Archive of Our Own

Clarke has read a lot of thinkpieces about how society has reached the point where everyone can get their fifteen minutes of fame, and it's not exactly that she disagrees with them. It's easier than ever for random people to make it big, to burn bright and then fall.

Her issue is that so few outlets seem to understand the other ways in which fame has shifted. Because Clarke isn't famous, not really. She's not a celebrity, isn't ever going to get invited to the Oscars or anything like that. Clarke is a niche interest, but the niche has been growing larger and larger, showing no signs of stopping.

It started after college graduation, when Raven moved to Australia and was worried about losing touch with people. She'd sent out an email recruiting people to join her podcast, Clarke and Monty had been the ones who responded, and that was that. Do One Thing Each Week That Scares You was Monty's idea for a theme, mostly because he was worried that without existing contacts in his new city, he would never meet any new people, and he figured the podcast could also serve as a motivator to put himself out there. Clarke and Raven were in the same position, so they all agreed to chronicle their attempts to make friends and date. The show didn't take off right away, but they ended up tapping into some profound millennial anxieties about social interaction, and after two years, they've got a decent following, and even branched out a little. People started emailing and tweeting them their own scary encounters, and they discuss those, and they actually somehow are kind of popular and renowned.

Which is probably how they catch the attention of Bellamy Blake.

Clarke is the first to notice him, because even though Raven handles all of their joint social media, they all still have their own accounts, and Clarke is the only person neurotic enough to check every one of her new Twitter followers. She can, without much trouble, imagine a day when that's no longer an option, but for now, it's a nightly ritual, going into her followers and doing a little light stalking.

And, to be honest, most of them aren't really that interesting and don't take that long. She'll block anyone who seems like an asshole, but most of their audience is socially anxious nerds, and they're not hard to scan through.

@bellamyblake doesn't have a verified checkmark next to his name, but his profile makes him sound like he should: Writing things in New York. Can't decide if I should say I was nominated for Tonies or Tonys when I'm trying to humblebrag. He/him/his. Clarke clicks through and sees he's quote-tweeted the latest episode from @DoAThingCast, adding the comment: New favorite podcast, check it out. It's got a decent number of likes and retweets, and when she checks the responses, people seem excited that he's a fan.

It's not exactly a surprise, that Clarke hasn't heard of some random writer, even one who's apparently been nominated for awards in his chosen field. She was more of a jock in high school, and while she knew theater kids, she can't name any modern playwrights.

A quick wikipedia search tells her that Bellamy Blake is five years older than she is, born and raised in New York, and he has a musical currently on Broadway that has been nominated for what seems like a decent number of Tony Awards. He is, in all ways, a bigger deal than she is, but Clarke can't help this odd surge of connection, because he's not really famous, not a household name, probably not even someone his neighbors know. He's got the same kind of fame she does, and a pretty enjoyable twitter presence, so she follows him back and sends Raven an email letting her know that they've got a celebrity fan.

She also replies Glad you're enjoying! to Bellamy's tweet, and he likes that almost instantly.

And that, she figures, is pretty much that. If they're lucky, he'll get their show out to a new audience. And even if that doesn't happen, it's cool. Their celebrity cache is growing.

Podcasts: who knew?

*

Clarke Griffin @clarkegriff
Hey bisexual twitter, how did you come out at work? All my coworkers know I once had a girlfriend, but no one ever followed up with "so you're a lesbian" or anything, and it feels weird just saying it. Any tips?

Bellamy Blake @bellamyblake
I gave my self insert character in my musical male and female love interests

Clarke Griffin @clarkegriff
Your experience is not universal

Bellamy Blake @bellamyblake
You asked how I did it, not if it would work for you

Bellamy Blake @bellamyblake
Have you considered just blasting "Gettin' Bi" from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend until they get the message?

Clarke Griffin @clarkegriff
Perfect, thanks

*

Clarke picks up the cast recording of Under the Floor mostly because she cannot actually imagine Bellamy Blake, the guy she sort of knows from twitter, writing a musical. Not that she knows much about musicals or who writes them, but most of Bellamy's tweets are complaining about the reality TV shows his sister hate-watches, and she's not sure what his actual professional work would look like, based on that.

Besides, the Tony Awards are in a few months, and she kind of wants to watch. She and Bellamy aren't exactly friends, but they chat on twitter with some regularity, and she wants to see how he does. She might as well have the background too.

The wikipedia synopsis doesn't identify any of the characters as Bellamy's self-insert, but it's not hard to figure out who he was talking about based on what little she knows about his life. The story takes place in a fantasy kingdom during a war, but the story isn't about the either of those things, but instead about a girl whose birth was a crime, whose mother and older brother have been keeping her hidden since she was born. The action starts when the girl decides to escape and focuses on her trying to find her place as her brother tries to find her. Clarke's understanding of musicals basically begins and ends with Disney movies, and she has some trouble imagining what Under the Floor will be like, before she gets the actual music. It seems like a cool story, but not one she can see easily translating to song form.

When she starts listening, she's trying to multitask, the way she usually does with music at work, but after only two songs, it's clear that this deserves her full attention, and she postpones it until her commute home. Bellamy isn't actually in the show, but it's strange how much of him she recognizes, his sense of humor, the cadence of his speech. She listens to the whole thing twice once she gets home, and before she knows it, she's got a twitter DM pulled up and her fingers are hovering over the keyboard, her insecurity at war with her genuine desire to talk to him.

She doesn't have a great scary thing for the podcast this week; maybe DMing him can be hers. He'd get a kick out of it.

Clarke: I bought your musical

Clarke's in Boston, so the two of them are in the same timezone and seem to keep fairly similar schedules, but it's still alarming when he responds almost instantly, as if he was just sitting around, waiting for her to message him.

Bellamy: You should have told me you wanted it, I would have sent you a copy

Clarke: I can afford twenty bucks on iTunes
Also, I don't give my address to internet strangers
So

Bellamy: Don't you guys have a PO Box for the show?
So that internet strangers can send you weird stuff?

Clarke: Yeah, it's kind of creepy

Bellamy: I bet
So, why did you get the musical?

Clarke: Curiosity

Bellamy: Wanted to see if your creepy fans were actually good at anything?

Clarke: You're not that creepy
And I knew you were good, you got Tony nominations
But it was amazing

Bellamy: Thanks
I still can't believe I actually got it on Broadway

Clarke: You deserve it
I feel like it's all I'm going to listen to for the next month

Bellamy: Well, let me know if you ever want to come see it
I could get you some tickets
Unless that's weird too

Clarke: A little weird
But if I'm in New York while the show is running, I'll let you know
How does your sister feel about it, by the way?
Is it weird for her?

It's surprisingly easy to talk to him one-on-one, once she gets started. Bellamy is, as she knew, smart and engaging, charmingly self-deprecating, and the conversation flows from his show to hers. He wants to know how she and Raven and Monty met in more detail than they've gone into on the podcast, and in exchange he tells her about meeting Nathan Miller, his best friend who plays the brother in Under the Floor. When she asks if he's working on anything new, or resting on his laurels, he says he's playing around with a couple things but nothing's certain yet.

Then he says he has to go to bed, and Clarke realizes she's been talking to a Tony-nominated playwright she met on Twitter for more than an hour, and it's past her bedtime too.

Bellamy: I'm glad you liked the musical
I was serious about the tickets
I don't know how often you make it to New York, but the stage design is really cool
The crew is amazing

Clarke: I'll think about it
You'll probably hear me talking through the pros and cons on the podcast, honestly

Bellamy: Pro: Get to see a Broadway show for free
Con: Writer might shiv me

Clarke: Has anyone ever told you you have a real way with words?

Bellamy: No, I heard the music was totally carrying me
Goodnight, Clarke

Clarke: Goodnight
And thanks for the offer, really
I'll let you know

Bellamy: Literally any time
Just ask

*

Monty's scary thing of the week is a date, which Clarke has to admit is a lot scarier than hers. Then again, Monty is newly bisexual and went on his first date with a guy, which involved the guy texting him a dick pic from the bathroom, so it's not like she was ever going to beat him.

Still, her own "I talked to a celebrity" feels even more pathetic chasing that.

"How?" asks Raven.

"Twitter."

"Were you thirst-tweeting Stephanie Beatriz again? I thought I would have seen that."

"No, not nearly that scary. It was probably the least scary version of a celebrity encounter, but I was really busy at work this week so I don't have anything better."

"If you were just talking to another podcaster, it doesn't count," says Monty. "And you have to go to the Coward Corner."

"It was Bellamy, where does that land?"

There's a long pause, and then Monty says, "I guess it depends on what you were saying to him."

"For those of you who don't follow us on twitter," Raven says, before Clarke can answer, "we are the favorite podcast of Tony-nominated playwright Bellamy Blake. None of us had ever heard of him, but he's apparently legit. Did you slide into those DMs, Clarke?"

"I did."

"I think how scary it is depends on what you were doing," Monty says. "He followed us first, so he made the first overture of friendship. What were you doing?"

"Telling him I bought the cast recording of his musical. Which, by the way, it's called Under the Floor, it's nominated for eight Tonys including Best Musical, and it was really awesome, everyone should check it out."

"So you slid into those DMs to tell him you like his musical?" asks Raven.

"Pretty much."

"Yeah, I don't know how scary that is."

"It was! I didn't want him to think it was weird."

"I feel like I listened to the product you commercially released isn't that weird," says Monty. "Then again, the entire lifeblood of our podcast is the three of us overthinking completely normal social situations."

"What did he say?" Raven adds. "Is he cool?"

Clarke feels a smile tugging on her mouth. "He seems cool, yeah. He said if I was ever in New York, he'd get me tickets for the show, which is actually really generous because I went and looked and it's not only expensive but sold out."

"Wow. Is this our first perk?" Monty asks.

"It might be. I assume you guys could get it too, but you're a lot farther from the city."

"Yeah, but if he wanted to take us to the Tonys, I'd try to get out of Sydney," says Raven. "But not just for Bellamy's musical. Sorry, Bellamy, if you're listening."

"But you should go," Monty asks. "That sounds terrifying."

Clarke snorts. "Which part?"

"Just going to New York, honestly. I'm pretty scared of New York."

"And meeting up with some rando from twitter. Just because he's nominated for a Tony, it doesn't mean he's not a pervert." Raven pauses. "Is saying someone might be a pervert libel? Are we going to get sued? We don't actually think Tony-nominated playwright Bellamy Blake is a pervert. We're just saying he might be a pervert."

"I think libel is written," says Monty. "We're potentially slandering Tony-nominated playwright Bellamy Blake."

"He did say he might shiv me," says Clarke.

"Have you googled him?" Raven asks. "He's actually really hot. Sorry for objectifying you, Bellamy Blake, but damn."

"I just looked him up on wikipedia," says Clarke. "And his twitter profile picture is just the playbill from Under the Floor, so, no, I didn't know he was hot when I DMed him."

"But you're googling him now, right?"

"Yeah," she lies. "Damn."

"Okay, should we do some promo for people who actually pay us?" Raven asks. "Instead of just giving free publicity to a fan who happens to have a really awesome Tony-nominated musical on Broadway right now?"

Clarke nods, even though no one can see her. "Yeah, we should stop talking about Under the Floor, even though it's completely amazing. We can't just be giving out free plugs."

"Is it really free if he's offering you tickets to the show?" Monty asks. "That's kind of like he's sponsoring us."

"Getting paid in product," Raven says. "If you go to New York, which you should."

"Thanks," says Clarke, and adds, "Sponsors," in a pointed way.

Raven and Monty move on, and she does too, mostly, except for the small part of her brain that keeps wanting to find out what Bellamy Blake looks like. And there's no good reason she's not, except that she doesn't want it to be a factor in any of her decisions going forward. She can like Bellamy as a faceless internet person, without any ulterior motives.

Besides, he doesn't know what she looks like. She shouldn't take advantage of the fact that he can, apparently, be easily viewed on google.

But she does start looking at buses to New York. Just for reference.

*

Clarke: We did talk about you on the show, so get excited for that in a couple days
We had to look up if we were libeling or slandering

Bellamy: Slandering
Can't wait
I've finally arrived

Clarke: We called you Tony-nominated like fifteen times
That seems like a bigger deal

Bellamy: Do you know how many Tony nominees there are who you've never heard of?
It's a lot

Clarke: I think even the Tony nominees I've heard of, I don't know they're Tony nominees
Are you nervous about that?
The whole awards thing

Bellamy: Not really
It sounds cliched, but it really is an honor just to be nominated
I wasn't expecting my first show to ever make it this big
Even if I don't win any awards now, I'm in a much better position for whatever I do next
I can actually make a living on this

Clarke: When you put it like that, yeah, that's amazing
I honestly forget people can still make a living writing musicals

Bellamy: Yeah, part of what I'm hoping is that I'll get hired to do other stuff too
Write songs for movies or whatever
Increasing my name recognition through Tony nominations and podcast appearances

Clarke: Yeah, that's how you do it
Do you have a day job?

Bellamy: Not for a couple years, but I'm still not used to it
I feel like I'm going to stop making it as a composer any day now
What about you? You do something else, right?

Clarke: Yeah, healthcare stuff
At least for now
Podcasting is better money than I was expecting, but that's mostly because we didn't think anyone would listen to us
We didn't think we'd make any money
How did you find us, anyway?

Bellamy: My sister
She doesn't listen every week but she sent me the one where Monty tried improv because I had a similar experience
And now I'm going through the whole backlog

Clarke: Better you than me
I can barely listen to the new episodes, it's too weird
I assume the old ones are even worse

Bellamy: That used to be how I was with my music, but then I realized I needed to revise and rehearse and I got used to it

Clarke: Yeah, that's the great thing about podcasting
Raven edits and then it's posted and we never have to listen to it again

Bellamy: Yeah, that wouldn't work out that well for me
You guys are good
It's a fun show

Clarke: You're just saying that because we haven't slandered you yet

Bellamy: Yeah, I'm definitely going to sue you for all that sweet podcast money
You walked right into my trap

Clarke: It's not too late for Raven to edit the whole thing out

Bellamy: No, I need the boost
And I want to hear all the shit-talk

Clarke: Now I'm worried there isn't enough slander
Maybe I oversold it

Bellamy: Edit in more
I can take it

Clarke: I'll see what I can do

*

Raven: I really think you need to go to New York and meet up with this Bellamy guy

Clarke frowns at her phone. It's just before six in Boston, which means it's just before eight a.m. in Sydney, and Raven must have just woken up and looked at twitter. Clarke has been half-avoiding it, because most of her mentions are talking about, one, how hot Bellamy is, and, two, what a cute couple they'd make. Neither of which are things she wants to deal with at this time, or possibly ever. She didn't know there were so many people who listened to their podcast and also liked musicals, but apparently it's exciting that she and Bellamy are talking more.

Of course Raven's got opinions on that.

Clarke: For the fans?

Raven: Publicity is publicity
People like that the two of you are friends
Or friendly
Or whatever
Might as well go catch a show
Pretend you got laid

Clarke: You're encouraging me to pretend to get laid?

Raven: Hey, if you want to actually get laid, you know I support that
But I figured even if you wanted to get laid, you might not want to tell twitter about it

Clarke: I don't want to tell twitter about fake sex either
I want twitter to know as little as possible about my sex life, including lies about my sex life

Raven: Okay yeah fine
But still
Go to New York
Get a picture with him, finally show everyone what you look like
Maybe record something quick for the show
He's really popular with theater kids and I'm pretty sure we get a listener boost every time he talks about us
And he likes us, so might as well lean into it

It's still a little weird to Clarke, that they're working to promote the podcast. That the podcast is something worth promoting, really, that getting more listeners means getting more money, that getting more money is even possible. Someday, if their audience gets large enough, she really might be able to quit her job and do this full time, as completely ludicrous as that feels to her.

So if Raven thinks going to New York, seeing a show, and getting a photo with an apparently hot guy will somehow help their brand, it's not really much of a sacrifice.

Clarke: I need to see about getting time off work and when he can get me tickets
But yeah, I can probably go to New York
If you really think it'll help

Raven: Awesome
Let me know how much tickets/hotels cost
We can give you some money back out of petty cash

Clarke: Great
I'll keep you posted

It's early enough that she can actually look into things before bed, checking her work calendar as she eats dinner, looking at bus fare and hotel specials, trying to figure out when, if ever, she could fit a trip into her schedule.

And, as it turns out, it wouldn't even be that hard. If she takes the bus, it's only four hours. The hotel is a little pricey, but she could swing it, especially if Raven gives her some of the podcast funds.

Her scary thing can't be messaging Bellamy again, but this time is actually worse than the last. They've been mutuals for a good few months now, and this was his idea, but taking him up on it feels opportunistic and a little creepy. What if he didn't mean it, or he changed his mind? He messaged her after the episode went up to say that it wasn't slander because everything was true, so it's not like he's mad, but--

There's only one way to find out how he's feeling, and at least he seems to get the whole niche fame thing. Honesty can be her policy here.

Clarke: Raven says I should come to your show

Bellamy: Only if you want to

Clarke: I do
But I have an easier time doing stuff for fun if it's also beneficial
Raven says me coming to your show will help our brand, so
It's a good excuse to do what I want

Bellamy: Which is come to my show

Clarke: And probably spend a couple days in New York
I haven't been in years

Bellamy: Cool
When were you thinking?

Bellamy has the Tonys in a couple weeks, so Clarke assumes he doesn't want to think about visitors before then. She gives him a few weekends after that as options, and he takes out two, but mostly seems flexible, accommodating even. As if he really wants to make this work.

An idea he only reinforces when he says, Also, if you don't want to get a hotel, I've got a guest room.

She stares at the message for a second, glad he can't see her expression. It's not actually a weird offer, and it's even nice, it's just--she's never met him, and she doesn't know him. It doesn't feel like a trap, but it does feel like she must be missing something.

Even without her expression to guide him, the delay is response is enough to give her away.

Bellamy: Sorry if that's weird

Clarke: Not weird
Surprising
You really don't have to host me

Bellamy: I don't mind
Theater kids are really into couch-surfing
I'm used to having random people around
And then it's easier for me to show you around the city

Clarke: Which you also don't have to do

Bellamy: If you miss the stuff I like, I'm just going to be annoyed
Obviously you don't have to hang out with me
But the offer's open

Maybe she will get laid. She could live with that.

Clarke: If you're just being polite, I'll be really pissed

Bellamy: If I was just being polite, I wouldn't have offered
That's not a standard politeness thing
You're welcome to come crash with me and see the city
I like visitors

Clarke: Thanks
Give me your email and I'll forward you my bus tickets once I book them

Bellamy: Awesome
Looking forward to it

*

why do we even HAVE that lever @redroverone
srsly guys what do we even KNOW about what @clarkegriff looks like??? I want to draw @DoAThingCast fanart and she has zero pics online

#1 Bucky Barnes Stan @captaingaymerica
1. human
2. cis white female
3. dyes hair??
4. nice boobs (per raven, just saying)
5. not tall

Kat [cat emoji] @zomgkat
6. wears a lot of flannel and henleys
7. glasses
8. bicon

Clarke Griffin @clarkegriff
Some of these are true!

*

They usually record the podcast anywhere from Friday night to Sunday morning, depending on everyone's schedules, and then Raven edits it and gets it up on her Monday night, which is their Monday morning.

The day of the Tony Awards, they record the morning of, and Clarke is hoping no one else will remember they're happening, but of course Raven opens with, "So, shout-out to friend of the show Bellamy Blake, who had some kind of night last night."

"Definitely some kind of night," Monty agrees. "A lot of emotions."

It's their standard way to deal with recording before major events, and Clarke knows her lines, but she still feels a little awkward. It's mostly a combination of having concrete plans to hang out with him in a month and knowing that she'll actually see him tonight, find out what he looks like and how he sounds and if he's like she thought. He even got his verification checkmark last week, so it's for sure him. The real deal.

"I'm just glad that we have such a distinguished fan," says Clarke. "Gracious in both defeat and victory, probably."

"Probably," Raven agrees. "Anyway, congratulations to all the Tony winners and losers, but especially to Bellamy, because he's the only one who likes us."

"To our knowledge," Monty says, and they move on, but the itchy feeling doesn't leave Clarke's fingertips. She knows nothing about any of the other nominated shows, knows none of the other nominees. But Bellamy is, in some sense, theirs, and she wants to support him.

He livetweets getting ready, which means that Clarke gets her first look at him earlier than she expected, when he posts a selfie of his final outfit. It just pops up on her twitter feed, so she doesn't even get any time to prepare, doesn't even realize it's him, at first, just sees this gorgeous guy with a suit and a smirk, and then her eye catches the username and the caption--Okay, as ready as I'll ever be--and then she's studying every inch, drinking him in like she's dying of dehydration.

She knew he was biracial, Filipino on his father's side, but she's never met any Filipino guys to her knowledge, so it didn't really help her picture him. His skin is tan and scattered with freckles, his eyes dark. His hair is an unruly tangle of black curls, thick and a little shaggy, like someone put a lot of effort into making it the best version of bedhead. The suit is fairly unremarkable, but it's crisp and looks good on him, showing off broad shoulders and what looks like a firm chest.

Not to be shallow, but holy shit.

The replies are about what she'd expect, a bunch of people giving support and wishing him luck, plenty of emojis ranging from innocent and encouraging to one person just hitting the character limit on nothing but eggplants. She feels a little weird adding her own, but--they are friends, and she's already supposed to know what he looks like. This isn't weird.

Remember, it's an honor just to be nominated, she tells him, and he likes it almost instantly, and follows up with a DM.

Bellamy: I changed my mind
I want to win

Clarke: Is it too late to start bribing people?

Bellamy: Probably
Also I'm too cheap

Clarke: Good thing you're also incredibly talented
And also up for a bunch of awards
You have to get at least one, right?

Bellamy: If Miller wins for acting, I'm counting it as a win for me
So that ups my chances
Is it sad that I'm taking the train to this?

Clarke: You're taking the train?

Bellamy: I didn't want to get stuck in traffic
I'm hoping people will think I'm going to a wedding

Clarke: Yeah, god forbid they know you're up for a major award

Bellamy: They might try to talk to me
And I'm busy listening to your podcast

Clarke: Still working through the backlog?

Bellamy: I don't have a ton of free time right now

On some level, Clarke knows that's true. He's often busy, letting her know that he's in a meeting or doing something, but it still somehow always feels like he has time for her. She knows he's actually rearranging his schedule to see more of her, and she doesn't quite know how to feel about it yet.

He seems like a nice guy. There's no reason to read anything into it

Clarke: So this is my first time watching the Tonys
Any advice?

Bellamy: You're watching?

Clarke: Obviously

Bellamy: I don't know if I have any Tony hacks
It's an award show
The hosts are fun this year, and the performances should be good
I'll try to win something so you didn't tune in for nothing

Clarke: I'm tuning in to support you
Win or lose

Bellamy: Thanks
I still hope I win

Clarke: Obviously
Are you going to livetweet it?

Bellamy: Just good stuff
I'll send you the dirt

Clarke: Thanks
Do we have time to come up with a drinking game for me to play?

Bellamy: Definitely
I'm going to be on this train for a while

As promised, he keeps her updated throughout the evening, when he's not too busy. He arrived long before the show started and had a lot to do, but the presentation he's doing is early on, and once that's done, all he'll have to do is sit in the audience and wait to find out if he won anything.

Clarke's playing Stardew Valley, day-drinking, and resisting the urge to look him up on YouTube so she'll know what his voice sounds like. It's not like it matters, but given how unprepared she was for his face, she's not sure she can handle two surprises in one day.

Which is why she finds herself messaging him, What's your phone number? And, to his credit, he sends it immediately, and only after asks why she wants it.

She calls before she can talk herself out of it, and the voice that answers is deep and a little rough, wryly amused. "I assume this is Clarke."

"Hi."

"Hi. Any particular reason you're calling?"

She's not that drunk, but she's just drunk enough to admit, "I wanted to know what you sounded like before you got on stage."

His laugh is low too, soft, and it sends shivers all up and down her spine. "Yeah? Is this enough? Should I be talking more?"

"You should probably be doing whatever you're supposed to do."

"Honestly, I'm killing time right now. There's nothing to do but I'm still more nervous than I've ever been in my entire life. This is why I don't act more."

"Stage fright?"

"Not exactly. Once I'm on stage, it's fine. Fun, even. But I get in my own head before. No matter how many times I do a show, I never stop psyching myself out beforehand."

"Okay, so--what do you have to do tonight?"

"The only thing I'm scheduled for is presenting the musical. They do an intro for all of the Best Musical nominees. Fuck," he adds, under his breath. "I'm nominated for Best Musical at the fucking Tonys."

"And you deserve to win it."

"You haven't listened to any of the other nominees," he points out, amused.

"That's how good you are. I don't even like musicals and I love yours."

"The Tony judges like musicals professionally, so that's not as comforting as you think it is." He lets out a long breath. "What are you doing in Stardew Valley?"

They chat until he gets called away, but once he's back in control of his own time, he starts texting her instead of DMing, and they keep that up. She wishes him luck a few minutes before he appears on stage on her TV, and it's surreal, watching someone she thinks of as, basically, just another awkward nerd getting all this applause and all this love. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but--it's so weird. She's not even close to his biggest fan. Some people are so into him.

Not that she's not, obviously. But in a different way.

"I'm glad the lights are so bright," is his opening. "I can't really see how many of you are out there."

There's scattered laughter, and he relaxes into himself, comfort with being on stage like this settling over his shoulders like a cape. He talks a little about how he started the musical when he was in college, away from his sister for the first time, and how she told him it was creepy, which gets another laugh.

The whole speech doesn't take more than a few minutes, and then he's texting her as he heads back to his seat, and she's telling him he rocked it and he had nothing to worry about. She's sure he's texting other people, that she's not the only person he's checking in with, but it is cool, being in something like the inner circle.

The show wins four of their eight awards, and in his speech, Bellamy thanks "all my friends who are letting me text them tonight so I didn't pass out." No matter how many other people he means, that includes her. It's the perfect crown on a somwhat overwhelming night.

And then he texts, Sorry, I didn't know if we were on the "thanking you by name when I get awards" level of friendship yet, and never mind.

That's perfect.

*

Bellamy: I get that your appearance is this big secret, but I kind of need to know what you look like

Clarke: And you decide to ask now?
When I've been on a bus for ten hours?

Bellamy: It's been four and a half
And I'm waiting for you, so if you don't send me one, I have to be the creepy asshole looking way too hard at every woman who gets off the bus
Someone might call the cops on me
You'd feel bad

Clarke: Fine
Asshole

Clarke's appearance became a mystery completely by accident. It hadn't actually occurred to her, that people would care what she looked like, or that she didn't have any pictures available on social media. She doesn't have Facebook and only got twitter after they started the podcast, which means that there just aren't really pictures of her online. Soon, people were asking about it, and Raven decided it was another thing they should roll with, something else to drum up interest in the podcast.

If the first picture she ever posts of herself is posing with Bellamy Blake, she's going to have to avoid twitter for at least a week. But she's probably willing to do it. She's getting kind of sick of the secrecy.

Despite being on the bus, she is at least looking pretty cute. Last week, she got her hair trimmed and dyed, so she's got a blue streak that she likes, and she's wearing a t-shirt advertising the podcast, which is both flattering and on-brand. Admittedly, she didn't put in her contacts because they dry her eyes out when she's traveling, but her glasses look nice on her.

She still has to snap four pictures before she gets one she likes enough to text to Bellamy, and then she has to turn off and stow her phone so she won't obsess over his response, or lack of response, or whatever he's thinking.

She doesn't look bad. That much she knows for certain.

Her phone buzzes after a few seconds, and her heart sinks when she sees his response is simply Huh. But before she can even start to come up with something to say, the ellipses pop back up, and he's apologizing.

Bellamy: Shit that sounded bad
Not like
I don't know what I was expecting
I had no idea what you were going to look like
And you look like that

Clarke: I think you're digging yourself deeper here

Bellamy: Yeah, definitely
Sorry
You're really cute and I wasn't ready for it
I'm not smooth at all

Clarke: Apparently not
I think we're getting close?

Bellamy: Cool
Do me a favor and pretend I wasn't an asshole about being attracted to you

Clarke: That was pretty bad, yeah

Bellamy: At least you didn't witness it in person
I see a bus
Hopefully it's you

She sees him as soon as the bus pulls up to the stop, leaning against a wall with his hands in his pockets. He's wearing glasses himself, with a few days of patchy stubble on his chin, looking like some weird cross between a pretentious poet and a douchey frat boy. It would be nice if it wasn't doing it for her, but obviously it is. He looks good.

She's in the middle of the bus, so she gets to watch him as other people disembark. He's straightened up and is keeping an eye on the door as the people come out, clearly anxious to see her, and her heart flips over.

It's been a while since she felt like this.

When she does finally get out, he spots her immediately, a broad grin breaking out on his face. She hesitates for a second over hugging him, but if he was literally anyone else in the world, she would, and that makes the decision.

She slides her arms around him, and he's this solid wall of boy, firm and broad and smelling of earth and spice. So easy to melt into as he hugs her back.

"Hey," he says, into her hair, and she smiles.

"Hey. Nice to meet you."

"You too." He pulls back to look at her, still smiling. "Do you have more bags under the bus?"

"Just a duffel."

"Cool. I thought we could head back to my place and order something to eat? Or we could go out, but I figure you're tired."

"You're nervous," she realizes.

"Trying to be a good host."

"My expectations are low, don't worry. Takeout sounds great."

"Awesome." He shoulders her bag and starts leading her down the street. He's not quite as tall as she expected him to be, but in a nice way. He's enough taller than she is that she feels it, but not so tall that he towers over her.

The perfect height, really.

"Do you know when you're recording the podcast yet?" he asks. "You said that you were waiting on Monty, right?"

"I think we're doing it tomorrow morning. You still want to be a guest?"

"Obviously. What do I have to do?"

"What have you done this week that scares you?"

"Other than inviting a stranger to crash on my couch for a few days?"

"Yeah, I'm using that one. And it was your idea!"

"It can still scare me." He clucks his tongue. "I finished the first song for my new show. Or, well, the first draft of the first song."

"Holy shit, really? That's awesome."

"And fucking terrifying."

"So tell me about it. What are you doing?"

He ducks his head, laughing a little. "Uh--queer, hip-hop Pride and Prejudice."

Clarke knows all the words, of course, but it still takes her a second to rearrange them all into a coherent sentiment. "I need so much more information," she says.

"You know Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?"

"Yeah."

"I fucking hate that book. It was just--so lazy. Take the original text and just slam some zombies in there, who cares? And I started thinking about what I'd do with reinterpreting Pride and Prejudice, and then I was sketching it out as--" He glances at her. "Seriously, how much do you want to hear about this?"

"As much as you'll tell me."

"Okay, so--I'm still working through all the details, so don't quote me on anything. And actually, I could use an opinion."

"My opinion? On what?"

"So, right now, I have Jane as Jane, but I switched Lizzie to Eli."

"And?"

"And I'm working through how I feel about changing an iconic female character to a guy. In terms of intersectionality. Would it be better if I changed Jane to James and kept Lizzie as the female character?"

"Why did you want to make her Eli in the first place?"

"Honestly? Because I want to play him."

"You want to be in the show?"

"The more I thought about the role, the more I realized I was writing it for myself. Not that I couldn't be James too, but--me as Eli and Miller as Darcy works a lot better than me as James and Miller as Bingley."

"Based on what little I know about Miller, that sounds right. And I think you're adapting the story, you're allowed to change stuff. Are you going to have awesome women in this?"

"I hope so."

"Then yeah, Lizzie can be Eli. Is Bingley going to be a woman?"

"I'm still deciding. I was thinking about a love triangle with Jane and the Bingleys and making Caroline's jealousy romantically motivated, but then you get into predatory queer woman shit."

"Okay, so what if Caroline was the good one and--do we know Bingley's first name?"

"Charles." He grins. "I've been looking at that book a lot."

"So he could be sabotaging Jane and Caroline. Just genderswap the siblings."

"That could work."

"So, what's the first song?"

"It's called "In Possession of Good Fortune." Kind of an ensemble number, establishing the Bennets and their dynamics. I'm not doing homophobia or anything," he adds. "The Bennets are poor, so the kids need to marry rich. Gender isn't an issue. If Eli likes guys, he just needs to marry a rich guy. But most of them are pretty much pansexual."

"But it's not a modern update?"

"Not exactly. I'm working some of the original text into the songs, and it's going to be period costumes and sets. But the music is modern. I'm using different styles to show the characters' different statuses. A lot of fast wordplay for Eli and Darcy, Jane will be more romantic ballads, Mrs. Bennet is too loud and her rhymes are shitty." Clarke laughs, making him flush. "I know it sounds weird--"

"It sounds amazing. Can I hear the first song?"

"Not here, but yeah, I can play it for you at my place." He smiles with half his mouth, and she hopes she gets to see him enough that she'll learn all his expressions, what they all mean. "I have no idea if anyone but me is going to want to see it, but if I'm going to burn all the goodwill I got from Under the Floor, I might as well do it on something I really like."

"I can't wait."

"You say that now, but you haven't heard the first song yet."

"Yet," she agrees. "But we've got the whole weekend."

The half smile again; it's a good look for him. "Yeah, we do."

*

Hanging out with Bellamy in person is somehow as easy as it was online. His sister moved out recently, and he's still getting used to being able to live alone. The apartment is pretty large, especially for the city, and a lot cleaner than hers, except for the area around the piano, which Bellamy calls his office.

"I technically have a desk, but I almost always just sit on the piano bench to work, even when I'm not writing."

"I'm glad you're exactly like I would have imagined a person who wrote musicals for a living would be."

He glances over his shoulder, amused. "Really?"

"Well, in terms of what you do. I probably would have pictured someone older, whiter, and gayer, though."

"I get that a lot."

She sits down on the bench, leaving room for him to join her, which he does. The both of them can fit, but it's snug, his arm pressed all up against hers. "So, can I hear the song?"

"It's still a first draft," he says. "And not all the parts are written for my vocal range."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning be nice. This is going to be my thing that scares me."

"Not writing it?"

"This is scarier."

He starts playing before she can respond, and she's suddenly glad she's never heard him sing before. Getting to hear his voice for the first time live and in person is exactly what she wanted.

Not that Clarke's an expert on his style or anything, but Bellamy seems to view opening numbers as something like a thesis statement, more setting the mood than dealing with any plot concerns. This one cycles through a few different styles, showing off not only how different characters present themselves, but how they speak differently to each other. It's simultaneously nothing like she would have imagined the opening song for a Pride and Prejudice musical and absolutely perfect, and when he finishes, it takes her a second to even realize he's done.

Then he asks, "Was that okay?" and she pulls herself together.

"You're definitely getting another Tony."

He laughs. "You think?"

"Absolutely. I loved it."

"Thanks."

"I can't wait to hear the rest of it."

He plays a quick little riff on the piano. "I'll keep you posted. Like I said, I'm still working out all the details."

"I was going to offer to help, but I don't know anything about music."

"Having someone to talk to is always good. If you tell me I can bounce ideas off you, I definitely will."

"Any time. How did you get started writing?"

"High-school Latin club."

"Really?"

"One of the things we did was skits for competitions, and no one wanted to write them, so I started. And we did better the more complicated it was, so I started writing musicals to show off. We won, so I kept doing it."

Clarke bites her lip. "That might be the cutest origin story of all time."

"I have a lot of dorky pictures of myself in togas."

"Any video?"

"No, thank god."

"But you're going to show me the pictures, right?"

"In a second." She cocks her head, and he smiles, leaning in just enough to make his intentions clear, still giving her the out if she doesn't want to kiss him.

Which, of course, she does, so she slides her hand into his hair, pulling him the rest of the way, their mouths meeting in the middle. She hasn't kissed a guy in over a year, and the feeling of stubble against her face takes getting used to, in a nice way. His mouth is firm without being overpowering, and his hand is hot where he's touching her leg. It's not the most comfortable position ever, but it's such a relief to have it out of the way, to not be wondering if he wants to make out.

"Do you want the pictures now?" he murmurs, and she laughs.

"No. But I do want to see your bedroom."

"I can do that."

*

"Okay," says Raven. "Anyone who follows Clarke on twitter probably knows she's in New York, hanging out with friend of the show, Tony Award winner Bellamy Blake. How's that going?"

Clarke is sitting on Bellamy's couch, wearing nothing but her glasses and one of Bellamy's t-shirts, waiting for him to finish making coffee. She's pleasantly sore and has a hickey on her right breast, and later they're going to check out the city, get a nice dinner, and then see his show.

"Pretty well," she says. "Definitely not as scary as I was expecting. I haven't gotten shived yet."

"Yet being the operative word," says Bellamy, sitting down next to her and offering her the mug of coffee. "I'm lulling you into a false sense of security. Hi Monty, hi Raven."

"Wow, I was not expecting your voice to be that deep," says Monty. "This is going to take getting used to."

"Did you not watch the Tonys?" Clarke asks. "How did you not know what he sounded like?"

"I watched them on mute," says Monty. "I felt like the music would distract from everything else going on."

Clarke snorts. "Yeah, the last thing you want when you're watching musical theater awards is to hear the music."

"I like to focus on the sets and choreography."

"So, what did you think of those?" asks Bellamy, and there's a pause.

"I definitely watched the Tonys," Monty finally says. "I didn't forget they were on because I was too busy playing Overwatch."

"Do you guys think I was expecting you to watch? Because I'm a fan of yours, not the other way around."

"Hey, I'm a fan of yours," Clarke protests.

Bellamy grins at her, and her heart thumps uncomfortably. They didn't really talk about what the sex meant, and she's not even sure what she wants it to mean. She likes him, likes him a lot, but they live in different cities, and they're both busy. A relationship seems like a lot right now, even with Bellamy.

Then again, the sex was awesome and he makes really good coffee, in addition to being a Tony-award-winning genius. If she doesn't at least try to date him, she's probably going to regret it.

"So, Bellamy, you're sticking around for the episode, right?" Raven asks.

"We thought it would be weirder if Clarke was sitting in my living room talking while I kept my mouth shut."

"Yeah, that sounds weird. So, you got a scary thing for us from your week? What kind of stuff do you have to make yourself do?"

"Every time I write something new, sharing it is scary," he says, leaning forward. "Maybe it's impostor syndrome or something, I don't know. It feels like I fooled everyone into thinking I'm good at this, and eventually someone's going to notice I'm not."

"You're on twitter, you must have people telling you that you're overrated all the time," says Monty. "That's what twitter is."

"Not as many as you'd think. Most of the people who hate me are older Broadway fans who are afraid of the internet."

"So, what exactly did you do?" Raven asks. "You listen to the show, you know what you're supposed to be talking about right now."

"I'm working on a new musical," he says. "And Clarke's the first person who's heard the opening number."

"How was it?" Monty asks.

"You don't get to pretend you care about musics now," Clarke says. "You played Overwatch instead of watching the Tonys."

"Overwatch has music!"

"Sure it does. And the song was awesome. Bellamy's really talented and definitely never has to be scared to play his music for anyone."

"And yet," he says, and she bumps his shoulder.

"And yet."

"Okay, so, here's what our listeners are really wondering, I'm pretty sure," says Raven. "You know what Clarke looks like."

"You went to college with her," Bellamy points out. "You do too."

"Also that's not really a question," Clarke adds.

She ignores them both. "So, what's it like? Does she live up to expectations? I'm thinking we might do a big reveal of what she looks like soon, is that going to be a letdown?"

Bellamy's smile is soft as he ducks his head, and Clarke's glad she's the only one who can see it. "She's fine so far."

"Okay but is that fine, or, like, fiiiiine?" asks Monty. "Intonation counts."

"It's not going to be a letdown," he says. "It's really great to see her."

She's not really convinced he's right--people on twitter always find something to complain about--but it's hard to care about a bunch of anonymous weirdos.

It's great to see him, too.

*

Mrs. Coach's Wine @tamitoo
okay but do we think #bellarke is real? like is clarke in nyc bc she's actually dating the musical guy???? they looked super tight in that pic she posted

ball is death @kylemadden1
Ugh that would be so disappointing I thought she was bi smh

twenty gayteen @maleclife
what do you think bi means kyle

*

"I guess we need to talk about this, huh."

It's Tuesday morning, and Clarke is curled up on Bellamy's bare chest, trying not to think about how she'll be on a bus in a couple hours. It's not exactly that she doesn't want to leave, because New York is fine but not really for her, and more that she's enjoying spending time with Bellamy, and she's not looking forward to saying goodbye to him.

"We can't just have awesome sex and never mention it again?" she asks, making her voice light.

Bellamy kisses her hair. "We could, but that would mean never having sex again either."

"Until we saw each other again, anyway."

"Is that what you want?"

His tone is mild, apparently unconcerned, and Clarke props herself up on his chest to look at him. He's got his glasses back on, and every time she looks at him, he gets more attractive, because every time, she likes him more.

"Not really," she admits. "I don't know what I want."

Bellamy slides his hands up her sides, leans up to kiss her. "Okay, well--I really like you. And I don't want to just hook up with you when you're in town."

"Phone sex?"

"Or skype." He looks away, neck coloring a little. "I don't actually have a plan, but if I just let you leave without telling you I wanted more than a couple quick hookups--"

"I like you too. And the internet already ships us, so--"

He laughs. "Not as much as they ship you and Raven. Which, honestly, if you'd turned me down because you two were a thing, I wouldn't have been mad."

"She's flirting with some guy in Australia. And I've been on a downward spiral of liking you."

"Does it really count as a downward spiral if I like you too?" he teases. "Jesus, when you sent that picture--"

"It wasn't even a good picture!"

"But it was you," he says, voice a little awed, and Clarke leans in to kiss him again.

They might not have everything sorted out, but she's pretty sure they're on the same page.

*

Raven: On a scale from one to ten, how laid did you get?

Clarke: I don't think I understand the scale
What's a one and a ten?

Raven: Okay, fine
Boolean
You fucked him true/false

Clarke: True
Don't tell twitter

Raven: I knew it
Was it just sex?

It's an easy question in most ways--she and Bellamy talked, they agreed they're in this, he's even got plans to come visit in a few weeks, during a relatively non-busy period of his life--but something about the newness of the relationship makes her shy. It still feels like saying it out loud might jinx it, or make it disappear entirely.

Right on cue, her phone buzzes again, but this time, it's Bellamy.

Bellamy: You'd still be dating me if I didn't win the Tony, right?

Clarke: You cannot actually be stressing about that
Does anyone actually date someone just for their Tony?
Oscar, maybe
Possibly Emmy
But not Tony

Bellamy: Good point
This is why I wanted to make a move now
I'm trying to EGOT

Clarke: Yeah, you definitely want to be in a relationship before that
You're going to be drowning in groupies in no time

Bellamy: At least this way I'm your groupie too
Equality
Honestly, I just wanted to text you and I couldn't think of a good excuse

Clarke: You don't need an excuse to text me
You can do it whenever
Raven's asking me what we are

Bellamy: A very niche power couple
Right?

Clarke: A dream team of people you probably haven't heard of but pretend to be interested in at parties
I'm just kind of afraid if I tell her it's real it'll go away

Bellamy: I won't be offended if you don't
But I'm not planning on going anywhere
I'll keep on @ing you

Clarke: And they say romance is dead

She switches over to her text with Raven, still has to think it over for another minute before she finds the words.

Clarke: I think he's my new go-to thing that scares me
I have no idea what we're doing
But I like him and we're together now
So
Yeah
Now I have a backup thing for slow weeks on the podcast

Raven: "I have a boyfriend and I'm terrified of how much I like him"
?

Clarke: Pretty much

Raven: Congrats
If you ever use that on the show I'm never going to let you live it down

Clarke: Yeah
You probably shouldn't

*

The first time she actually does use Bellamy for her weekly scary thing, it's two years later. They've got a few more podcasts between them, and between the popularity of Do One Thing Each Week That Scares You and their new project where they play Dungeons and Dragons with Clarke's stepdad, they're actually making enough money that she was able to leave her job, and as soon as she did that, she had no reason not to move to New York.

"You could have found a new day job," Raven points out. "You didn't have to wait to be financially solvent to move."

"Yeah, but I liked my old day job. But my boyfriend--"

"Friend of the show and Tony winner Bellamy Blake," Monty supplies.

"Do we really have to clarify that my boyfriend is a friend of the show? Why would I be dating an enemy of the show?"

"Good question. You're going to have to check out my new Bellarke enemies-to-lovers fanfic to find out."

"Is now when I mention that Monty was totally checking out Bellamy's best friend, Tony winner Nathan Miller, the last time he was in town?"

"He's an actor! Being hot is his job."

"Yeah, that's the definition of an actor," says Raven.

"I'll double check with my industry contacts, but that does sound right," says Clarke. "That's why Bellamy can act when he needs to."

"Uh huh, your boyfriend is hot and you like him, we get it. So what's the scary part?"

"Moving. And what if we don't do as well living together as I think we will? I've never gone from long distance to living with someone before. I don't know how it's going to be. I'm excited, but it's still a lot."

There's a pause, and then Raven says, "Shit, that's a real problem. We're not prepared to deal with that."

"Except that you guys are weirdly functional and genuinely care about each other, so I think you just need to communicate and be open and you'll be fine."

Clarke's the one to end this pause. "That was pretty smart. Are we getting good at this? Are we actually starting to give decent advice?"

"Let's hope not, our whole brand is being shitty adults," says Raven. "But I guess we can be serious just this once. This is good scared, right?"

"Great scared," Clarke admits. "I can't wait. But it's still a lot."

"Lucky for you, you've got some people to talk you through scary shit."

Clarke's phone buzzes with a text from Bellamy, and even though she's not actually going to look at it now, it makes her smile just to see his name. She really is excited.

"Yeah," she agrees. "Lucky for me."

*

Do One Thing Each Week That Scares You @DoAThingCast
Who likes giveaways? We have two tickets to the premiere of @bellamyblake's new play on Broadway. Quote-tweet with the scary thing you did this week for a chance to win!

Maddie Saracen @cleareyesfullstomachs
I'm new to the DAT podcast empire, can anyone tell me how they know Bellamy Blake??? Like did he go to college with them or what??? He and Clarke are so cute but idgi

Julie is hyped for DragonCon @davincisqueercode
He just liked the podcast! If you google you can find the tweet where he first mentioned it haha. How weird must it be to just be doing a podcast and then BELLAMY BLAKE tells you he likes it?

Clarke Griffin-Blake @clarkegriff
Super fucking weird

Bellamy Griffin-Blake @bellamyblake
Whatever, you liked me before I even had my first Tony, it couldn't have been THAT weird

Clarke Griffin-Blake @clarkegriff
I did like you before you got your Tony, that's how you know it's true love

Bellamy Griffin-Blake @bellamyblake
That's exactly how