Work Text:
I don't know where I am but I know I don't like it
I open my mouth and out pops something spiteful
Words are so cheap
But they can turn out expensive
Words like conviction can turn into a sentence
“I saw you ok! I know what I saw!!”
Johnny looked at Bobby. He had started breathing hard. His heart thudding loudly in his chest.
“You’re full of shit, Bobby…you don’t know what you saw…” He raised himself to his full height trying to intimidate him.
They were in the boy’s locker room on Monday. Bobby had been purposefully avoiding Johnny, making excuses to the other guys that he couldn’t be around them. He had things to do. They were all confused. Bobby never left their side. They were a part of a team. He had given a long look to Johnny and shook his head, stumbling over another excuse. He didn’t see them for the rest of the weekend.
Johnny finally caught up with him after gym class. The other guys were still in the showers but Johnny had gotten out and wrapped a towel around his waist and found Bobby setting on a bench staring at his locker. He jumped up when Johnny approached.
“Hey relax man…what’s going on?”
“I…I don’t want to talk about it…I gotta go.” Bobby said bunching his towel closer around him.
“You been acting weird...since my party…what’s the deal?”
Bobby laughed. “I’m acting weird?? I’m not the one shoving my tongue down LaRusso’s throat…how’s that for weird??!!”
A look of panic crossed Johnny’s features. He grabbed hold of Bobby’s arm.
“Let me go, man.”
“We need to talk…”
“I don’t have anything to say to you…you know I used to admire you Johnny…you seemed like the guy who had everything money…a car….girls.”
Johnny studied his feet on the tiled floor. He knew this day may come. If he really thought about it, lately he had been pretty reckless.
“I can explain.”
“I don’t need an explanation. I just want to know…” He had a hard time getting the words out. His face had flushed red.
Color rose to Johnny’s cheeks. “What’s the question…but you better make damn sure you want to ask it, Bobby.”
Bobby looked close to tears. Johnny had been his friend since elementary school. They had known each other forever. They were practically brothers. He couldn’t un-see what he saw the other night. It really messed him up.
“Are you?”
Other boys started filing into the locker room. Johnny was staring Bobby down. He could not believe what the other boy was implying. When Dutch and Tommy came striding in, both nude and not caring, Bobby blushed further looking at Johnny for reaction.
Johnny paid no one else any mind. He pushed past Bobby and made his way to his locker. “You think what you want to think, man.”
He started hurriedly putting on his underwear and jeans. Bobby followed him around to his locker.
“I have to know…I don’t think I can be around you anymore…if that is who you are. Is that who you are?”
Johnny slammed his locker door and got into Bobby’s face. “Let me make one thing clear. I ain’t no punk. You saw what you thought you saw and I’ll ask you one time to shut up about it. We’ve been cool for years, Bobby. Do you really want to lose that?”
Bobby threw his clothes on and grabbed his bag. He followed Johnny out of the locker room and headed off to their next class together.
“No…Johnny…you’ve been like my brother…that’s why I gotta do something about this. What would your parents say…What would Sensei say? This is deep. You’re gonna get hurt if you don’t stop this.”
“I can control it.”
“Johnny you were making out with him in broad daylight!! Anyone could have seen you…” Bobby spoke in hushed tones. There were people in the halls and milling around lockers. Johnny listened as he made his way to his locker for his books.
“I guess it’s a good thing that only you did, Bobby…”
“I’m not going to tell, Johnny…you don’t have to worry about me. But you HAVE to do something about this. You have to end it…get help…something. This is not who you are! I want to kick LaRusso’s teeth in for making you like this. I don’t know what happened or how, but this is not who you are!”
“He had nothing to do with all of this…leave him out of it…it just sort of…happened.”
“Well make it sort of UN-happen Johnny. You got a reputation to maintain. I can’t handle knowing that you know…are into dudes…I can’t even make myself say it.”
Johnny shoved him into the lockers and walked off. “Then don’t…you’re pissing me off with that shit.”
Johnny just wanted to leave. His head was pounding with a terrible headache. For the rest of the day he kept looking into the eyes of his friends…Dutch…Tommy…Bobby…did he tell them…Do they know? They seemed to be acting normal…no different than the guys he always knew. Bobby still wouldn’t fully meet his eyes, but during lunch he sat next to Johnny and goofed around with the rest of them…all smiles and easy. Johnny couldn’t let it rest. He should have been more discreet. He would never be able to live this down if others knew. He wasn’t gay. He kept repeating the phrase over and over in his head. It was driving him crazy. What he was dreading more was that he had to confront Daniel with this. It was as if some dream bubble had popped and the harsh reality of real life had slapped him in the face.
He didn’t want to see Daniel that day. He didn’t want to have to see his eyes. He didn’t want to have to see his face, to face him with what was inevitable. It was wrong. He knew it was wrong…and he hated feeling so right. He flashed back to the weekend when they had spent every moment together.
They had went to the beach and walked along the sand. The water splashing against their bare feet. Johnny had looked around and after assuring there was no one where they were walking reached for Daniel’s hand lacing his fingers between his long, slender brown ones. Daniel smiled eyes full of emotion. They walked that way to the dunes. He left him on a sand mound as he took his shirt off and ran into the ocean waves. He was wearing cut off jean shorts and his black Cobra Kai headband. Daniel watched him his arms on his knees and jokingly pushed him away when he rushed up to him and shook off like a wet dog.
“Hey!! Watch it...”
“You like it.”
He fell on the sand next to him and propped up on an elbow. Daniel fingered a strand of wet hair away from Johnny’s forehead. Johnny closed his eyes to the touch. The sun warmed their skin and Daniel had taken off his shirt, exposing his thin arms and smooth chest.
“You need to work out…” Johnny remarked tracing a thumb over Daniel’s ribs.
“We can’t all be hunks like you, Goldilocks.”
“This is true.” Johnny said flexing his muscles.
Daniel rolled his eyes.
“What…admit it…you like this bod.”
Daniel’s face grew serious. Johnny stopped absently rubbing circles into his chest, swirling lower and lower down his stomach.
“I like you…” Daniel said.
Johnny cleared his throat. “I don’t like it when you get that serious, LaRusso…”
Daniel laughed, breaking the moment. “Why do you say that?”
“You make me feel things, I can’t explain…alright?”
“That makes two of us.” Daniel huffed a short laugh.
They walked down the beach for hours. There was a boardwalk with hot dog stands, arcade games and souvenir shops. They had spent time, eating, and playing games, trying to see who could outdo the other and win the most prizes. They had given their prizes away to some kids that were running up and down the boardwalk. Daniel kept a surfboard keychain that Johnny had given him. It had begun to grow dark. The sunset making beautiful colors and the wind was picking up. It was getting chilly out and soon was time to go home. They began slowly making their way to back to Johnny’s car. There was a pier jutting out into the ocean and Johnny helped Daniel climb the rickety wooden stairs that led to the old wooden slats of the pier. They watched as the last wisps of color disappeared into the night sky.
Johnny turned to look at Daniel and put an arm around his shoulders. Daniel leaned his head on Johnny’s shoulder and sighed…contented. Johnny used his finger to lift Daniel’s chin and kissed him softly. His lips were dry due to being out in the elements all day, but as they kissed deeper Daniel moistened them. The kissing became more passionate and Johnny eased Daniel back onto the pier…his hands roaming the body underneath him. Daniel moaned softly into Johnny’s mouth and arched his pelvis into Johnny’s exploring hands. He ran his hands through Johnny’s hair, encouraging him to continue. He kissed down the side of Johnny’s neck his hands moving to the contours of Johnny’s defined chest.
“I want you…”
“Then do it.”
An hour later they had stumbled back to Johnny’s car. Their eyes full of the stars that had were now shining brightly in the night sky.
Johnny shook himself out of the memories. Daniel was standing in front of him in the parking lot. He had a small, knowing smile on his lips that was only meant for Johnny. He wanted to talk to him about making plans to go to the movies the next day. He really wanted to see the latest action flick with Al Pacino. He had an admiration for any Italian actors that were in the business. He could relate.
“Hey...can I talk to you a minute?” He asked boldly walking over to Johnny.
Johnny’s ever-present posse was making its way toward them and Johnny’s eyes grew hard. He knew Bobby would be watching what would happen and he knew he didn’t want Dutch to start his attacks. It was best he ripped it off like a band-aid.
“Get away from me!”
“Johnny…” Daniel glanced and saw his group fast approaching.
“I’m sick of always catching you in my line of sight, LaRusso…I think you’ve forgotten your place around here.”
“What…Look I know…I just wanted to ask you for the algebra assignment…” Daniel said trying to cover.
“Why don’t you go and ask someone who cares??”
“Is this little bitch bothering you, Johnny?” Dutch said coming up from behind Daniel and shoving him in the back, hard.
“Not anymore...” He came over to where Daniel stood and grabbed him up by the shirt lapels and hauled his fist back. “I don’t want to see you anywhere near me or the rest of the guys here or there will be hell to pay…do you understand, LaRusso…it’s been a good while since I enjoyed kicking your ass but I can always accommodate you.” He shoved Daniel hard to the ground to the sounds of laughter and shoulder thumping by the other guys. Bobby stood off to the side, watching what was happening. He wasn’t convinced, but maybe Johnny had listened to him.
“Just stay the fuck away from me…understand?!”
They all left Daniel on the ground after taking his books and strewing them all over the grass. None of them looked back.
Make sure that one night you're here but
Next night you're not
It always leaves me searching for a little