Chapter Text
Katie could not comprehend how someone who was hard-of-hearing could be so loud.
Well, actually, she figured that it was because he couldn’t actually tell how loudly he was speaking (and nor could she), but Katie knew he often spoke far above normal volume, because she could see the veins in his neck bulge and flex when he talked, and practically feel his voice reverberating throughout the room.
This loud person— Katie was unsure of his name, but she did know he was in her history lecture class, along with their smaller discussion-based seminar for the same class. He had said something about broken hearing aids and gestured to his ears— she wasn’t sure what exactly, since lip-reading was pretty useless.
So when the seminar leader picked partners for their big presentation project, Katie wasn’t sure how to feel, being paired up with the loud boy. She was glad to find out that he could communicate in ASL, but that just about ended there.
One of the perks of being able to communicate in ASL was that you could do group projects on the silent floors of the library. So in order to get a start on their project, Katie sat at a table on the silent study level of the library with loud boy, flipping through the sheets of notes that the Disability Resource Center (DRC) provided her with.
‘So are you just going to do that, or are we actually going to start working?’ Loud boy signed to her, after grabbing her attention with a shoulder tap. Katie rolled her eyes.
‘Says the guy who was just playing Clash of Clans on his phone for ten minutes.’ She pointed to her wristwatch for emphasis.
‘I needed to check on my farms.’
Katie rolled her eyes again, as she continued to flip through her notes. Loud boy just watched, before interrupting her again.
‘Have I ever introduced myself to you? Because I’m pretty sure I don’t know your name.’
‘If that’s supposed to be a pickup line, that was horrible-‘
‘It wasn’t. I’m Lance.’ He did his name sign— a strangely elaborate and drawn out sign, before spelling out the letters, then repeating the name sign, and finally she made a connection to the name she’d been attempting to lip read since the beginning of the semester. He held out his hand for her to shake it, and looked at her expectantly. When all she did was blink confusedly at him, he gave up on the handshake and asked, ‘Are you going to introduce yourself?’
‘I’m Katie,’ she did her short and simple name sign, fingerspelled, then repeated it before shrugging and looking back down at her notes. They sat in silence, before Lance poked her again.
‘You actually use those notes they have?’ he asked her, eyebrows furrowed at the dark green binder holding the pile of copied pages together.
‘I’m Deaf,’ she deadpanned, looking at him like he was dumb or something— was it not obvious?
The conversation was dropped, with the two continuing the awkward pause. Katie jotted down a couple of notes that she thought were important for their assigned topic, but Lance was clearly thinking of otherwise.
‘Can you speak?’
She sighed. ‘Not well.’
Lance finally decided to be intuitive and not ask stupid questions. He kept quiet, pulling out his own notebook and flipping through notes.
Katie figured that Lance had been one of those kids who lost their hearing a bit later on, as it didn’t seem like people had any problems understanding him when he spoke. He seemed to mostly blend in with everyone else until a couple of weeks ago, when he had announced rather loudly to the class during attendance, that his hearing aids were broken. She hadn’t even noticed that he was hard-of-hearing in the first place.
‘So do you think we have enough notes on the French Revolution to make a presentation without having to do more research?’
She shrugged. ‘Maybe. I don’t know, this person’s handwriting is nearly illegible.’ Was that an a or an e? Why was there a mark over it?
‘Do you not take your own notes during class?’
‘Yeah, I do, but they’re mostly to stay awake. The professor mumbles and likes to pace around so I don’t even bother trying to read his lips.’
Lance nodded in response. ‘I feel you. Ever since my hearing aids broke, I’ve felt kind of like... left out? My friends haven’t invited me to do anything in a while.’
‘Join the club. I’ve been deaf since I was born. It’s just how it is.’
She watched him gulp, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he did. He stared at the table, seemingly deep in thought. She didn’t mean to make it seem like she wanted his pity, she was just telling him her reality, one he wasn’t too far from.
He was curious though. She, too, by nature was also curious, but he beat her to it. ‘Is your entire family deaf?’ he asked, mindlessly turning a page in his notebook.
‘No, it’s just me. Is yours?’ He shook his head.
‘I grew up in Cuba and I had an accident back there that damaged my hearing. I was deaf for a while, and then it came back— I can sort of hear now, but it just keeps getting worse.’
‘That sucks. I’m not sure whether it was better to just be born this way it not. My speech would probably be better if it were the latter though.’
‘Is it that bad?’ he asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded, frowning. ‘Maybe when my hearing aids come in, I can try to help you.’
‘Two deaf people don’t make a hearing person,’ she joked, and he rolled his eyes with a smile that almost made her heart flutter, then glanced at the time on his phone.
‘Whatever. I gotta go to class, I guess I’ll catch you another time? Do I have your number?’
Katie shook her head and pulled out her phone, unlocking it and handing it to Lance, who quickly added himself as a contact, then gave her her phone back.
He left with a wave, and she was left alone, in silence once again.
Notes:
i also posted this on the voltron amino under savidge so if you’re feeling déjà vu that’s where this came from.
continued disclaimer from beginning: if you know more about deaf/hoh people i’d love to be educated! again, all of this stuff is from research so if it sounds off please don’t hesitate to correct me
i needed a title and scrambled to think of one and i was about this ( <- this) close to naming is like “awful sex life” or “age sex location” because i wanted a title that was derived from the acronym asl and the internet had a list that had “above sea level” on it and?? it stuck.
idk about you but i was thinkin like,,, lance = water duh and then when you’re underwater u can’t hear stuff but like,,, above water you can? i sound high but trust me on this one
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Summary:
Presentation progress: 13%
Matt’s Tinder Matches: 6
Notes:
more notes at the end but i wanted to take this time to thank everyone for the amazing feedback! this is actually my first multi-chapter fic ever and my first work posted to ao3 and it’s really cool to be getting such a positive response! i’m feeling that this might end up being around 6 chapters long, and i do have the next 2 written.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The next time they met, it was in Katie’s dorm room.
She had been given a single, courtesy of the DRC, and thus didn’t have to bother with asking a roommate if she could have anyone come over, unlike Lance. The single was particularly large compared to Lance’s minuscule dorm room— a second bed definitely could have fit. Instead, in place of a second bed was her desk, where she was seated, typing away on her laptop. Lance imagined that the keys were clicking rapidly, as she seemed rather focused on what she was doing.
Lance was laying on her bed, playing Clash of Clans again. He was being raided, and his hearing aids were still very broken. What was new.
Against fire code, Katie had hung string lights throughout her room, the warm glow of the small bulbs filling her otherwise rather barren room. The light radiating from her laptop was cool, the light blue from the white page on the screen, and the only other light on in the room. Besides the lights, her decorations were few, with a couple of storage containers and a small pile of laundry on the floor. Her shoes were kicked about on the hardwood, with a few pairs of socks equally as lost.
Because of their positioning in the room, but more so pure laziness, the two were texting back and forth rather than signing.
Katie: hey lance
Katie: when the fuck are you going to actually help me on this project
Lance: im being raided
Katie: good
Lance: >:(
Katie: at least that wasn’t an emoji
Lance: it can be
Katie: please don’t
Lance considered sending her an emoji, just to bother her, but decided to stop. He kept glancing up to the top of his screen for any notifications, but no further messages were sent, and Katie had her back turned to him, so he couldn’t tell what she was doing. Probably the PowerPoint for the presentation, because she was being the responsible one here.
From this angle, he noticed a pair of familiar plastic devices sitting on her desk amongst a pile of other miscellaneous things. They seemed to blend in with the pencils and phone chargers and other wires and cords, stealthily passing as some kind of phone accessory, however Lance knew very well what they were.
“You have the implant?” He said aloud before realizing, fuck.
Lance: you have a ci ?
Lance: why don’t you just use it
He could see her sigh, before turning in her chair to face him.
‘My parents had the surgery done to me when I was a baby, but I don’t really wear them anymore.’
Lance mouthed an ‘oh’. He debated prodding into the subject more, trying to form a comprehensive and hopefully not-stupid question in his mind.
‘Why?’
She furrowed her eyebrows at him, confused. Great— all of that thought and he still asked a dumb question.
‘Why did my parents have me get the implants or why don’t I wear them?’
‘Both.’
She thought for a moment before responding.
‘Most doctors think that being deaf isn’t normal,’ she signed with a shrug. ‘My parents probably just did whatever they told them to.’
Lance watched as she paused to think before continuing.
‘I stopped wearing the external pieces when I was about five because I started going to a school for the deaf in kindergarten.’
He nodded in response, but she must have still had a trail of thought, as she continued.
‘I only wore them when I had speech therapy because they didn’t really work for me. My parents would insist that I wore them whenever I was home alone, or went out alone, but I never did.’
Lance hummed in response, before he saw her laptop screen change, and the familiar Skype ringtone played. He went to point to the screen and notify Katie, but she must have noticed the change in light emitted from her laptop screen, and was already answering it.
A young man appeared on the screen, and Lance could immediately tell that he was related to Katie in some way. He had the same auburn hair and brown eyes as her, though his were a bit lighter. He drew the conclusion that this was probably her brother.
He greeted her with a sign that Lance didn’t recognize— probably a nickname or something, before continuing. His positioning and orientation were off, and his facial expressions were just plain weird, but Lance could figure out what he was trying to say.
‘—I hope you’re not too busy right now! I thought I’d just call to see how my favorite sister was doing.’
‘Fine,’ she responded, as her brother squinted and craned his neck to peer over her shoulder. Which obviously didn’t work since he was on her laptop screen, and not actually there.
‘Who’s that?’
‘Lance,’ he introduced himself in sign, rolling off of her bed and joining her in the frame. ‘I’m her partner for a history project.’
Her brother seemed surprised that he was signing too, and Lance remembered that Katie had said that the rest of her family was Hearing.
“I’m assuming you’re her brother?” He asked aloud, signing as well so Katie wouldn’t be left out of the conversation. He moved closer to the laptop so that he could hear it better. Her brother spoke and signed as well, but his signs were even sloppier now that he was multitasking.
The male on the screen nodded, and his mouth was opening but no sound was coming out of the laptop. Lance pressed the volume buttons and turned it up so he could hear. The volume was at about eighty percent, and he still sounded muffled. At least he was signing too, albeit SEE rather than ASL.
“I’m Matt, Pidge’s older brother.” Said girl glared at her brother, as the unfamiliar nickname was signed again.
“Pidge, huh? So that’s the sign you used earlier. I didn’t recognize it.” Katie rolled her chair back a bit so she could follow both her brother and Lance without getting whiplash.
‘It’s his dumb nickname for me,’ Katie signed, annoyance on her face. ‘Anyway, why did you call?’
“I can’t just check on the well-being of my baby sister?” She didn’t even need to sign a response to that question. Her expression said it all. “Okay, fine. I’m going on a Tinder date tonight and I need help.”
‘You...’ she signed slowly and dramatically, emphasizing her surprise, and probably disbelief. ‘...have a Tinder?’
“Six matches, baby.” Lance concluded that this was probably a feat for Matt, considering that he was bragging about an unimpressive number. “Anyways, I need to know like, what to do. What to wear, what to talk about...”
‘Matt, you’re asking the wrong person here.’
“Just dress casually,” Lance suggested. This was his forte. “Chicks hate it when you try too hard.”
‘And they also hate it when people refer to them as birds.’
Matt scratched his neck awkwardly, eyes trailing off to the side before returning to the screen. “Uh, you see, um, I’m actually going on a date with a guy,” he mumbled and signed hastily, like he really didn’t want anyone to know what he was saying.
It seemed to work, because Katie signed for Matt to repeat whatever the heck he just said. Slowly.
‘I’m bi.’
There was a pause, and Lance could see the nervousness in the other boy’s eyes as he awaited a response from his sister.
‘Okay.’
The expression twisted from anxiety to confusion. “You’re... Okay? With me...?”
‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
Matt shrugged, and the topic was dropped, sort of. “So anyways, what do I talk about with him?”
“Well, why did you match? Did you read his bio?”
Another shrug. Lance hummed, tapping a finger to his chin in thought. “Just wing it,” he suggested, and Matt’s eyes widened.
“Me?” he gestured to himself, “wing it? I am not the kind of guy to just be able to ‘wing it’.”
“Why not?” Again, Matt had no words. “Just have confidence in yourself.”
He let out a groan— a weak-sounding voice-cracky noise. “I’ll try,” he said, checking his watch. “I have to go now though, thanks I guess.” Matt’s face went from defeated to mischievous in a split second, winking at Katie and wiggling his eyebrows. ‘Stay safe,’ he signed, before ending the call and leaving his sister a blushing mess.
‘So that PowerPoint...’ she signed quickly, trying to change the subject.
Notes:
lance speaking to pidge and then realizing ‘fuck’ is probably one of my favorite parts, because i guess it kind of shows how he’s more used to being around hearing people and being oral and all that. idk, i have these character backstories floating around in my head dude
also i’m trying to be really descriptive since like— these ppl can’t hear so like a lot of their information comes from what they see and deaf/hoh people are sometimes/usually very visual and observant because of that so i figured that lots of details were necessary
AND MATT!!!! on tinder lol;; lowkey background shatt going to happen
SEE is signing exact english bc u can’t speak two languages at the same time and ASL has a whole different grammar structure from english
i’d love to hear your thoughts and if there’s anything that doesn’t make sense please let me know!
fun fact: thanks to a friend it was pointed out to me that when lance is signing to matt through video chat there’s def no way that pidge can see what he’s saying from behind her, and the little “view of what you’re doing” thing is probably too small for her to really be able to tell what he’s saying, oops lol
edit 3/8/20 i fixed that lol
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Summary:
That crappy chat room chapter.
Notes:
Kinda short but eh. Garrison (gucci) Gang bonding.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Katie, this is my roommate Hunk.”
She waved awkwardly from her spot on the worn plush leather couch in the coffee shop to Lance’s friend, who had to be at least a foot taller than her, and probably weighed twice as much as her too. Given, she wasn’t exactly the tallest nor largest person she knew, but it was still impressive. Hunk, however, held a hand out for her to shake, and after, introduced himself in ASL.
‘Hi, I’m Hunk and I’m Hearing,’ he signed to her, with a wide, warm smile. She suddenly felt less uncomfortable, until Lance jumped in.
‘I only really taught him how to say that, so I’ll do the interpreting. Okay?’ He spoke as he signed, to ensure that both of his friends understood.
There was an awkward pause before Lance stood up, after having been sitting for only a minute or so. “I’m going to go order a coffee, would either of you like something?” he asked. Katie nodded, and she noticed that Lance repeated her order aloud before going to go place it.
She and Hunk were left in an awkward silence without their interpreter. Hunk was looking around anxiously at his surroundings, and she watched him, debating whether she should try to be friendly or something.
“What year are you in?” she asked, trying to replicate the movements and sounds that she’s practiced over and over again in speech therapy. Hunk looked at her with slight confusion, and said something that had two syllables. She realized that that could mean anything, and instead gestured for him to hold up the corresponding number of fingers. He held up two.
She nodded in understanding, proud that she was communicating with a Hearing person. Excited to continue, she spoke again. “What’s your major?”
Hunk furrowed his eyebrows, and her face fell when it seemed like he hadn’t been able to understand what she said. He seemed to notice her distress, and waved his hands to signal to her that it was okay.
Reluctant to speak again, Katie half-smiled to Hunk with pursed lips, as Lance returned and set down the drinks.
“I hope it wasn’t too awkward for you two,” he said, sitting down beside Hunk, and picking up his own drink, taking a sip.
Katie shrugged, pulling out her phone and signing for Lance to start a group text between the three of them so she could communicate through that. The Cuban did as told, and before she knew it, they were ‘the kids your parents warned you about’— sitting together in a group and texting each other rather than speaking. At least they had a reason to.
After adding Hunk’s number to her contacts, she noticed that he’d already sent a message to the group.
Hunk: I’m so sorry about earlier, Katie;; what were you trying to ask me?
Katie: it’s fine! i think i asked you what your major was
Lance: wait what when did this happen
Katie: just now
Hunk: I’m an engineering major! And you?
Katie: compsci
Hunk liked “compsci”
Katie set her phone down to take a sip of her tea, blowing on the steaming liquid in an attempt to cool it. It was just how she liked it. Usually when she ordered, she just handed the barista a slip of paper with her order, but somehow they always managed to mess it up, even though it was written down for them. For some reason that she couldn’t explain, every time she’s come with Lance and he ordered for her, it was correct.
She set her cup down, finding that her phone had several notifications from a conversation between Hunk and Lance.
Lance: is it just me or does it feel weird to just be sitting around and texting like this
Hunk: It’s actually pretty nice. It’s kind of loud in here now because they’re grinding coffee beans or something.
Lance: oh that’s that smell
Hunk: Now that you’ve mentioned it, I am noticing the smell now.
Katie: it smells bad. i don’t like coffee.
Lance: whatever, pidge, you weirdo
Katie disliked “whatever, pidge, you weirdo”
Hunk: Pidge?
Lance: you’re a compsci major don’t you like live off of coffee
Lance: isn’t coffee and code a thing
Katie: no?
Hunk: It’s the architecture students that live off of coffee.
Lance: oh shit your right man
Lance: **you’re
Katie: **you’re
Lance disliked “**you’re”
Lance disliked “**you’re”
Lance: i know grammar
Katie: sure
Lance: i’ll have you know i got a 5 on the ap english test
Katie: i call bullshit
Lance: it’s true
Hunk: Can verify.
Katie: wait did you two know each other before college
Lance and Hunk both nodded to her. That explained a lot.
Lance: we’ve been friends since i moved to the us from cuba
Katie: and when was that
Lance: fourth grade??? idk
Lance: anyway does anyone want to play killbot phantasm 4?
Katie: IT’S OUT???
Lance: yeah didn’t you hear
Katie: yeah didn’t you hear Katie: i’m Deaf u fuck
Lance: fuck off gremlin
Katie disliked “fuck off gremlin”
Lance: let’s go buy snacks and have a kp marathon
Katie liked “let’s go buy snacks and have a kp marathon”
Hunk liked “let’s go buy snacks and have a kp marathon”
Hunk: What’s kp? Hunk: I liked for snacks.
Notes:
I don't have much to say other than the next chapter is a [B]anger.
also gotta love when hunk is reduced to only a fat joke
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Summary:
im back from europe and armed with some fluff
Notes:
i’m back from europe and armed with some fluff.
if you notice some bullshittery towards the end of this chapter there’s an explanation in the end notes
edit: 12/9/2020 this chapter has always bothered me for its inaccuracies which before i said yeah do it for the fluff whatever but there’s ways to have fluff and have it still be accurate so i changed stuff around so it’s more realistic
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
After making loops around the library, Katie and Lance weren’t able to find a place to work due to the impending midterm season. Instead, they braved the rainstorm outside, trudging all the way to Lance’s dorm room, peeling off their soaked clothes and curling up in soft blankets and too-big t-shirts. Hunk was away, spending the weekend at a relative’s house, so Lance had the room to himself.
All of the effort it took to track down a place to work had left them overly unmotivated to work, and Lance had suggested they just watch a movie instead. After finding something appealing with subtitles on Netflix, the two of them set up Lance’s laptop on Hunk’s bed and sat across from it on Lance’s bed with a blanket draped over them.
The thunder grumbled outside, a faint, low, crackly tone in his hearing aids. They’d just come in the mail yesterday, and he realized that he hadn’t missed being able to hear as much as he did when they initially broke. The volume on the laptop was off, and Lance found it easier to focus on the dialogue and visuals without the background music distracting him.
The film continued, though Katie had fallen asleep for most of it. Lance picked something else to put on after the first film was over and let her sleep— she didn’t get enough of it anyways. They lay in silence, comfortable and cozy. She was curled up against Lance, her limbs tangled in his, as if her body had been reaching for the warmth of his. Lance felt her stir, and smiled down at her as she rubbed at her eyes.
‘Good morning,’ he signed to her as she moved to sit up, shivering as the cold air met her skin. It wasn’t actually morning though; it was even darker outside— dark from the night compared to the stormy dark from earlier.
‘How long was I asleep?’ she asked, scooting away from Lance, rather reluctantly. Lance shifted on the bed so he was sitting up more, and paused the movie after searching for the computer mouse that had been buried under the blankets.
‘A couple of hours,’ he told her, a smirk across his face. Katie huffed and gave him a playful shove.
‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’
‘You looked comfortable,’ Lance signed with a shrug.
Katie stuck her tongue out at him, and she continued to stare at him, eyes fixated on something. Lance’s attention drifted back to the movie, before he felt a small hand poking his ear.
‘I didn’t notice,’ she signed, mouth open like she wanted to say something.
Lance had always wondered what her voice sounded like. He understood why she chose not to use it, but he could still be curious in regards to it, right? She had told him about speech therapy in the past, and most of her recollections of hours spent with her therapist were negative, as he hadn’t been very supportive of her. He didn’t blame her— it had felt extremely strange to talk when he had initially lost his hearing, thus he had a friend teach him ASL, in addition to practicing his speech so he wouldn’t lose the skill. Over time, his hearing came back somewhat, but it still wasn’t great.
‘I got them yesterday.’
‘What... do I sound like?’
She gulped as she signed the last words, making the motions in a timid way that was uncharacteristic of Katie. Taking a deep breath, she said something, but Lance couldn’t really tell what she was saying.
The question threw him off. It was like trying to explain what something looked like to a blind person. Well, not completely blind. Lance knew that since she’d been forced into wearing her cochlear implants during speech therapy, she had a general knowledge of sound, but from what she told him about them, it wasn’t much besides loud noises like the phone ringing.
‘Nice,’ was all he said in response, not really wanting to elaborate much more. What was she expecting him to say, anyways?
It clearly hadn’t been a satisfactory answer for Katie, who was glaring at Lance.
She said something else that he couldn’t understand, but Lance could tell from her annoyed tone and hurt expression that he shouldn’t have said that.
‘I can’t tell what you’re saying.’
She rolled her eyes, picking up a pillow and hugging it. She sighed into it. ‘I don’t talk for a reason.’
‘Your therapist was a real jerk, huh?’
Katie nodded, frowning at the pillow. ‘He told me I was hopeless...’ her hands floated in the air like she was going to continue, and it took a minute for her to resume. ‘I mean I don’t care about it that much— it’s more that I want to be better at it to prove him wrong? Even if I was better at it I probably still wouldn’t speak voluntarily... I just... I don’t know.’
Lance smiled in understanding. ‘Remember when I told you that I’d help you, and you said that two deaf people don’t make a hearing person?’ She nodded. ‘Well what about one deaf person and one hard-of-hearing person with hearing aids?’
‘I don’t want to be a bother to you too...’
He waved her off. ‘You’re not, I swear. What did you want to practice saying?’
‘We usually started with the alphabet,’ she signed to him, setting the pillow aside and scooting closer to him. ‘He would say a letter a few times and then I would try to repeat it.’
Lance nodded. “Uh, so um. A.”
She gestured for him to wait as she clasped her hands around his throat, catching him by surprise. Was he being a bad teacher already? To the point that she was going to choke him?
With wide eyes, Lance looked down at Katie, confused and concerned. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Feeling the vibrations in your throat,’ she explained to him. The heat left his neck and returned as she responded, flooding up to his face as he gulped— he knew she definitely felt that, and could without a doubt see the blush on his cheeks. She was so close...
“U-Uh, so A... A...”
Lance knew that this wasn’t really going to go anywhere— he never had to go through the same type of speech therapy as Katie so he was just going along with whatever she said she used to do. And just because he had his hearing aids back didn’t mean his hearing was the same as natural hearing either, so he wasn’t exactly the most reliable source.
They practiced the alphabet and other common greetings, along with names and a couple of swear words, given that Katie was basically a minor league sailor. Lance eventually got used to the closeness and sensation of her small, delicate fingers on his neck, feeling for what moved when he made different sounds. Lance lied about how she was doing because it could have been good, or it could have been bad and he wouldn’t have really been able to tell. She looked like she was doing the right thing though, and he kept encouraging her regardless.
His neck got cold when she took her hands off of it. She started laughing.
‘You can’t actually tell what I’m saying, am I right?’
He should have known he could have only gotten so far when lying to someone who paid much more attention to body language than the average person.
‘Nope.’
He grinned sheepishly. It was kind of funny that they had spent so long pretending like this was going to get anywhere. They laughed about it for a few minutes, but there was a bittersweet feeling that Lance couldn’t quite shake. He didn’t want to admit that it he had actually savored their intimate moment, as stupid as it seemed now.
‘Man, we’re so dumb. Like dumb and dumber! Who needs hearing or speaking when we have this?’
He nodded in agreement. It really was freeing not having to feel self-conscious about whether he was saying something right, or speaking too loudly or comprehending what someone else was saying. Sure he just lied about the same things to Katie but it was different, since she understood how he felt. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time.
A very faint smirk formed on her thin, pink lips.
‘Okay, but there’s one more thing I want to try to say. How would you say... “I love you?”’, she asked in sign, smug expression hiding behind fake innocence.
Lance almost gagged, spluttering and coughing until he was able to regain composure. Clearing his throat, he felt the familiar hands on his neck as he croaked out the three words.
He should have known that she was playing games with him, because instead of saying it, she signed back.
‘I love you too.’
They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment in probably the most cliché way as possible, before their lips met, Katie’s hands sliding up to the back of Lance’s head and pulling him closer.
Lance swore he could hear fireworks going off— or was that thunder? Either way, the pure energy and electricity surging through his body was comparable to both, the passion overwhelming him. They pulled away after what seemed like a pause in time, both of their expressions blissful.
‘I love you,’ he signed to her, pulling her into a hug.
Notes:
**this chapter was edited 12/9/2020 so these notes are outdated but i’m keeping them. virtually everything is the same though besides the minor details that i explained below on why what i had before doesn’t work. if this still seems off and you know better than me, let me know!
-
idk probably self explanatory but it’s really difficult for people who became deaf before they started to speak to learn to speak because they have no clue what the stuff coming out of their mouth sounds like or what it should sound like
i realized i needed a reason for katie to actually care about speaking because on the surface she doesn’t give a fuck and i didn’t want to have the ‘im disabled and i want to be fixed’ kind of thing going on because otherwise she’s fine with being deaf. so i made the speech therapist a big jerk that she wanted to give a big ‘fuck you’ to because that seemed like a pidge move. also, i had the idea for this scene down and needed an excuse to make her talk and grab lance’s neck
if you were worried about this being abandoned even if i do abandon it i still have like 3-4 chapters prewritten which i guess is good and bad news but i’m gonna try hard not to abandon my first multi chapter fic
fun fact: thanks to a friend i have been notified that this entire concept of lance just “teaching pidge to talk” is complete bs and wouldn’t work in the real world because
1. pidge didn’t care for or do well in speech therapy and since it was a long time ago she wouldn’t remember anything anyways, let alone be able to do it correctly
2. since lance uses hearing aids and pidge used cochlear implants they don’t “hear” the same way anyways (it’s also very different from how people with natural hearing will hear). their therapy for learning/remembering how to speak would be different
3. lance already could speak before he had hearing issues so he didn’t really have to go through speech therapy at all, and thus he can’t really help katie at all lol
4. sometimes u gotta make realistic sacrifices for some good fluff
lol the more you know though! education galore
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Summary:
aren’t lightswitches also darkswitches??? wth is a dimmer switch then though
Notes:
stolen straight off of r/showerthoughts, im guilt
also long-winded psychoanalysis and some post-rationalizing at the end notes.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It didn’t hit her that Lance hadn’t texted her at all today about something, anything pointless until she was in the midst of typing away at some code and the Cuban had randomly popped into her mind. Saving her progress, she checked her phone. Nothing. Odd. Suspicious.
Tapping into their text thread, she frowned when she saw that everything had been the same as it was yesterday, and every day for the past week really. Lance would ask something that seemed like it was stolen right from the shower thoughts page on Reddit, and Katie would respond with some kind of snarky and sarcastic comment.
Lance: aren’t lightswitches also darkswitches
Katie: what is a dimmer switch then
She reread their most recent exchange, which was still timestamped from yesterday. It was really strange that Lance hadn’t said anything to her though. Usually he used a text like that to initiate a FaceTime conversation, where he’d invite himself over or invite her out somewhere. Occasionally they’d work on their history project, but more often than not they’d get distracted.
She’d gotten used to expecting a daily text from him, but now, the orange glow of the setting sun on her white walls notified her that it was getting late, and she was getting worried. Had something happened to him? Was he sick?
Typing a message, she hit send, watching as the blue loading bar crept along to the right.
Katie: lance?
Setting her phone down, she impatiently awaited a response for what felt like an hour, though only a couple of minutes had passed.
Closing her laptop, she gathered up her things and decided that she’d go knock on Lance’s door— if anything, Hunk might be in the room and she could ask him where he was.
By the time she reached the dorm building that Lance resided in, the sun was barely peeking over the horizon, shining only on the tops of the tallest buildings. She had convinced someone leaving to sign her in after an awkward exchange via the Notes app on Katie’s phone, and walked through the familiar halls of the building.
Stopping in front of the door with two name tags on it, she paused for a moment. The floor theme must have been Pokémon types, because Lance’s name tag was a water-type emblem, whereas Hunk’s was a rock-type emblem.
Firmly knocking on the door, she awaited a response. Katie half-considered sliding her phone flashlight under the door to get Lance’s attention in the case that he didn’t have his hearing aids in. Her own door had a sort of doorbell-like button that had been wired up with a light inside so she could tell if someone was at the door or not. Matt had made that contraption for her.
The door opened slowly, and Hunk peeked around cautiously, sighing in relief once his eyes fell on Katie. She realized that he probably called out, asking who it was and got nervous when there was no response. Waving at her, he gestured for her to enter.
‘Where’s Lance?’ she asked in sign.
Hunk had picked up quite a bit from being around her and Lance all this time, but it wasn’t enough for him to respond. He grabbed a notepad from his desk and started writing.
He’s out.
She furrowed her eyebrows, and snatched the pen from him. That was a vague answer— like Hunk was covering Lance’s ass for something.
Out where?
Hunk hesitantly took the pen from her, writing slowly as if he really didn’t want her to know this information.
At a party.
Lance went out to a party and he didn’t invite her? Well, not inviting her, she could understand. He had his group of hearing friends from his pre-broken-hearing aids days, and not everyone was as patient as Hunk when it came to communication between herself and Lance and Hearing people. But still... Lance could have at least told her where he was going to be, instead of just ghosting her all day.
Unless there was a reason why he didn’t want her to know where he was.
‘Thanks Hunk, bye,’ she told the Samoan with a wave, forcing a smile as she slipped out the door and down the stairs.
Emerging out of the dorm building, she shivered at the sudden cold and darkness that had fallen over the campus. It was early November, and with the passing of midterms came the last push for Thanksgiving break. Their history assignment was due the week after they got back, and their progress was now at an impressive 72 percent done, compared to the abysmal progress they had a few weeks ago.
There had been plans to finish it all before break, so they could both enjoy family time. Her parents had extended a Thanksgiving invitation to Lance, who would stay on campus otherwise, but he was still undecided as of now.
None of that mattered to Katie right now, however, as she walked along the sidewalks, across quads glowing golden from the street lamps. She was more than upset with Lance, who was definitely hiding something from her. No, they weren’t dating, but this past week had given her hope. There weren’t many things that Lance kept from her, but she figured that a side romance or something might be one of those secrets, tucked away from her knowledge.
Or maybe she was overreacting. Lance wasn’t always as on top of things as he should have been, so maybe he genuinely forgot to tell her why he was out. Why would he have told Hunk to say what he did though?
Katie sighed as a couple walked past her, conversing and holding hands. She felt like such a hopeless romantic, watching them longingly. It reminded her of the couple of nights when Lance had walked her to her dorm after a long day of procrastination (or productivity), and they’d done the same, minus the handholding.
She supposed she’d just gotten so used to Lance being like her— a Deaf person in a hearing world, that when he got his hearing aids back, she forgot that he could also (for the most part) be like everyone else.
It’s not like she wasn’t like everyone else. The only difference between her and the next guy was that she communicated with a different type of language. It wasn’t much different from being someone who spoke French or something, with a different culture, a different language and a different viewpoint in regards to the world. Lance was just better at switching between the three than she was with her two.
Her parents had mainstreamed her starting in middle school in an attempt to bridge that gap. It had been a blessing and a curse, as the public school she attended provided her with more opportunities when it came to advancing her level in math and robotics than the School for the Deaf she had attended previously had. Besides that, she struggled with communication, especially after a series of budget cuts included her interpreter and she was reduced to having to use pre-filled notes, lesson plans, and her dodgy lip-reading skills.
Maybe it was her personality, but public school had been a rather lonely time for her. Since there weren’t any other deaf or hard-of-hearing kids (or children of deaf adults) that she knew of who used ASL at her school, she didn’t really have anyone to talk to, besides the interpreter that had attended classes with her. She had been really close to her family and Matt for this reason, but he’d graduated from high school the year before Katie had started.
Passing by her dorm, she decided not to go home quite yet, and continued to walk. It was quiet for a Saturday night on campus. Usually there would be groups of questionably sober students walking from one party to the next. The air around them would reek with the strong scent of alcohol, wafting from their talking, laughing and smiling mouths.
Katie took a seat on a bench in one of the quads, shivering as she brought her knees to her chest. Maybe she was stupid for not going back to her room yet, but she didn’t yet want to face the room that reminded her so much of him.
Why was she so upset about a boy? It felt silly, pining so much over Lance, whom she wasn’t even dating. Sure, they kissed, and maybe confessed their love for each other, but nothing was official. They were friends. Just friends.
That was it. Even if nothing officially happened between them romantically, she still felt like she had been betrayed as a friend. Lance had quickly went from the annoying kid in her history class to her closest friend, in less than a few weeks. All her life she’s only had Matt to turn to, to talk about her problems, her concerns and her life. She loved her brother dearly, but Matt couldn’t empathize with her like Lance had been able to. It wasn’t even just that though— them both being Deaf and hard of hearing was just a small part of it. She and Lance just... clicked. Even though they were two very different kinds of people, they complimented each other, as cliché as it sounded.
Lance was naturally better with people than her, and gave her space when she needed it. He was much better at sensing people's emotions, able to take a step back and really reflect on a situation, whereas Katie was the kind of person who knew what she wanted and believed in, and fiercely clung to her beliefs. They could both be impulsive at times, but most of Lance’s impulses could be balanced with Katie’s logic, and Katie’s stubborn and sometimes narrow mind could be balanced with Lance’s ability to look at things as a whole. His lack of attention to detail was remedied by her observant eyes, and her occasionally brash and direct statements could usually be fixed with Lance’s way with words.
He obviously didn’t feel the same in regards to her, though.
Notes:
lol oof emotions
this is getting increasingly more difficult to write as more feelings keep getting thrown around, as i don’t really know what it feels like to be in this kind of situation. i’ll try my best, but if you have more insight on this and what i’m writing sounds like bs, please let me know. besides that, i’m still trying really hard to not make this into a ‘im broken and i want to be fixed’ kind of deal. pidge has some stuff she has to work out though and idk how to do it lol
edit 3/8/2020:
don’t read if you don’t like authors just telling you characters internal conflicts? but also read (the paragraph after this one) if you’re asking yourself “why tf doesn’t katie have other Deaf friends?”
lol 2019 and 2020 have been rough years for me and i’ve been doing a lot of personal self-psychoanalyzing and existential thinking probably for better or worse and i’m always thinking about this fic because it’s my baby. reading through and correcting stuff now i’m thinking that katie still has a little bit of insecurity surrounding her Deaf-ness. most of the time she gives zero fucks about it but lance “abandoning” her is reminding her of how isolated she feels sometimes when she’s effectively a Deaf person in a hearing world. ig her even drawing the immediate conclusion that it might have to do with her being Deaf implies that it’s something always on her mind.(the why doesn’t katie have any other Deaf friends paragraph)
also ig you might be wondering why she doesn’t have any other Deaf friends considering she also went to a Deaf school for a while and seems to embrace Deaf Culture. lol i’m kind of post rationalizing because the greater likelihood would be that she’d be involved in the Deaf Community. there are a few things that i can pull out of my ass that kind of make sense:1. personally i don’t have many of the same friends i had in elementary school and even if katie and her friends from the Deaf school were close then the likelihood is that over time they’d grow apart. moving schools probably would also negatively impact any of her relationships from there as well.
2. considering her parents wanted to mainstream her they probably wouldn’t be super supportive or encourage her to go out and attend events within the Deaf Community. they’re supportive to the point where they will willingly learn and communicate with her in ASL and whatever but they’re worried that she can’t live in a Deaf bubble for the rest of her life and by being (in their opinion) too involved in the Deaf Community she won’t be able to interact with the rest of the world. i love them but sam and colleen have some flawed messed up logic here but sometimes people can be really convinced that they’re doing the right thing and helping someone when they’re not.
3. even if she did participate in some Deaf Community events, a combination of her parents’ lack of support and the fact that she feels more comfortable with matt and her family would probably make her less likely to make any lasting or deeper connections with any of the people she’d meet. plus, linked to the first one, she’s going to college somewhere away from home so she’s starting square one for friends again.idk ig it’s weird to have an author just tell you the character’s internal conflicts but imo stuff like this feels like a plot hole that makes this less realistic. hopefully this all sort of makes sense though and thanks 4 bearing with me haha.
Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Summary:
lance sleeps with a girl and makes another girl angery, but these are separate occurrences
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Lance awoke in his own bed, with Hunk MIA and a warm body pressed up against him. He must have fallen asleep with his hearing aids in, apparent from the soreness behind his ears and the quiet hiss of the radiator beside him.
The body in his bed stirred, a soft groan from an unfamiliar voice. The covers were tugged down to reveal a complete stranger, though a pretty one. She was smiling seductively at Lance, a sultry look on her face as she slid the sheets down more.
They were naked. No wonder Hunk left.
Instead of following the mystery girl’s signals, Lance reached for his phone on his nightstand, nearly dropping it when he saw the notification, timestamped from yesterday.
Katie: lance?
The mystery girl frowned. Lance faintly recalled her introducing herself as Nyma through his hungover haze, but that wasn’t really important. She pulled the sheets up to cover herself, eyes boring a hole into Lance’s phone screen.
“Who’s Katie?” she asked, curious tone not even masking her slight jealousy.
“She’s my friend,” he mumbled, turning the screen off on his phone and tossing it on the bed, leaving her message on read.
Nyma hummed, studying him. Something changed in her eyes, but Lance couldn’t place it. “Just a friend?” Her voice wasn’t accusatory or anything. She seemed genuinely curious this time.
Lance shrugged, watching as Nyma smirked at him.
Was Katie just his friend? They were friends, definitely, but was she anything more than that?
He never had flirted with her the same way he did with the other pretty girls he would meet. It wasn’t that she wasn’t pretty— it was more like he hadn’t felt the need to when they first met. Sometimes his flirtatious attitude was impulsive, but other times it was because he’d want to make a girl feel good about herself. Katie already had an air of confidence around her— like she didn’t care what other people thought. She was rather direct in their first encounter, shooting him down with no hesitation, and on top of that, Lance wasn’t used to communicating with people in ASL. He’d never really had much interaction with other Deaf people throughout his life, but with Katie, he really felt a connection that he’s never had with anyone else.
“It seems like she’s more than just a friend to you,” Nyma smiled softly, reaching down to collect her clothes. “I can see it in your eyes.”
Lance blinked, frowning as he heard a knock at the door. It wasn’t Hunk, as he definitely had a key, and if he’d forgotten it, his large hand wouldn’t have produced such a soft knock on the door. Maybe it could, but Lance was pretty sure it wasn’t Hunk.
His brain went through a list of people that it could be, and it was definitely the one name on the list that he didn’t want it to be.
Scrambling out of bed and trying to find his boxers, he motioned for Nyma to hide under the covers while he talked to Katie. After most of the evidence was cleared, he slowly opened the door, revealing a small and tired looking Katie, still in her pajamas with a puffy winter jacket thrown over.
‘Why are you just in your boxers?’ she asked, eyebrows furrowed as she looked him up and down. Lance shifted awkwardly, hoping that he was blocking most of her view into the room, despite narrow shoulders and gangly limbs.
‘It’s hot in here,’ he lied to her, shivering at the cool hallway air as he fanned himself. She raised an eyebrow at him, her almost amber eyes seemingly seeing right through his bullshit. Her expression was a ‘yeah sure’ kind of look, considering she was wearing a winter jacket.
‘Where were you yesterday night?’
Cutting right to the chase.
Did he even have a good excuse? The more he hesitated the less likely she’d buy whatever bullshit he could come up with in the next few seconds.
Luckily before he said something stupid in response, Katie began talking again. He wouldn’t say it really helped him though.
‘Hunk said you were out yesterday, but wouldn’t spill where.’ Her eyes were slightly narrowed— it was like she knew.
‘I went to a party,’ he told her, not exactly lying. She furrowed her eyebrows, as if she hadn’t been expecting that he would actually tell her what he had been doing.
Lance braced himself for her to scold him— maybe he should have invited her, but his friends, the ones he had before meeting her, had invited him and he didn’t think Katie would vibe well with them.
Or maybe he didn’t want them to be reminded that he wasn’t like them.
They definitely stopped talking to him when his hearing aids broke for a reason. Lance hadn’t dwelled on that bit too much in the beginning, but after meeting Katie and being plunged into Deaf culture, he realized how difficult communication really was between Hearing people and Deaf people. He had relied so much on lip-reading and his muscle memory for speech, and he still felt left out.
Not when he was with Katie though. With her, he didn’t have to worry about whether his fart jokes were ill-timed. They’d both smell it at the same time and he’d crack the joke, and Katie would roll her big, expressive brown eyes and give him a playful shove, surprisingly forceful coming from her small but fierce body.
Right now though, those brown eyes were filled with sadness. Katie didn’t sign anything, instead turning to walk away. Without thinking, Lance followed, grabbing her arm. He didn’t want her to leave, not now.
‘Don’t touch me!’ she signed furiously with one arm. Lance quickly let go of her— it was a big no-no to grab a signing person’s (or any person’s in general) hands without their consent. It was like slapping a hand over the mouth of someone speaking.
Watching her eyes water and lips quiver made him equally as upset. Tears began to further warp his vision, and he couldn’t think straight, in his hungover and emotionally strained state.
“Katie please,” he begged, clasping his hands together and pleading to her. She still looked sad, but he could see the anger boiling inside her. “I wish I could have invited you, but—“
“I can’t hear you!” she shouted, signing ‘deaf’ instinctively, voice shaky with tears as she turned and basically flew down the stairs.
Lance could only chase after her, boxers and all. Passing by wide-eyed residents, the Cuban ignored their confused stares as he slipped his way through the closing doors that Katie shoved open in her flight.
It was snowing outside. The first snow of the year, falling onto prickly brown grass, and barely sticking. There was a light frosty coating on the ground— just enough to make the earthy color of the dead grass seem lighter.
The snow stung Lance’s bare feet as he ran after Katie, who stopped in her tracks. Narrow shoulders shook, clearly upset. Lance didn’t know what to do though. He wanted to comfort her, but it seemed like he was the last person she wanted to comfort her, let alone be in the vicinity of her.
Lance let out a sigh.
‘I’m sorry,’ he signed to her back, turning to walk back into the dorm.
He didn’t have his ID card.
Notes:
lol initial plan was for lance to accidentally cheat but i honestly wasn’t feelin it so some other kind of conflict arose even tho it was harder to write bc emotions
i managed to drag this out for 10 chapters even tho i planned on like 6 so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. still haven’t written 10 tho bc it’s sort of an epilogue thing
honestly i wrote this with no particular plot in mind so im surprised a legit conflict actually arose
also thanks to a friend i changed previous chapters a little to make it more accurate when it comes to sign names, and also i changed the part where matt comes out to him saying he’s bi because he has a gf now in the show??? i’m keeping shatt tho lmao
thanks 2 another friend i’m also going to add some fun facts that see right through the (unintentional) lies and how certain things i made up, pertaining to hoh/deafness don’t make sense lol, they’ll be on ch2 and ch4
lance’s psychoanalysis is a little bit more straightforward. he’s also insecure-ish about his hearing loss but since he can function very well within a hearing world he’s never really had to deal with the same kind of isolation as katie until recently when his hearing aids broke. thus he wouldn’t have been involved in the Deaf Community at all. it was kind of a cruel reminder but something the two of them bonded over, and it changed lance being able to learn more about his Deaf side. he’s trying to go back to how things were the way before but he’s a changed man.
Chapter Text
Katie got left out of stuff all the time.
She got used to it, for the most part, but now, when she thought she had someone who she could be left out of things with, someone like her with whom she could have her own secrets with, she was proven wrong.
She should be happy that Lance could hang out with his friends again, now that his hearing aids were fixed. She was, but she worried what that would mean for them.
The dusting of snow on the ground melted with her steps. Small flakes landed gently on her eyelashes. She shivered slightly, pulling her jacket around herself more. She could see her breath— small faint clouds in the air as she made her way back to her own dorm.
Did she even want Lance over for Thanksgiving now? Would he understand that the invitation had been revoked?
Back in her room, she lay on her bed, staring at the unlit lights on her wall when her phone vibrated. Matt was video calling her.
Sitting up and putting her phone on a stand, she answered it.
‘Hey,’ he greeted with a wave, frowning when he saw her expression. ‘What’s up?’
Should she tell him everything? He was her brother, and it wasn’t like she could really vent to anyone else.
‘Nothing. How’s Shiro?’
Matt’s frown deepened when she wouldn’t open up to him, but he didn’t prod. He respected that she didn’t want to talk about it quite yet, and answered her question.
‘He’s been good. I’ve been trying to teach him some signs so he won’t be too left out during Thanksgiving, but it’s been hard for him since he’s only got the one arm. He’s picked up a lot though and can follow along with conversations pretty well. Can’t keep any secrets from him anymore,’ he signed with a grin, glancing off-camera, over to where said man was probably seated.
It was all great to hear, but Katie couldn’t help but feel like a burden. Her family and some friends went out of their way and learned sign in order to communicate with her. They spent all that time and effort on something they didn’t need to. And it made her feel pathetic because she couldn’t just suck it up and get better at speaking and listening, and instead made everyone else accommodate her.
The grin fell when he returned his attention to Katie. Concerned-older-brother Matt frowned at her with an expression that almost guilted her into spilling everything. For a grown man in his twenties, Matthew Holt still had a super-effective puppy dog face.
‘So what’s up?’ he asked again, and this time he wanted answers. Katie took a deep breath, before looking timidly at the screen.
‘Is it annoying...? That I’m like this?’
‘Like what? Short?’
She didn’t laugh at his crack at a joke, and he quickly dropped it.
‘This...’ she repeated, gesturing to her ears after. Matt bit his lip softly, unsure of how to respond.
‘Why would that be annoying?’ He didn’t seem to get it.
‘You always have to interpret for me when we’re out. You had to learn sign language in the first place, and now you have to teach Shiro ASL so he can be included in family conversations, even though all of you can speak and hear and I’m the only problem.’
‘You’re not a problem, Pidge.’
‘I feel like it.’
‘Well you’re not.’
They sat in an uncomfortable silence. She knew that Matt didn’t know how to handle conversation topics like these. Matt was always a good, supportive brother, but there were things that he didn’t know how to help Katie with besides being there for her. This was one of them.
‘How’s Lance?’
Matt took the typical Holt approach and changed the topic. Unfortunately, his topic of choice didn’t change the conversation much.
‘He’s okay.’
‘Is he still coming over for Thanksgiving?’
She shrugged, shoulders slumping. ‘I’m not sure if he would want to anymore.’
‘What happened?’
Nothing really happened between them. It was more like she made up this complex where Lance with hearing aids didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, and she was back to being the lonely Deaf girl. It was stupid, really. She was making assumptions for something she didn’t know.
‘I don’t know. I just... Feel like he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore.’
Matt raised an eyebrow. ‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s stupid.’
‘Pidge.’
‘I’m making stuff up. It’s all in my head.’ Matt gave her a look that read “just say it”. With a sigh, she continued. ‘Lance got his hearing aids back, and he went out with his hearing friends. He didn’t invite me, and I know it’s stupid, but I feel like now he can’t be bothered to hang out with me. He hasn’t said anything, but...’
‘But what?’
‘I don’t know. I guess it just reminded me that I’m not normal.’
She’s never felt this insecure about being Deaf before. All her life she’s just brushed it off and accepted it as it was. She’s never cared to be hearing, and never envied anyone for being able to hear. She met a lot of cool people when she attended the School for the Deaf, but ever since she left she kind of lost touch with the Deaf Community. Her friends from then stopped talking to her with time— emails and video calls reducing in frequency to never. Her difficulties making friends in school led her to turn to her family, but even then her parents took a passive approach when it came to her participation in the Deaf Community. They never mentioned when there were events, and when she asked them about why they didn’t tell her about them they’d simply say that they forgot, or didn’t think she’d be interested.
And now Lance was someone like her. At the same time, Lance made all of these negative emotions she’s never thought she’d ever have towards being Deaf come to the forefront. Why though? Why was it Lance that triggered all of these feelings, and not anyone else that could hear? Did she really care that much about him?
‘Katie, nobody is normal.’
‘You know what I mean, Matt.’
‘Then why do you suddenly care about all of this now? You always said that you were proud to be Deaf, and I always thought that that was so cool, but...’ he trailed off when he realized how harshly he was signing.
‘I guess I’m afraid of losing him.’
Notes:
matt holt being a grown man with a super effective puppy dog face is my reason for living
also rip this chapter was me pulling stuff out of my ass and at the same time trying not do make it a pity party while getting dangerously close. pidge is 100% making shit up though just like me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
next chapter has my fav interaction between lance and keith stay tuned next week for: suffering
edit 3/8/20:
lol i added a psychoanalysis a couple chapters back and didn’t realize i already basically had my entire explanation from there in this chapter. hopefully this all makes sense though. i’m trying to walk the line between katie being comfortable and proud to be Deaf while also having just enough insecurity and negative emotions associated with it to cause her internal turmoil in particular situations like this. i really didn’t want this to turn into one of those pretty awful though angsty “i’m deaf and i want to be fixed!” fics but when ppl get insecure and are trying to draw conclusions to why something’s happening to them that they don’t want sometimes they zero in on their perceived flaws rather than trying to see the flaws in other people
Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Summary:
“Is everything okay man?”
Lance shrugged. “I mean my farms are definitely getting raided so—“
Notes:
guess who just found out that it’s deaf awareness month? *throws confetti*
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lance got stuck standing outside of his dorm, waiting for Hunk to return, and freezing his ass off. The odds of Hunk returning soon were low, however, as the Samoan usually knew to stay away from the room for a while when Lance brought girls back. Luckily, Nyma emerged from the dorm with his ID card.
“By the way,” she said, leaning in close to him. “We didn’t do anything, if you’re worried about that at all. You were so drunk you fell asleep the second we finished getting undressed and got back in bed. Good luck with Katie though.”
And with a wave, she left. Was he supposed to be relieved?
He took a hot shower the second he got back inside, the scalding water helping get rid of the chill and return his body temperature to normal. He wasn’t accustomed to this kind of weather at all, having lived in Cuba and Florida for all of his life. Attending university all the way up in New England may have not been the best choice for someone who’s only seen snow a couple of times throughout his life.
Katie already teased him for wearing hoodies in high-sixty degree weather. She kept telling him that if he was cold now, he’d have to wait until the temperature dropped to subzero. Being outside in only boxers in forty degree weather was basically the same thing. She also got cold easily, so who was she to make fun of him for not being accustomed to the weather?
Switching off the water, Lance was met with a sudden chill. Drying himself off, he made his way back into his room and got dressed, sprawling out on his unmade bed. Burying his face in his pillow, he let out a groan. He didn’t even have the energy to check his farms. He was probably being raided at this very moment, and he didn’t care.
After laying like that for a good five minutes, he felt around for his phone, and peeled his face off of the pillowcase. Shrugging at the small drool stain, he unlocked his phone, only to have the text chat come up.
Katie: lance?
Another exasperated groan. Then, a faint knocking sound. He brushed it off until it got louder and heavier, and he could basically feel the banging on his door, while also vaguely hearing someone yelling his name.
Oh yeah. He forgot to put his hearing aids back in after the shower. Grabbing them from his bedside table, he rolled off of his bed and went to the door. Opening it, he was met with a rather angry looking Keith. Well, Keith always looked angry, so just a normal Keith.
Said guy was talking to him— correction, at him, until he realized that Lance was holding his hearing aids rather than wearing them. He gestured for Lance to put them in, and the Cuban reluctantly did so.
“Can you stop screaming from your room? It’s kind of annoying.”
“Can you stop screaming from the hallway? It’s kind of annoying,” Lance mocked, earning an eye roll from the shorter male. “You had to be yelling pretty loudly for me to hear you without these in,” he said, gesturing to his hearing aids.
“How else was I supposed to get you to answer your door?”
“Uh, maybe text me? I gave you my number, dingus.”
“You gave me the number to Pizza Hut. In Florida.”
“I did? Well I used to work there so they could probably forward you to this number, but I did get a new phone and the number might be different—“
Keith let out a groan. What a hypocrite.
“Oh, so you can groan and I can’t? What is this, discrimination? Am I going to have to file a title IX report?”
Keith rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. “Lance, can you please shut the fuck up for once? I’m not discriminating against you, you were just disrupting my studying.”
Lance felt his lips twist into a frown. “Sorry,” he mumbled, shoulders slumping.
The black haired male looked immensely uncomfortable for a moment, before he spoke up again, voice cracking awkwardly. “Is everything okay man?”
Lance shrugged. “I mean my farms are definitely getting raided so—“
“Lance.”
“Do you ever really like a girl, but then you fuck up and she gets mad at you because you didn’t invite her to hang out with your friends but then you realize that your friends are assholes anyways and she’s still mad at you?”
Keith blinked at him, confused. “Is that what happened earlier? I was going to take a shit and saw you guys... arguing?”
“Wow, TMI Keith, but uh. Yeah, pretty much.”
“Well, I can’t say I’ve been in a situation like that before, but you guys should probably talk. Or sign or whatever.”
Keith was right. Talking it out would sort out everything that was getting lost between them. It was evident that neither of them were mind-readers, and Lance hoped that communication was the main reason why this conflict had arisen. There was probably something else too, though, but the odds of Katie just telling him what he did wrong were low.
Had she spotted Nyma? No, she couldn’t have. She would have made a bigger deal about it if she had seen her. Would she? She got upset overall at the situation, and perhaps seeing Nyma was just another piece of it?
The black-haired male coughed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, not really sure what to say next. Lance was pulled from his thoughts, realizing that he’d just zoned out and left Keith alone back on planet Earth.
“Sorry,” Lance apologized, running a hand through his hair. “You’re right, man. Communication is key, right?”
“Yeah whatever, I gotta go,” Keith said with a wave, walking off.
Lance returned to his room, laying back down on his bed and picking up his phone. Opening the thread, he thought for a moment before typing up a message.
Lance: katie? can we talk?
Setting his phone down, he waited for an agonizing ten minutes until his phone buzzed. For a Clash of Clans notification.
Another ten minutes later, she finally responded. Lance could finally breathe.
Katie: no
Katie: i can’t at least
Lance: u know what i mean
A pause. The ‘typing’ bubble flashed for what felt like a decade. Then it stopped, but no text was sent.
Lance: hey bitch
Katie: not in the mood, lance
Lance: why?
Lance: and don’t just say it’s complicated
Katie: you don’t have to worry about me saying anything
Lance: the fuck is your problem rn?
Lance: katie?
Lance threw down his phone with another frustrated groan, before realizing and calling out a ‘sorry’. Rolling off of his bed, he shoved his feet into some shoes and pulled on a hoodie and a jacket before trudging his way out across the campus and through the snow to Katie’s dorm.
Convincing the cute Latina proctor to let him in wasn’t that hard, especially after he sweet-talked her in Spanish. She asked him for his Whatsapp but he was already halfway up to Katie’s dorm on the fifth floor before she could finish her sentence.
Pressing the doorbell attached to her door, he waited patiently for her to respond. After a few minutes of just standing there, he pulled out his phone.
Lance: open the door
He heard a bed creak, and felt some soft footsteps before the lock to the door was undone and the door opened.
Katie just stood there, frowning at him, her arms folded across her chest. Lance couldn’t exactly read her expression. She was frowning, but she didn’t look angry. A little sad though.
Neither of them moved for a good minute before Lance finally decided to break the silence.
‘Are you mad at me or something?’
She shook her head, arms still not moving.
‘Then what’s up?’
He could basically feel the tension between them. His heart was beating— a pounding in his ears that turned into a piercing, high-pitched ringing. Lance reached up and turned his hearing aids off, shoving them in his pocket and welcoming the quiet.
Katie pointed at him, but didn’t specify what exactly she was pointing at or why. Lance raised an eyebrow and she finally caved and started signing.
‘Don’t just do that for me,’ she told him, motioning for him to enter her room after. Lance closed the door behind him, but remained standing while Katie went to sit in her desk chair.
‘Do what?’
‘Stop hearing. You can hear. Do it.’
‘Is this what this is about?’
Katie narrowed her eyes. ‘I don’t know, you tell me. Or are you too busy partying with your friends?’
Was she really still upset over that? Well, obviously so. Lance couldn’t blame her though. He really made a dick move not even mentioning to her where he was going even though she wasn’t really invited anyways. On top of that he just ghosted her for the whole weekend. Honestly, he should have just invited her. The only thing that held him back from doing so was that she’d remind all of them that he was different.
This was all his fault. Not because he was an idiot, but because he was completely and utterly stupid for giving a shit about what the people he considered were his friends thought of him.
Then again, if they couldn’t have been bothered to try to interact with him when he didn’t have his hearing aids, why should he have made her deal with them? It was obvious that they weren’t worth it.
‘First of all,’ Lance began, taking a deep breath. ‘I’m stupid.’
‘Didn’t need a reminder.’
‘Hey— anyways. My friends suck, and I don’t know why I bothered hanging out with them. I should have realized that they weren’t really my friends when they didn’t speak to me at all when I lost my hearing aids.’
Katie seemed to move off of the offensive after that comment, and just watched Lance intently, waiting for him to continue.
‘I felt lonely. I couldn’t really communicate well with anyone and I felt like I was missing out on so much. That was, until I met you. You showed me that hearing wasn’t everything.’ The corners of her lips twitched, ever so slightly.
‘When I got my hearing aids back though, one of my so-called friends must’ve caught wind. They invited me out, and I should have at least told you, I shouldn’t have ignored you all weekend. Heck, I should have invited you, but I was afraid. If they wouldn’t talk to me when I couldn’t hear, they definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with you. And it’s dumb, but I went with them, even though I shouldn’t even consider them friends in the first place. Real friends don’t abandon you like that.’
Lance took a step closer to Katie, holding a hand out. ‘I’m sorry Katie. I really am.’
Notes:
lance and keith’s ‘s interaction is probably one of my favourite things????
i cut this weirdly but i wanted to get some of pidge’s perspective so look out for that soon
also idk i realized it seems kinda dumb and not intuitive that i keep explaining exactly how each of them feel but idk i felt like i was walking a fine line between ‘wow i hate being deaf’ and ‘idk why the fuck i’m so angry and why this person is also mad at me, let’s jump to conclusions!’ and idk i had to clear that up
Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Summary:
cheesy ending
Notes:
lol i had to keep my alternating thing going and also wanted to get pidge perspective st the end so i cut the last chapter in half awkwardly,,,,
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Katie stared at him for a good minute. So he didn’t have a problem with her? All of this time spent thinking that her being Deaf was the reason why Lance didn’t want to be with her, only to find out that he had had his own stuff he had to work out, and she was the one person that helped him work out his insecurity towards his hearing?
‘So this has nothing to do with me being Deaf?’
‘I mean it has everything to do with that, but not in the way you think. Or at least the way I think you’re thinking, if you get what I mean.’
She gave him a confused look, not really catching what he was getting at.
‘I guess if anything, I was jealous that you were so comfortable with being Deaf. You thought I didn’t want to spend time with you when I got my hearing aids back because I disliked that you were Deaf or something, right?’
Katie nodded. Lance had some way of putting all of her complex emotions into simple words. It made it easier for her to understand why she felt the way she did.
‘So we’re good now, right?’
‘Apology accepted.’
They smiled at each other, and Katie stood up from her chair and pulled Lance into a hug that made him blush.
‘I slept with a girl the night I ditched you,’ Lance blurted out, his eyes wide after doing so. Katie only pulled away slightly, looking up as she raised an eyebrow at him until his words processed. The frown returned.
‘Okay, well, I didn’t really really sleep with her, apparently I fell asleep before any... y’know went on, but that morning when you came by my room, she was in my bed.’
‘Lance!’ she pouted.
‘Should I have not told you?’
‘No! I mean. Yes you should have, but still!’
‘Are you mad at me?’
‘No...’
Lance grinned at her, and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She rest her head on her chest, welcoming the warmth from being so close. If she really focused, she could faintly feel his heartbeat.
“Hey Lance?” Katie said aloud, looking up at said male.
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” Lance smiled back.
Even if they couldn’t hear each other, they knew very well what each other were saying.
Notes:
stay tuned 4 the cute epilogue
Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Summary:
thanksgiving fluff
Notes:
whoops i kept forgetting to post this, life had been a mess in the past couple of weeks. thanks for waiting around! it’s finally done!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
‘I can’t believe it’s so cold here! How do you live like this?’
Lance shivered and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. He looked over at Katie to his left, who only shrugged and continued to trudge through the snow. They had decided to take a walk through the park, but after being out for around ten minutes, Lance was about ready to curl back up next to the fire.
‘It’s not that bad.’
Lance couldn’t tell whether she was just trying to be tough for him or something, but he swore he could see her shivering ever so slightly. The two of them were each bundled up in warm winter clothing, as Mrs. Holt had been insistent. Katie looked like a marshmallow, with her puffy winter jacket, hat and scarf. Whenever she took her hands out of her pockets to say something, they were red from the cold.
Mr. Holt had offered him gloves, but Katie had whined and reminded him that signing and gloves didn’t go together, and that he’d have to just deal with it, somewhat to Lance’s dismay.
He had to admit that even though it was bitterly cold, the snow was beautiful. Pristine stretches of untouched snow were occasionally littered with footprints from children playing, and sometimes the ruins of their creations were left amongst craters formed by their boots. Half a snowman stood in a field, and in another, a fort.
Lance flinched as a gust of wind blew past, blowing some of the snow off of a tree branch and onto his head. Katie giggled at him, grinning from behind her scarf. Lance narrowed his eyes, and went to reach for a clump of snow.
The cold snow stung his fingers as he packed it into a small ball. Katie’s grin fell immediately, and she looked at him with a stern expression, but he could see her suppressing her smile.
‘Don’t you dare.’
Lance smirked and threw the snowball at Katie, who swiftly ducked and retaliated with her own snowball. It hit Lance squarely in the chest, some of the snow sticking to his jacket. He should’ve known, this winter weather wasn’t new to her.
‘Even Matt can throw better than that. Come on, Sharpshooter.’
Their snowball fight lasted for a good ten minutes, and Lance was easily overpowered. Even with his supreme aim, Katie was just too quick for him. It wasn’t fair, she was a smaller target, but at the same time she made and threw snowballs at a record pace that Lance couldn’t keep up with.
Soaking and cold, the two hurried back to the Holt’s house, laughing and shivering as they walked through the front door.
Lance peeled off his jacket, boots, and damp socks, before following Katie up the stairs to the living room, where they set them in front of the fire. Katie then led him into her room so they could change out of their wet clothes.
Lance stepped over some pile of circuit boards and socks on the floor, trying not to drive a loose screw through his foot. Katie weaved easily through her mess, reaching her closet and pulling out a large hand-me-down sweater from Matt, and holding it out for Lance.
‘Your room is a minefield,’ he told her before accepting the sweater. She shrugged, stepping over an old computer monitor before pulling open her drawer to retrieve a long sleeved shirt. After a quick change, they made their way down to the living room, hanging up their wet clothes on the fireplace before seizing the couch and wrapping a blanket around themselves.
They enjoyed the warmth and company for a while before Lance faintly heard someone yell “I’m home!” from behind them. The number of Holt’s within the room multiplied, Matt coming in through the front door with Shiro trailing him, carrying some bags of groceries, and Colleen emerging from the kitchen. Colleen said something to Matt that Lance couldn’t make out, before the three of them disappeared back into the kitchen.
Lance hadn’t even realized that Katie was sound asleep on his shoulder until he looked down at her. That fierce snowball fight they had must have drained her.
He stayed awake and watched the crackling fire, the flames dancing around the logs. Sam walked in the front door, Bae Bae running past the couch with her jacket still on, and stopping straight in front of the fire. The dog looked happily at Lance, pink tongue hanging out of her mouth, before curling up in her bed.
Sam smiled at the two of them as he walked past, before turning around immediately with his phone camera ready. He snapped a picture of Lance and Katie before bringing his finger up to his mouth in a shushing motion. Lance rolled his eyes, and Sam laughed before walking off into his and Colleen’s bedroom.
A few minutes later, Katie stirred, and Lance didn’t realize that she had been awake already. She smiled at Lance, before frowning. Her mind looked like it had been elsewhere, thinking about something for a while.
‘I’ve been wondering,’ she began, expression deep in thought. ‘How did you learn ASL? Your parents forced you to be oral, right?’
Lance was surprised that this didn’t come up in conversation until now. Katie was a curious person by nature, and usually asked about her observations when she made them, not months later.
‘They did,’ he told her. ‘As you know, I lost all of my hearing initially because of a head injury. I was out riding my bike with my siblings and I got hit.’
‘That whole year was a mess. A few months after the accident my parents announced that we’d be moving to the states, and the next thing I knew, we were on a boat to Florida.’
‘School was really hard at first. My parents didn’t want to admit to the school board that I couldn’t hear, so teachers had to find out for themselves. I had mostly gotten by in Cuba by lipreading and speaking from memory, but the switch from Spanish to English made that ineffective. At home I still spoke and lipread though.’
‘There was this kid in my class though, who would sign to me. It took a while for me to catch onto what he was saying, but eventually I started putting everything together. I later found out that his parents were both Deaf, but he could hear. He was my best friend— we talked all the time, about everything and anything, and from that he taught me ASL.’
‘My parents weren’t happy about ASL though, because they wanted me to be able to lip read and speak like I did in Cuba. They were happy when my friend moved away.’
‘After that though, my hearing slowly started to come back, to the point where I could mostly get by with hearing aids. From there I only really signed when I’d come across another deaf or Deaf person who signed, but I never used it that much until I met you.’
Lance shrugged, and Katie seemed to be taking it all in for a moment before her smile returned.
‘Well I’m glad you met him. If not, I wouldn’t be here with you.’
Lance grinned as they leaned in for a kiss, slow and passionate and warm like the glowing fire before them. Lance was just about to wrap his arms around Katie’s waist when he spotted Matt out of the corner of his eye, blushing.
‘Oh hey...’ he signed awkwardly and slowly, face flushed red. Katie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Lance nudged her away, pointing behind her. She turned her head slightly to look for a moment before her own face matched her brother’s in embarrassment and color, and she was scrambling off of him, to the other side of the couch.
‘Sorry guys,’ he told them, scratching at the back of his neck after. ‘Dad just wanted me to let you guys know that dinner was ready.’ With that, he returned back into the kitchen.
Lance wiggled an eyebrow at Katie, who pouted and rolled her eyes, standing up from the couch. He followed her into the kitchen, where a Thanksgiving spread worthy of a stock photo was covering the table. Colleen, Shiro and Matt were seated, while Sam set a humongous turkey on the table.
Sam gestured for them to sit before he untied the apron he had on that read ‘I was going to make a joke about sodium... but Na’, with an image of a salt shaker. What a dad.
‘Who’d like to say grace?’ he asked, taking his place at the head of the table.
‘I will,’ Lance volunteered himself, smiling. Katie timidly signed a ‘you don’t have to’, but Lance shook his head. He wanted to do this.
The others joined hands while Lance took a deep breath.
‘I just wanted to say that I’m thankful for everything, of course. But I wouldn’t be here today, with such amazing people and especially, an amazing girlfriend, without said girlfriend,’ he winked at Katie, whose cheeks tinged pink as she tried to suppress a smile.
‘Things might have been a little difficult for some time, but as we’ve learned, communication is key. I’m thankful that my hearing aids broke because I accidentally showered with them in. I’m thankful that our history professor assumed that we could both communicate since we were both Deaf, because otherwise I don’t think I would have ever met you.’
‘I’m thankful that I made friends with some ass- I mean, people, who made me feel like garbage, and I’m thankful that I had you as an outlet for all of those emotions. I’m thankful that we could sign with each other without any difficulties, and though we did have problems along the way, we were able to talk it out. I’m thankful for ASL and being Deaf. I’m thankful for you, Katie, and your amazing and accepting family.’
He watched Sam wipe a tear from his eye, before he looked to where Katie was sitting and saw that she wasn’t there. He felt arms wrap around him into an embrace, and Katie’s head buried in the crook of his neck. She squeezed him tighter before planting a kiss on his cheek and returning back to her seat.
‘Let’s eat!’ she signed, before reaching for the peanut butter.
Why was there peanut butter on the table anyways?
Notes:
thank you so much to everyone who suffered through all that with me! it’s been a wild ride writing the whole thing and posting semi-regularly and trying to make it as realistic as possible. i have so many other ideas for writing but never have been able to make them happen, so maybe now, i will. we’ll see. this au is my child though and tbh i’d love to write more in this but i do have other ideas floating around. thanks again for sticking with me though! all of the comments and kudos really helped motivate me!
edit 3/8/20:
lol after making katie’s family not the most supportive this end bit comes off as a little bittersweet. maybe i’ll do something related to that, idk.

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