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The car is completely silent. Well, not completely, you’re pumping sick as fire beats through the four wheeler as you drum your thumbs on the steering wheel and, by sick as fire beats, you mean some of that slow jazzy stuff they play at fancy restaurants with the tiny hors d’oeurves on silver platters. You don’t actually know any good classical songs outside of the abstract artists Rose sometimes sends you at the crack of dawn with the rooster sitting on your head so it’s just elevator music you googled quickly on your iPhone. But it’s definitely the kind of stuff romantic wise you play to set the mood for a good date when you’ve got a whole ass girl on your arm, right? Or well. In this case, a cute boy with a permanent crease between his eyebrows that you kinda want to reach over and wipe off.
He’s scowling at something outside the car and, for some reason, glancing over at him makes your heart do a weird little tap dance on your ribcage. His frown deepens but he still looks gorgeous with his hair framed by the stars and the passing lights outside the car window. Is he uncomfortable? Is the A.C. on too high? You reach forward and fiddle with one of the knobs a little before dropping your hand onto the gear stick. After a few seconds of eyeing his hand, you pick your hand back up and drop it onto the steering wheel again. Is holding hands a thing that’s okay?
“Hey,” you say, dropping that signature Strider poker face in favor of your most winning smile which has only recently seen the light of day under the guidance of the one and only beautiful Karkat Vantas. “Relax a bit, bro. We haven’t even reached the restaurant and you already look like you wanna throw a shitfit at something. I’m talking like at least a code yellow shitfit. We’ve got the mayor on this business and he is really unhappy with us all yelling, ‘Code yellow! Code yellow! Karkat’s about to blow!’ If you know what I mean. Eyebrow wiggle.”
You cough awkwardly into your hand before clarifying yourself, “I don’t know if you can see my eyebrows from the angle you’re at but they’re definitely wiggling right now.”
He gives you a long glance out of the side of his eye before speaking up, “Are you done, Dave? Are you done vomiting your words onto every surface of the interior of this surprisingly pristine car?”
His glare returns as he surveys your car, “Seriously, Dave. The last time I saw your car this clean was when you bought it.” He then pointedly eyes your radio. “I also don’t recall you ever listening to anything remotely like this.”
You feel the blood rush to your cheeks and you avoid meeting his eyes and stare straight at the road ahead even though you know he can’t tell that you’re not looking at him and also you’re definitely just focusing on driving because you don’t want the boy you’ve been trying to impress for the last forever to die in a tragic driving accident with you no matter how romantic it would be to be immortalized with him in the papers.
“I just…” you say, “It’s a special occasion, you know? Why not try something new?”
You punch his shoulder with your right arm and immediately regret it. God, you hope a literal planet crushes your side of the car right now. Throw out all that stuff you said about safe driving; you would literally drive off a cliff if Karkat wasn’t in the passenger seat. Instead of telling Siri to direct you to the nearest overpass, you pull into the parking lot in front of the restaurant you’ve picked out.
When you finally risk a glance over at Karkat, he isn’t even paying attention to your mini heart attack and is instead browsing through your phone and snorting at your recently downloaded music.
“Elevator music. Nice. What exactly is this special occasion?”
“Dude. It’s special. I feel like you’d think this was special. Two bros out on the town, really hitting up the streets. You gotta admit it’s better than movie night at your house, at least.”
He sniffs a little, indignant and pouty as usual, “I like movie night with you.”
“So do I. Wait right there.”
Before he can respond, you get out of the car and walk over to his side to open the door for him. He stares at you, baffled, so you do the only thing you can think of doing and bow low to him, peeking at him over the rims of your sunglasses.
“M’lady. The reservation can’t wait forever.”
With an eye roll and a snort, Karkat gets out of the car.
“Very funny, Dave.”
When you cross the parking lot to the restaurant, you hold the door open for him like a true gentleman about to whisk a lady right off her feet. You make sure to pull out his chair for him too and everything.
It’s a nice place. Nicer than your usual late night trips to the Jack-In-The-Box down the street from your house. The food here isn’t as filling as two chicken sandwiches and a large fries split with Karkat, but it’s definitely more fitting for a date. On this alone, you are sure of. After dropping a lot of maybe intentional and maybe not intentional hints about the possibility of maybe kind of wanting to ask out the local troll with a constant case of the bedhead around her, Rose had given in and helped you out by accidentally or maybe not accidentally leaving a list of good restaurants for dates that she definitely meant to take Kanaya to and never meant to leave on your bed with a winky face on it that was definitely not in Roxy’s signature pink pen.
They were probably going to want all the juicy deets later but your sisters’ harassment was a small price to pay for the quality information that will guarantee Karkat has a good time on this date.
The music here is slightly different than elevator music. There’s more jazz and violin thrown into it and you wonder if you could sample it and then mix it into the elevator music you downloaded. As your fingers tap the beat of the music, counting one’s and two’s and three’s and four’s, Karkat reaches over and snaps to get your attention.
“Dave, stop mumbling to yourself about music like a useless nitwit and actually speak clearly. I can’t just carry a conversation between myself and a muttering, music-obsessed moron or we’ll both look crazy.”
“Babe,” you reply, “I would like nothing more than to have an actual conversation with you. We’re doing this. We’re making it happen. I’m gonna converse with you so hard, you’ll never want to talk again and the whole world will weep for the loss of Karkat Vantas’s beautiful voice screaming obscenities at the nearest sad sack who got in your way.”
After Karkat’s screeching response to being called “babe,” your conversation falls into the usual pattern you both follow meaning it wanders aimlessly from topic to topic like a lost toddler in a candy store who isn’t sure what candy they want to grab quite yet. You talk about school and about movies and about your friends and as the conversation gets more animated, you wave off the waiter quickly by ordering the cheapest stuff you both can find on the menu and then returning to the conversation. As you both wait for the bill after eating your fill, your hands rest only inches away from each other and you itch to reach forward and grab his. Part of you wonders if he is eyeing your hand as much as you’re eyeing his. By the time you summon the courage to just go for it though, the waiter comes around in the most ill-timed production of the bill that should’ve come like half a year ago.
You reach to pay for it but Karkat’s hand swipes it out of the waiter’s fingers before you’re even halfway to grabbing it.
“How do you want to divide this, Dave? Half or separately for each meal?”
“Dude, I’ve got it. I’ll pay this time.”
As you try to nab the bill back, he pulls it out of reach and narrows his eyes at you, “Why are you paying for it all? I am perfectly capable of paying for the $12 meal I bought with my own cash. Or did you forget? I have a job while you stay home and try to scrape by by selling homemade mixtapes and poorly drawn comics to the nut jobs with underperforming thinkpans at school.”
“Oh my god, you’re so dramatic. Just let me pay.”
“No!” he cries out, suddenly taking extreme offense at the idea of you even touching the bill. Before you can stop him, he tucks some cash into the bill and hands it off to a passing waiter.
“Karkat, what the fuck!”
He’s already pulled on his coat to leave though and you don’t struggle when he circles the table to rifle through your pockets and steal your wallet. He pulls a few random bills out and tosses them onto the table before starting to march off as if he’s leaving without you, your keys dangling from his right index finger.
You lurch forward and close your hand over his left hand, “Hold up, dude. Don’t leave without me.”
As you exit the restaurant, you don’t let go and instead twine your fingers with his and jokingly push him with your shoulder. You hold the door open again for him, laughing as his face turns a shade darker and he starts to yell something into your ear but he definitely doesn’t try to let go of your hand and your heart feels like it’s now a gorilla in a china shop where the china is your ribs and your gorilla of a heart is having a goddamn field day smashing everything to bits.
After you drop Karkat off at his house, you drive home in silence, recalling how easily he had laughed at the restaurant and how his hand had felt in yours. You’d ended the night with an awkward, “This was fun. We should do this again.” By then, Karkat had fallen silent halfway through the car ride home and his only response to you was a weird look and a kind of mumbled, “Yeah. It was definitely something special.” You had both stood there in silence on his porch as you mentally screamed that maybe you should kiss the boy? That was something you do on dates, right? In the end, Karkat had made the decision for the both of you and turned to unlock his door.
“I’ll see you Monday, Dave?” It was a lot more unsure than you had expected and, for a moment you were thrown off by his questioning gaze. He had hesitated between each word as if he wasn’t sure what they would sound like.
“Yeah man, we kind of go to school together so it’s not like I’m about to slip off the face of the planet between now and then.”
Were you supposed to ask him to go out again? Wasn’t this too early? Aren’t you supposed to wait like a few days before doing a follow up date? Karkat had given you a long look, brows drawing low over his eyes as he took in your slightly panicked demeanor. You hadn’t been able to help focusing on his lips when he chewed on them slightly and that had made your stomach lurch.
“Good night, Dave,” he had said carefully.
“Yeah, uh, good night, Karkat.”
Even though the night had ended on an uncertain note, you still feel as if this could really mean the start of something really good between you and Karkat. As you stumble into your room, a stupid grin spreads across your face and you belly flop semi-gracefully onto your bed like an Olympic swimmer about to drunkenly win the gold medal without any effort and bury your face into a pillow.
A body crashes on top of yours and you squirm to get out from under her as she laughs into your shoulder.
“Roxy! Why the fuck are you stalking me in my room?” You cry out, pulling yourself upright so that you’re both sitting up against the head of the bed.
Rose’s purr shifts your attention to the door as she leans against the door frame, “Dearest brother, how was your outing with Karkat?”
You feel a rush of blood color your face again as you recall holding his hand briefly.
“Don’t even pretend Dirk’s not your favorite brother, Rose.”
“I hope our list of restaurant recommendations was to your liking,” Rose continues, not even blinking when faced by your blatant avoidance of the questions. So it maybe definitely wasn’t accidental that she left that list for you.
“Did you get your smooch on, Dave? Tell me you’re about to slap a ring on that boy; he’s basically a part of the family with how much he’s over here anyways. Also, wow, that’s a real nice shade of red there on your face. Goes nicely with your whole ketchup aesthetic.”
Roxy’s face gets weirdly close to yours as she peers into your eyes through your shades with a wild grin spreading across her face so you push her to the side and cover your face with your hands so your dumb sisters can’t see the ever deepening blush entrenching itself in your face. You like to think you’re a pretty put together guy but something about Karkat makes you unravel like a preteen girl whose crush just texted her an emoji heart and a winky face. Now that you think about it, you would definitely die if Karkat did that. Of laughter probably, but also out of embarrassment.
“Jesus, Roxy, don’t spring the gun on that so early. It was only our first date.”
Roxy rolled her eyes, “As if you haven’t been practically dating him for weeks now.”
“So it was a date?” Rose asks. “Last time you two hung out, you vehemently denied any feelings for Karkat while also accidentally mentioning how fond you were of his grouchy eyebrows and, I quote, ‘cute little candy corn horns.’”
You throw a pillow at her, “Yes, I mean- I kind of hoped you would just take the hint, Lalonde, and read the synopsis before barging in here to question me about the story of my life. Do I really have to spell it out for you? You were right, I’m completely in love with Karkat Vantas and there’s no going back now. I want to bear his children and grow old with him and shit. Our tombstones will be next to each other and there’ll be some cheesy poetry on his and a dope quote on mine from a rap I’ve written but both will have to do with just how deeply we feel this bromance turned romance in the marrow of our bones.”
Roxy smirks as she looks over at Rose, hooking her arm into yours as she pulls your hands off your face, “So you love him? After the first date?”
A strangled scream erupts from you, “Auhghhhgh, getoutgetoutgetout. I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-this.” You toss another pillow across the room in Rose’s general direction.
“Oh my god, Dave, please calm down,” Rose says, exasperation clear in her voice even though, when you look at her, she is too fond and smiling too much to really be annoyed with you.
“Yeah we’ll lay off on the personal prodding with our grubby fingers and stick to asking about the important details if it’ll keep you from smothering yourself with a pillow,” Roxy says with a laugh. “How’d you even ask him out, Dave?”
You stop to consider the question, “I…”
Fuck. How did you ask him out? Didn’t you call him?
“Wait, shit, fuck, I…” You scramble to find words as you turn your head between Rose and Roxy. Rose is looking over at you with her head cocked as if she is examining an interesting plant that has invaded on her chamomile flowers but she might leave alone while Roxy is just holding her breath, waiting for you to find the words to describe how you convinced Karkat Vantas, the troll of your dreams, to go on a date with you.
You fall back on the bed, too stunned to actually process what you’re saying as you trace the glow in the dark star constellations Rose made on your ceiling.
“I might...” You swallow nervously. “...not have asked him?”
Silence falls onto the room and rolls over your grave as you go over every moment of the night in your head. Did Karkat not know it was a date? Was it a date? What happened? What?
Roxy is the one who finally breaks the silence.
“Dave, what the actual fuck.”
You reach for a pillow and find you’ve thrown them all at Rose at this point so you settle for flipping over and trying to suffocate yourself with the mattress.
“I don’t knooow,” you wail.
Your phone buzzes and you reach down to pull it out of your pocket. It’s already 1:46 am when you check the time so you dropped off Karkat only around 2 hours ago.
“Oh my god, it’s him,” you breathe and look over to see Rose and Roxy gesturing for you to answer the goddamn call.
You fumble with it before sliding to answer. He isn’t happy based off what you hear. His voice is extra loud and hoarse so you safely assume that he must have spent some time screaming at something.
“Dave, what the actual fuck was that?” Karkat asks over the phone.
You’re thrown off before asking yourself the same question. What happened? Instead of letting your own confusion leak into your speech, you choose to play it cool and answer Karkat like the cool and completely in control kid that you are.
“Wow, hello to you too, Karkat. Why are you calling me at 2 in the morning, my dude? Not that I’m not ecstatic to hear from y-” He cuts you off before you can finish.
“Shut the fuck up, you miserable excuse for an actual being with more than two brain cells. I need to say some shit right now and you’re going to park your ass down and listen.”
You nod mutely before remembering that he can’t see you and Rose actually snorts. You’d throw another pillow at her if you had one but settle for shooting her a look.
“Uh yeah, ok, dude.”
“Silence, Dave,” Karkat hisses.
After a beat of silence, Karkat makes a humming sound that conveys to you that he’s about to talk your ear off and tell you exactly what the fuck is up because you sure don’t know.
“Okay. First. I know we agreed to hang out today, but even that was dubious! You asked me if I was free earlier this week but neglected to tell me you were making plans with me! I am honest to God baffled by your incompetence, you smug nooksniffer. It’s like you have all the proper ways of inviting someone out ass backwards in your head. Like you found a map and turned it upside down and said, ‘Yep. Karkat is free so that means I can definitely take him out to a nice restaurant without even warning him!’”
His voice rises a little as he falls deeper into the rant and pauses to emphasize his next words, “You called me 20 minutes before getting to my house to tell me you were picking me up and then hung up too quickly for me to actually process what you meant! I was ready to spend tonight shoveling ice cream down my protein chute and bawling over 10 Things I Hate About You but instead, I had to scramble to piece together some kind of outfit good enough for the public eye because you have the social skills of a grub.”
“Dude, is this all your first point,” you ask, trying to hurry him on a little bit because Rose and Roxy have been staring at you intently while you sat in silence and took in Karkat’s long rant.
Apparently it’s the wrong move because Karkat lets out a strange mix of a growl and a yell, “Dave! I just-” He cuts off and his voice becomes a mumble and an arrow shoots right through your heart as you realize Karkat is not angry right now, he is straight up embarrassed and confused and his face is probably all dark and flustered and he’s probably biting his lip and fuck you need to clear this up with him like immediately.
“Dave, what was tonight even? You were weird. It was weird. Like…” he gets even quieter than before, an occurrence that happened once in a millennia. You wonder briefly if you are the only one who has ever heard him this quiet before refocusing on his words.
“It was a good weird, I think? I mean, it was nice.”
You break in now, unable to contain it anymore, “Was it good for you too, babe?”
He makes a weird screeching sound and hangs up. You stare dumbfoundedly at your phone and then it starts ringing again. You answer and Karkat is screaming again.
“Can’t you take anything seriously, you incorrigible shitstain! I can’t believe I even felt like I had to call you to confirm anything. Of course, you’re just being a fucking oasis of irony in my desert of a life where all I crave is some actual, goddamn sincerity for once. Just fucking forget I ever called you, assmunch.” He hangs up again and this time you don’t hesitate to call him again.
It rings for a while before he answers. He sounds tired.
“Dave, can we just forget this happened?”
“Karkat, can you just let me rewind time a bit to when I asked you if you were free.”
“ Dave .” There’s a warning note in his voice. A desperate “please, don’t do this to me right now” kind of vibe that has you all sorts of remorseful.
“Karkat, are you free this Friday?”
“Dave. I’m not in the mood for entertaining one of your pointless wriggler games right now.”
“ Karkat, are you free this Friday? ” you repeat. There’s a long silence before Karkat lets out a huge sigh.
“Yes, Dave. I am free.”
“Cool,” you answer, suddenly very unsure of what you’re about to say. You glance over at Rose and she rolls her eyes with a smile before waving her hand at you as if to say, “Go on already.”
So you decide to just go for it because, haven’t you already today? Basically?
“I was wondering if you wanted to go to this dinner thing with me. You know. Like. As a date kind of way.”
Karkat doesn’t respond. For a moment, you wonder if he hung up on you again when you paused to get approval from Rose but nope, caller ID says he’s still on the phone right now and, if you focus, you can make out the sound of his breathing.
“You idiotic shit-for-brains,” he mutters finally. Your heart is lodged in your throat as you wait for him to continue. After what feels like an eternity, Karkat answers and you swear you can hear how bashful and embarrassing he’s being in the tone of his voice.
“Yeah,” he says, “That sounds nice.”
You’re smiling now and Roxy is faintly squealing in the background as Rose drags her out of the room and you’re actually dying on the inside because you think you will actually explode.
“So,” you continue, “Would you maybe be free this Friday again?”
Karkat laughs and it comes out of the phone kind of tinny because he’s definitely pulled slightly away from the phone but it’s still clear enough for you to make out the rasp of his voice and clicks coloring his laughter. It’s the second best thing you’ve ever heard right after what Karkat says next.
“Yeah alright. It’s a date.”