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There wasn’t much to be said in all honesty. So much had happened and yet, hardly anything was said. Everything was known, he worked with cops for Christ’s sake, they were observant. They were able to put the pieces together, and they left it at that. If they saw that he was upset, or noticed that he needed to talk, they were there, but aside from that, nothing was ever said. Not about his mum, not about his dad, not about Simon. Everyone unfortunately knew everything, and as open as Jake was about his life, he didn’t talk about any of it.
He wanted to separate himself from the knowledge that was in the open, wanting to have some shred of privacy. The downside of wanting to separate himself from the true rumors, was that he was unable to talk about it without fully engulfing himself in what he wanted to stay away from. His family and dating and work life had all clashed together in quite possibly the worst of ways. Jake wanted to work on separating the three, but he was beginning to think it was impossible.
His dad was at his work. His ex-boyfriend was at his work. Everyone at work knew about his mum’s illness and most of them knew about the affair his father had as well. There was no moment of release, there was no chance of breathing. He could talk all he liked to Ryan or to Donna, and they were great to talk to, but there was no brief escape from what went on outside those conversations. His life was a world of chaos, and Jake didn’t know what to do about it. Talking about it made him feel better but it didn’t necessarily make anything better. His ex would still be there the next day at work. His mum would still be sick the next time he saw her. And the next time he saw his dad, well, the chances were high that they would argue.
They got along in front of mum, but…Jake couldn’t look at him the same way. He couldn’t forgive him for what he had done. He couldn’t forgive him for not only doing it, but for being so blatant about it as well. Jake didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought of his dad, he cared that his mum knew about it. He didn’t know if it was better or worse that she knew, but it still stood that his father never seemed to care enough about whether or not he ended up hurting her.
As for Simon… Jake avoided him. He would like to say that they avoided each other but Simon probably didn’t care enough to put in the effort. He walked around him like they never happened. The solicitor walked around with his head held high, posture straight, confident that he would win whatever case was handed to him.
Jake exuded similar behavior, but never when Simon was in sight. He shied away, wanting nothing to do with him. He didn’t want to see him, and he didn’t want Simon to see him either. Jake has never been ashamed of any feelings that he has felt for anyone. No one except Simon. Shame wasn’t the right word, he supposed. He guessed it was more resentment. Jake hadn’t been with many people, but he has never regretted being with the people he has been with. With Simon, he regretted all of it.
Jake liked him. He really liked him. He…Well, he really liked him. And Simon… Well, based off the way their relationship ended, he guessed that the same couldn’t be said for the solicitor. Jake believed that if Simon had any sliver of respect or affection for him, he would’ve stayed a bit longer. They would’ve talked a bit longer. He wouldn’t have hesitated to put Jake before that blonde haired scum, but none of that happened did it? No the exact opposite happened.
Jake was furious, and he was trying to make Simon see, see what he was doing to him, see what he would do to him. But he didn’t. He didn’t seem to care in the slightest. He tossed him aside. He not only left him but he went and threw him to the dogs as well. And he left a woman’s life at risk by refusing to let him get charged. After everything, Jake wondered if Simon had a heart. He knew that he couldn’t get personal with his job, but even with his personal life he sometimes seemed to treat it like his job. Maybe some moments were real and Simon felt the same way that Jake felt about him, or maybe he was really good at faking it.
It didn’t now though. They didn’t talk, let alone make eye contact. Any sort of contact was out of the question. Needless to say it was awkward, but there was nothing he could do about it. Simon broke his heart. Even if he wanted to try and talk to him to reconcile the situation and make the atmosphere more tolerable, it wouldn’t work. If Simon didn’t listen to Jake at the end of their relationship, then there was no chance he would listen to anything he had to say now. They were done for.
As for his mum, she was the first and last thing he thought about every day. She was what he thought about most of the day. Whenever there was a call from his dad or a call from an unknown number, Jake’s heart stopped. He would always glare at his phone for a moment, debating on whether or not he wanted to pick it up. He didn’t know if he wanted to face the news that could possibly be waiting for him on the other side. Jake knew that living in reality was better than living in a fantasy. He knew he would have to deal with the outcome, but still…Jake wasn’t ready to lose his mum.
That beginning to look like the most likely outcome. He didn’t believe it but it was. The cancer wasn’t getting any better; in fact, it was getting worse. She….
Jake couldn’t think about it. Despite how often he thought about his mother and her health, he couldn’t think about her not getting better. He couldn’t think like that it - it hurt too much.
Suffice to say that a lot was happening. In an attempt to reach some relief, he went to club Revenge. Not often, Jake didn’t go as often after his break up with Simon. It wasn’t because of Simon that he didn’t go. It was more or less about the fact that Jake was worried that he might end up going too often. He’s never had a problem with drugs or alcohol before, nothing like that, but he was so tired and so stressed all the time, and he knew that going to a club constantly to remedy those feelings was in no way healthy. So, Jake restricted his outings. He made sure that he only did it when he was feeling his best and wanted to go out. When it was at it’s worse, he faced the music. He has never and will never run away from his problems.