Work Text:
Stiles lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling, his fingers gliding over a lacrosse ball in his hands as his mind went over recent events. It had been a month since the nogitsune had died, Stiles still wasn't sure if they could truly die - still, it had been a month. A month since he had found out that he wasn't dying of the same thing as his mother, a month since he had last seen his best friend smile. True Scott was always smiling - being a true alpha and all he had to appear positive for his pack - but when he smiled Stiles could see it was the same smile he himself had used after the death of his mother. The one that showed the world you were fine while inside you were screaming and lost. Lydia had the same smile lately, after everything that had happened she had changed. Her mask slipped more often now, showing how different she had become. In the first few days after the nogitsune was killed she would flinch every time he was around, which Stiles couldn't blame her really, the nogitsune had terrorised her in his appearance. They both knew it wasn't him that had done it, but to help her heal Stiles had made an effort to separate himself - which may not really have been the right thing to do but personally he couldn't see her flinch or cringe when he accidentally touched her anymore. Stiles had found he had pulled back from the whole group actually, spending more time in his room and school than with his friends. They were all dealing with things and giving each other space felt like the right choice.
It had also been a month since Allison… Even in his head there was a pause, since Allison had died. Her death had dented the group badly, Scott was trying to manage and Kira was helping him, but Allison had meant the world to him. Isaac had been crushed, spending more time with Mr Argent than the pack as he tried to manage his loss. He was also helping Mr Argent who had lost yet another member of his family. Lydia missed her best friend, although she had found a strange friendship with Kira and Malia. Stiles himself felt something was missing with Allison gone, she had never judged him for being weird or different. She was a good friend and had made his best friend happy and her death had impacted the pack badly.
Stiles threw the lacrosse ball up into the air, just catching it before it hit his face. He looked at his closed fist tightly holding the ball, a slight hint of a tremor present. Stiles let the ball drop and shook his hand, ever since the nogitsune left him - or he left it he was still unclear about that piece of information too - there had been a slight tremor in his limbs. He noticed it more in his hands when he was holding a pen in class or holding a cup. He had become more of a clutz than usual, even smashing a few plates earning him a sympathetic look from his dad or a hand on his shoulder. His dad had been through so much in such a short time, what with being kidnapped by the Darach and then finding out your son had the same illness as your wife - he was surprised his father was still sane. Plus he had to deal with losing men in the bomb explosion, which was partly his fault. True he had been controlled by the nogitsune but still he couldn't help but feel responsible for what had happened, responsible for all the deaths.
Stiles breathing changed as he closed his eyes trying to calm down, trying to hold on to the fact that so many of them had survived. How it could have been worse, more lives could have been lost, including his own. Not that it mattered, he would have gladly given up his life if it meant Allison would still be alive and he had not hurt anyone. But then his dad would have been alone. Stiles would just have to learn to live with the knowledge that he had killed and hurt so many people and that there was no way for him to make up for it.
He would have to try and forget how scared he had felt thinking he was dying the same way as his mother. It was one thing to give up your life for your friends and loved ones, it was another to die alone, in a hospital forgetting who you are and not even remembering your loved ones.
He felt a tickle on his cheek lifting a hand to wipe it discovering it wet, a tear. He rubbed both his eyes to help get rid of anymore tears daring to fall, stopping at the knock on his door. Opening his eyes he saw his dad, letting himself give a small smile,
“Hey, dad.”
“I just came to tell you dinner’s ready. Oh, and before you start I made sure it was the healthy steaks and I even prepared a salad.” His father smiled widely clearly happy with himself. Stiles couldn’t help but chuckle, softly sliding off his bed and stretching.
“Wow, I’m impressed. You really can take care of yourself.”
“You do realise I had to take care of myself before you were born, right?”
“I really don’t think only eating fast food counts as taking care of yourself dad,” Stiles laughs as he walks towards the door, “come on then, let’s go eat before it gets cold.”
“And maybe after we can have ice cream.”
“The low fat stuff? Sure.”
“What? No! That thing is horrible, we will have the proper stuff.”
“Daaaaad.”
“Oh come on. Just this once?”
They playfully argue all the way downstairs, the whole time Stiles thinking this was exactly why he was still here, this is what he was fighting to protect.