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Her breath pushed past her lips in a drawn-out sigh. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up in the silent solitude that was her cabin.
Eloise had difficulty in the first months, sleeping in such a solid space. At first the walls had felt just as oppressive as the bars on the cell they had kept her in. No breezes brushing across her face, the starlight unable to break through the curtains that were pulled against the window panes. But she had begun to grow accustomed to the quiet that accompanied those walls.
She could accept the stifling closed-off-ness of the cabin if it meant that she got quiet.
She began the dreaded trek from the chantry, keeping her head down, trying to act like the eyes that followed her wherever she went didn’t make her skin crawl.
She counted each of her footsteps, the new dusting of snow that decorated the gravel path making a soft crunching sound with every step gained. Despite the tired droop to her shoulders she walked with determination. Eloise realized with slight surprise, that for the first time, she was happy to have returned to Haven.
She tried to keep her steps measured as her cabin came into sight, she did not want to appear as though she was fleeing from something. She felt her exhaustion settle further into her limbs with every inch she closed between herself and the door.
Once the blessed door was secured behind her she let out another long sigh, this time it was tinged with contentment.
Her eyes swept over the small space. Someone had come and started the fire so that the biting cold that had followed her through the door was soon banished. She made a mental note to mention to Josephine that she greatly appreciated that and hoped it could be something that would continue in the future. There was very little she felt comfortable asking for from the exceedingly kind ambassador and her people, but this was one little luxury she would allow for herself.
She walked over to the bed, dropping down ungracefully, and reaching for the ties on her well-worn boots. Her tired fingers fumbled with them at first, but they were practiced in the actions and she made quick work of them anyway. She toed them off, kicking them to the end of her bed, and began undoing her leather armor. Her jacket slipped off, and her rolled her shoulders a few times, untucking her tunic so that it hung loose about her frame. Next, she undid the braided bun, running her hand through it until it hung in its full length past her shoulders. She sat back down on the bed, and considered her leather leggings for a moment. After short contemplation Eloise decided that it would be too much effort to remove them from her body.
She flopped down so she was sprawled across her bed haphazardly. She let out a contented groan and made the decision to remain there, until the end of her days.
Bugger the Inquisition, they can find a new Herald. She thought sleepily.
A loud repeated banging pulled her out of her cloudy satisfaction. She blinked a few times up at the roof, puzzled at the unfamiliar sound .
It sounded again. Someone was knocking at her door.
“Andraste’s knickers,” she swore quietly.
With a large amount of effort she pulled herself up to a sitting postion, and then to a reletivley wobbly standing position, swearing again she tried to shake the sleep that had just about overtaken her, from her bones.
She moved quickly over to the door, yanking it open.
“Yes?” She said impatiently, before the door had even revealed who had disturbed her blessed alone time.
She was faced with a very stunned looking Commander. She blinked at him a few times as he stood in silence, eyes slightly wider than normal, taking in her appearance.
She let out a huff.
“Not you again…” She mumbled quietly.
She didn’t mean for him to hear her less than kind words, but he snapped back into action at the sound of her voice. He cleared his throat.
“Ah, yes. Me… again. I apologize for disturbing you, Herald, but I was hoping to have a word with you, alone.”
She stared at him, dejected. She watched as some colour spread across his cheeks, and he cleared his throat for a second time. He proceeded to avert his eyes to the ground, suddenly very interested in something by his feet.
She tilted her head to the side, intrigued. She had never seen the Commander as anything but either frustrated, exasperated or, well… Commanding.
“Very well.” She said quietly, moving out of the way so that the tall man could step inside.
He met her eyes again and nodded his thanks as he passed her. She shut the door quickly.
Turning to face him she steeled herself, she squared her shoulders and stood up straighter. She started speaking before he could bulldoze her with his facts and thoughts.
“I understand the you were not pleased with the decision I made in Redcliffe, but I stand by it. I believe I made the best decision I could have in the situation we were in. I am sorry that we could not get the templars as well as the mages, but unfortunately that seems to be the way things will have to go.”
She met his gaze once she finished speaking nodding her head once to punctuate her certainty.
The Commander stood there, mouth slightly open, surprise on his features once again.
He snapped out of it quickly, collecting his thoughts.
“I suppose I was rather… loud with my displeasure at the situation, earlier in the War Room, so I likely did not express all my thoughts clearly.” He paused for a moment, “I think you did an admirable job at Redcliffe, you made a difficult decision that needed to be made. You made a call, and we will all stand behind you in it.”
His stance relaxed slightly as he paused again, letting out a small breath, and running one hand through his hair, in a gesture that spoke volumes of the exhaustion the heavily armored man was likely feeling.
“But that is not why I came. I did not want to argue with you. I came to check on you.”
“Check on me?” She asked dubiously.
“Yes…” Colour spread across his cheeks again, but he continued to meet her gaze, “I wanted to check on you to see how you were doing.”
She felt her stance relax slightly, she was taken off-guard. She wrapped her arms around her body, in a protective gesture, she wasn’t even fully aware of, gazing back at the Commander.
“From your report, as well as the Tevinter mage’s – Dorian’s? – report, what you two experienced in the future you were sent to…” he trailed off. He seemed at a loss for words.
She considered him carefully for a moment. She was confused at his concern for her. She wondered briefly if it were some kind of trap, to get her to show a weakness, so that he could remove what little power she had – but she dismissed the thought immediately. What she knew about the commander was that he was stubborn, and imperious at times when it came to his beliefs about magic, and disagreed with her on mostly everything, but he had little patience for two faced dealings like the ones she had experienced before leaving home. That was confirmed over and over when he would suggest helping the people, rather than ungrateful nobles that would reach out to the leaders, and in the times that he would become exasperated when Leliana would suggest underhanded schemes to gain favour for the fledgling Inquisition.
She decided that she thought of him as a good man, despite how annoying she often found him and his constant arguing.
She licked her lips, trying to find words for the way she felt about that particular experience.
“I’m not sure… that I’ve necessarily processed it just yet.” She spoke finally, turning away from him and moving to sit at the edge of her bed.
He watched her silently, waiting for her to continue.
“I haven’t really had time to think about it – not that I’ve wanted to.” She let out a humourless laugh. “But… I think I will be alright. Everyone is alright. For now. I just need to continue reminding myself of that fact.”
“Have you slept?” He prodded gently, his voice quiet.
She met his gaze again. It wasn’t a question she really wanted to answer.
“I don’t often sleep much on the road, so if I appear tired, that is likely why.”
Eloise was evading the question. They both knew it. She watched concern and disbelief flash across his face. He struggle silently with something for a moment. Eloise held her breath hoping that he would decide not to push the issue.
He didn’t. He didn’t want to scare her off from this delicate trust she seemed to place in him, when he had done nothing to deserve it.
“I suppose,” he began, “I should leave you be then, I seem to have, ah… interrupted your rest.” He swallowed hard and diverted his eyes again, glancing around the cabin.
She watched him, slightly confused again.
“That’s alright.” She said softly. “I… appreciate you checking in on me.”
His eyes snapped back to hers. He cleared his throat, making a split second decision he hoped he wouldn’t regret later.
“If you ever feel the need to talk about what happened… or about anything… please don’t hesitate to come see me.”
She was once again startled into silence. She gaped at him, and scrambled about in her head for words. He was the last person she would have expected such an offer from.
“Oh… well… I, ah…” She forced herself to stop talking to collect her thoughts, and she noticed he winced at her sudden quiet, one hand had snaked up around to rub the back of his neck, his eyes on the floor.
“I wouldn’t want to disturb you…” She said hesitantly.
She waited for him to look at her.
“That is, you always seem so busy with missives and training the soldiers I would not want to be a bother. You have enough on your plate as it is… no?”
She thought she saw a hopeful gleam to his eyes as he straightened, his hands coming back to rest on the pommel of his sword, as they so often did.
“I would welcome the distraction… and the company.”
She tried to mask her surprise, and after a moment a small smile spread across his face.
She let out a startled laugh, the sound loud in the quiet of her cabin.
“You should do that more often.” She said without thinking.
He raised his eyebrows, “What’s that?”
She realized it was too late to retreat now.
“Smile.” She said simply, standing and walking past him, so she wasn’t looking at him as she continued, “It makes you look rather kind… and handsome.”
She heard a small choking noise from behind her, as she opened the door slowly, waiting a moment before turning back to him.
He had stopped mid turn, and she could see his face was burning.
It was her turn to nearly choke when he turned fully to her again, and smiled at her again, shyly, but wider this time.
“You should do that more often,” He said softly as he came to a stop in front of her.
Her breath caught as she looked up at him, smiling down at her.
“What’s that?” She asked mimicking his earlier question.
He looked hesitant for a moment before reaching out and brushing some of her hair behind her ear, “Wear your hair down. It is quite beautiful.”
Eloise felt her mouth fall open into an ‘O’ and she felt, for the first time that evening, standing there with the cold breeze sweeping through the open door, that her cabin was too warm.
She watched as his smile grew even more, some of the shyness falling away into a quiet confidence.
“Good night, Herald. Feel free to come ‘bother’ me, if you have the want or need.”
With that he nodded to her and turned and walked out of the dim light of her cabin into the dark night.
Eloise watched for a moment, mesmerized by the way the light from the two moons reflected and danced across his armor.
She shook herself awake again, closing the door, and falling against it. She slid down, until she was sitting and staring unseeingly into the center of the room.
What just happened?