Work Text:
December 2003
“Mail,” said Jess’ room-mate, throwing the envelopes right on top of him.
His hand groped out from under the three layers of blankets that still were not enough to keep him warm, and he pulled the mail inside the bedclothes with him, shivering yet. New York was impossibly cold when winter came, and this place didn’t exactly have heating. He really should’ve stayed with Jimmy a while longer, seen out the colder months in California before returning home to the east coast, but it was too late for those kinds of regrets now.
Flipping on the flashlight from under his pillow, Jess leafed through the envelopes. Two contained demands for money he didn’t have, so they could wait. Another was junk, and the next, what seemed to be a Christmas card from Liz. Jess couldn’t even be bothered to open it right now. It was the last envelope that intrigued him, another Christmas card if he wasn’t mistaken, but addressed in hand-writing that made his heart skip a beat.
He tore open the envelope in a second, barely noticing it had been redirected at least three times before it got here. The front of the card was a pretty generic snowy scene of a town, not dissimilar to Stars Hollow, he thought with a wry smile, but he was more interested on what was written on the inside.
‘Dear Jess,
It’s so strange, I have a million things I want to say to you but now I’ve sat down to write, none of them seem right. It’s Christmas, almost anyway, and that should be a time for love and for forgiveness. Not so surprisingly, with those two things in mind, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.
You know that you hurt me. There’s no way you think that you didn’t, but I started to realise after a while that you were hurting too, and maybe I was some of the cause of that. We got it all wrong, Jess, both of us. You didn’t handle anything well, but I wasn’t exactly a saint myself. I guess we should’ve tried harder, but what’s done is done. Can’t go back, only forward.
So, the main reason I’m writing this card is to let you know, you’re forgiven. I can’t forget what you did to hurt me, how you left without a goodbye, all of that stuff, but I can try to understand and forgive you, if you’re sorry, which I’m guessing you are. You were never a bad person, Jess, you just didn’t know how to handle things. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you ever want to talk it out, we can. If you ever want to come back to Stars Hollow for any reason, you don’t have to feel weird about it, okay?
I don’t even know if you’ll get this card. Luke has given me an address to send it to, but he warned me you might’ve moved again. Wherever you are Jess, I hope this card reaches you, and that you get to have some kind of Merry Christmas this year. I only ever wanted good things for you. That hasn’t changed, it just can’t.
Love, Rory.’
Jess got to the end of the missive and shook his head, realising too late that she had actually made him cry. She was right, he hadn’t handled things well, neither of them had, but he really, really should not have left without a goodbye, or more importantly, without telling her how he really felt about her. He loved her, and some day he really was going to have to tell her. Maybe sooner rather than later would be good.