him to patiently inspect him while keeping a confident aura around him. Then the host sat down and hit his knees with his hands. It was obvious that he decided something.
“There is absolutely no romantic passion in you.”
Logan wanted to say something, but Roman raised his hand in order to silence him.
“But everything shows me that you are honest. Okay, I’ll help you. It will be such a proposal that Patton certainly will agree! I will call for the appropriate musical setting and for the florist. I think I still have the number for this lady who makes works of art from flowers!” Roman unexpectedly changed his previous aggressive attitude completely and suddenly began to enthusiastically enumerate a lot of things to do, not sharing addition information, why all this is to serve.
“Wait, wait! I don’t want a panoply! This is our private matter, I do not need an audience. Stop-”
“Oh, great! It will be more moody and romantic if you two stay together alone! Good idea, Logan. And now the most important - do you already have an engagement ring for him?”
“Ring? Are you kidding? It seemed to me tha-” Logan asked bewildered by the sudden question. A ring would be illogical and cost greatly.
“Do you want to do it properly or not?” He gave him a stern look. Logan gave up.
“Yes…” He sighed and listened to more and more eccentric suggestions. After he refused to rent a cruise (“They provide there a lot of privacy, I promise!”), an announcement of a proposal in a radio broadcast (“After all it would only be through speakers! You two would be alone at home!”) And a few other, more ridiculous and “extra” ideas, Logan, realized he would have to return home much later than he intended to. He also came to the unpleasant conclusion that it was probably easier for him to argue with Roman than to cooperate.
Logan went to the wide open window. The night was warm and cloudless, and the moon was very bright. Patton stared at that picture, taking his breath along the way. Logan sat on the windowsill and stared at the tranquil and peaceful sky. Patton looked to his partner and was melted by the looks of his partner, Logan was so darn beautiful that something stung in Patton’s chest. He approached the aforementioned man with some doubt laying in his mind, not wanting to rip his friend out of his reverie, but wishing to be a little closer to this almost magical creature who always was so grounded. He sat down next to him and he swore that Logan didn’t notice him at first, but suddenly he moved a little to make some place for Patton. He was afraid to speak, the silence was somehow different. He also looked at the sky. Just a moment ago, electricity was no longer present in the area around them, in returned made the stars more visible as he took a deep breath to admire the view and the moment.
“Patton.” His attention was drawn to Logan’s voice. Calm and businesslike, as usual. “I thought for a long time how we live with each other and came to the conclusion that it’s time for a change.”
Patton froze. He was always horrified by this type of conversation. He did everything in his power to prevent them. He realized that their relationship was not exactly a relationship, and at some point it would probably fall apart. Logan will leave him. Or he’ll let him go, it depends on how you look at it, but Patton did not want to be released, he didn’t want to be left alone again.
“Is the thing we have, not satisfy you Lo?” He asked with growing pain in his heart. He tried so hard. He knew that Logan also tried hard and he loved him for it. Is it still not enough? Logan moved his gaze from the sky and looked at him.
“I am satisfied with you, I am calm when I’m with you” He wondered for a while what the words he intended to say. “I am not someone who can understand ‘romanticism’ and the state of infatuation with another person. I’ve read thousands of descriptions, I’ve seen a lot of screenings that talks about it, but I just do not feel it, no matter how much you describe it.”
Patton nodded, a bit calmed. It was nothing new, they explained it to themselves and others many times. They were even close to break up, twice, but somehow it did not seem right to any of them. He was able to face it, if that was the case.
“Sometimes because of that people have left me, you know it now. You are still with me, although I can’t offer you anything but sincere friendship and pleasure in the sphere that you are least interested in.”
Patton smiled at the thought of the last time they had a ‘moment’. It was strange and at times uncomfortable, as the reactions of his own body seemed alien to him. These were new and foreign like trying out new shoes. But seeing his Logan’s face -absent and misty with pleasure and contentment seems to him worth all of the discomfort. Especially that they were mostly petting, which was just as nice for both of them. He chuckled softly.
“You don’t have to worry about that, Logan. I like this.”
Logan pursed his lips and made a face, after which Patton recognized that his partner was trying to remember something. Then he completely surprised him, because he grabbed his hand and put his hand in his hands. It was such an unprecedented and unusual gesture from Logan that Patton blushed red as solanum lycopersicum instantly.
“I trust you are as well with me, as I am well with you. I appreciate everything you do for me, that’s why I always try my best to do something that will satisfy you too, that’s why…”
He slid off the window sill and knelt down.
“Although it is still not a romantic love, I believe Patton that I love you. I don’t want to leave you and I would like to spend my life with you, so I would like to ask; will you marry me?”
For a moment, Patton couldn’t breathe or believe in what he was hearing.
“You really want a wedding? With me?”
“Yes.” Logan still didn’t rise from his knees, but reached into his pocket and took out the decorative box. He opened it showing the ring inside. It was silver, simple, with tiny a dark blue and light blue stones fused alternately through the whole ring. Patton put both hands to his mouth as his eyes glazed with pure amusement and glee. “Will you agree?”
“Of course! Logan, of course I do! You have no idea how I dreamed about it!” He grabbed Logan by the neck and began to fill his face with kisses. He was so unbelievably happy!
“Bu-But Patton! I shoul- should- Put this- This r-ring on your- Patton!” Logan, at first confused, unable to stop a man in love, surrendered to all tenderness until he calmed down. When he could finally breathe, he looked a bit irritated at his… Well, at his fiancé now. However, seeing his eyes glistening and how wide he smiles, he smirked. He sat down again on the windowsill, and Patton finally let himself put a ring on his finger.
“So it worked.” He stated, correcting the tie. “I’m glad.” He added with a smile. “I’m really glad.”
“You may not understand romanticism but your kindness and understanding shines brighter than every star in the sky Lo.” Patton said as he kissed Logan on the cheek completely filled with glee and happiness. They may have more ups and downs after this, but this, this is a happy compromise in which Patton will always remember.