Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Just keep up this façade and everything will be fine,
I know it will be…
Smile and no one will worry about me and then I won’t be a burden…
But then again, I’m always a burden, no matter what I do…
I’m always a burden and nothing more…
I’m burden no matter what others tell me…
I just can’t do anything right,
He’s dead because of me…
Maybe I should just disappear?
Yeah, then I won’t be able to screw anything else up!
Someone as useless, pathetic and good-for-nothing like me shouldn’t be around good people like them…
I’m just that burden that’s hanging around everyone.
Why am I still here again?

Thoughts like these have plagued your mind for so long, way before you met the RFA. You have been with the RFA for almost a year now. When you first met everyone and they always asked how you were doing and worrying about you, you felt loved for the first time in a very, very long time. After you and Saeyoung saved Saeran, he was making progress. Yes, Saeran still has his bad days but he’s getting better but, V is dead. In the Mint Eye building when you went to go get Saeran, V had a gun being pointed at him by Saeran then was shot and died soon after. It’s all your fault he’s dead, you know this, Saeyoung knows this, the whole RFA knows this but they aren’t going to say it is. They’ll blame it on someone else like Rika or Unknown, Saeran’s dark side or they could even say that it was no one’s fault but you know better. V could be alive right now laughing with the rest of the RFA or drinking wine and catching up with Jumin… but, he’s not… And it’s all your fault.
Fast forward two months after everything with V and Mint Eye and you now have moved in with the twins after marring Saeyoung. The brothers were starting to get along really well, the RFA was adjusting to the loss of V, everything was perfect… or so they believed.
Little did the brothers, and the rest of the RFA know, is that you were drowning in your depression. Even though you have a smile on every single day, every single night was a different story.

Chapter Text

At night was the time where you would allow your depression to swallow you whole. The voices would come and haunt you at this time, calling you names and belittling you. All you would do, all you could do, is just deal with it. You had multiple ways to cope, some better than others, and sometimes it took more than one to calm yourself.
This would all happen once everyone in the household was sound asleep. It would go something like this, Saeran, Saeyoung and you would all crawl into bed around 11:00pm, then once the twins fell asleep you would climb out of bed and go to the living room. This was done at midnight because by then you were certain both boys would be asleep. You would go sit by the window and look out at the starry, night sky and then let your thoughts consume you. After a good 30 minutes you would go grab one of two things. A razor from the bathroom or vodka that’s hidden in the kitchen somewhere where the boys won’t find it. These are only two of your coping strategies, you have two others, crying or looking at the sky while listening to music of your liking.
You were actually starting to get better, really you were, but… it came back. It all happened on one of Saeran’s bad days. He was lashing out at Saeyoung, calling him names and reminding him of his mistakes to make him feel bad. Saeyoung knew his brother didn’t mean it but it still hurt him. You heard the commotion so you went over to help. You came right as Saeyoung lost it on Saeran and became just as mad as him. That’s when the yelling and fighting started. You tried to calm them both down but it wasn’t working, so you kept trying.
“Come on please stop fighting, you guys were doing so well too” you said trying to find a way to calm the twins before they do something they would regret.
“Why do you care!?” Saeyoung whips his head to look at you while asking back in an angry tone
“What do mean why do I care!? I care because I love you both so much, of course I care!” you reply getting a little angry yourself.
“No, you don’t” Saeyoung says softly, but you heard him loud and clear.
“What!? Where did that come from, I really do love and care about you two!” you shouted back at him, getting mad because he questioned such a thing.
“Hey! Don’t yell at him!” Saeran yells at you, finally speaking up.
“The hell! So, you can yell at him but I can’t?!” You yell back at him.
“I’m his brother” he stated.
“So! And I’m his wife!” you shot back
“Hey!” Saeyoung shouted, about to say something.
One thing leads to another and now you’re all shouting at each other about things that have happened in the past. Saeyoung leaving Saeran, Rika, V dying, you joining the RFA.
Your time alone with Saeyoung in the apartment
“And another thing,” Saeyoung started, “you were always in the way at Rika’s apartment!”
“Really!?” you asked, still yelling
“Yes really! If you had stayed in the apartment instead of leaving like that one time and not bug me like you did, then maybe I wouldn’t have brought you and have found Saeran faster. You were useless and got in the way of something that didn’t involve you at all, just like now.” He yells. You were about to say something back to him when he adds, “you were also in the way at Mint Eye. If I didn’t need to worry about you so much then I would have been able to get Saeran out faster and save V as well, but I couldn’t and it’s all your fault.”
You left.
You just stood there for a minute, wide eyes met with flamed filled ones. You then turned around and left. You had to go somewhere, you just couldn’t be there anymore. While walking out of the house you were thinking over what had just happened.
‘So, it’s my fault, huh. I knew it.’
His words and the names he called you brought back so many memories. Memories of your past. They all came rushing back to the front of your mind. A place where you never wanted these thoughts to return to, but now you’re starting to believe them again.
All of them.
You’re crashing and burning inside. You can’t think straight.
You heard the brothers talking. They weren’t yelling, but just talking as normally as they can after what happened. You didn’t hear the beginning of what they had said, all you were able to here was “brother, you know it wasn’t her fault. Go get her, it’s getting dark and it gets really cold by then”
“Does it look like I care? Tch, she’ll come back I know it” Saeyoung responded to his brother, storming out of the room seconds later.
“So, he thinks I’ll come back, huh” you mumble inaudibly. “Well I got a surprise for you Saeyoung, I won’t come back tonight. Let’s see if you care then.”
With that you proceed to the front door to leave but not before doing one last thing. You take off your wedding ring and leave it on the counter near the door and leave. You make sure you don’t have your phone with you so Saeyoung can’t track it.
Once you make sure there is no way he can find you, you exit the house into the cold night, with no jacket on what so ever.

Chapter Text

You found a nice bench at the park. ‘This was the park that Saeyoung and I went to for our first date’ you thought. ‘We sat on this very bench, chatted and ate ice cream.’ The thought brought tears to your eyes as you shivered slightly. “Man, Saeran was right, it does get cold at night. I didn’t even bring a jacket but, then Saeyoung could have tracked me if I did.” You sighed and looked around.

The sun was just setting turning the sky a pink, orange and yellow colour. The cold autumn breeze blew at you again making you shiver once more. You looked at your watch. 8:56pm.

It’s been almost an hour and a half since the argument and Saeyoung still hasn’t found you. That could mean two things: 1. He’s having a hard time finding you or 2. He really doesn’t care…

You fear the worst and that only makes your depressions comeback stronger.

You felt your eyes grow heavy, you must have tired from all that fighting and yelling earlier. As you lay your body down, your eyes fully close, pushing you into a deep sleep on the bench outside in the cold.

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As you slowly open your eyes you immediately shiver like crazy and close your eyes while curling into a ball to warm yourself.

Moments later you hear the sound of feet at a jogging pace. As they grow louder the pace of them start to slow down until they stop altogether. You open your eyes only to find a man with long white hair.

“Zen?” you question.

“(Y/N)!! What are you doing out here with no coat, it’s starting to get cold out! You don’t look so warm, are you okay!?” he asks with a very worried expression on his face.

You look down to look at your skin only to find that it has turned from its original colour to a pale colour with a bluish colour to it as well. Your eyes widen at your finding.

‘That’s right… the fight…  I stormed out in a crying mess and found the park bench and… I must have fallen asleep.’

You look back up at Zen only for him to immediately start taking of his light jacket after realizing what you did about your skins condition.

“Here, take this for now. Its just to warm you up until we get you home” he said handing you his jacket.

You shakenly take the jacket and put it on yourself. As soon as you do, you immediately feel the warmth from the jacket radiate onto your body.  You thank Zen in a chatter voice and you both head off in the direction of the bunker.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Zen have been walking for a couple minutes, you warmed up a tad and then Zen finally asks you “What were you doing out in the cold on a bench with no jacket on?”

“The twins and I had a fight but then it became a fight just between Saeyoung and I. Saeyoung, he… said some things…” you answered.

“That boy.” he replies, shaking his head in a disappointing manner. You only sigh.

“I wonder what time it is?” you say to yourself.

“Well, I left my house at 6:00am and I found you shortly after so I want to say it’s sometime between 6 and 6:30am” he replies.

“Oh, thanks” you say, looking down to the ground, trying to warm yourself some more.

It’s been a half hour; you and Zen finally arrive back at the bunker. You check your skins condition and compare it to before. Some colour has returned and it’s still a little blue but not as much as before, it actually turned a little red from the warmth.

“Thank you, Zen” you say with a smile on your face as you take off his jacket and give it back to him.

“Of course (Y/N) and hey, if you need anything else you know you can go to me or any of the other RFA members, right?”

“Yes, I know, thank you” you say again.

Zen gives you a smile and takes his leave.

You turn around and look at the front door of the bunker. You sigh out and knock on the door. The door immediately opens and you are pulled inside by Saeran. You are then rapped in a warm blanket and being moved further into the house.

“Saeran?” you ask.

“Oh (Y/N), you baka, I was worried. You never returned home last night and now your skin is slightly pale, blue and red, did you sleep outside!?” Saeran rushes the words out.

“Where’s Saeyoung?” is the first thing you ask.

“After the fight Saeyoung stormed off into the bedroom and fell asleep” he replies.

‘So, he real didn’t care, huh. Oh well’ you thought.

“I stayed by the door waiting for you to come back, but I guess I fell asleep” Saeran adds.

“Thanks, Saeran, I really appreciate it” you say.

You walk to the couch and lay down on your side, resting your head on a pillow. You slowly close your eyes and fall back asleep.

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When you wake up again, you’re blinded by the light that seeps through the window in the living room. Once your vision focuses you find a bowl of chicken noodle and tea settled on the coffee table in front of you. There is also a note beside the bowl.

Eat the soup and drink the tea, you idiot and after take a hot bath so you can warm yourself more and return everything to it’s normal colour.

-Saeran

You smile to yourself at the thought that Saeran cares unlike someone else. You avert your gaze from the meal to the clock on the wall. 9:21am. You look back at the food and start to eat it. Once you finish you pick the dishes up and put them in the sink then head to the bathroom.

When you enter the bathroom one of the first things you notice is the pile of clean clothes sitting on the counter. You smile once more and undress yourself as you turn the water on in the tub to a hot, but not boiling, temperature and climb in.

“Mm… That’s nice” you say as you submerge your cool body into the warm liquid. You lay in the tub for half an hour, by then the water is starting to get a little cold so you hop out and rap yourself in a towel and drain the tub. You dry yourself off and put the clean clothes on. ‘They’re warm clothes!’

As you exit the bathroom feeling and looking at lot better, you are met with wide golden honey coloured eyes. ‘It’s Saeyoung,’ you thought, ‘wonder what he wants. Is he going to apologize or is he going to get mad or something?’

Saeyoung swallows hard and looks at you straight in the eye. “Hey, um (Y/N), can we talk in the bedroom?” he stutters out. “Please?” You slowly nod and follow him into the bedroom. You enter the bedroom, Saeyoung closing the door behind the two of you, and you sit on the bed. Shortly after, Saeyoung sits down with you.

“I, would like to, um, apologize for what I did last night. It was total uncalled for and I need to also say this, its not your fault that V is dead.” ‘Yes, it is.’ “I was just really mad and it was a spur of the moment kind of thing and I’m just really sorry.”

‘Then why didn’t you come to find me?’ you ask yourself. As if reading your mind, Saeyoung answers your question.

“I didn’t go to find you last night because I was mad and not in my right mind. I convinced myself that you would come back before it got too dark. When I woke up this morning and you weren’t in bed or on the couch, I panicked a little. Then Saeran told me that you came back early morning and was cold and shivering and your skin… I-I- I just…” he trails off and looks down.

‘So, he’s sorry?’ You don’t know what to do, you’re glad he’s sorry and everything but you still blame yourself for the death of a friend and getting in the way.

You smile a fake smile and gingerly hold both of Saeyoung’s hands, making him turn his gaze back to you. “Saeyoung, I forgive you.” ‘Sort of.’

He smiles a little smile “Really?” he askes you. You keep that fake smile on and nod your head.

“Th-thank you, for forgiving me…” Saeyoung whispers. “I love you, (Y/N)”

“I love you too Saeyoung” you whisper back.

Saeyoung lifts your left hand, places your wedding ring back on and kisses it. “I guess things go back to normal right?” Saeyoung asks with hope in his eyes and a bigger smile on his face.

You give Saeyoung a hug, which he gladly returns. You giggle “Yes, Saeyoung, yes they do.”

‘No, no they don’t… Things are going to be a little different for me from now on, Saeyoung.’

Chapter Text

Your routine of getting out of bed in the middle of the night and coping with your depression became an actual routine about 2 days after this incident. During the past 2 days you couldn’t sleep at all so you just decided to do what you use to do to cope, climb out of bed, go to the living room to look at the starry sky and cope. You’ve been doing this routine for the past 5 months and not once did either of them catch you.

Now we’re in the present where its almost time for bed, your phone is charged to 100%, you have a long sleeve shirt on to wipe your tears with and you have knowledge of the location of both the razor and the vodka. This means you’re fully prepared for whichever kind coping you decide to be doing during your midnight confessions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11:00pm

‘Saeyoung, Saeran and I are all heading to bed, as usual, good…’

You and the boys say goodnight to each other and enter your bedrooms. You and Saeyoung change into some comfy pajamas, Saeyoung in a tank-top and shorts while you are wearing a long sleeve pajama shirt and pajama pants. Then you turn off the lights and head into bed where Saeyoung has already made his way into. He motions for you to crawl into bed and cuddle with him. You let out a small giggle and happily climb in and cuddle up against your husband’s warm body.

Your head rests on his chest while his head rests on yours.

“I love you (Y/N), for ever and ever” he says in a soft whisper.

“I love you too Saeyoung, for ever and ever” you whisper back.

You give Saeyoung a peck on the lips and his checks turn a faint pink. He moves his hand to your waist and pulls you closer. He then buries his head in the crook of your neck and within the next 10 minutes he’s sound asleep.

You can feel Saeyoung’s faint breathing on your neck and the gentle movement of his stomach and shoulders. You direct your gaze from the arm around your waist to the clock that is perched on top of your nightstand.

11:15pm

You still have a solid 45 minutes until you need to do what you need to do, so you close your eyes and let yourself drift off into a light nap. When you open your eyes again, you immediately shift your line of sight to the clock.

12:00pm

Midnight

Right on the nose. You look down to your waist, expecting to see Saeyoung’s arm still around you, but you don’t see it. You turn your head just enough to see that Saeyoung has flipped to face away from you, making your job of getting out of bed, without waking him, much easier.

You turn back to face away from Saeyoung and wait another minute or so to get up. It’s so warm that part of you wants to stay in the safety of the bed but the other part is screaming at you to get out. After a couple minutes of procrastination, you finally move to leave the bedroom, grabbing your phone and headphones along the way, and head to the living room.

On the way to the living room you take a detour to the kitchen and bathroom to grab a couple of things. In the bathroom you grab a razor and some things to clean any potential wounds you might inflict on yourself. In the kitchen, you grab some form of alcohol, you don’t really care, and then you go to the living room. Once positioned in the living room, putting all your items on a side table, you look out to the stars in the sky.

“So…sigh…what am I going to think about tonight?” you ask yourself in a whisper.

‘Well, I could think about V, the fact that I’m always in the way, that I get involved in things that I don’t need to be then end up making things worse, I’m a burden, that I can’t do anything right…’ the list just keeps going and going.

Saeyoung woke up to the cold feeling of the bed. He flips over only to find that you aren’t there. Saeyoung thinks that you must have gone to the bathroom or something and that you’ll come back. ‘Wait, but what happened last time I thought that’ he thought.

Saeyoung jumps out of bed and goes down the hall to Saeran’s room. Saeyoung needs his brother to be there because he won’t be able to handle it if something has happened to you. Saeyoung opens Saeran’s door and paces over to Saeran, who is sound asleep.

Saeyoung shakes Saeran awake and, with a jolt, he’s up.

“I swear to god if you woke me up to ask me a stupid question I’m going to…”

“(Y/N) wasn’t in bed and I’m scared that something might have happen to her and I want you to come with me. Please, I need you” Saeyoung pleads with tears in his eyes.
Saeran can see how worried and scared his brother is so he agrees to go with him. As both of the redhaired men walk quietly down the hall and down the stairs to the living room, the sound of quiet crying and sniffling can be heard. Saeyoung and Saeran stop at the door frame that connects the living room to the hallway and what they see before them breaks their hearts.

They see you sitting at the window with a bottle of some sort of alcohol, they’re not sure what kind because it’s so dark, and you’re crying and mumbling things into your arm. Saeyoung is just about to walk over to you and ask what’s wrong but you quickly start talking to yourself, unaware of the presence behind you.

“Ha-ha…” you laugh humorlessly as you lift your head up, “if only the twins knew about this. Heh, hell they’d be on me for what I’m doing…” you say as you continue to drink.
You then look over to the razor that lays next to you. “Not today” you mumble as you pick up the razor and lightly toss it away from you. When Saeyoung and Saeran see what you could have done to yourself, they’re shocked. None the less, both are very happy that you didn’t do anything to your skin.

“It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s my fault” you whisper over and over. The boys are confused what’s your fault? You answer the question shortly after, almost like you could hear their question. “He’s dead because of me, it’s my fault V’s dead. Saeyoung was right…”

The twins are once again confused and also shocked. What exactly am I right about? Saeyoung thinks while Saeran thinks How is it your fault he’s dead, I’m the one who pulled the trigger?! Once again hearing their silent questions, you speak your thoughts on this topic.

“Saeyoung, I am useless. I got in the way, at Rika’s apartment, at Mint Eye, 5 months ago in the fight. All I ever want to do is help but I can’t, I can only make things worse. V would be alive and Saeran could have gotten better faster, I’m just slowing everyone down. Saeyoung needed to focus on Saeran and I got in the way like the burden I am. I’m just a burden, a useless, good-for-nothing human who shouldn’t be here anymore. I-I…” you start breaking down harder.

The twins are now crying quietly at your words, your confessions on what you’re feeling. Before either twin can go confront and comfort you, you glance at the clock and see the time. 2:56am. “Mm, should probably go back to bed, can’t be too tired in the morning” with another empty laugh, you arise from your set and start to turn around towards the kitchen. The twins quickly hide themselves behind the wall as you reach the furthest corner of the kitchen, away from where Saeyoung and Saeran are hiding. They peak out from hiding to watch and see what you do.

As you near the corner you finish off the bottle of whatever alcoholic substance you were consuming mere minutes ago. “Okay, done. Now I need to hide this” you say as you wave the bottle slightly in the air to no one in particular. You bend down and put the empty bottle in a corner cabinet near the ground. Once you finish, you start to stand up and turn around.

As soon as you start doing this, the twins are all ready bolting as quietly as they can up the stairs and into their own rooms as to not be caught in the act of spying. As soon as you are done placing everything back to where it’s suppose to be, you head up to your shared bedroom. When you enter the bedroom, you see Saeyoung sound asleep with his back turned to you. You walk over to the empty space beside him and climb in carefully as to not wake him up. Moments later you yourself is fast asleep beside Saeyoung, back to back. Only, Saeyoung wasn’t asleep, he was wide awake after what he and Saeran had just saw.

As soon as Saeyoung knows for sure that you are fully asleep, he grabs his phone from beside him and texts Saeran.
‘You remember where she hid the bottle and have an idea for the other stuff?’

‘Yeah, I do’

‘Good. Tomorrow, before she gets up to do this again, take everything and hid them in your room so she doesn’t have them.’

‘Okay Saeyoung, I hope we can help her’

‘Me too Saeran, me too.’

With that Saeyoung tries to fall asleep but just can’t. His head is too full of questions and not enough answers to those questions. Eventual, Saeyoung is able to fall asleep, even if his mind is working 100 miles a minute. The next morning, Saeyoung and Saeran make sure you are still asleep so they can discuss further details privately on how they will approach you that night. But you had other plans before you went to bed.

You were going to skip tonight’s confessions and tomorrow night, once the brothers were asleep, you were going to end it all.

Chapter Text

‘Today’s the day,

I’m going to be set free.

Today’s the day I end it all’

Earlier that day, around 2pm, you went out to purchase your exit ticket out of life.

Sleeping Pills

You made sure to use cash so neither Saeyoung nor Saeran could hack and see what you had bought. You’re currently waiting for 11pm to roll around so then the twins will go to bed and you can go finish yourself off.

It’s currently 10:47pm, you, Saeyoung and Saeran are all watching a tv show. You’re not really paying any attention to the show, you’re just kind of… staring at it. You snap out of your daze when Saeyoung stands up. “I’m so tried, I’m off to bed. (Y/N) come to bed so we can lay down, cuddle and fall asleep in each others arms!” he wines in a playful tone.
You giggle and look up at Saeyoung and ponder the idea for a moment. ‘Guess it wouldn’t hurt but, what I’m I going to do with Saeran?’

You turn your gaze away from Saeyoung to look at his twin “Saeran?” He hums in acknowledgment to you calling his name. “How much longer are you going to stay up?”

He turns his gaze away from the tv to look at you. “Might as well go to bed now too, this show is stupid anyway.” He says sounding unamused as usual. He looks for the tv remote to turn off the tv so he too could go to bed. “Just let me go to the bathroom first then I’ll be off” he adds.

You smile at him. ‘Perfect’ you thought. You turn your head to look at Saeyoung again “okay, let’s go then.”

“Yay!” Saeyoung says as he gives you a big toothy grin.

You and Saeyoung start walking to your shared bedroom, you walking in front of Saeyoung. Since you can’t see him, Saeyoung turns his head to look at Saeran and he nods at him. Saeran nods back in understanding. He knows what to do.

All Saeran needs to do is grab the blade and alcohol and hide them in his room. Saeran waits a little until both you and his brother are out of sight then heads to the corner cabinet. He bends down and opens it up, observing the many empty alcohol bottles along with full ones and even ones that have amounts in between full and empty. Saeran grabs all the bottle that you started but didn’t bother to finish. As he’s collecting all the bottles that have any amount in them, he comes across a small bottle of something. Saeran doesn’t know what to expect out of this mysterious bottle but… he wasn’t expecting to find out the bottle was sleeping pills. He’s so shocked. ‘Was she going to kill herself soon?’ he thought. He can only think of the worst in the state they saw you a couple nights ago. He grabs the pills, he’s going to need to show Saeyoung this when they confront you tonight.

Once Saeran is finished grabbing all the bottles, hiding them, then grabbing the razor and hiding it in his room, he waits. He waits near his bedroom door for the sound of an opening door and foot steps. It’s only 11:21pm and they found you at 2:45am two nights ago so, you could get up at anytime between now and then.
11:30pm, Nothing

11:45pm, Nothing

11:55pm, Nothing

11:56pm, 11:57pm, 11:58pm, 11:59pm, Nothing

12am, Something!

Finally! Saeran can hear the door to your shared bedroom and the sound of foot steps in the hall. Saeran has his phone ready to text Saeyoung to signal that it’s time as soon as he can’t hear foot steps anymore. A minute later, silence.

Saeran: ‘It’s time’

Saeyoung: ‘Got it’

With that, both twins exit their bedrooms. “Wait, hyung, look at what I found in the cabinet.” Saeran says as he pulls out the pill bottle that he found earlier while removing the alcohol. Saeyoung looks to his younger brother in confusion at first but then looks at what he’s holding and his golden eyes go wide. ‘He’s thinking what I thought’ Saeran thinks to himself. Saeyoung takes the bottle out of Saeran’s grasp and starts walking down the hall to the living room to confront you, Saeran tailing behind him.
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‘Huh, it’s emptier than I remember, one of the twins must have found the bottles and got rid of them’ you thought as you searched the cabinet. That wasn’t your main concern though, what you were afraid of is if they took the little white bottle with the pills of freedom in it. When you couldn’t find it, you stood up and closed the cabinet. You then walked to the living room where you were met with two redheaded twins standing in the middle of the room looking at you, one of them holding something small and white. Realization soon dawned on you ‘Oh, so that’s where it went.’

You sighed deeply and looked at the brothers that stood before you. There was an uncomfortable silence that seemed to last for an eternity until you spoke “how long have you both know” you say while gesturing to your failed escape attempt.

“Since your last confession, the confession where you said Saeyoung was right and how it’s your fault he’s dead.” Saeran answers your question. Saeyoung nods in confirmation.
“Well,” Saeyoung starts, “we only knew about you talking in the night, the drinking and the razor then, but we only found out about the pills tonight.” Saeyoung adds, lifting his hand and shacking the bottle slightly.

You breathe in and out of your nose then walk closer to the twins. One is your ever loving and caring husband while the other is your brother-in-law who you consider to be like your own brother. You stop right in front of the two, Saeyoung on the right, Saeran on the left and then just envelope them into a huge embrace and breakdown in between them on their shoulders. Both Saeyoung and Saeran remain silent as they hug you back together, tears slipping out at the thought of what could have happened had they not found out. You just continue to cry, letting all your emotions out in this one act.

“I n-need h-help, w-wil-l yo-you h-help m-me, pl-ea-ase?” you stutter out.

“Of course, we will” Saeran assures you.

“We’ll be right with you every step of the way” Saeyoung adds to his brother statement.

After several minutes of hugging in a comfortable silence, you pull away and wipe away any lingering tears on your cheeks. “Thank you, both of you” you say as you give them a small, genuine smile. The twins wipe their own faces and return your smile. “I just have one request, for both of you” you add.

“Of course, what is it (Y/N)?” Saeyoung asks.

“Will you both sleep with me? I need you both more than ever right now and I would feel safe with you both near me” you say, a little hesitant.

There’s a pause, and in that pause Saeyoung and Saeran exchange a glance, a silent agreement between the two to carry out your wish.

“Sure” Saeran states and starts heading up to the bedroom. Saeyoung looks to you and extends his hand out for you to take. You gladly do. You interlace fingers and start heading up to the bedroom as well, Saeyoung right beside you. As you head to the bedroom, Saeyoung starts to speck, “can we talk in the morning about all of this?” he asks. You look at him and see pleading eyes. As you’re looking in his eyes you can easily see what they’re trying to tell you, they say please, I want to help you. You give him a small smile and nod “yeah, we can.” Saeyoung sighs in relief and looks away, continuing his way to the bedroom, hand-in-hand with you. When you open the bedroom door, you see Saeran leaning against the wall, waiting for you two. Once he sees you both, he starts to head towards the bed and lays down, leaving enough room for the both of you. You walk over yourself and lay next to Saeran, Saeyoung joining not long after.

You are now laying in the middle of the bed, Saeran on your left and Saeyoung on the right. You steal a quick glance at the two males on either side of you and you can’t help but smile. “Thank you again” you say and shortly after you fall asleep, not seeing the smiles that the brothers are exchanging.

In the morning you wake up to an empty bed and the smell of… pancakes? You roll out of bed and make your way down the stairs, dragging your feet, to the kitchen. When you enter, you are greeted with the sight of Saeran cooking and Saeyoung setting the table. When they notice you, they both give you a smile. Saeyoung is the first to speak “Good morning babe! Take a seat at the table, the pancakes are almost done!” You smile and take a seat like you were told to.

“So were did you guys learn to cook, you both never cook!” you ask, a little suspicious of this hidden talent.

“Thank Jumin Han and his pancake recipe” Saeran tells you, looking over his shoulder to look at you. You laugh and give a tiny nod to him and look down at your plate as three pancakes are placed on it. “Eat” he commands. You gladly obey only because your stomach has been making noises ever since you smelled pancakes. Once you three finish your breakfast and clean everything up, all of you head to the living room to sit down and talk.

You sigh “where do I begin…” You start off by telling them how it all started with the fight 5 months ago. How the things Saeyoung had said really brought back some memories that you wished to not talk about. How you were depressed and were finally better but then Saeyoung said those things and brought it all crashing back down on you and how you started to believe again the things people said in the past. You tell them the way you coped, you show them your scars, new and old. You just let it all out and they both listen the entire time, not interrupting you once. When your done both boys pull you into a bone crushing hug and are silently crying at your story. You were feeling all this and they never notice. You were in your darkest times and they didn’t do anything to help while you, you helped them through their dark times, you were their light that guided them while you were left to wander aimlessly in the dark.

They pull away and once they do you all realize that the three of you are now in tears. “We promise (Y/N), we will help you, guide you, through the dark just like you did with us.” Saeran states as a fact. Saeyoung picks up and continues that statement “We both will help you get better, until you are happy, until you are no longer stranded at sea, but found and rescued. We will help and be by you the entire time, ever step and anytime you decide to go back to your old ways, we will be there for you to lean on and help you get back up. We are here for you as well as the rest of the RFA because we, (Y/N), we are family and family help each other in times of need. And that is exactly what we will do, we will be there for you in your time of need.”

With that, you are now crying tears of joy, not tears of anger, sadness or pain. In that moment you make a silent promise that you would get better, for yourself, the twins, the rest of the RFA, for all that love you and you intend to keep and fulfill that promise. ‘For them, the ones that I love and love me… My family!’