Chapter Text
Sam wanted to believe this. He wanted to believe that Castiel was here, that he was going to get out of this basement. He wanted to believe that Castiel would look at him like that, like seeing Sam meant that he could take a nice deep breath after days of not being able to breathe properly. That was the dealbreaker, though. Castiel being here, in this basement torture chamber, well, Dean was out there looking for him and Castiel would be willing to help. Castiel being here instead of Dean just meant that he was the one to find Sam first. Dean would be busting in any minute now.
Right on queue, heavy bootsteps clattered down the stairs. “Cas? You got… oh thank God. Sammy.” Dean crossed the floor to the chair where Sam was tied up and dropped to a crouch where he could hug his brother, patting his hair. “Sammy. Hey man. I untie you, you gonna be able to walk?”
Sam shook his head. The time he’d nearly escaped, he’d barely been able to walk, and they hadn’t given him food or water in the two days since then. He was weak, he was disoriented, he was hallucinating Castiel and probably Dean, and the burns on his feet were probably infected by now.
While Dean untied Sam, Castiel walked over to the sink and turned it on, filling a glass he’d found. He came back and set the edge of the glass to Sam’s lips. “I’ll explain later why I’m not just healing you right away, it’s a long story and in your current condition I’m not convinced you’d understand. Please believe me that I wish I could.” His forehead wrinkled and he tilted his head. “Sam, you’re badly dehydrated. You need to drink. Not too much, right off, but you need water.”
Sam shook his head and tried to push himself away, but Castiel wouldn’t let it go. He tilted the glass further, until the water was running over Sam’s mouth, and Sam couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep his lips closed, not knowing how much he needed the water. Not that it was really water, of course. It didn’t change how much he needed it that it was thick, hot, and tasted of sulfur and copper and death. If he weren’t so dehydrated, he’d cry, but there wasn’t anything left for that.
He didn’t need to hear Castiel’s explanation of why he couldn’t heal him. Of course he couldn’t. He wasn’t real. This was a much longer hallucination than before – it should have ended after they’d tricked him into drinking – but that didn’t change that it was a hallucination. Once Castiel pulled the glass away, too late and all too soon, Dean hauled him to his feet. He took one arm, Castiel the other, and between them they half-guided, half-carried Sam to the Impala.
The next time Sam was awake, the hallucination was still going. He felt better – he’d slept through it, but Dean and Castiel had treated his wounds, gotten him cleaned up and tucked into bed, and it felt like they’d poured more water down his throat somehow. He was still weak, still starving, but he no longer felt like he was dying.
He’d almost believe this was real if it weren’t for Castiel sitting on the other bed, staring at him. When he sat up, Castiel jumped to his feet and helped Sam stay upright long enough to scoot back and lean against the headboard. He handed Sam a protein shake. “Dean wanted me to give you a cheeseburger when you woke up, but this seems more like something you’ll be able to eat and keep down, and it helps with the dehydration too. Drink as slowly as you need to.”
Sam took a couple sips of shake. “Where is Dean?”
“He and Bobby went back out to that house to do a sweep for any other wraiths that might be in the area. Wraiths usually work alone, I know, but seeing as you were being held by a pair of them, it was worth looking into.”
Fair enough, really, although he’d have thought Castiel would go and Dean would stay behind to be here when he woke up. May as well humor the hallucination. “You said you’d explain why you couldn’t heal me.”
“It’s the civil war that I’m still hoping to avert. Raphael was furious when he learned what Bartholomew and Thaddeus had done to me – but I can’t help but notice that he hasn’t undone it.” Castiel sat back on the bed, and for the first time since Sam had woken up, he took his eyes off Sam to stare away, shoulders hunched. “They bound my powers. I can still care for my vessel, I can still fly, I still get prayer and Angel Radio, but I can’t heal or smite or anything else that affects another person. I was working on finding a way to undo the binding when I heard Dean’s call that you were missing. My problem is inconvenient, but it won’t kill me. You being missing was too likely to end up with you dead once more, and this time, I couldn’t bring you back.”
“Yeah, but I’m okay now, Cas. Or, well, you know. I will be. You don’t have to stick around. Dean would probably yell at you for leaving me to wake up alone, but I’m awake, I’m eating, if I need to get to the bathroom I think I can make it by myself, so there’s no reason for you to stay here instead of working on getting your powers back.”
“You’re not all right. You don’t believe this is real.”
Sam blinked and set the protein shake aside. “No, I don’t. But if you’re part of the hallucination, you shouldn’t be pointing that out…”
“I’m real, Sam. This hotel room, that protein shake… those are real. I don’t want to leave until I can find a way to convince you of that, but knowing some of the things you’ve gone through in the past, I don’t know how. If I could heal you fully, that would do it, but I can’t.” Castiel gently guided the protein shake back to Sam’s lips. “Keep working on that. I know, it’s what I would say if I were a hallucination, but it’s not spiked with demon blood.”
Sam took a sip, and realized that he hadn’t tasted any sulfur or copper. The hallucinations hadn’t ever been able to mask that. “You know about the blood?”
“We found the demon they were bleeding. It’s one reason Dean’s off out there instead of in here. He knows he tends to be unfair about the blood. Don’t blame yourself for this, Sam. You were tricked. You’ve already been through the withdrawal. They didn’t give you enough to cause serious problems for you.”
“So there really was demon blood, but it’s over now? I’m free?”
“You’re free. You’re safe. You’re healing, and will make a full recovery with time and nutrients.”
“Thanks. If there’s anything I can do to help you with the war, Dean and I owe you big. We keep asking you to drop what you’re doing to help us. I wish there were something we could do to help you.”
“There are two things I can think of. They’ll both be difficult for you, I’m afraid, but I see no harm in asking.” Sam nodded. “First, give me an escape. Coming to see you and Dean gets me away from the turmoil in Heaven, and it never seems to fail that after coming to deal with your problems instead of mine for a few hours, something up there becomes much easier to deal with. I believe it’s because I’m no longer… what’s the expression… beating my head against a rock wall?”
“Brick. Brick wall,” Sam corrected.
“Thank you. Stepping away and forgetting it allows me to return with fresh ideas, and often, those end up working. I know you believe that compared to the problems in Heaven, yours are not worth mentioning. That’s true, as far as scope goes. But if dealing with your relatively small problems can help me solve the big problems in Heaven…”
“Yeah. Got it. You need to get out and we give you an excuse, so don’t hesitate to call. I’ll try. Humans do that by taking a break to sleep or eat, you guys don’t do that, but you still need the breaks.” Castiel nodded. “What’s the other one?”
“Believe that I didn’t put aside my current problem for Dean. This one, if it weren’t for you, I believe Dean would have agreed that my problem needs to be solved as quickly as possible. I came to help, and I stayed, for you.”
“Why?”
“The same reason I braved the Cage. I know you think I did it for Dean, since he’d promised not to try, but Dean had nothing to do with it. The first he knew I’d gone was when I delivered you to Bobby’s doorstep.” Castiel looked up at the ceiling, which was starting to rumble slightly. “I have to go. That was Rachel, she has something important she needs me to come look at. I’ll be back as soon as I can to check on you.” Castiel brushed a hand over Sam’s hair. “I did it for love.” He disappeared.