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Out of all the things that could hypothetically happen at the New Avengers Upstate Base, Darcy would never have guessed it would be this. Alien invasion? Perhaps. Small explosion in R&D? Definitely. Protest from the anti-superhero and inhuman groups? Very likely if they figured out the coordinates. Even an organized coup from all the bugs that hung around Scott was more plausible to Darcy than what was happening right now. Which was a broken AC system. In a Stark building.
Although Tony was generally on point about presenting perfected tech to others, time apparently was of the essence when Howard Stark’s hidden storage facility was first renovated. So, some things were skimped. Unfortunately for the Base Residents and Staff, that included the cooling system. Given it was one of the hottest summers on record now (thanks global warming) and that Darcy was now seven months pregnant so generally just ran hot, Darcy accepted she was going to be a little uncomfortable on occasion. What she did not expect was the AC system would break down so that only hot air was flowing through the vents. It made the base temperature of the building 80 degrees on average and that did not a happy Darcy make. Add to that, this tech malfunction happened a few hours after select Avengers (including Brock) left for a lengthy radio silent mission. It was like the world wanted Darcy to be in the worst mood ever.
After a week, no one figured out how to fix the damn AC because Tony had activated a retina scanner out of spite when one of the Ant-Man Crew was brewing moonshine down in the basement. It wasn’t the moonshine that insulted Tony, it was the fact they had stolen equipment from his lab to build the distiller. Tony was highly territorial even if he didn’t respect anyone else’s space. He also was the Drama Llama King because he’d not been at the facility for five months now, so it wasn’t like he knew what the hell was going on if he didn’t watch the security footage.
To make matters worse, there was no FRIDAY installed because the Avengers no longer trusted Tony to install an AI into a building. That meant there wasn’t self-regulating system that could bypass Tony’s pettiness. For a couple of days, Darcy had hoped the heating would just break down from the extra use but Tony had actually updated the heating system during the renovations because it had been nearing winter and Tony was a delicate little flower who doesn’t like the cold.
Somewhere, Howard Stark was rolling in his grave.
New Avengers had some of the most brilliant minds working on the heating problem but no one had been able to replicate Tony’s retina or break down the door with an axe. If the Avengers didn’t get back soon, there was going to be a riot. Overheated scientists meant no real work was getting done in R&D. If Darcy wasn’t burning in hell, she’d have put her foot down and told the scientists to stop being babies. They wanted to complain about the heat? They should try being preggers in the middle of a Stark induced heatwave.
Except, Darcy was resourceful. Also, she could compete with Stark in spite so she would not lose at this game. But most importantly, Darcy was pregnant and the bigger she got, the harder it was for people to say no to her. Which is why Darcy had been able to convince the Ant-Man crew to wait on her hand and foot. To be fair, they had nothing else to do and they were kind of frightened of overprotective soon-to-be papa Brock. Still, they did most of what Darcy asked with only slight complaining and that’s what mattered most. Sometimes Darcy wondered if the scientists just convinced the Ant-Man crew to distract and appease Darcy so that the labs were not only boiling but miserable under her tyrannical reign. At the end of the day, she’d be fine calling it a stalemate.
“Really Lewis? Aren’t you being a little overdramatic?” Tony Stark asked drolly as he walked into Darcy’s office. The team had touched down about half an hour ago, leaving them some time to wash away the grime and get some snacks before debriefing. Brock had stopped in for a quick kiss and attempted cuddle but Darcy had commanded he take a shower because he was caked in mud, grime and possibly blood. But it looked like Tony had been able to shower, put on a perfectly pressed suit and make himself an ice coffee using the fancy coffee machine in his lab that also had its own retina scanner (extra much?).
“You’re one to talk, Stark. You had a retina scanner that you activated remotely. Why was there even a retina scanner on the basement door, just in case? You know who does that? Someone that’s going to commit murder,” Darcy shot back. She was sitting at her desk in a tank top, frizzy haired bun and an electric hand fan waving in her face. The ice in the glass he held chinked together as he moved to lean against the doorframe.
“Well, I let maintenance in so the problem should be fixed soon. I have to say, this wasn’t necessary,” Tony said, nodding his head towards the Ant-Man crew that had taken residence in her office at her command. In one corner, Luis was making waffles. Darcy was having a craving for chicken and waffles and Luis’ waffles were simply better than the cafeteria ones. He set up a fold up table and was humming to himself. On proud display was an apron that had an embroidered whisk and text that read ‘whip it good’.
“Hey man, you want some? They got pecans,” Luis offered while waving innocently to Tony.
“Uh, you know, there’s a shared kitchen you can use for that,” Tony said, raising an eyebrow and then moving his attention over to where Kurt and Scott were working. “Don’t even get me started on you two.”
Scott and Kurt were working on a primitive AC system using a homemade fan and an open cooler of ice. No one had fans at the base (because it was supposed to be state of the art and therefore unneeded) but Scott and made her one with his engineering skills. It looked like a reject BattleBot submission but it got the job done despite some major safety concerns. Kurt had been the one to suggest the cooler of ice and now they were trying to make it rotate as well. So, it was probably going to be entered into the BattleBot arena sometime soon. Of course, most of the parts were ‘recycled’ from various areas of the base. Which brought them to Dave, who was now standing behind Tony, clearing his throat and proudly displaying all the other ‘recyclables’ in his arms. Precariously balanced on top of it all was a to-go box of what was likely fried chicken. When Tony turned around, he frowned but still stepped aside to let Dave by.
“You know, theft is what got you in this mess in the first place,” Tony pointed out, hand vaguely gesturing to the vents.
“Hey, it ain’t theft if it don’t leave the building,” Dave said with a scoff. He walked over to Luis, who took the chicken. Then Dave dropped the stolen items unceremoniously by Scott and Kurt.
“You want to see if that holds up in a court of law?” Tony asked flatly.
“Your popularity vote is down. I think I’d win,” Dave said. He offered Tony a smirk even though the billionaire was clearly not pleased with how the Base was being managed in his absence.
“Lewis, don’t you have scientists to manage?” Tony asked, narrowing his eyes.
“The scientists won’t work because they say that an unregulated environment makes for experiments with false readings. I’m not arguing with them because I think they’d blow things up on purpose just so they can make a hole in the wall to get a bit of ventilation,” Darcy said, pointing out the fact that the R&D had no windows that opened. A point that everyone had been complaining very loudly about. When she’d been first brought to the New Avengers Base, it was to help monitor the archive (in addition to keeping all the secrets she knew monitored). She’d naturally fell into the role of scientist wrangler once again and was now relations and supply manager of all R&D. Sometimes she missed the silent archives when the scientists got too whiney.
“Here I am, with a peace offering of coffee and you’re taking advantage of my hospitality. I’m insulted and frankly, quite hurt,” said Tony, hand over his heart and faux pain in his eyes. He completed his act with a pout.
“I’ll still take the peace offering. Is it decaf?” Darcy asked, smiling and reaching out her hands in a ‘gimme’ gesture. Tony’s face twisted slightly in concern.
“No. Since when do you drink decaf? Are you having a heat stroke? I’m not liable for that.”
“Well, I reached my caffeine quota for the day and I gotta be careful,” Darcy pointed out, now feeling a little bit of concern for Tony. Although he was clueless about babies, she didn’t think he was that clueless about pregnancy. He was a genius after all. Scooting her chair away from her desk, she pushed herself up and stood. The glass in Tony’s hand fell and shattered on the floor. Glass, coffee and ice splattered across his shoes but he didn’t seem to notice. Instead, his eyes were fixed on Darcy’s bump as a look of complete terror twisted his face.
“What the hell Lewis? Did you get knocked up?” Tony asked, genuine concern drenched his squeaky voice.
“Uh, yeah,” Darcy said, very tempted to add a ‘duh’ at the end of the sentence. Maybe he had concussion from the mission and should be spending time in medical. She started to walk towards him, in hopes of leading him gently to a doctor. To be fair, she was wearing an ill-fitting tank top and a non-maternity skirt, so a lot of her stomach skin was showing. It wasn’t that grotesque though. She was a little insulted, to be honest.
“Weren’t you on birth control? I thought you were smarter than that! I would have given you the birds and bees talk, if you needed it. Or at least a trial for some experimental birth control,” Tony insisted, one hand reaching out to grip the doorframe. He started to puff out breaths in short bursts. His eyes widened in equal parts fear and hysteria. Actually, he looked kind of close to a panic attack and Darcy was sure he’d not had one for a while, which had been in part due to Pepper dragging him by the ear to a psychiatrist. She really didn’t want to undo all that work.
“Well, given that this,” Darcy said a little more gently while gesturing to her bump, “was my goal, I thought the birth control wouldn’t be very beneficial.”
“You mean you got pregnant on purpose?” Tony practically screeched, disgust edging into his features and Darcy was very insulted by that. Yeah, birth was kind of horrific but she didn’t need any reminder of that.
“Yeah, you know, some people like babies,” Scott pipped up.
“Hey, who doesn’t love new baby smell?” Luis added and Scott nodded along.
“Now I’m starting to worry you’re the one with heat stroke,” Darcy teased but her heart wasn’t behind it. Tony had known she was pregnant. Right?
Then again, he hadn’t been at her surprise baby shower a few weeks ago. She also thought it was a little weird he’d not sent her an extravagant and useless present but just brushed it off with the fact he was extremely self-absorbed. Pepper had sent over a lovely new crib with a run of the mill card but she and Tony had been traveling these past few weeks so probably saving their conversations for more important topics.
“Oh man, no one told him,” Dave said in a theatrical whisper. Everyone seemed to stand up a little straighter when they all realized this was fact. A tense silence gripped the room as they watched Tony, waiting for him to do something other than breath heavily and process Darcy’s new silhouette.
“Everyone knows?” Tony shouted once his brain caught up. Somehow, Tony Stark had been out of the loop. He’d not been at the dinner where Darcy and Brock announced the news, he’d not gotten an invite to the baby shower and he didn’t have an AI installed at the base that kept him up to date with all the happenings. He also obviously hadn’t been watching Darcy on the security feed and she supposed that she should be more relieved at that. The cogs in Tony’s head had moved from slow to full speed and his entire body jerked to attention. Ignoring the shards of glass and ice cubes at his feet, Tony began to pace. Without looking at her, he started to ask a slew of questions as if he were grilling a lab assistant so they came to their own conclusion of why they were wrong. “How many months along are you?”
“Uh, seven,” Darcy said, having to think a moment because she’d not expected Tony to approach her pregnancy like a lab problem.
“And when did you tell everyone, except me?”
“Ah, about three and a half months ago? We kept it quiet for a while,” Darcy admitted and she thought that made it a little better. Tony not knowing for that amount of time was a little better than an entire seven months.
“We all knew, though,” Kurt said and Darcy sent him an angry glare to shut him up. He just shrugged.
“Yeah, the two of you were all cuddly and nesting,” Luis spoke up but a little gentler than Kurt so he didn’t receive a death stare. “We sort of worked it out on our own.”
“Truth, we were just happy Rumlow wasn’t paying as much attention to us,” Dave added. That was fair. Brock had been a little harsh on the Ant-Man crew during drills so they could actually be put to use and go on field missions.
“I’m guessing Rumlow’s the father?” Tony asked, bring all eyes back to him and the fact that he was carelessly walking across glass.
“Yeah,” Darcy nodded, frowning as she kept her gaze on the floor. Although Tony could afford new shoes, she still didn’t want to be responsible for allowing him to wedge glass into his feet.
“He’s never mentioned a baby during any of the missions but he’s not the type to really to broadcast anything about his life. Spy habits die hard,” Tony said, stopping and then twisting on the balls of his feet to stare at Darcy, pointing an accusing finger her way. “You on the other hand, can’t stop talking.”
“You haven’t been here for five months and hardly talked to us because you were going through a bitter divorce with Steve,” Darcy pointed out, standing up and crossing her arms. If Tony was going to throw shade, she would do it right back.
“Who you think has to pay alimony? The Captain was one who cheated with Comrade Robo Cop,” Kurt said, a little smirk on his lips as he and Dave snickered. Tony pointedly ignored them.
“He lied to me and you lied by omission, Lewis. This base was supposed to be an improvement but it’s just another den of lies,” Tony said, a little too dramatically for Darcy’s taste because now he sounded like a scorned high school drama nerd shouting at the drama club who didn’t cast him as lead. She rolled her eyes before letting out a sigh. He also hadn’t been in on the announcement that Darcy and Brock had a ‘thing’ before restarting up the ‘thing’. Even though Tony was exiling himself, it wasn’t entirely his fault that he’d not been updated. He’d had some shitty times, what with the traveling into space to divert a missile, losing his Miami home, fighting over the Sokovia Accords, losing Banner and finding out Steve had technically 'left' him for the guy who killed his parents. Who ever thought she’d feel kind of bad for the billionaire, philanthropist and reformed playboy?
“I didn’t lie but I did forget to tell you because…well, because I’m pregnant and I’ve got to worry about pushing a human out of my body. Hell, I was worried my ovaries were broken after having to wait to find a guy that wanted a baby with me and actually came through on that promise. Then it took longer than I had hoped to get pregnant, so sue me if I wanted just the two of us to enjoy it for a while. Only don’t sue me because babies are expensive and I don’t want to waste money on a lawyer because you can’t get over yourself,” Darcy pouted, wringing her hands slightly. Throughout her admission, her voice became smaller and more self-conscious. When she found out she was pregnant, a bubble of happiness engulfed her and Brock. She’d wanted it to last for as long as she could because she knew all the judgement and annoying advice would soon follow. Whether it was from her family or people asking weirdly personal questions, the bubble was going to burst eventually. It certainly popped when someone asked if she had planned on breastfeeding or not. Seriously, that was her business.
Her sad tirade seemed to deflate Tony a little but he still didn’t concede. “I hear you got a pretty penny last time Rumlow died.”
“I’m pregnant and full of hormones. Don’t kid about my baby daddy dying. Past, present or future,” warned Darcy.
“Fair enough,” Tony pursed his lips. It was then that Scott, now brandishing a small broom, cleared his throat. Tony didn’t appear bothered when Scott brushed the glass into a small pan, all the while having to work around Tony because he wouldn’t move.
“Can one of you guys get a mop?” asked Scott, slightly irate he was the only one trying to prevent an injury.
“Hey, I was paid to steal and to bring the baby food, I ain’t cleaning shit,” said Dave and Darcy didn’t argue. He’d been very clear on the terms.
“You got paid?” Scott asked, voice high in disbelief and face twisted into a Beaker-like expression.
“Yeah man, we all getting paid,” Luis said, furrowing his brow slightly, as if the concept was obvious.
“I’m not!” Scott whined. With a pout, he turned to Darcy and set her with a hurt frown. It wasn’t entirely her fault that he wasn’t getting a wage. He was the only one out of the Ant-Man crew that agreed to help out without refusal or immediate negotiations. Although Scott was a generally decent guy, Darcy had a feeling he was kind of scared of her. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was carrying Brock’s baby and he was very frightened of Brock or if it was because he was frightened of how unhinged she could be when the hormones got the best of her.
“We always tell you, you do not have good business mind.” Kurt berated, shaking his head in disappointment.
“Yeah, you really don’t,” Tony agreed, voice somehow pitying and a little smug at the same time. Looking down at the mess he’d made, Tony raised an eyebrow and didn’t appear phased. “Well, there’s a debriefing and I suppose I should get some shoes that don’t have glass and coffee in them.”
“I am really sorry you were the last to find out,” Darcy admitted and Tony’s face softened just a tad.
“If you make me the godfather, I may forgive you.”
“Absolutely not,” Darcy deadpanned.
“Fair enough, I’d have declined anyway,” Tony said and then, there was a clunk and a sputter. They looked up to try and find the noise when blissfully cool air began to blow through the AC vents.
“Oh, thank god,” Darcy moaned, lifting her arms out at her sides and waddling over so she stood directly under the vent.
“I guess my job here is done,” Tony sighed and left the doorway, not that Darcy really noticed.
In the next couple of days, Darcy didn’t really see Tony. She and Brock left for NYC for a checkup at her OBGYN. Although they had some of the best medical minds on base, they did not have someone that was comfortable being responsible for monitoring and delivering a baby.
Fortunately, everything was normal. When they returned to the base, Tony had left but they did hear he and Steve had a nice, long civil talk. Also, Darcy and Brock’s rooms were filled to the brim with high quality baby equipment, clothes and even a blue print for a beautiful and safe playroom that would be built in the following week during a spa getaway she and Brock were apparently now expected to take. Now, there was nothing wrong with an impromptu vacation but Darcy wasn’t sure if Tony was genuinely sorry for not keeping up to date with her business or if he was just uber rich and thought nothing of the concept of random, luxurious spa giveaways. She did get her answer to how much Tony knew about pregnancy. It wasn’t much because a lot of the treatments the spa offered were not suggested for pregnant women.
Still, Darcy returned relaxed and loved (a la Brock) but just a tad guilty. She always felt guilty when Tony’s extra personality became thoughtful good deeds. So, she decided to plot a few small, good deeds for Tony. Which was kind of hard for a man who could buy everything. Instead of gifts, Darcy started sending him updates of the small, benign gossip that was happening at the base. A message from Pepper’s assistant noted Pepper was annoyed at how Tony was chattering away about Hope sending ants to steal Dr. Leopoll’s afternoon snack pudding cup for a week straight after he backdoor insulted her. Though, the note ended with the statement that Tony did seem to be enjoying himself a little more but to please include stories Pepper could appreciate. Or at least stories with better moral endings other than revenge was best served with bugs.
Now that Tony was appeased, Darcy knew she should focus on the baby. Which was extremely frightening the closer she approached the due date, resulting her attempting to completely ignore it. Definitely not ignorable once they began the search to find her maternity leave replacement, leading to Darcy worrying that she would be fully replaced. But Darcy wanted a baby and she was beyond lucky to have so much support from the Base residents and even Tony Stark. Although Tony claimed to hate children, Darcy had a feeling he was going to have a soft spot for this one. She’d just have to remember to keep Tony on the email list for baby milestones.